fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/goedel

@@ -1,204 +0,0 @@
-=======================================================================
-||								     ||
-|| The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture!  ||
-||	   Watch for it at a theater near you next summer!	     ||
-||								     ||
-=======================================================================
-	Francis Ford Coppola presents a George Lucas Production:
-			"Fortune Cookie"
-	Directed by Steven Spielberg.
-	Starring  Harrison Ford  Bette Midler  Marlon Brando
-		  Christopher Reeves  Marilyn Chambers
-		  and Bob Hope as "The Waiter".
-	Costumes Designed by Pierre Cardin.
-	Special Effects by Timothy Leary.
-	Read the Warner paperback!
-	Invoke the Unix program!
-	Soundtrack on XTC Records.
-	In 70mm and Dolby Stereo at selected theaters and terminal
-		centers.
-%
-3M, under the Scotch brand name, manufactures a fine adhesive for art
-and display work.  This product is called "Craft Mount".  3M suggests
-that to obtain the best results, one should make the bond "while the
-adhesive is wet, aggressively tacky."  I did not know what "aggressively
-tacky" meant until I read today's fortune.
-
-		[And who said we didn't offer equal time, huh? Ed.]
-%
-		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
-
-	(1) None.  (Moses didn't have an ark).
-	(2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
-	(3) I don't know.
-	(4) Who cares?
-	(5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk,
-	    Montana, submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.
-	(6) There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 1029 of my
-	    book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and
-	    bathroom supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of
-	    Papyrus Books).
-%
-Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
-%
-By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact, it is as
-difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent.
-		-- R. Emerson
-		-- Quoted from a fortune cookie program
-		(whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
-		[to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to
-		misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"  Ed.]
-%
-Chocolate chip.
-%
-			DELETE A FORTUNE!
-Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?!
-Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system?
-You can!  Just mail to `fortune' with the fortune you hate most,
-and we'll make sure it gets expunged.
-%
-Did you know about the -o option of the fortune program?  It makes a
-selection from a set of offensive and/or obscene fortunes.  Why not
-try it, and see how offended you are?  The -a ("all") option will
-select a fortune at random from either the offensive or inoffensive
-set, and it is suggested that "fortune -a" is the command that you
-should have in your .profile or .cshrc. file.
-%
-Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
-Violators will be prosecuted.
-(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
-%
-For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
-%
-For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
-%
-Fortune's current rates:
-
-	Answers				.10
-	Long answers			.25
-	Answers requiring thought	.50
-	Correct answers			$1.00
-
-	Dumb looks are still free.
-%
-Generic Fortune.
-%
-Ginger snap.
-%
-Has anyone realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is to
-defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
-non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
-	Perhaps inadvertently, we have a channel for our aggressions.  This
-still begs the question of whether the cookie releases the pressure or only
-serves to blunt the warning signs.
-
-	Long live the revolution!
-	Have a nice day.
-%
-Hi there!  This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
-reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
-nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
-%
-I know you believe you understand what you think this fortune says, but
-I'm not sure you realize that what you are reading is not what it means.
-%
-If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
-%
-If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
-%
-If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
-%
-If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
-%
-Ignore previous fortune.
-%
-In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
-%
-(null cookie; hope that's ok)
-%
-Oatmeal raisin.
-%
-Oreo.
-%
-Pardon this fortune.  Database under reconstruction.
-%
-Pick another fortune cookie.
-%
-Please ignore previous fortune.
-%
-Since before the Earth was formed and before the sun burned hot in space,
-cosmic forces of inexorable power have been working relentlessly toward
-this moment in space-time -- your receiving this fortune.
-%
-Sorry, no fortune this time.
-%
-The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
-a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
-%
-There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
-%
-This fortune cookie program out of order.  For those in desperate need,
-please use the program "________randchar".  This program generates random
-characters, and, given enough time, will undoubtedly come up with
-something profound.  It will, however, take it no time at all to be
-more profound than THIS program has ever been.
-%
-This Fortune Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
-%
-This fortune intentionally left blank.
-%
-This fortune intentionally not included.
-%
-This fortune intentionally says nothing.
-%
-This fortune is dedicated to your mother, without whose invaluable assistance
-last night would never have been possible.
-%
-This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
-%
-This fortune is false.
-%
-This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
-%
-This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
-%
-This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
-%
-This fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
-%
-THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM
-
-If you like the fortune program, why not support it now with your
-contribution of a pithy fortunes, clean or obscene?  We cannot continue
-without your support.  Less than 14% of all fortune users are contributors.
-That means that 86% of you are getting a free ride.  We can't go on like
-this much longer.  Federal cutbacks mean less money for fortunes, and unless
-user contributions increase to make up the difference, the fortune program
-will have to shut down between midnight and 8 a.m.  Don't let this happen.
-Mail your fortunes right now to "fortune".  Just type in your favorite pithy
-saying.  Do it now before you forget.  Our target is 300 new fortunes by the
-end of the week. Don't miss out.  All fortunes will be acknowledged.  If you
-contribute 30 fortunes or more, you will receive a free subscription to "The
-Fortune Hunter", our monthly program guide.  If you contribute 50 or more,
-you will receive a free "Fortune Hunter" coffee mug ....
-%
-This is your fortune.
-%
-Vanilla wafer.
-%
-Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
-%
-WARNING:
-	Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
-	mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth
-	of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome
-	of your favorite war.
-%
-We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
-%
-What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
-%
-When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
-%
-You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
-%