fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/work

@@ -1,2724 +0,0 @@
-(1)	Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the
-	furniture, shelves, and showcases.
-(2)	Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.
-	Wash the windows once a week.
-(3)	Each clerk will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of
-	coal for the day's business.
-(4)	Make your pens carefully.  You may whittle nibs to your
-	individual taste.
-(5)	This office will open at 7 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. except
-	on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed.  Each
-	employee is expected to spend the Sabbath by attending
-	church and contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord.
-		-- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage
-		    Works, 1872
-%
-(6)	Men employees will be given time off each week for courting
-	purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
-(7)	After an employee has spent his thirteen hours of labor in the
-	office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible
-	and other good books.
-(8)	Every employee should lay aside from each pay packet a goodly
-	sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years,
-	so that he will not become a burden on society or his betters.
-(9)	Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses alcoholic drink
-	in any form, frequents pool tables and public halls, or gets
-	shaved in a barber's shop, will give me good reason to suspect
-	his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.
-(10)	The employee who has performed his labours faithfully and
-	without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of
-	five cents per day in his pay, providing profits from the
-	business permit it.
-		-- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage Works, 1872
-%
-A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and
-ask for it back the when it begins to rain.
-		-- Robert Frost
-%
-A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
-%
-A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
-as afterward.
-%
-A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
-		-- Paul Valery
-%
-A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
-		-- Milton Berle
-%
-A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
-%
-A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the
-seed from which other committees will bloom.
-		-- Parkinson
-%
-A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
-		-- R. Stallman
-%
-A company is known by the men it keeps.
-%
-A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
-is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
-%
-A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
-		-- Dyer
-%
-A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased
-in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one at
-each corner.  The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting
-and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device.  Here also are
-the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.
-	At the rear, the machine carries the milk-dispensing equipment as
-well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller.  The central portion
-houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit.  Briefly, this consists of four
-fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network
-of flexible plumbing.  This assembly also contains the central heating plant
-complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main
-ventilating system.  The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of
-this central section.
-	Cows are available fully-assembled in an assortment of sizes and
-colors.  Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year.  In
-brief, the main external visible features of the cow are:  two lookers, two
-hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.
-%
-A feed salesman is on his way to a farm.  As he's driving along at forty
-m.p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running
-alongside him, keeping pace with his car.  He is amazed that a chicken is
-running at forty m.p.h.  So he speeds up to forty-five, fifty, then sixty
-m.p.h.  The chicken keeps right up with him the whole way, then suddenly
-takes off and disappears into the distance.
-	The man pulls into the farmyard and says to the farmer, "You know,
-the strangest thing just happened to me; I was driving along at at least
-sixty miles an hour and a chicken passed me like I was standing still!"
-	"Yeah," the farmer replies, "that chicken was ours.  You see, there's
-me, and there's Ma, and there's our son Billy.  Whenever we had chicken for
-dinner, we would all want a drumstick, so we'd have to kill two chickens.
-So we decided to try and breed a three-legged chicken so each of us could
-have a drumstick."
-	"How do they taste?" said the farmer.
-	"Don't know," replied the farmer.  "We haven't been able to catch
-one yet."
-%
-A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
-A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
-%
-A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while
-the policeman searches you.
-%
-A man is known by the company he organizes.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
-%
-A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
-		-- Dean Acheson
-%
-A motion to adjourn is always in order.
-%
-A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
-%
-A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
-Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now
-has no excuse for further procrastination.
-%
-A rock store eventually closed down; they were taking too much for granite.
-%
-... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you
-were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and
-a fly-by-night.  These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle
-Bigger Propositions.  But they didn't imply that you were to be impractical
-and refuse to take twice the value for a house if a buyer was such an idiot
-that he didn't force you down on the asking price.
-		-- Sinclair Lewis, "Babbitt"
-%
-A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
-wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
-Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
-sitting in the yard watching the pig.  
-	"That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman. 
-	"Sure is, son," the farmer replied.  "Why, two years ago, my daughter
-was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
-pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
-	"Amazing!"  the salesman exlaimed.
-	"And that's not the only thing.  Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
-the north forty when a tree fell on me.  Pinned me to the ground, it did.  
-That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
-Saved my life."
-	"Fantastic!  the salesman said.  But tell me, how come the pig has
-three wooden legs?"
-	The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement.  "Mister, when you 
-got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."
-%
-A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
-		-- Samuel Goldwyn
-%
-About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
-		-- Herbert Hoover
-%
-According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something
-everyone should do at least 6 times a day.  In an effort to increase the
-national average  (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in
-smiling), Xerox has instructed all personnel to be happy, effervescent, and
-most importantly, to smile.  Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly
-that they can not only meet but surpass the national average...  except for
-Tubby Ackerman.  But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around
-parking lots with a large butterfly net retrieving floating IC chips, Xerox
-decided to give him a break.  If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have
-a sheepish grin.  This is where the expression, "Service with a slightly
-sheepish grin" comes from.
-%
-According to all the latest reports, there was no truth in any of the
-earlier reports.
-%
-Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
-way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
-		-- Sinclair Lewis
-%
-Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
-		-- George Orwell
-%
-Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human
-intelligence long enough to get money from it.
-%
-After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
-%
-After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
-month than you did before.
-%
-All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
-%
-All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too,
-provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you subscribe
-to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the
-cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief
-Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: "Where else are you
-going to read the paper?  Outside?  What if it rains?"
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
-%
-All this big deal about white collar crime -- what's WRONG with white collar
-crime?  Who enjoys his job today?  You?  Me?  Anybody?  The only satisfying
-part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time.  Years ago
-there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more
-important jobs to come.  Once you can be sold the myth that you may make
-president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps.  But nobody 
-believes he's going to be president anymore.  The more people change jobs
-the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for
-a living and total stupefying boredom.  So why NOT take revenge?  You're not
-going to find ME knocking a guy because he pads an expense account and his
-home stationery carries the company emblem.  Take away crime from the white
-collar worker and you will rob him of his last vestige of job interest.
-		-- J. Feiffer
-%
-All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun.
-Money's just the way we keep score.
-		-- Henry Tyroon
-%
-All warranty and guarantee clauses become null and void upon payment of invoice.
-%
-America works less, when you say "Union Yes!"
-%
-American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees
-be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for employees who are
-educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and
-the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
-%
-An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's
-chance to kiss the tea-girl.  It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the
-Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone
-who has seen the Managing Director face on).
-		-- Katherine Whitehorn, "Roundabout"
-%
-Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed 
-to be doing at the moment.
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
-Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
-		-- Publius Syrus
-%
-Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
-%
-Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
-%
-Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.  The label means the
-price went up.  The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
-means the price went way up.
-%
-"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
-%
-At these prices, I lose money -- but I make it up in volume.
-		-- Peter G. Alaquon
-%
-At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
-number of pens that person is carrying.
-%
-Be sociable. Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.
-%
-Been Transferred Lately?
-%
-... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech
-or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.  What
-did it matter what anyone knew or ignored?  What did it matter who was
-manager?  One gets sometimes such a flash of insight. The essentials of
-this affair lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my
-power of meddling.
-		-- Joseph Conrad
-%
-Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson
-Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.
-Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and
-great effort pushing boulders into a single word.
-
-It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
-Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
-equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
-destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass
-both Parliament and Party.
-
-It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
-planets, this may be the first message received from us.
-		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
-%
-Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather
-a new wearer of clothes.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-Biz is better.
-%
-Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
-%
-Bullwinkle:	You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the outfit.
-General:	What does that make YOU?
-Bullwinkle:	What else?  An executive.
-		-- Jay Ward
-%
-Business is a good game -- lots of competition and minimum of rules.
-You keep score with money.
-		-- Nolan Bushnell, founder of Atari
-%
-Business will be either better or worse.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
-"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations' paws."
-%
-But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a
-brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and
-lived in New Jersey.  Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the
-phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where
-it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented.  But Edison's
-greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company.
-Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit:
-the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then
-immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is
-the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.
-
-This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of
-electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few
-customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the
-last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937;
-the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is
-why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.
-		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
-%
-	By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in
-the South, were of the present standard gauge.  The southern roads were
-still five feet between rails.
-	It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard,
-in one day.  This remarkable piece of work was carried out on a Sunday in May
-of 1886.  For weeks beforehand, shops had been busy pressing wheels in on the
-axles to the new and narrower gauge, to have a supply of rolling stock which
-could run on the new track as soon as it was ready.  Finally, on the day set,
-great numbers of gangs of track layers went to work at dawn.  Everywhere one
-rail was loosened, moved in three and one-half inches, and spiked down in its
-new position.  By dark, trains from anywhere in the United States could operate
-over the tracks in the South, and a free interchange of freight cars everywhere
-was possible.
-		-- Robert Henry, "Trains", 1957
-%
-By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be
-boss and work twelve.
-		-- Robert Frost
-%
-Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
-%
-Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.
-%
-Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
-Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected,
-mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.
-%
-Chairman of the Bored.
-%
-Column 1		Column 2		Column 3
-
-0. integrated		0. management		0. options
-1. total		1. organizational	1. flexibility
-2. systematized		2. monitored		2. capability
-3. parallel		3. reciprocal		3. mobility
-4. functional		4. digital		4. programming
-5. responsive		5. logistical		5. concept
-6. optional		6. transitional		6. time-phase
-7. synchronized		7. incremental		7. projection
-8. compatible		8. third-generation	8. hardware
-9. balanced		9. policy		9. contingency
-
-	The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number, then select
-the corresponding buzzword from each column.  For instance, number 257 produces
-"systematized logistical projection," a phrase that can be dropped into
-virtually any report with that ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority.  "No
-one will have the remotest idea of what you're talking about," says Broughton,
-"but the important thing is that they're not about to admit it."
-		-- Philip Broughton, "How to Win at Wordsmanship"
-%
-Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
-be appointed to do the work.
-%
-Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of
-the beholder.
-		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
-%
-Competitive fury is not always anger.  It is the true missionary's courage
-and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.
-		-- Gene Scott
-%
-... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
-business, it probably would be gibberish.
-		-- Thom McLeod
-%
-"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."
-		-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
-%
-Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to
-stick to one thing till it gets there.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then
-give it back to them.
-%
-Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
-		-- James Blish
-%
-Dealing with failure is easy:
-	Work hard to improve.
-Success is also easy to handle:
-	You've solved the wrong problem.
-	Work hard to improve.
-%
-Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation,
-all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year.
-		-- C.N. Parkinson
-%
-Dear Lord:
-	I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
-the other hand", again.
-%
-Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?
-
-Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs
-to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in:
-WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.
-Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered
-small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random
-words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
-%
-Despite all appearances, your boss is a thinking, feeling, human being.
-%
-	"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
-	"Of course it's wrong!  It's illegal!"
-	"I've never done anything illegal before."
-	"I thought you said you were an accountant!"
-%
-Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
-%
-Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.  Cheat.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.
-		-- James J. Ling
-%
-"Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
-get more wax!!"
-%
-Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
-%
-Drilling for oil is boring.
-%
-Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
-%
-Ernest asks Frank how long he has been working for the company.
-	"Ever since they threatened to fire me."
-%
-Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
-just how busy they are?
-%
-Every cloud has a silver lining; you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
-%
-"Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95."
-%
-Every man thinks God is on his side.  The rich and powerful know that he is.
-		-- Jean Anouilh, "The Lark"
-%
-Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it must run faster
-than the fastest lion or it will be killed.  Every morning a lion wakes up.
-It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
-It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle: when the sun comes
-up, you'd better be running.
-%
-"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
-richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work"
-		-- Robert Orben
-%
-Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
-guarantee of eventual success.
-%
-Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is
-the best one.
-		-- Jack Hurley
-%
-Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that
-called for a small employee contribution.  The company was paying all
-the rest.  Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed;
-otherwise the plan was off.  Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded
-and cajoled, but to no avail.  Sam said the plan would never pay off.
-Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
-	"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's
-a pen.  I want you to sign the papers.  I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
-you're fired.  As of right now."
-	Sam signed the papers immediately.
-	"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you
-couldn't have signed earlier?"
-	"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so
-clearly before."
-%
-Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-		-- Arthur Miller
-%
-Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
-	(1) They want it quick.
-	(2) They want it good.
-	(3) They want it cheap.
-I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
-		-- sign on the back wall of a small printing company
-%
-Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
-		-- Miller
-%
-Excerpt from a conversation between a customer support person and a
-customer working for a well-known military-affiliated research lab:
-
-Support:  "You're not our only customer, you know."
-Customer: "But we're one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons."
-%
-Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
-the work.
-		-- John G. Pollard
-%
-	Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the
-humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and
-rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the
-seats locomote through a short tunnel filled with clock-work dinosaurs.
-The dinosaurs are depicted without accuracy and too close to your face.
-	"One of the few real novelties at Epcot is the use of smell to
-aggravate illusions.  Of course, no one knows what dinosaurs smelled like,
-but Exxon has decided they smelled bad.
-	"At the other end of Dino Ditch ... there's a final, very addled
-message about facing challengehood tomorrow-wise.  I dozed off during this,
-but the import seems to be that dinosaurs don't have anything to do with
-energy policy and neither do you."
-		-- P.J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell"
-%
-Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
-%
-Fast, cheap, good: pick two.
-%
-Fear is the greatest salesman.
-		-- Robert Klein
-%
-Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions, right here!
-%
-For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.
-		-- Andy Capp
-%
-Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
-		-- Thomas Alva Edison
-%
-Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
-%
-Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
-
-Corollary:
-	Following the rules will not get the job done.
-%
-"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around,
-I'd rather lie around.  No contest."
-		-- Eric Clapton
-%
-God help those who do not help themselves.
-		-- Wilson Mizner
-%
-God helps them that themselves.
-		-- Benjamin Franklin, "Poor Richard's Almanac"
-%
-Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to work.
-%
-Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
-		-- R.E. Schenk
-%
-Happiness is a positive cash flow.
-%
-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-		-- Charlie McCarthy
-%
-Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you
-`there's a time for work and a time for play' never find the time for play?
-%
-He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
-		-- Bion
-%
-He who has but four and spends five has no need for a wallet.
-%
-He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
-%
-He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
-%
-"Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
-Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ..."
-%
-	"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?"
-	"Whattaya need?"
-	"Oh, about $500."
-	"Whattaya got for collateral?"
-	"Whattaya need?"
-	"How about an eye?"
-		-- Sam Giancana
-%
-Hideously disfigured by an ancient Indian curse?
-
-		WE CAN HELP!
-
-Call (511) 338-0959 for an immediate appointment.
-%
-Hire the morally handicapped.
-%
-	Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's willing to
-pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop for lumber,
-hardware, and toasters all in one location.  Notice I say "shop for," as
-opposed to "obtain." This is the major drawback of home centers: they are
-always out of everything except artificial Christmas trees.  The home center
-employees have no time to reorder merchandise because they are too busy
-applying little price stickers to every object -- every board, washer, nail
-and screw -- in the entire store ...
-
-	Let's say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the
-broken part, take it to the home center, and ask an employee if he has a
-replacement.  The employee, who has never is his life even seen the inside
-of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the same way
-that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at an electronic
-calculator, and then say, "We're expecting a shipment of these sometime
-around the middle of next week."
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.
-		-- Plato
-%
-Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-		-- F.M. Hubbard
-%
-Hotels are tired of getting ripped off.  I checked into a hotel and they
-had towels from my house.
-		-- Mark Guido
-%
-How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour?
-%
-How come financial advisors never seem to be as wealthy as they
-claim they'll make you?
-%
-	"How many people work here?"
-	"Oh, about half."
-%
-Human resources are human first, and resources second.
-		-- J. Garbers
-%
-"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder
-have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products.
-This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's
-reign.  My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat.  Better go
-buy some more."
-		-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM
-%
-I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
-%
-I attribute my success to intelligence, guts, determination, honesty,
-ambition, and having enough money to buy people with those qualities.
-%
-I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on
-the same day.  Then that night, they burned the wheel.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-I cannot draw a cart, nor eat dried oats; If it be man's work I will do it.
-%
-I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when
-it has been used to commit a murder.
-		-- M. Gallaher
-%
-I don't do it for the money.
-		-- Donald Trump, Art of the Deal
-%
-I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two
-highly trained certified public accountants.
-		-- Elvis Presley
-%
-I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.  I want to achieve
-immortality through not dying.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-	I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the
-accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service.  For
-the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that
-can't be measured in monetary terms.
-	Personally, I feel that it is well worth 75 cents or even $1 to
-have that unimpeachable excuse whenever I am late to anything:  "I came
-by subway."  Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot
-should someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
-understand his long delay.
-%
-I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
-		-- John D. Rockefeller
-%
-I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?
-		-- Raoul Duke
-%
-I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
-		-- Bill Hoest
-%
-I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
-%
-I never cheated an honest man, only rascals.  They wanted something for
-nothing.  I gave them nothing for something.
-		-- Joseph "Yellow Kid" Weil
-%
-I owe the public nothing.
-		-- J.P. Morgan
-%
-I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all 
-these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these 
-kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
-I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
-avoiding the beach.
-		-- Lucinda Childs "Einstein On The Beach"
-%
-I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
-their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
-buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
-		-- Emile Henry Gauvreay
-%
-I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan.
-%
-I'd rather just believe that it's done by little elves running around.
-%
-I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.
-		-- David Rockefeller
-%
-I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.
-		-- Henny Youngman
-%
-I:
-	The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin
-	with a silk sow.  The same is true of money.
-II:
-	If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would
-	probably be twice as good as yesterday was.
-III:
-	There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.
-IV:
-	If you can afford to advertise, you don't need to.
-V:
-	One-tenth of the participants produce over one-third of the output.
-	Increasing the number of participants merely reduces the average
-	output.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had
-lost his senses.  When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
-%
-If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton
-%
-If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
-If all else fails, lower your standards.
-%
-If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
-%
-If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there
-better be no trade.  A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.
-		-- Dagny Taggart, "Atlas Shrugged"
-%
-If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
-%
-IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.  There's
-got to be a better way.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
-%
-If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could
-work for with a great deal of enjoyment.
-		-- Douglas Jerrold
-%
-If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for money.
-%
-If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
-%
-If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would
-all be millionaires.
-		-- Abigail Van Buren
-%
-If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to
-do something else.
-	-- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting"
-%
-If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.  Quit work and play
-for once!
-%
-If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.  If you are real
-good, you will get out of it.
-%
-If you are over 80 years old and accompanied by your parents, we will
-cash your check.
-%
-If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business;
-over 80 you are neglecting your golf.
-		-- Walter Hagen
-%
-If you aren't rich you should always look useful.
-		-- Louis-Ferdinand Celine
-%
-If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
-		-- J. Paul Getty
-%
-If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
-%
-If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
-%
-If you didn't have to work so hard, you'd have more time to be depressed.
-%
-If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
-%
-If you don't have time to do it right, where are you going to find the time
-to do it over?
-%
-If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
-%
-If you had better tools, you could more effectively demonstrate your
-total incompetence.
-%
-If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
-%
-If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius -- it wasn't a
-hype.  If you hype it and it fails, then it was just a hype.
-		-- Neil Bogart
-%
-If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers.
-But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.
-		-- Swami Prabhupada
-%
-If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
-%
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
-payments.
-		-- Earl Wilson
-%
-If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave
-it to.
-		-- Dorthy Parker
-%
-If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
-%
-If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.
-		-- Ben Franklin
-%
-	If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs
-around your home are too difficult to tackle.  So, when your furnace
-explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it.  The
-"professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on the sides and deposits a
-large quantity of tools and two assistants who spend the better part of the
-week in your basement whacking objects at random with heavy wrenches, after
-which the "professional" returns and gives you a bill for slightly more
-money than it would cost you to run a successful campaign for the U.S.
-Senate.
-	And that's why you've decided to start doing things yourself. You
-figure, "If those guys can fix my furnace, then so can I.  How difficult can
-it be?"
-	Very difficult.  In fact, most home projects are impossible, which
-is why you should do them yourself.  There is no point in paying other
-people to screw things up when you can easily screw them up yourself for far
-less money.  This article can help you.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
-Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading
-it.  Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
-from where you left them to where you can't find them.
-%
-In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper.  The
-creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
-%
-In a consumer society there are inevitably two kinds of slaves:
-the prisoners of addiction and the prisoners of envy.
-%
-In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ...
-in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent
-to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who
-have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
-		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle"
-%
-In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
-%
-In case of injury notify your superior immediately.  He'll kiss it and
-make it better.
-%
-In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.
-		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
-%
-In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
-%
-In the middle of a wide field is a pot of gold.  100 feet to the north stands
-a smart manager.  100 feet to the south stands a dumb manager.  100 feet to
-the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
-
-Q:	Who gets to the pot of gold first?
-A:	The dumb manager.  All the rest are myths.
-%
-Innovation is hard to schedule.
-		-- Dan Fylstra
-%
-Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
-salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
-%
-Is a person who blows up banks an econoclast?
-%
-It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
-%
-It is better to live rich than to die rich.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-It is better to travel hopefully than to fly Continental.
-%
-It is difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
-%
-It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward
-the vividly imaginative.  For although it may momentarily appear to be the
-case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by
-crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
-work to do.
-		-- Jerome Klapka Jerome
-%
-It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
-%
-It is not enough that I should succeed.  Others must fail.
-		-- Ray Kroc, Founder of McDonald's
-		[Also attributed to David Merrick.  Ed.]
-
-It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-		[Great minds think alike?  Ed.]
-%
-It is ridiculous to call this an industry.  This is not.  This is rat eat
-rat, dog eat dog.  I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they 
-kill me.  You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
-		-- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's
-%
-It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
-%
-It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
-%
-It's fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour!
-		-- Macy's
-%
-It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.
-		-- Daniel B. Luten
-%
-It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the
-venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.
-		-- Peter Kennedy, chairman of Kraft & Kennedy.
-%
-Just because he's dead is no reason to lay off work.
-%
-Keep up the good work!  But please don't ask me to help.
-%
-Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
-%
-Keep your Eye on the Ball,
-Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
-Your Nose to the Grindstone,
-Your Feet on the Ground,
-Your Head on your Shoulders.
-Now... try to get something DONE!
-%
-Lavish spending can be disastrous.  Don't buy any lavishes for a while.
-%
-Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
-%
-Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
-number.  Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and
-another number.
-		-- James Estes
-%
-Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
-%
-Life is a healthy respect for mother nature laced with greed.
-%
-Life is cheap, but the accessories can kill you.
-%
-Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
-around the Sun.
-%
-Lo!  Men have become the tool of their tools.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-Loan-department manager:  "There isn't any fine print.  At these
-interest rates, we don't need it."
-%
-Lonesome?
-
-Like a change?
-Like a new job?
-Like excitement?
-Like to meet new and interesting people?
-
-JUST SCREW-UP ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!
-%
-Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters,
-con-men.  That's the way businesses get started.  That's the way this
-country was built.
-		-- Hubert Allen
-%
-Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-		-- Frank Hubbard
-%
-Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.
-		-- Sidney Paternoster, "The Folly of the Wise"
-%
-Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.
-		-- P.E. Trudeau
-%
-Make headway at work.  Continue to let things deteriorate at home.
-%
-Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this--
-no dog exchanges bones with another.
-		-- Adam Smith
-%
-Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.
-		-- Arthur R. Miller
-%
-Management:	How many feet do mice have?
-Reply:		Mice have four feet.
-M:	Elaborate!
-R:	Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
-M:	No discussion of fifth appendage!
-R:	Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet; one is a tail.
-M:	What?  Feet with no legs?
-R:	Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per unit-mouse.
-M:	Confusing -- is that a total of 9 appendages?
-R:	Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
-M:	Does not fully discuss the issue!
-R:	Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail.  Each leg
-	is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail
-	is not equipped with a foot.
-M:	Descriptive?  Yes.  Forceful NO!
-R:	Allotment of appendages for mice will be:  Four foot-leg assemblies,
-	one tail.  Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would
-	constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
-M:	Too authoritarian; stifles creativity!
-R:	Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined
-	integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system.  Also
-	attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and
-	ornamental in nature.
-M:	Too verbose/scientific.  Answer the question!
-R:	Mice have four feet.
-%
-Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
-%
-Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
-%
-Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
-%
-Mater artium necessitas.
-	[Necessity is the mother of invention].
-%
-Maternity pay?	Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-		-- Malcolm Smith
-%
-Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
-%
-McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
-%
-Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.
-		-- Leonardo da Vinci
-%
-Men take only their needs into consideration -- never their abilities.
-		-- Napoleon Bonaparte
-%
-Men's skin is different from women's skin.  It is usually bigger, and
-it has more snakes tattooed on it.  Also, if you examine a woman's skin
-very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently
-tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her ...
-
-[EDITOR'S NOTE: To make room for news articles about important world events
-such as agriculture, we're going to delete the next few square feet of the
-woman's skin.  Thank you.]
-
-... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your
-cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of
-billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called "cells"!  And what is even more
-interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying!  This is a fact.  Your
-skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the older veteran
-cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and obtained offices
-with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the window head first,
-without so much as a pension plan, by younger hotshot cells moving up from
-below.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
-%
-Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to
-corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in
-favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.
-		-- Piers Anthony
-%
-Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while
-you're being miserable.
-		-- C.B. Luce
-%
-Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
-		-- Christopher Marlowe
-%
-Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
-%
-Money doesn't talk, it swears.
-		-- Bob Dylan
-%
-Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
-%
-Money is its own reward.
-%
-Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
-%
-Money is the root of all wealth.
-%
-Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Money isn't everything -- but it's a long way ahead of what comes next.
-		-- Sir Edmond Stockdale
-%
-Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
-%
-Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
-%
-Moneyliness is next to Godliness.
-		-- Andries van Dam
-%
-Most people will listen to your unreasonable demands, if you'll consider
-their unacceptable offer.
-%
-Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.
-		-- Xaviera Hollander
-	[The world wants to be cheated, so cheat.]
-%
-My idea of roughing it is when room service is late.
-%
-My idea of roughing it turning the air conditioner too low.
-%
-My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
-		-- Errol Flynn
-
-Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.
-		-- Errol Flynn
-%
-"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb.  "Necessity
-is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.
-		-- Alfred North Whitehead
-%
-Neckties strangle clear thinking.
-		-- Lin Yutang
-%
-Never appeal to a man's "better nature."  He may not have one.
-Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Never ask two questions in a business letter.  The reply will discuss
-the one you are least interested, and say nothing about the other.
-%
-Never buy from a rich salesman.
-		-- Goldenstern
-%
-Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
-%
-Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
-		-- Billy Rose
-%
-Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
-		-- Quentin Crisp
-%
-Never let someone who says it cannot be done interrupt the person who is
-doing it.
-%
-Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
-%
-Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them WHAT to do and they will
-surprise you with their ingenuity.
-		-- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.
-%
-Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
-%
-Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
-%
-	NEW YORK-- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
-directors unanimously rejected the $11 billion takeover bid by Philip
-Morris and Co. A Kraft spokesman stated in a press conference that the
-offer was rejected because the $90-per-share bid did not reflect the
-true value of the company.
-	Wall Street insiders, however, tell quite a different story.
-Apparently, the Kraft board of directors had all but signed the takeover
-agreement when they learned of Philip Morris' marketing plans for one of
-their major Middle East subsidiaries.  To a person, the board voted to
-reject the bid when they discovered that the tobacco giant intended to
-reorganize Israeli Cheddar, Ltd., and name the new company Cheeses of Nazareth.
-%
-Nitwit ideas are for emergencies.  You use them when you've got nothing
-else to try.  If they work, they go in the Book.  Otherwise you follow
-the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.
-		-- Larry Niven, "The Mote in God's Eye"
-%
-No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a camel --
-anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform effectively under
-such difficult conditions.
-		-- Laurence J. Peter
-%
-"No job too big; no fee too big!"
-		-- Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"
-%
-No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
-%
-No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
-%
-No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-		-- C. Schulz
-%
-No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
-%
-No skis take rocks like rental skis!
-%
-No spitting on the Bus!
-Thank you, The Mgt.
-%
-None of our men are "experts."  We have most unfortunately found it necessary
-to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one 
-ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job.  A man who knows a 
-job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing 
-forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient 
-he is.  Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a 
-state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
-"expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
-		-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work"
-%
-Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
-%
-Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-		-- A.H. Weiler
-%
-Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
-tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-		-- Nero Wolfe
-%
-Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
-%
-Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss put in an honest day's work.
-%
-Nothing recedes like success.
-		-- Walter Winchell
-%
-Nothing succeeds like excess.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Nothing succeeds like success.
-		-- Alexandre Dumas
-%
-Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
-		-- Christopher Lascl
-%
-Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
-		-- Kim Hubbard
-%
-Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first
-overcome.
-		-- Dr. Johnson
-%
-	Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool
-sets for under $4?" An excellent question.
-	Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell
-plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they
-have a food section specializing in cardboard cartons full of Raisinets and
-malted milk balls manufactured during the Nixon administration.  In either
-the hardware or housewares department, you'll find an item imported from an
-obscure Oriental country and described as "Nine Tools in One", consisting of
-a little handle with interchangeable ends representing inscrutable Oriental
-notions of tools that Americans might use around the home.  Buy it.
-	This is the kind of tool set professionals use.  Not only is it
-inexpensive, but it also has a great safety feature not found in the
-so-called quality tools sets: The handle will actually break right off if
-you accidentally hit yourself or anything else, or expose it to direct
-sunlight.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
-reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
-amount of hot air.
-		-- Thomas L. Martin
-%
-Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
-%
-Once it hits the fan, the only rational choice is to sweep it up, package it,
-and sell it as fertilizer.
-%
-	One fine day, the bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus,
-and drove off along the route.  No problems for the first few stops -- a few
-people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.  At the next
-stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.  Six feet eight, built like a
-wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.  He glared at the driver and said,
-"Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
-	Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically
-meek?  Well, he was.  Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't
-happy about it.  Well, the next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on
-again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.  And the next day, and the
-one after that, and so forth.  This grated on the bus driver, who started
-losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.  Finally he
-could stand it no longer. He signed up for bodybuilding courses, karate, judo,
-and all that good stuff.  By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong;
-what's more, he felt really good about himself.
-	So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus
-and said "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the
-passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
-	With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a
-bus pass."
-%
-One good suit is worth a thousand resumes.
-%
-One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one
-man would have produced alone.  These two plus two more will produce half
-again as many ideas.  These four plus four more begin to represent a
-creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as many ...
-		-- Anthony Chevins
-%
-One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a
-thief who was to be executed.  As he was taken away he made a bargain with
-the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing
-hymns.  The other prisoners watched the thief singing to the horse and
-laughed.  "You will not succeed," they told him.  "No one can."
-	To which the thief replied, "I have a year, and who knows what might
-happen in that time.  The king might die.  The horse might die.  I might die.
-And perhaps the horse will learn to sing.
-		-- "The Mote in God's Eye", Niven and Pournelle
-%
-One possible reason that things aren't going according to plan
-is that there never was a plan in the first place.
-%
-One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
-manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that they be
-installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips.  Let's say your
-congressman was trying to travel to Paris to do a fact-finding study on how
-the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet.  Just when he
-got to the plane, his mandatory air bag, strapped around his waist, would
-inflate -- FWWAAAAAAPPPP -- thus rendering him too large to fit through the
-plane door.  It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman
-proposed a law.  ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be
-designated as Cuticle Inspection Month?  And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.")
-This would save millions of dollars, so I have no doubt that the public
-would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen.  The problem
-is that your potential market is very small: there are only around 500
-members of Congress, and some of them, such as House Speaker "Tip" O'Neil,
-are already too large to fit on normal aircraft.
-		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
-%
-One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
-%
-Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
-%
-Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't
-recognize them.
-%
-Optimism is the content of small men in high places.
-		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Crack Up"
-%
-Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were you.
-I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but
-we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.
-		-- J. Wellington Wells
-%
-Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.
-		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
-%
-Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
-they charge fifteen cents for them.
-%
-Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
-		-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president, Litton Industries
-%
-Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left!
-%
-Owe no man any thing...
-		-- Romans 13:8
-%
-People are always available for work in the past tense.
-%
-People seem to think that the blanket phrase, "I only work here," absolves
-them utterly from any moral obligation in terms of the public -- but this
-was precisely Eichmann's excuse for his job in the concentration camps.
-%
-People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
-%
-Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
-%
-Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas"
-until you are told that those rooms are "punched out."  Once punched out,
-we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.
-		-- N. Meyrowitz
-%
-	Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities,
-requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a
-clogged toilet.  In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as
-annoying faucet drip, merely by turning up the radio.  But before we get
-into specific techniques, let's look at how plumbing works.
-	A plumbing system is very much like your electrical system, except
-that instead of electricity, it has water, and instead of wires, it has
-pipes, and instead of radios and waffle irons, it has faucets and toilets.
-So the truth is that your plumbing systems is nothing at all like your
-electrical system, which is good, because electricity can kill you.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-Porsche: there simply is no substitute.
-		-- Risky Business
-%
-Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.
-		-- Ryan
-%
-Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little
-more time for dreaming.
-		-- J. P. McEvoy
-%
-Promise her anything, but give her Exxon unleaded.
-%
-Promising costs nothing, it's the delivering that kills you.
-%
-Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
-%
-Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
-%
-Put your best foot forward.  Or just call in and say you're sick.
-%
-Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
-		-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
-%
-Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
-%
-Real wealth can only increase.
-		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
-%
-Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
-being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
-		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
-%
-Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
-%
-Recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man
-is being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator.
-		-- C.N. Parkinson
-%
-Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative
-overhead continues to grow at a steady rate.
-%
-Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
-%
-Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
-%
-Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
-%
-Retirement means that when someone says "Have a nice day", you
-actually have a shot at it.
-%
-Riches cover a multitude of woes.
-		-- Menander
-%
-Rule #7: Silence is not acquiescence.
-	Contrary to what you may have heard, silence of those present is
-	not necessarily consent, even the reluctant variety.  They simply may
-	sit in stunned silence and figure ways of sabotaging the plan after
-	they regain their composure.
-%
-Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be
-surprised at how little you have.
-		-- Ernest Haskins
-%
-Sears has everything.
-%
-Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
-%
-	"Seven years and six months!"  Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.
-"An uncomfortable sort of age.  Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have
-said 'Leave off at seven' -- but it's too late now."
-	"I never ask advice about growing,"  Alice said indignantly.
-	"Too proud?"  the other enquired.
-	Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion.  "I mean,"
-she said, "that one can't help growing older."
-	"ONE can't, perhaps," said Humpty Dumpty; "but TWO can.  With
-proper assistance, you might have left off at seven."
-		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
-%
-Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big
-store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable
-prices?  Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home
-center.  And before long home centers were springing up like crabgrass all
-over the United States.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing
-golf with his boss.
-%
-So you think that money is the root of all evil.  Have you ever asked what
-is the root of money?
-		-- Ayn Rand
-%
-So... did you ever wonder, do garbagemen take showers before they go to work?
-%
-Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
-%
-Some people have a great ambition: to build something
-that will last, at least until they've finished building it.
-%
-Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the
-book or even what book.
-%
-Some people only open up to tell you that they're closed.
-%
-Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for.
-%
-Some people say a front-engine car handles best.  Some people say a
-rear-engine car handles best.  I say a rented car handles best.
-		-- P.J. O'Rourke
-%
-Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
-pens will multiply instead of disappear.
-%
-Someday somebody has got to decide whether the typewriter is the machine,
-or the person who operates it.
-%
-Someday your prints will come.
-		-- Kodak
-%
-Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
-%
-Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names
-the streets after them.
-		-- Bill Vaughn
-%
-Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
-%
-Suggest you just sit there and wait till life gets easier.
-%
-Support your local church or synagogue.  Worship at Bank of America.
-%
-Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
-%
-Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
-%
-Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
-%
-	Take the folks at Coca-Cola.  For many years, they were content
-to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage.  It was a good
-beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up
-drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a
-nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves
-and the teacher says: "Imagine what it does to your TEETH!"  So Coca-Cola
-was solidly entrenched in the market, and the management saw no need to
-improve ...
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-Take time to reflect on all the things you have, not as a result of your
-merit or hard work or because God or chance or the efforts of other people
-have given them to you.
-%
-Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
-take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.
-		-- Booth Tarkington
-%
-Talent does what it can.
-Genius does what it must.
-You do what you get paid to do.
-%
-Telephone books are like dictionaries -- if you know the answer before
-you look it up, you can eventually reaffirm what you thought you knew
-but weren't sure.  But if you're searching for something you don't
-already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death.
-		-- Erma Bombeck
-%
-Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work,
-work till we die.
-		-- C.S. Lewis
-%
-That's life.
-	What's life?
-A magazine.
-	How much does it cost?
-Two-fifty.
-	I only have a dollar.
-That's life.
-%
-The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
-people who want some.
-		-- Dwight MacDonald
-%
-The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues,
-for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be
-simply making a limiting statement about himself.
-		-- Sidney Harris
-%
-The absent ones are always at fault.
-%
-The annual meeting of the "You Have To Listen To Experience" Club is now in
-session.  Our Achievement Awards this year are in the fields of publishing,
-advertising and industry.  For best consistent contribution in the field of
-publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivalled alle-
-giance without variation to the statement: "Personally I'd love to do it,
-we'd ALL love to do it.  But we're not going to do it.  It's not the kind of
-book our house knows how to handle."  Our superior performance award in the
-field of advertising goes to media executive, E.L.M., [...] for the continu-
-ally creative use of the old favorite: "I think what you've got here could be
-very exciting.  Why not give it one more try based on the approach I've out-
-lined and see if you can come up with something fresh."  Our final award for
-courageous holding action in the field of industry goes to supervisor, R.S.,
-[...] for her unyielding grip on "I don't care if they fire me, I've been
-arguing for a new approach for YEARS but are we SURE that this is the right
-time--"  I would like to conclude this meeting with a verse written specially
-for our prospectus by our founding president fifty years ago -- and now, as
-then, fully expressive of the emotion most close to all our hearts --
-	Treat freshness as a youthful quirk,
-		And dare not stray to ideas new,
-	For if t'were tried they might e'en work
-		And for a living what woulds't we do?
-%
-The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is...
-
-	Four day work week,
-	Two ply toilet paper!
-%
-The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything was
-released with the kind permission of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers,
-Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.
-%
-The average individual's position in any hierarchy is a lot like pulling
-a dogsled -- there's no real change of scenery except for the lead dog.
-%
-The best equipment for your work is, of course, the most expensive.
-However, your neighbor is always wasting money that should be yours
-by judging things by their price.
-%
-The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do
-what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with
-them while they do it.
-		-- Theodore Roosevelt
-%
-The best laid plans of mice and men are held up in the legal department.
-%
-The best things in life are for a fee.
-%
-The best things in life go on sale sooner or later.
-%
-The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, "I've got responsibilities."
-%
-The Bible on letters of reference:
-
-	Are we beginning all over again to produce our credentials?  Do
-we, like some people, need letters of introduction to you, or from you?
-No, you are all the letter we need, a letter written on your heart; any
-man can see it for what it is and read it for himself.
-		-- 2 Corinthians 3:1-2, New English translation
-%
-The biggest mistake you can make is to believe that you are working for
-someone else.
-%
-	The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff
-in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.  Everybody but one girl
-laughed uproariously.  "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you
-got a sense of humor?"
-	"I don't have to laugh," she said.  "I'm leaving Friday anyway.
-%
-The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
-in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work.
-%
-The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job
-application form.
-		-- Stanley J. Randall
-%
-The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.
-		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
-%
-The cost of feathers has risen, even down is up!
-%
-The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
-%
-The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
-%
-The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
-%
-The degree of technical confidence is inversely proportional to the
-level of management.
-%
-The departing division general manager met a last time with his young
-successor and gave him three envelopes.  "My predecessor did this for me,
-and I'll pass the tradition along to you," he said.  "At the first sign
-of trouble, open the first envelope.  Any further difficulties, open the
-second envelope.  Then, if problems continue, open the third envelope.
-Good luck."  The new manager returned to his office and tossed the envelopes
-into a drawer.
-	Six months later, costs soared and earnings plummeted. Shaken, the
-young man opened the first envelope, which said, "Blame it all on me."
-	The next day, he held a press conference and did just that.  The
-crisis passed.
-	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleagured
-manager opened the second envelope.  It said, "Reorganize."
-	He held another press conference, announcing that the division
-would be restructured.  The crisis passed.
-	A year later, everything went wrong at once and the manager was
-blamed for all of it.  The harried executive closed his office door, sank
-into his chair, and opened the third envelope.
-	"Prepare three envelopes..." it said.
-%
-The difference between a career and a job is about 20 hours a week.
-%
-The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
-%
-The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
-and owns the worm farm.
-		-- Travis McGee
-%
-The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
-add ten percent.
-%
-The end of labor is to gain leisure.
-%
-The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for
-experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute
-for intelligence.
-		-- Lyman Bryson
-%
-The faster I go, the behinder I get.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
-%
-The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the
-other 90% of the time.
-%
-The first myth of management is that it exists.  The second myth of
-management is that success equals skill.
-		-- Robert Heller
-%
-The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-		-- Paul Erlich
-%
-The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
-		-- Alan Coult
-%
-The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
-%
-The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
-%
-The hardest part of climbing the ladder of success is getting through
-the crowd at the bottom.
-%
-The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back,
-which reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus.  Guaranteed to be at
-least 5000 years old."
-%
-The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
-devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
-where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers.
-With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free
-to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of
-their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called "factory
-service centers," which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at
-the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going,
-"Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
-		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
-%
-The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex,
-no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.
-		-- Harry V. Wade
-%
-The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
-%
-The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important
-point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly
-important thing to people.
-		-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
-%
-The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
-number of participants.
-		-- Adam Walinsky
-%
-The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
-by the number of people in the group.
-%
-The King and his advisor are overlooking the battle field:
-
-King:		"How goes the battle plan?"
-Advisor:	"See those little black specks running to the right?"
-K:	"Yes."
-A:	"Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running
-	to the left are our guys. Then when they collide we wait till
-	the dust clears."
-K:	"And?"
-A:	"If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
-K:	"But what about the ^#!!$% battle plan?"
-A:	"So far, it seems to be going according to specks."
-%
-The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for
-everything that goes wrong -- until the next person quits or is fired.
-%
-The longer the title, the less important the job.
-%
-The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will
-eventually mature.
-%
-The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends
-without any means.
-		-- Saul Alinsky
-%
-The meek don't want it.
-%
-The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
-%
-The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.
-		-- J.P. Getty
-%
-The meek shall inherit the Earth.  (But they're gonna have to fight for it.)
-%
-The meek shall inherit the earth; but by that time there won't be
-anything left worth inheriting.
-%
-The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the
-competition already has the order.
-%
-The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
-%
-The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
-		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
-%
-The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.  (For
-instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law,
-contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...)
-%
-The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in
-the country is the one on which you resell it.
-		-- J. Brecheux
-%
-The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to
-watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
-		-- T.H. White
-%
-The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
-%
-The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
-and take a rest.
-%
-The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to
-be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to
-be less cunning than more virtuous men.  Oh yes ... whenever you think
-you've got something really great, add ten per cent more.
-		-- Bill Veeck
-%
-The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has
-already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished,
-and put inside boxes.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.  It doesn't even get up
-until 5 or 6 PM.
-%
-The optimum committee has no members.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-The opulence of the front office door varies inversely with the fundamental
-solvency of the firm.
-%
-The other line moves faster.
-%
-The person who can smile when something goes wrong has thought of
-someone to blame it on.
-%
-The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
-%
-The person who's taking you to lunch has no intention of paying.
-%
-The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.
-		-- Anthony Burgess
-%
-The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate
-knowledge of its ugly side.
-		-- James Baldwin
-%
-The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired
-warranty.  Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing
-the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
-The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but
-not the problem we thought was the problem.
-		-- Mike Smith
-%
-The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people
-worry than work.
-%
-The reward for working hard is more hard work.
-%
-The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-		-- Emerson
-%
-The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer.
-The haves get more, the have-nots die.
-%
-The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared
-for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his
-infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and
-upon the successful management of which so much remains.
-		-- George F. Baer, railroad industrialist
-%
-The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the
-expense of it.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market
-award for achievement.  It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal
-gesture by the individual to himself.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith, "Annals of an Abiding Liberal"
-%
-The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you've got
-it made.
-		-- Jean Giraudoux
-%
-The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability
-and children.  Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but
-money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-		-- Noelie Alito
-%
-The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
-%
-The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
-able to correct them.
-		-- Nicolaides
-%
-The star of riches is shining upon you.
-%
-The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands
-what will sell.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene
-of shooting employees who make mistakes.  We will now refer to this process
-as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk).  The
-employee is simply there one instant, and gone the next.  All the terrible
-temper tantrums, crying, and threats are eliminated.
-		-- Kenny's Korner
-%
-The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be
-in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
-		-- C.N. Parkinson
-%
-The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
-%
-The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
-%
-The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more
-important to do.
-%
-The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
-appreciates how difficult it was.
-%
-The trouble with money is it costs too much!
-%
-The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.
-		-- Herbert V. Prochnow
-%
-The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
-The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
-The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
-%
-The wages of sin are unreported.
-%
-The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
-with a large fortune.
-%
-The Worst Car Hire Service
-	When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck
-as a joke.  Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up
-shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California.
-	He put on a cap and looked forward to watching people's faces as he
-conducted them round the choice of bumperless, dented junkmobiles.
-	To his lasting surprise there was an insatiable demand for them and
-he now has 26 thriving branches all over America.  "People like driving
-round in the worst cars available," he said.  Of course they do.
-	"If a driver damages the side of a car and is honest enough to
-admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'.  If they bring a car back late we
-overlook it.  If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle
-we might overlook that too."
-	"Where's the ashtray?" asked on Los Angeles wife, as she settled
-into the ripped interior.  "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the
-ash tray."
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-Their idea of an offer you can't refuse is an offer... and you'd better
-not refuse.
-%
-Them as has, gets.
-%
-	Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
-	He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the
-Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an
-open market.
-	If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he
-should not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of
-himself.
-
-	Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
-	Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
-	Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
-		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
-%
-Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
-Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
-when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing
-to the "W" on the dial.
-
-Moral:
-	He who has a Tates is lost!
-%
-There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break
-about even for all of us.  I have observed, for example, that we all get
-about the same amount of ice.  The rich get it in the summer and the poor
-get it in the winter.
-		-- Bat Masterson
-%
-There are worse things in life than death.  Have you ever spent an evening
-with an insurance salesman?
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.
-		-- Thomas W. Lamont, October 29, 1929 (Black Tuesday)
-%
-There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital
-and labour.  As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting
-each other's throat.
-		-- Brooks Atkinson, "Once Around the Sun"
-%
-There is hardly a thing in the world that some man can not make a little
-worse and sell a little cheaper.
-%
-There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
-%
-There is no Father Christmas.  It's just a marketing ploy to make low income
-parents' lives a misery.  ...  I want you to picture the trusting face of a
-child, streaked with tears because of what you just said.  I want you to
-picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't pay for one
-Master of the Universe Battlecruiser!
-		-- Filthy Rich and Catflap
-%
-There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
-%
-There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it
-reluctantly.
-		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
-%
-There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him.  If he says
-"Yes" you know he is crooked.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
-%
-There must be more to life than having everything.
-		-- Maurice Sendak
-%
-	There was a college student trying to earn some pocket money by
-going from house to house offering to do odd jobs.  He explained this to
-a man who answered one door.
-	"How much will you charge to paint my porch?" asked the man.
-	"Forty dollars."
-	"Fine" said the man, and gave the student the paint and brushes.
-	Three hours later the paint-splattered lad knocked on the door again.
-"All done!", he says, and collects his money.  "By the way," the student says,
-"That's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."
-%
-There's no such thing as a free lunch.
-		-- Milton Friendman
-%
-There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses
-smoking in the men's room.
-		-- W. Bossert
-%
-	They are fools that think that wealth or women or strong drink or even
-drugs can buy the most in effort out of the soul of a man.  These things offer
-pale pleasures compared to that which is greatest of them all, that task which
-demands from him more than his utmost strength, that absorbs him, bone and
-sinew and brain and hope and fear and dreams -- and still calls for more.
-	They are fools that think otherwise.  No great effort was ever bought.
-No painting, no music, no poem, no cathedral in stone, no church, no state was
-ever raised into being for payment of any kind.  No parthenon, no Thermopylae
-was ever built or fought for pay or glory; no Bukhara sacked, or China ground
-beneath Mongol heel, for loot or power alone.  The payment for doing these
-things was itself the doing of them.
-	To wield onself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and
-so to make or break that which no one else can build or ruin -- THAT is the
-greatest pleasure known to man!  To one who has felt the chisel in his hand
-and set free the angel prisoned in the marble block, or to one who has felt
-sword in hand and set homeless the soul that a moment before lived in the body
-of his mortal enemy -- to those both come alike the taste of that rare food
-spread only for demons or for gods."
-		-- Gordon R. Dickson, "Soldier Ask Not"
-%
-Things worth having are worth cheating for.
-%
-Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.
-		-- Darrell Royal
-%
-This is a good time to punt work.
-%
-This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because
-the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it
-recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated"
-the airline industry.  What this means for you, the consumer, is that the
-airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever.  They can
-show snuff movies.  They can charge for oxygen.  They can hire pilots right
-out of Vending Machine Refill Person School.  They can conserve fuel by
-ejecting husky passengers over water.  They can ram competing planes in
-mid-air.  These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which
-have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with
-amazingly low fares, such as $29.  Of course, certain restrictions do apply,
-the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must
-pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Iowa -- Land of Secure Vacations"
-%
-This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this:  most of
-the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many
-solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were
-largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper,
-which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
-paper that were unhappy.
-		-- Douglas Adams
-%
-This week only, all our fiber-fill jackets are marked down!
-%
-Those who claim the dead never return to life haven't ever been around
-here at quitting time.
-%
-Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided
-at all costs.
-		-- N. Alexander.
-%
-Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
-		-- Theophrastus
-%
-Time to take stock.  Go home with some office supplies.
-%
-To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
-		-- Elbert Hubbard
-%
-To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
-%
-To do nothing is to be nothing.
-%
-To do two things at once is to do neither.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
-To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
-%
-To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three
-persons, two of them absent.
-%
-To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.
-		-- Jack Paar
-%
-To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
-%
-To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
-%
-To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest
-and cost the most.
-%
-To stay youthful, stay useful.
-%
-To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
-%
-To thine own self be true.  (If not that, at least make some money.)
-%
-To understand this important story, you have to understand how the telephone
-company works.  Your telephone is connected to a local computer, which is in
-turn connected to a regional computer, which is in turn connected to a
-loudspeaker the size of a garbage truck on the lawn of Edna A. Bargewater of
-Lawrence, Kan.
-
-Whenever you talk on the phone, your local computer listens in.  If it
-suspects you're going to discuss an intimate topic, it notifies the computer
-above it, which listens in and decides whether to alert the one above it,
-until finally, if you really humiliate yourself, maybe break down in tears
-and tell your closest friend about a sordid incident from your past
-involving a seedy motel, a neighbor's spouse, an entire religious order, a
-garden hose and six quarts of tapioca pudding, the top computer feeds your
-conversation into Edna's loudspeaker, and she and her friends come out on
-the porch to listen and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Won't It Be Just Great Owning Our Own Phones?"
-%
-Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.  They seem
-more afraid of life than death.
-		-- James F. Byrnes
-%
-Too much is not enough.
-%
-Too much of everything is just enough.
-		-- Bob Wier
-%
-Truth is free, but information costs.
-%
-Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-		-- Howard Kandel
-%
-Veni, Vidi, VISA:
-	I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
-%
-Very few things actually get manufactured these days, because in an
-infinitely large Universe, such as the one in which we live, most things one
-could possibly imagine, and a lot of things one would rather not, grow
-somewhere.  A forest was discovered recently in which most of the trees grew
-ratchet screwdrivers as fruit.  The life cycle of the ratchet screwdriver is
-quite interesting.  Once picked it needs a dark dusty drawer in which it can
-lie undisturbed for years.  Then one night it suddenly hatches, discards its
-outer skin that crumbles into dust, and emerges as a totally unidentifiable
-little metal object with flanges at both ends and a sort of ridge and a hole
-for a screw.  This, when found, will get thrown away.  No one knows what the
-screwdriver is supposed to gain from this.  Nature, in her infinite wisdom,
-is presumably working on it.
-%
-Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
-%
-VI:
-	A hungry dog hunts best.
-	A hungrier dog hunts even better.
-VII:
-	Decreased business base increases overhead.
-	So does increased business base.
-VIII:
-	The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator
-	is fifth grade arithmetic.
-IX:
-	Acronyms and abbreviations should be used to the maximum extent
-	possible to make trivial ideas profound.  Q.E.D.
-X:
-	Bulls do not win bull fights; people do.
-	People do not win people fights; lawyers do.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
-from where you left them to where you can't find them.
-%
-	WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
-
-Firings will continue until morale improves.
-%
-Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
-%
-We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
-%
-We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
-		-- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
-%
-We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.
-		-- John Fisher
-%
-	We have some absolutely irrefutable statistics to show exactly why
-you are so tired.
-	There are not as many people actually working as you may have thought.
-	The population of this country is 200 million.  84 million are over
-60 years of age, which leaves 116 million to do the work.  People under 20
-years of age total 75 million, which leaves 41 million to do the work.
-	There are 22 million who are employed by the government, which leaves
-19 million to do the work.  Four million are in the Armed Services, which
-leaves 15 million to do the work.  Deduct 14,800,000, the number in the state
-and city offices, leaving 200,000 to do the work.  There are 188,000 in
-hospitals, insane asylums, etc., so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
-	Now it may interest you to know that there are 11,998 people in jail,
-so that leaves just 2 people to carry the load. That is you and me, and
-brother, I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!
-%
-"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call
-free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens
-show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do
-our best to make him feel that he ought to be ashamed of himself."
-		-- Cameron Hawley
-%
-We were so poor that we thought new clothes meant someone had died.
-%
-We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.  If we heard a noise at night,
-we'd bark ourselves.
-		-- Crazy Jimmy
-%
-We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
-		-- D.W. Robertson.
-%
-Weekend, where are you?
-%
-What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
-%
-What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be
-broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
-is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
-		-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
-%
-What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
-%
-What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
-%
-What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
-%
-What they said:
-	What they meant:
-
-"I recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
-	(Yes, that about sums it up.)
-"The amount of mathematics she knows will surprise you."
-	(And I recommend not giving that school a dime...)
-"I simply can't say enough good things about him."
-	(What a screw-up.)
-"I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine."
-	(I can't tell you how happy I am that she left our firm.)
-"When this person left our employ, we were quite hopeful he would go
-a long way with his skills."
-	(We hoped he'd go as far as possible.)
-"You won't find many people like her."
-	(In fact, most people can't stand being around her.)
-"I cannot reccommend him too highly."
-	(However, to the best of my knowledge, he has never committed a
-	 felony in my presence.)
-%
-What they said:
-	What they meant:
-
-"If you knew this person as well as I know him, you would think as much
-of him as I do."
-	(Or as little, to phrase it slightly more accurately.)
-"Her input was always critical."
-	(She never had a good word to say.)
-"I have no doubt about his capability to do good work."
-	(And it's nonexistent.)
-"This candidate would lend balance to a department like yours, which
-already has so many outstanding members."
-	(Unless you already have a moron.)
-"His presentation to my seminar last semester was truly remarkable:
-one unbelievable result after another."
-	(And we didn't believe them, either.)
-"She is quite uniform in her approach to any function you may assign her."
-	(In fact, to life in general...)
-%
-What they said:
-	What they meant:
-
-"You will be fortunate if you can get him to work for you."
-	(We certainly never succeeded.)
-There is no other employee with whom I can adequately compare him.
-	(Well, our rats aren't really employees...)
-"Success will never spoil him."
-	(Well, at least not MUCH more.)
-"One usually comes away from him with a good feeling."
-	(And such a sigh of relief.)
-"His dissertation is the sort of work you don't expect to see these days;
-in it he has definitely demonstrated his complete capabilities."
-	(And his IQ, as well.)
-"He should go far."
-	(The farther the better.)
-"He will take full advantage of his staff."
-	(He even has one of them mowing his lawn after work.)
-%
-What they say:				What they mean:
-
-A major technological breakthrough...	Back to the drawing board.
-Developed after years of research	Discovered by pure accident.
-Project behind original schedule due	We're working on something else.
-	to unforseen difficulties
-Designs are within allowable limits	We made it, stretching a point or two.
-Customer satisfaction is believed	So far behind schedule that they'll be
-	assured					grateful for anything at all.
-Close project coordination		We're gonna spread the blame, campers!
-Test results were extremely gratifying	It works, and boy, were we surprised!
-The design will be finalized...		We haven't started yet, but we've got
-						to say something.
-The entire concept has been rejected	The guy who designed it quit.
-We're moving forward with a fresh	We hired three new guys, and they're
-	approach				kicking it around.
-A number of different approaches...	We don't know where we're going, but
-						we're moving.
-Preliminary operational tests are	Blew up when we turned it on.
-	inconclusive
-Modifications are underway		We're starting over.
-%
-What they say:			What they mean:
-
-New				Different colors from previous version.
-All New				Not compatible with previous version.
-Exclusive			Nobody else has documentation.
-Unmatched			Almost as good as the competition.
-Design Simplicity		The company wouldn't give us any money.
-Fool-proof Operation		All parameters are hard-coded.
-Advanced Design			Nobody really understands it.
-Here At Last			Didn't get it done on time.
-Field Tested			We don't have any simulators.
-Years of Development		Finally got one to work.
-Unprecedented Performance	Nothing ever ran this slow before.
-Revolutionary			Disk drives go 'round and 'round.
-Futuristic			Only runs on a next generation supercomputer.
-No Maintenance			Impossible to fix.
-Performance Proven		Worked through Beta test.
-Meets Tough Quality Standards	It compiles without errors.
-Satisfaction Guaranteed		We'll send you another pack if it fails.
-Stock Item			We shipped it before and can do it again.
-%
-What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
-%
-What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
-%
-What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
-%
-What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
-%
-What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody
-really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time,
-whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for
-two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m.  This way we could
-all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and
-scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually
-emerge from bed.
-		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
-%
-Whatever is not nailed down is mine.  Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.
-		-- Collis P. Huntingdon, railroad tycoon
-%
-When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him--that's where the money is.
-		-- Robespierre
-%
-When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,"
-it's the money.
-		-- Kim Hubbard
-%
-When all else fails, read the instructions.
-%
-When I works, I works hard.
-When I sits, I sits easy.
-And when I thinks, I goes to sleep.
-%
-When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
-		-- James H. Boren
-%
-When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to
-make a decision.
-%
-When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for
-every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss
-is away and you get twice as much done.
-		-- Daniel B. Luten
-%
-When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
-about themselves.
-%
-	When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend.
-"Abe, I'm in a terrible pickle!  I'm strapped for cash and I haven't
-the slightest idea where I'm going to get it from!"
-	"I'm glad to hear that," answered Abe.  "I was afraid you
-might have some idea that you could borrow from me!"
-%
-When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
-%
-When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
-%
-When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
-%
-When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
-%
-When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
-		-- The Wall Street Journal
-%
-When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
-		-- Henry J. Kaiser
-%
-Where there's a will, there's a relative.
-%
-Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
-%
-While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
-form of misery.
-%
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
-%
-Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
-		-- Thomas Tusser
-%
-Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
-%
-Why be a man when you can be a success?
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
-Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?
-That way, you will owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be even!
-%
-Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
-		-- Frank Tyger
-%
-Work expands to fill the time available.
-		-- Cyril Northcote Parkinson, "The Economist", 1955
-%
-Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near
-the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people
-to do so.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
-Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
-		-- Schulz
-%
-Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
-%
-Work without a vision is slavery, Vision without work is a pipe dream,
-But vision with work is the hope of the world.
-%
-XI:
-	If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would
-	get twice as much done.  If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty
-	times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all
-	the managers would fly off.
-XII:
-	It costs a lot to build bad products.
-XIII:
-	There are many highly successful businesses in the United States.
-	There are also many highly paid executives.  The policy is not to
-	intermingle the two.
-XIV:
-	After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes.  There will
-	be no takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent
-	of every airplane's weight.
-XV:
-	The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost
-	and two-thirds of the problems.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-XLI:
-	The more one produces, the less one gets.
-XLII:
-	Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing.
-XLIII:
-	Hardware works best when it matters the least.
-XLIV:
-	Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a westerly
-	direction, preferably supersonic, crossing time zones to provide the
-	additional hours needed to fix the broken electronics.
-XLV:
-	One should expect that the expected can be prevented, but the
-	unexpected should have been expected.
-XLVI:
-	A billion saved is a billion earned.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-XLVII:
-	Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water.  The other
-	third is covered with auditors from headquarters.
-XLVIII:
-	The more time you spend talking about what you have been doing, the
-	less time you have to spend doing what you have been talking about.
-	Eventually, you spend more and more time talking about less and less
-	until finally you spend all your time talking about nothing.
-XLIX:
-	Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
-L:
-	The average regulation has a life span one-fifth as long as a
-	chimpanzee's and one-tenth as long as a human's -- but four times
-	as long as the official's who created it.
-LI:
-	By the time of the United States Tricentennial, there will be more
-	government workers than there are workers.
-LII:
-	People working in the private sector should try to save money.
-	There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-XVI:
-	In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one
-	aircraft.  This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and
-	Navy 3-1/2 days each per week except for leap year, when it will be
-	made available to the Marines for the extra day.
-XVII:
-	Software is like entropy.  It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing,
-	and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics, i.e., it always increases.
-XVIII:
-	It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability.  It is not uncommon
-	to increase the cost of an item by a factor of ten for each factor of
-	ten degradation accomplished.
-XIX:
-	Although most products will soon be too costly to purchase, there will
-	be a thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.
-XX:
-	In any given year, Congress will appropriate the amount of funding
-	approved the prior year plus three-fourths of whatever change the
-	administration requests -- minus 4-percent tax.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-XXI:
-	It's easy to get a loan unless you need it.
-XXII:
-	If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock,
-	not selling advice.
-XXIII:
-	Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is
-	currently estimated.
-XXIV:
-	The only thing more costly than stretching the schedule of an
-	established project is accelerating it, which is itself the most
-	costly action known to man.
-XXV:
-	A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete
-	or a new canvas to an artist.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
-XXVI:
-	If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each
-	other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
-XXVII:
-	Rank does not intimidate hardware.  Neither does the lack of rank.
-XXVIII:
-	It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee.
-XXIX:
-	Executives who do not produce successful results hold on to their
-	jobs only about five years.  Those who produce effective results
-	hang on about half a decade.
-XXX:
-	By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers,
-	the people doing the work have lost track of the questions.
-		-- Norman Augustine
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-XXXI:
-	The optimum committee has no members.
-XXXII:
-	Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of
-	turning problems into gold -- your problems into their gold.
-XXXIII:
-	Fools rush in where incumbents fear to tread.
-XXXIV:
-	The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work
-	is based on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed
-	randomly.
-XXXV:
-	The weaker the data available upon which to base one's conclusion,
-	the greater the precision which should be quoted in order to give
-	the data authenticity.
-		-- Norman Augustine
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-XXXVI:
-	The thickness of the proposal required to win a multimillion dollar
-	contract is about one millimeter per million dollars.  If all the
-	proposals conforming to this standard were piled on top of each other
-	at the bottom of the Grand Canyon it would probably be a good idea.
-XXXVII:
-	Ninety percent of the time things will turn out worse than you expect.
-	The other 10 percent of the time you had no right to expect so much.
-XXXVIII:
-	The early bird gets the worm.
-	The early worm ... gets eaten.
-XXXIX:
-	Never promise to complete any project within six months of the end of
-	the year -- in either direction.
-XL:
-	Most projects start out slowly -- and then sort of taper off.
-		-- Norman Augustine
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-Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still
-be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
-		-- Snoopy
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-You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
-%
-You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right
-and the budget is big enough.
-		-- Joseph E. Levine
-%
-You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
-		-- Norman Douglas
-%
-You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.
-		-- Superchicken
-%
-You know, the difference between this company and the Titanic is that the
-Titanic had paying customers.
-%
-You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were you.
-I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but
-we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.
-		-- J. Wellington Wells
-%
-YOU TOO CAN MAKE BIG MONEY IN THE EXCITING FIELD OF PAPER SHUFFLING!
-
-Mr. Smith of Muddle, Mass. says:  "Before I took this course I used to be
-a lowly bit twiddler.  Now with what I learned at MIT Tech I feel really
-important and can obfuscate and confuse with the best."
-
-Mr. Watkins had this to say:  "Ten short days ago all I could look forward
-to was a dead-end job as a engineer.  Now I have a promising future and
-make really big Zorkmids."
-
-MIT Tech can't promise these fantastic results to everyone, but when
-you earn your MDL degree from MIT Tech your future will be brighter.
-
-		SEND FOR OUR FREE BROCHURE TODAY!
-%