fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/kids

@@ -1,710 +0,0 @@
-A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
-responsibility at the other.
-%
-A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
-		-- Carl Sandburg
-%
-A child of five could understand this!  Fetch me a child of five.
-%
-A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
-%
-A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad
-right?"  And Santa says, "Yes, I do."  The little kid then asks, "And you
-know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute." So the
-little kid then says, "Well, if you know when I'm bad and when I'm good,
-then how come you don't know what I want for Christmas?"
-%
-	A young married couple had their first child.  Their original pride
-and joy slowly turned to concern however, for after a couple of years the
-child had never uttered any form of speech.  They hired the best speech
-therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, all to no avail.  The child simply refused
-to speak.  One morning when the child was five, while the husband was reading
-the paper, and the wife was feeding the dog, the little kid looks up from
-his bowl and said, "My cereal's cold."
-	The couple is stunned.  The man, in tears, confronts his son.  "Son,
-after all these years, why have you waited so long to say something?".
-	Shrugs the kid, "Everything's been okay 'til now".
-%
-About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of
-the plain people is the stork.
-%
-Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they escaped
-teething.
-		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
-%
-Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ...
-		-- Gilda Radner
-%
-	After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
-earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several 
-minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
-	"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
-name for my baby."
-	"But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists hundreds
-of first names and their meanings," said the orderly.
-	"That won't help," said the woman, "my baby already has a first name."
-%
-And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower.  "This," cried the Mayor,
-"is your town's darkest hour!  The time for all Whos who have blood that is red
-to come to the aid of their country!" he said.  "We've GOT to make noises in
-greater amounts!  So, open your mouth, lad!  For every voice counts!"  Thus he
-spoke as he climbed.  When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and
-he shouted out, "YOPP!" 
-	And that Yopp...  That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
-Finally, at last!  From the speck on that clover their voices were heard!
-They rang out clear and clean.  And they elephant smiled.  "Do you see what
-I mean?" They've proved they ARE persons, no matter how small.  And their
-whole world was saved by the smallest of All!"
-	"How true!  Yes, how true," said the big kangaroo.  "And, from now
-on, you know what I'm planning to do?  From now on, I'm going to protect
-them with you!"  And the young kangaroo in her pouch said, "ME TOO!  From
-the sun in the summer.  From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm going to protect
-them.  No matter how small-ish!"
-		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
-%
-Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this
-country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
-%
-Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
-tried taking candy from a baby.
-		-- Robin Hood
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	Are you sure you're telling the truth?  Think hard.
-	Does it make you happy to know you're sending me to an early grave?
-	If all your friends jumped off the cliff, would you jump too?
-	Do you feel bad?  How do you think I feel?
-	Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
-	Don't you know any better?
-	How could you be so stupid?
-	If that's the worst pain you'll ever feel, you should be thankful.
-	You can't fool me.  I know what you're thinking.
-	If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all.
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	Do as I say, not as I do.
-	Do me a favour and don't tell me about it.  I don't want to know.
-	What did you do *this* time?
-	If it didn't taste bad, it wouldn't be good for you.
-	When I was your age...
-	I won't love you if you keep doing that.
-	Think of all the starving children in India.
-	If there's one thing I hate, it's a liar.
-	I'm going to kill you.
-	Way to go, clumsy.
-	If you don't like it, you can lump it.
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	Go away.  You bother me.
-	Why?   Because life is unfair.
-	That's a nice drawing.  What is it?
-	Children should be seen and not heard.
-	You'll be the death of me.
-	You'll understand when you're older.
-	Because.
-	Wipe that smile off your face.
-	I don't believe you.
-	How many times have I told you to be careful?
-	Just beacuse.
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	Good children always obey.
-	Quit acting so childish.
-	Boys don't cry.
-	If you keep making faces, someday it'll freeze that way.
-	Why do you have to know so much?
-	This hurts me more than it hurts you.
-	Why?  Because I'm bigger than you.
-	Well, you've ruined everything.  Now are you happy?
-	Oh, grow up.
-	I'm only doing this because I love you.
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	When are you going to grow up?
-	I'm only doing this for your own good.
-	Why are you crying?  Stop crying, or I'll give you something to
-		cry about.
-	What's wrong with you?
-	Someday you'll thank me for this.
-	You'd lose your head if it weren't attached.
-	Don't you have any sense at all?
-	If you keep sucking your thumb, it'll fall off.
-	Why?  Because I said so.
-	I hope you have a kid just like yourself.
-%
-Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
-say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
-
-	You wouldn't understand.
-	You ask too many questions.
-	In order to be a man, you have to learn to follow orders.
-	That's for me to know and you to find out.
-	Don't let those bullies push you around.  Go in there and stick
-		up for yourself.
-	You're acting too big for your britches.
-	Well, you broke it.  Now are you satisfied?
-	Wait till your father gets home.
-	Bored?  If you're bored, I've got some chores for you.
-	Shape up or ship out.
-%
-Article the Third:
-	Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
-	enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
-	guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.
-Article the Fourth:
-	The decision to eat strained lamb or not should be with the "feedee"
-	and not the "feeder".  Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
-	face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.
-Article the Fifth:
-	Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize, whether it be in church,
-	a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the
-	lights are out.  They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
-	to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
-		-- Erma Bombeck, "A Baby's Bill of Rights"
-%
-Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
-%
-Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
-		-- Henrik Tikkanen
-%
-Billy:	Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
-	generation to generation?
-Mom:	Yes?
-Billy:	Well, this generation dropped it.
-%
-Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests,
-since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-	Catching his children with their hands in the new, still wet, patio,
-the father spanked them.  His wife asked, "Don't you love your children?"
-"In the abstract, yes, but not in the concrete."
-%
-Catproof is an oxymoron, childproof nearly so.
-%
-Children are like cats, they can tell when you don't like them.  That's
-when they come over and violate your body space.
-%
-Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every
-effort to teach them good manners.
-%
-Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
-going to catch you in next.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.
-Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for
-word what you shouldn't have said.
-%
-Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
-		-- Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
-%
-Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling
-the walk before it stops snowing.
-		-- Phyllis Diller
-
-There is no need to do any housework at all.  After the first four years
-the dirt doesn't get any worse.
-		-- Quentin Crisp
-%
-Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
-beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning
-them at birth.
-%
-Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
-%
-Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents didn't have any children,
-neither will you.
-%
-For adult education nothing beats children.
-%
-For children with short attention spans: boomerangs that don't come back.
-%
-FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #5
-
-	"And, and, and, and, but, but, but, but!"
-		-- Mrs. Janice Markowsky, April 8, 1965
-%
-FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #6
-
-	"Johnny, if you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me!"
-		-- Mrs. Emily Barstow, June 16, 1954
-%
-Get Revenge!  Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
-%
-			-- Gifts for Children --
-
-This is easy.  You never have to figure out what to get for children,
-because they will tell you exactly what they want.  They spend months and
-months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning
-cartoon-show advertisements.  Make sure you get your children exactly what
-they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices.  If your child thinks
-he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd
-better get it.  You may be worried that it might help to encourage your
-child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial
-tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not
-get the right gift.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
-%
-Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
-needs pounding.
-%
-Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
-%
-Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
-		-- Martin Mull
-%
-How sharper than a serpent's tooth is a sister's "See?"
-		-- Linus Van Pelt
-%
-"Humpf!" Humpfed a voice! "For almost two days you've run wild and insisted on
-chatting with persons who've never existed.  Such carryings-on in our peaceable
-jungle!  We've had quite enough of you bellowing bungle!  And I'm here to
-state," snapped the big kangaroo, "That your silly nonsensical game is all
-through!"  And the young kangaroo in her pouch said, "Me, too!"
-	"With the help of the Wickersham Brothers and dozens of Wickersham
-Uncles and Wickersham Cousins and Wickersham In-Laws, whose help I've engaged,
-You're going to be roped!  And you're going to be caged!  And, as for your dust
-speck...  Hah! That we shall boil in a hot steaming kettle of Beezle-Nut oil!"
-		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
-%
-I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always
-end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows."  Then they would get
-embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and
-they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference.
-They're still living in the fifties.
-		-- Strange de Jim
-%
-	I did some heavy research so as to be prepared for "Mommy, why is
-the sky blue?"
-	HE asked me about black holes in space.
-	(There's a hole *where*?)
-
-	I boned up to be ready for, "Why is the grass green?"
-	HE wanted to discuss nature's food chains.
-	(Well, let's see, there's ShopRite, Pathmark...)
-
-	I talked about Choo-Choo trains.
-	HE talked internal combustion engines.
-	(The INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE said, "I think I can, I think I can.")
-
-	I was delighted with the video game craze, thinking we could compete
-as equals.
-	HE described the complexities of the microchips required to create
-the graphics.
-
-	Then puberty struck.  Ah, adolescence.
-	HE said, "Mom, I just don't understand women."
-	(Gotcha!)
-		-- Betty LiBrizzi, "The Care and Feeding of a Gifted Child"
-%
-I hate babies.  They're so human.
-		-- H.H. Munro
-%
-I know what "custody" [of the children] means.  "Get even."  That's all
-custody means.  Get even with your old lady.
-		-- Lenny Bruce
-%
-I love children.  Especially when they cry -- for then someone takes them away.
-		-- Nancy Mitford
-%
-I opened the drawer of my little desk and a single letter fell out, a
-letter from my mother, written in pencil, one of her last, with unfinished
-words and an implicit sense of her departure.  It's so curious: one can
-resist tears and "behave" very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But
-then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window... or one notices
-that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed... or
-a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.
-		-- Letters From Colette
-%
-I tell ya, I was an ugly kid.  I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's
-picture that came with the wallet he bought.
-		-- Rodney Dangerfield
-%
-I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."  One of them said,
-"So will you."
-		-- Rodney Dangerfield
-%
-I used to think I was a child; now I think I am an adult -- not because
-I no longer do childish things, but because those I call adults are no
-more mature than I am.
-%
-I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know
-anything else ... I was not a Child Prodigy, because a Child Prodigy is
-a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.  If this doesn't
-work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
-%
-If parents would only realize how they bore their children.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
-		-- Nora Ephron, "Heartburn"
-%
-If the very old will remember, the very young will listen.
-		-- Chief Dan George
-%
-If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.
-		-- Bette Davis
-%
-If your mother knew what you're doing, she'd probably hang her head and cry.
-%
-Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
-%
-It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.
-%
-It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as children.
-		-- Kingsley Amis
-%
-It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.
-		-- Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard
-%
-It must have been some unmarried fool that said "A child can ask questions
-that a wise man cannot answer"; because, in any decent house, a brat that
-starts asking questions is promptly packed off to bed.
-		-- Arthur Binstead
-%
-It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
-%
-It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
-%
-Kids always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
-%
-Kids have *_____never* taken guidance from their parents.  If you could
-travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the
-original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate
-teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for
-grubs and berries like dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate
-teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
-%
-Lies!  All lies!  You're all lying against my boys!
-		-- Ma Barker
-%
-Life does not begin at the moment of conception or the moment of birth.
-It begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.
-%
-Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
-%
-Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
-%
-Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children.
-Life is the other way around.
-		-- David Lodge, "The British Museum is Falling Down"
-%
-Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
-		-- Jules Feiffer
-%
-May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
-%
-May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
-%
-MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me.  I
-remember we'd all get into the car -- I forget what kind it was -- and
-drive and drive.
-
-I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some bees there. The
-smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we
-played.  I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad."  We'd eat
-some stuff or not and then I think we went home.
-
-I guess some things never leave you.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-Microwaves frizz your heir.
-%
-My boy is a mean kid.  I came home the other day and saw him taping worms
-to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.  Well,
-only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with
-a bulls-eye on the back.
-
-I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."  One of them
-said, "So will you."
-		-- Rodney Dangerfield
-%
-My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
-		-- Iphicrates
-%
-My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-My mother once said to me, "Elwood," (she always called me Elwood)
-"Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
-For years I tried smart.  I recommend pleasant.
-		-- Elwood P. Dowde, "Harvey"
-%
-My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"
-		-- Sue Murphy
-%
-My mother was a test tube; my father was a knife.
-		-- Friday
-%
-My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
-%
-My ritual differs slightly.  What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I
-hop into the shower stall.  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped
-in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot
-character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off
-of while he showers.  Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog,
-Earnest, who has been alone in the basement all night building up powerful
-dog emotions, has come bounding and quivering into the bathroom and wants
-to greet me with 60 or 70 thousand playful nips, any one of which -- bear
-in mind that I am naked and, without my contact lenses, essentially blind
--- could result in the kind of injury where you have to learn a whole new
-part if you want to sing the "Messiah," if you get my drift.  Then I hop
-right back out, because Robert, with that uncanny sixth sense some children
-have -- you cannot teach it; they either have it or they don't -- has chosen
-exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets.  Perhaps several of them.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be
-tolerated until they acquire some sense.
-		-- William Phelps
-%
-Never have children, only grandchildren.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
-Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-		-- Erma Bombeck
-%
-Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection
-unprotected.
-		-- Robert Orben
-%
-Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
-%
-No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
-%
-No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for
-signs of improvement.
-		-- Florida Scott-Maxwell
-%
-Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in order
-for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the substance of
-their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young and rob the old.
-		-- Lewis Lapham
-%
-	On this morning in August when I was 13, my mother sent us out pick
-tomatoes.  Back in April I'd have killed for a fresh tomato, but in August
-they are no more rare or wonderful than rocks.  So I picked up one and threw
-it at a crab apple tree, where it made a good *splat*, and then threw a tomato
-at my brother.  He whipped one back at me.  We ducked down by the vines,
-heaving tomatoes at each other.  My sister, who was a good person, said,
-"You're going to get it."  She bent over and kept on picking.
-	What a target!  She was 17, a girl with big hips, and bending over,
-she looked like the side of a barn.
-	I picked up a tomato so big it sat on the ground.  It looked like it
-had sat there a week.  The underside was brown, small white worms lived in it,
-and it was very juicy.  I stood up and took aim, and went into the windup,
-when my mother at the kitchen window called my name in a sharp voice.  I had
-to decide quickly.  I decided.
-	A rotten Big Boy hitting the target is a memorable sound, like a fat
-man doing a belly-flop.  With a whoop and a yell the tomatoee came after
-faster than I knew she could run, and grabbed my shirt and was about to brain
-me when Mother called her name in a sharp voice.  And my sister, who was a
-good person, obeyed and let go -- and burst into tears.  I guess she knew that
-the pleasure of obedience is pretty thin compared with the pleasure of hearing
-a rotten tomato hit someone in the rear end.
-		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
-%
-One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
-		-- George Herbert
-%
-One of the disadvantages of having children is that they eventually get old
-enough to give you presents they make at school.
-		-- Robert Byrne
-%
-Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
-%
-Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
-%
-Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have
-much of anything to do with it.
-%
-Please, Mother!  I'd rather do it myself!
-%
-Reinhart was never his mother's favorite -- and he was an only child.
-		-- Thomas Berger
-%
-Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when
-you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore
-them long enough.
-%
-Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth
-to a child.  She must be found and stopped.
-		-- Sam Levenson
-%
-Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they grow up,
-they won't be able to edge a car onto a freeway.
-%
-Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
-%
-That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.
-		-- Charles Chincholles, "Pensees de tout le monde"
-%
-The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
-%
-	The courtroom was pregnant (pun intended) with anxious silence as the
-judge solemnly considered his verdict in the paternity suit before him.
-Suddenly, he reached into the folds of his robes, drew out a cigar and
-ceremoniously handed it to the defendant.
-	"Congratulations!" declaimed the jurist.  "You have just become a
-father!"
-%
-The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older
-people, and greatly assists in the circulation of the blood.
-		-- Logan Pearsall Smith
-%
-The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable
-Christian forbearance among men.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half
-by our children.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-The full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
-number of your kids by thirty-two teeth.
-%
-The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
-%
-The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
-to be good.
-		-- John Barrymore
-%
-The idea is to die young as late as possible.
-		-- Ashley Montague
-%
-The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
-		-- Laurence J. Peter
-%
-"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."
-		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
-		   Over and Over"
-%
-The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-%
-The real reason large families benefit society is because at least
-a few of the children in the world shouldn't be raised by beginners.
-%
-The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four
-and eighteen.  At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
-%
-"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
-		-- C. S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
-%
-There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-		-- Dr. Who
-%
-There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
-%
-Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
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-Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
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-	Two parent drops spent months teaching their son how to be part of the
-ocean.  After months of training, the father drop commented to the mother drop,
-"We've taught our boy everything we know, he's fit to be tide."
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-We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized
-before we are fit to participate in society.
-		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly
-		   Correct Behaviour"
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-We are the people our parents warned us about.
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-What really shapes and conditions and makes us is somebody only a few of
-us ever have the courage to face: and that is the child you once were,
-long before formal education ever got its claws into you -- that
-impatient, all-demanding child who wants love and power and can't get
-enough of either and who goes on raging and weeping in your spirit till
-at last your eyes are closed and all the fools say, "Doesn't he look
-peaceful?" It is those pent-up, craving children who make all the wars
-and all the horrors and all the art and all the beauty and discovery in
-life, because they are trying to achieve what lay beyond their grasp
-before they were five years old.
-		-- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels"
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-What's done to children, they will do to society.
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-When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
-		-- Brian Aldiss
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-When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.  By the time I was
-20, he had made great improvement.
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-When you were born, a big chance was taken for you.
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-Why do they call it baby-SITTING when all you do is run after them?
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-Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year? Just
-picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your children
-open their old-fashioned presents.
-
-Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"
-
-You:	"A spinning top!  You spin it around, and then eventually it falls
-down.  What fun!  Ha, ha!"
-
-Son:	"Is this a joke?  Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with 
-two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this 
-cretin TOP?"
-
-Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad?  Look at this."
-
-You:	"It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"
-
-Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
-		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
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-You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have,
-for instance.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
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-"You can't expect a mother to be with a small child all the time," Margaret
-Mead once remarked, with her usual good sense, but in 1978 she shocked
-feminists by snapping that women don't really have children to put them in
-day care twelve hours a day, either.
-		-- Caroline Bird, "The Two Paycheck Marriage"
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-You can't hug a child with nuclear arms.
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-Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine.  You
-need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion
-picture star.  If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use
-the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified
-success.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
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-Youth is such a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
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-Youth is the trustee of posterity.
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-Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is
-when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
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-Youth.  It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
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