codeless_code 0.1.2

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-160.txt

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+Number: 160
+Title: The Eye of the Beholder
+Date: 2014-08-31
+Names: Banzen, Djishin, Laughing Monkey Clan
+Topics: joy-hacking, morale, design, complexity, challenges
+Geekiness: 1
+
+A monk of the [[Laughing Monkey Clan]] found master [[Banzen]]
+humming before his whiteboard with an uncharacteristically
+happy expression on his face.  Intrigued by this, the monk hid behind
+a large potted plant to investigate.
+
+As the monk watched, Banzen filled his whiteboard with a
+class diagram of hideous complexity.  The master then took a
+step back to consider his work.
+
+"Beautiful!" said Banzen.
+
+He then erased the entire board.
+
+The master did this several more times.  His design grew
+increasingly convoluted, yet with each iteration Banzen
+would make the same proclamation and then completely destroy
+his work, humming happily to himself.
+
+The monk sought out Banzen's pupil [[Djishin]].  "What is your
+master doing?" the monk asked.
+
+"Implementing the business rules for a new application,"
+said Djishin.
+
+The monk hesitated, then whispered, "His design is
+surprisingly ugly."
+
+Djishin whispered back, "The business rules are surprisingly
+ugly."
+
+The monk threw up his hands.  "Then why does he dance about
+like a schoolboy in love, and call these things 'beautiful'?"
+
+Djishin laughed.  "Not the design, not the rules.  The
+challenge."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-161.txt

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+Number: 161
+Date: 2014-09-08
+Title: Triangle
+Geekiness: 3
+Names: Spider Clan, Abbey of Hidden Absurdities
+Topics: PHP, comparison, strings, language design, type coercion
+Illus.0.src: triangle.jpg
+Illus.0.title: Languages that require you to believe absurdities will compel you to implement atrocities.
+
+A new monk of the [[Spider Clan]] had become lost in the
+Temple at night.  After several twists and turns he had the
+misfortune of passing through a heavy door that locked
+behind him with an awful /clack/.
+
+The monk found himself in the middle of a staircase that
+spiralled up the inside walls of a hollow tower.  Timidly he
+peered over the railing.  Far below lay a courtyard shrouded
+in darkness, while far above hung a black sky identical to
+the courtyard in every respect.  The monk proceeded to
+ascend the stair, hoping to find either an egress or a more
+enlightening vantage point.
+
+Every door he passed on his right was locked.  The weary
+monk had almost resolved to go back down when he spied a
+shaft of light escaping from the cracks of a door ahead.
+
+- - -
+
+The door was labelled "123".
+The monk hesitated, then knocked.  There was a sound of
+footsteps, then the door swung open to reveal an old woman
+holding a lantern aloft.
+
+"Yes? Yes? Yes?" said the nun impatiently.
+
+"A dozen pardons for disturbing you at this late hour," said
+the monk, feeling suddenly lightheaded from the long climb.
+"But... where am I?"
+
+"The [[Abbey of Hidden Absurdities]]," said the nun, "in the
+tower where PHP is written."
+
+"What is so absurd about PHP?" asked the monk.
+
+The old nun laughed.  "I take it you haven't done much work in
+that language.  Ask my older sister upstairs that question;
+she's sure to help you."  The nun then slammed her door,
+locking it with a dreadful /clack/.
+
+The monk sighed and continued up the stairs, around and
+around, eventually coming to another door with a light
+behind it.
+
+- - -
+
+This door was labelled "456A".
+The monk knocked, and was answered by another old woman.
+
+"A dozen pardons for troubling you at this late hour,"
+said the monk, "but what is so absurd about PHP?"
+
+The old nun chortled.  "I take it you haven't done much string
+processing in that language.  Ask my older sister upstairs
+that question; she's sure to help you."  The nun then
+slammed her door, locking it with a terrible /clack/.
+
+The monk grumbled and continued up the stairs, around and
+around, eventually coming to another door with a light
+behind it.
+
+- - -
+
+This door was labelled "78".
+The monk knocked, and was answered by another old woman.
+
+"A dozen pardons for intruding at this late hour,"
+said the monk, "but what is so absurd about PHP?"
+
+The old nun cackled.  "I take it you haven't done much with the
+numerical comparison operators in that language.  Ask my
+older sister upstairs that question; she's sure to help
+you."  The nun then slammed her door, locking it with a
+horrible /clack/.
+
+The monk groaned and continued up the stairs, around and
+around, eventually coming to another door with a light
+behind it.
+
+- - -
+
+This door was labelled "123".
+
+The monk hesitated, then knocked.  There was a sound of
+footsteps, then the door swung open to reveal an old woman
+holding a lantern aloft.
+
+"Yes? Yes? Yes?" said the nun impatiently.
+
+"A dozen pardons for disturbing you at this late hour," said
+the monk, feeling suddenly lightheaded.  "But... where am I?"

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-162.txt

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+Date: 2014-09-15
+Number: 162
+Title: All According to Plan
+Names: Banzen
+Topics: refactoring, requirements
+Geekiness: 1
+
+Master [[Banzen]] was in a neighboring province, visiting an
+abbot whose brethren had recently won a development contract
+away from a incumbent.
+
+"It has proven to be a hollow victory," lamented the abbot
+as he poured the tea.  "The code we inherited is a towering
+mountain of dung, where even the slightest prod buries us up
+to our eyeballs in a landslide of manure festering with
+null-pointer exceptions."
+
+"I /am/ eating," the master said.
+
+"Little wonder that our predecessors were unable to make
+even the slightest modification without weeks of effort!"
+continued the abbot.  "Little wonder the governor's patience
+was at an end!  We should refactor, but I do not know
+even where to begin, or how to verify that we have not
+broken anything in the process."
+
+"Where are the requirements?" asked the master.
+
+"There are none," said the abbot.  "The governor's habit is
+to dictate each change as the mood strikes him.  He says that, by
+definition, whatever the code is doing right now is
+correct."
+
+Banzen sipped his tea.  "It is?  Then all my sympathies go
+to the governor, and none to you!  That poor man!  Twice now -- and at no
+small expense -- he has contracted an entire abbey to build
+software for the express purpose of making him miserable.
+You should /thank/ your predecessors for their admirable
+foundation."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-163.txt

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+Date: 2014-09-23
+Number: 163
+Title: Vacation
+Names: Qi
+Topics: vacation, joy-hacking
+Geekiness: 0
+Illus.0.src: fishing.jpg
+Illus.0.title: I really hope that's a typo.
+
+On first cool day of autumn, a messenger had come to the
+Temple bearing urgent news.  To her puzzlement she found
+every courtyard vacant, every hallway and
+common-room empty.  Not a soul was to be found.
+
+Passing an open doorway, she heard the clattering of keys
+from within.  Inside she found an old scribe staring
+hard at a monitor.
+
+"Where--" began the messenger.
+
+"Vacation," said the scribe without turning around,
+waving absently in the direction of the rest of the temple.
+
+"Not you?" asked the messenger.
+
+"I, too," said the scribe.
+
+"But on your screen--" said the messenger.
+
+"Yes," said the scribe.  "The ugliest, buggiest, most
+obstreperous PHP code you will find in the Seventeen
+Provinces."
+
+"Then why do you labor on it?" asked the messenger.
+
+"Because," smiled the scribe.  "It is not the Temple's code.
+It is /mine/."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-164.txt

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+Date: 2014-09-30
+Number: 164
+Title: Paradox
+Names: Banzen
+Topics: teaching
+Geekiness: 0
+Illus.0.src: abbess.jpg
+Illus.0.title: You'll also get a kick in the rear end if you DON'T write on her walls.  Really, I'd just stay out of her office.
+
+One day, the Temple awoke to discover that its databases had
+been hacked.  The intrusion was traced to a web application
+that had recently been updated by a certain monk.  The monk
+was fetched by two Temple guards to explain himself to the
+Abbess.
+
+As the guards marched the miserable monk up the tower
+stairs, they passed old master [[Banzen]] on the landing.
+Taking pity on the boy, the master whispered into the monk’s
+ear: “If you speak in your own defense, the Abbess will
+think you a coward and cut off your head.  But if you do not
+speak in your own defense, she will think you were
+responsible for the incident, and cut off your head.”
+
+With those words, Banzen departed down the stairs.
+
+- - -
+
+The monk was called into the office of the Abbess, who unsheathed a sword and demanded: “Explain how you brought disgrace to our Temple.”
+
+The monk began to profess his innocence, but remembering the advice of master Banzen, he quickly shut his mouth lest the Abbess behead him for cowardice.  Yet the silence that followed only made the Abbess resolute in her anger.  She raised her sword and approached the terrified boy, determined to behead him for his undisputed incompetence.
+
+In desperation the monk's eyes searched the room for another exit, but they found only a screen of rice paper and bamboo, beyond which lay a narrow balcony and a hundred-foot plummet to the rocks below.  As the whistling blade fell toward his neck, the monk was enlightened.
+
+- - -
+
+The monk dove under the Abbess’ blade, rolled across the room, and stood before the rice paper screen.  Taking a red marker from his robe, he hastily drew a stick figure in one panel.  The Abbess paused, intrigued.
+
+In the next panel, and in the ones following, the monk drew shaky cartoons depicting the events that had occurred over the past few weeks, and how his clan had reacted to each.  When taken individually, no step was in error.  Yet when taken collectively, it was clear that a confluence of unrelated actions had resulted in the critical vulnerability.
+
+The Abbess sheathed her sword, and with a wave of her hand dismissed the monk.
+
+But when the monk reached her doorway, the Abbess gave him a swift kick in the behind, sending him tumbling down the long tower stairs.
+
+“That,” said the Abbess, “is for writing on my walls.”
+
+
+
+== Editor's note
+
+This case was written specifically for my recent talk
+<a href="/talks/hacking-the-mind"
+>"Hacking the mind: /How Art can help us to talk (and teach) technology/"</a>.
+I had a great time presenting the talk at
+<a href="http://devday.pl">ABB DevDay 2014</a> in Krakow, Poland.
+
+The case is an homage to Kyogen's
+<a href="http://www.thegatelessgate.com/case-5">"Man-Up-a-Tree",</a>
+which is Case 5 of "The Gateless Gate".
+
+I promise to return to the much geekier stuff next week.  :-)

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-165.txt

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+Date: 2014-10-19
+Number: 165
+Title: Failsafe
+Names: Spider Clan, Landhwa, Wangohan
+Topics: laziness, error handling, failsafes, testing, perfection
+Geekiness: 2
+Illus.0.src: keys.jpg
+Illus.0.title: I keep hitting the 'Escape' button, but I'm still here.
+
+When the monk [[Landhwa]] was tasked with implementing a new
+security layer for the [[Spider Clan]]'s applications, his
+longtime enemy -- the monk [[Wangohan]] --
+suspected that Landhwa's doom was finally at hand.  For
+security demanded attention to fine detail, and Landhwa was
+notoriously impatient and lazy.
+
+Sure enough, when several applications were deployed into
+production with Landhwa's code, complaints began flooding
+the help desk immediately.  Users could not edit their
+personal information or view their outstanding orders, and
+ironically the "Contact Us" link returned a /403 Forbidden/
+page.  Chaos ruled the morning.
+
+Landhwa was summoned to an emergency conference of the
+temple abbots.  Wangohan idly wondered whether he would see
+his rival again -- and if so, in how many pieces.
+
+It was therefore to Wangohan's great surprise that Landhwa
+reappeared within the hour, wearing the same irritating
+smile as always.
+
+Dismayed, Wangohan went to see the head abbot.
+"What correction for Landhwa?" asked the monk.
+
+"No correction," said the abbot.  "For when the error was
+brought to his attention, he revealed a failsafe that he had
+put in place.  If a particular flag is set in the database,
+Landhwa's API will bypass the new security layer and use the
+old layer instead.  Now all is well, and we may investigate
+the problem at our leisure without rolling back the entire
+release."
+
+"Surely, this does not /absolve/ the monk of negligence!"
+protested Wangohan.  "If he had coded more carefully or
+tested more thoroughly, such a failsafe would not have been
+needed!"
+
+"That may be true," said the head abbot.  "But if there is
+negligence here, there is also humility.  When Wangohan
+declares /today I will be perfect/, we praise his
+determination but know that his cause is doomed.  Landhwa
+not only acknowledges his imperfection, he protects us from
+it.  But take heart!  I am certain that, with a little
+effort, you could someday learn to be as lazy as he."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-166.txt

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+Date: 2014-10-26
+Number: 166
+Title: Tempus Fugit
+Names: Clan of Iron Bones, Yishi-Shing
+Topics: time, precision, numbers, integers, bits, philosophy
+Geekiness: 3
+Illus.0.title: I recently realized that since I was born before January 1st 1970, I'm older than time() itself.
+Credits: Thanks to Stephen Loftus-Mercer for inspiring the footnote in this case. :-)
+
+The [[Clan of Iron Bones]] had just applied the most recent
+upgrades to the Temple's servers.  After examining some files in
+<tt>/usr/include</tt>, host master [[Yishi-Shing]] shook
+his head.
+
+A monk noticed and asked, "Master, do you see some cause for concern?"
+
+Yishi-Shing said, "The type <tt>time_t</tt>,
+by which the current system time is obtained, has been
+declared as a <tt>signed long</tt> -- a mere sixty-four bits."
+
+Puzzled, the monk started the abacus app on his tablet and
+rapidly flicked the beads.  "Such a number is capable of
+representing roughly two-hundred-and-ninety-two billion
+years, forward or backward," said the monk.
+
+"And this does not trouble you?" asked Yishi-Shing.
+"Existence itself will cease in a countable number of seconds, and
+even the makers of our operating system taunt us with this fact!"
+
+The monk considered a moment and said: "Not long ago
+<tt>time_t</tt> was only thirty-two bits -- incapable of
+tallying as little as two centuries.  The type was expanded
+with only decades remaining before the Universe's
+expiration.  I surmise that, sometime near the end of the next
+two-hundred-and-ninety-two billion years, we will receive another patch."
+
+The master was comforted.
+
+
+
+{{*}} It is interesting to note that current physics predicts the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat_death_of_the_universe">heat death of the Universe</a> in no less than 10^100 years, with a subsequent Big Bang arising perhaps in another 10^(10^56) years.  This means that in order to display our uptime in seconds right before rebooting the Universe, we would need time_t to have (3.32e56 + 30) bits.  Since planet Earth only has about 1.33e50 atoms to play with, we'd need about 2.5 million Earths (or roughly one G-type main-sequence star) to build a simple register alone.  Now, where can we get a G-type star?  Hmmmmm...
+
+

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-167.txt

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+Date: 2014-11-02
+Number: 167
+Title: Back to Basics
+Names: Banzen, Djishin, Spider Clan
+Topics: abstraction, object-oriented programming, type safety, utilities, servlets, Java
+Geekiness: 3
+Illus.0.src: banzen.jpg
+Illus.0.title: "Master, you'll notice that one of the session keys is called 'buckets', and the value is an array of linked lists.  Now, this part is really going to make you laugh..."
+
+Old master [[Banzen]] had volunteered to mentor the [[Spider Clan]]
+during master Suku's [[#33|travels]], but as the months dragged on
+the experience had worn his nerves quite thin.  In one critical
+application, the components written by different developers were
+somehow stepping on each other, leading to strange runtime errors.
+
+In desperation, Banzen procured a bottle of huangjiu
+[[#93|from master Bawan]],
+downed half of it, and summoned his apprentice [[Djishin]].
+
+- - -
+
+A week later, Djishin reported on his progress:
+
+"Our problem lies with the Java servlet's /session/ and
+/request/ contexts, where we store data for state and
+rendering.  These contexts are HashMaps whose values are
+Objects and whose keys are Strings of the developer's
+choosing.  Since each developer has chosen their keys
+without consulting their peers, one component will sometimes
+overwrite the context values used by another -- often with
+an object of an entirely different type."
+
+"What solution, then?" asked Banzen, uncorking his bottle.
+
+"I have created a shared ContextUtil class with sixty String
+constants, one for every context key used across the
+application," said Djishin proudly.  "And for each key I
+have provided a pair of strongly-typed static utility methods
+to /get/ or /set/ that key's value in a given context."
+
+"Much like property methods," observed Banzen.
+
+"Exactly!" said Djishin.  "I am currently devising a
+namespace convention for keys so that each subsystem may
+have its /own/ ContextUtil class, providing additional
+constants and static methods as needed."
+
+"Much like derived classes," observed Banzen.
+
+"Exactly!" said Djishin again.
+
+"Excellent," said Banzen, draining his cup.  "So in seven
+days, by using only simple constants and functions operating
+on a generic Java hashtable, we have invented... the Object."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-168.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,101 @@
+Date: 2014-11-09
+Number: 168
+Title: Horizontal, Vertical
+Geekiness: 2
+Names: Suku, Yaqqana
+Topics: encapsulation, coupling, cohesion, process, architecture, layered architecture, compromise, APIs, craftsmanship, dependencies, components, consistency, maintainability, full-stack developers
+Illus.0.src: Suku.jpg
+Illus.0.title: The more I try to be a full-stack developer in a rapidly changing enterprise setting, the more terrified I am of my own ignorance.  I'd rather do five things well than ten things poorly.
+
+
+<i>When their respective apprentices had retired for the night, //
+masters [[Suku]] and Yaqqana spoke beside the fire-pit //
+in Yaqqana's little monastery.</i>
+
+- - -
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Let us compare the ways of our temples, //
+to see what we may learn from one another.
+
+/Suku replied:/ That is agreeable.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Our systems are built of many components, //
+each layered like the earth itself: //
+persistence is the stony foundation, //
+business logic the fertile soil, //
+presentation the fragrant blossoms //
+delighting the world-wide sky.
+
+/Suku replied:/ We do likewise.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Our designs are guided by three principles: //
+loose coupling between components, //
+strong cohesion within them, //
+and encapsulation always where developer meets developer.
+
+/Suku replied:/ We think likewise.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Our means to this end is self-evident: //
+each monk is assigned one component at a time, //
+coding its layers as he sees fit.
+
+/Suku replied:/ Here you and I part ways -- for in our temple, //
+each monk is assigned one layer at a time, //
+yet codes across many different components.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Our way's virtues are readily seen: //
+Each component is consistent throughout, //
+yet a black box to its neighbors left and right.
+
+/Suku replied:/ Our way's virtues are likewise apparent: //
+Each layer is consistent throughout, //
+yet a black box to its neighbors above and below.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ Your way would kill us by stagnation -- //
+for so many must speak before code is written.
+
+/Suku replied:/ Your way would doom us by chaos -- //
+for so much may be coded before anyone speaks.
+
+//
+
+/Yaqqana said:/ When our temple was built, //
+it was on foundations of respect, //
+and mutual reliance, //
+and creativity, //
+and independence. //
+We trust even our middling monks to deliver code of quality, //
+and this I would not change for anything.
+
+/Suku replied:/ Nor would I ask you to. //
+Your temple is not our temple; your needs are not our needs. //
+Therefore let us agree upon one thing more, //
+which is to part amicably.
+
+//
+
+<i>Thus did the two embrace in friendship, //
+and wish each other pleasant dreams.</i>
+
+- - -
+
+<i>But when Yaqqana had retired, and Suku was alone, //
+she whispered to the dying fire:</i>
+
+When your temple was built, //
+did masons cut the foundation stones? //
+and did carpenters hew the beams? //
+and did plumbers lay the pipes? //
+and did roofers set the tiles? //
+Or did a hundred middling laborers choose one room each, //
+and build it entire from earth to sky?

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-169.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,45 @@
+Date: 2014-11-16
+Number: 169
+Title: Best Practices
+Names: Qi
+Topics: standards, best practices, documentation
+Geekiness: 1
+Illus.0.src: books.jpg
+Illus.0.title: I'll just stick that "Standards and Practices" book right here, between "The Plumber's Encyclopedia of Pipe Fittings" and "1001 Gum Diseases (Color Illustrated)".
+
+The old scribe [[Qi]] was summoned to a meeting with two senior
+abbots.
+
+The first abbot said, "Developers are ignoring our many
+Standards and Practices documents.  We have checked the
+files in to a project in the source repository; no one
+downloads it.  We have made PDF links available on a special
+web page; no one visits it.  We have painstakingly copied
+the content into a wiki; no one browses it."
+
+The second abbot said, "We are now considering /printing out/
+the entire set, and binding it as a book.  We would
+place one copy on each developer's desk.  What is your
+opinion?"
+
+"Bind them in white paper," said the scribe.  "When a year
+has passed, the thick dust will not show as readily."
+
+"We wish developers to /use/ them," said the first abbot.
+
+"Ah!" said the scribe.  "Then bind them in red paper, for
+when the nights grow cold they will burn more cheerily."
+
+"We wish developers to /read/ them," said the second abbot.
+
+"Then let me know how you achieve this!" said the scribe.
+"For I have never found a way to make anyone read anything
+against their will."
+
+"Why do you play the fool instead of helping?!" shouted
+the first abbot.
+
+/"Wú,"/ said the scribe.  "You brought in wild dogs who
+have ruined three sofas, and now you're asking me what color
+the fourth should be.  I keep telling you: it is not the
+furniture that needs to be changed."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-17.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,31 @@
+Date: 2010-11-16
+Title: Not Invented By Me
+Number: 17
+Geekiness: 1
+Names: Elephant's Footprint Clan
+Topics: reuse
+
+A monk of the [[Elephant's Footprint Clan]] had been charged with
+eliminating the reams of redundant code created by that
+clan.  He approached the clan's head priest for guidance.
+
+"Here, for example, are five schemes for managing user
+preferences," said the monk, spreading the printouts on the
+table.  "I must either pick the superior one or
+implement some compromise.  Either way at least four modules
+will be tossed into the fire, and their authors ordered
+to consume the code of a rival."
+
+"Then you are doomed," said the priest.  "Once the cat wets her
+paw to rake a carp from the pool, she will not trade the
+belly for ten thousand mice."
+
+The monk wiped a hand across his brow.  "And this is but one
+of a dozen redundant subsystems I must consolidate!  Today I
+saw one of the senior brothers sharpening his
+throwing-knives.  Is there no way that the monks of our clan
+might be mollified?"
+
+The priest held up his left hand, which was missing the
+smallest finger.  "If the cat cannot have the carp, a
+bit of the carp-thief will suffice."

data/data/the-codeless-code/en-qi/case-170.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,51 @@
+Date: 2014-11-23
+Number: 170
+Title: The Purple Beggar
+Names: Yishi-Shing, Clan of Iron Bones
+Topics: community, help, challenges
+Geekiness: 1
+
+A certain monk of the [[Clan of Iron Bones]] approached host
+master [[Yishi-Shing]], saying: "A thousand pardons, master,
+but ever since last week's operating system upgrade I have
+not been able to bring up our backup disk array."
+
+Yishi-Shing asked, "What have you tried, other than
+pestering me?"
+
+The monk said: "I have contacted the disk vendor -- they say
+our new system is not supported.  I have pored through their
+documentation -- it is next to useless.  I have scoured the
+web for others in my situation -- none can be found.  I have
+begged for help in online forums -- not a single reply have
+I received."
+
+Yishi-Shing said: "Show me this 'begging for help'."
+
+The monk opened his laptop and indicated his many polite
+pleas for assistance.  Indeed, all were unanswered.
+
+Yishi-Shing shook his head.  "Then we have our answer."
+
+The master took the laptop from the monk's hands and
+cross-posted the following to a dozen message boards:
+
+     <b>**WARNING**</b> Thundering Elephant's 24-terabyte disk arrays
+     CANNOT be mounted under Petulant Penguin kernel 89!
+     No workaround is possible!  AVOID THIS SETUP!!!
+
+Yishi-Shing then closed the laptop and walked away, humming.
+
+- - -
+
+That evening the master summoned the monk and asked him
+what news.
+
+The monk opened his laptop.  "Five separate posters have
+each called me a blithering idiot and offered a simple
+solution to my problem, which they claim to have tested on
+their own systems."
+
+Yishi-Shing nodded.  "My walk once took me past a beggar
+whose sign read, /You do not DARE throw coins at ME!/
+His body was purple with bruises but his bowl was always full."