fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/education

@@ -1,952 +0,0 @@
-A book is the work of a mind, doing its work in the way that a mind deems
-best.  That's dangerous.  Is the work of some mere individual mind likely to
-serve the aims of collectively accepted compromises, which are known in the
-schools as 'standards'?  Any mind that would audaciously put itself forth to
-work all alone is surely a bad example for the students, and probably, if
-not downright antisocial, at least a little off-center, self-indulgent,
-elitist.  ... It's just good pedagogy, therefore, to stay away from such
-stuff, and use instead, if film-strips and rap-sessions must be
-supplemented, 'texts,' selected, or prepared, or adapted, by real
-professionals.  Those texts are called 'reading material.'  They are the
-academic equivalent of the 'listening material' that fills waiting-rooms,
-and the 'eating material' that you can buy in thousands of convenient eating
-resource centers along the roads.
-		-- The Underground Grammarian
-%
-A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
-		-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
-%
-A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and
-art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
-		-- G. B. Shaw
-%
-A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
-into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
-hope of greening the landscape of idea.
-		-- John Ciardi
-%
-A grammarian's life is always in tense.
-%
-A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
-rearranging their prejudices.
-		-- William James
-%
-A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen
-floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for
-its species, managed to trap them in a corner.  The children cowered,
-terrified by this fearsome beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother!
-Save us!  Save us!  We're scared, Mother!"
-	Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting its
-children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat, towering huge above them,
-and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that would have done any Doberman
-proud.  The startled cat fled in fear for its life.
-	As her grateful offspring flocked around her shouting "Oh, Mother,
-you saved us!" and "Yay!  You scared the cat away!" she turned to them
-purposefully and declared, "You see how useful it is to know a second
-language?"
-%
-A Parable of Modern Research:
-
-	Bob has lost his keys in a room which is dark except for one
-brightly lit corner.
-	"Why are you looking under the light, you lost them in the dark!"
-	"I can only see here."
-%
-A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
-%
-	 A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
-			  by Mark Twain
-
-	For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
-to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
-be part of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would be retained
-would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.  Year 2
-might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
-same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
-"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
-	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
-with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
-or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
-Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
-ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
-ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
-	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
-hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
-%
-A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
-%
-	A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
-recorded the following on the patient's chart:  "Patient failed to fulfill
-his wellness potential."
-	Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
-of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
-	A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
-personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
-	At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
-mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
-	After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
-of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
-only to receive the following notice:  "We must report that during the handling
-of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
-unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
-touch, don't you think?  Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
-experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his 
-pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
-sent him.
-		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
-%
-A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
-%
-A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
-thought of.
-		-- Burt Bacharach
-%
-A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
-%
-A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
-in students.
-		-- John Ciardi
-%
-"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
-	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
-%
-About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
-%
-Abstract:
-	This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
-of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
-and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
-men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
-their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
-evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
-test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
-performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
-immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
-		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
-		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
-		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
-%
-Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
-because the stakes are so low.
-		-- Wallace Sayre
-%
-Academicians care, that's who.
-%
-=============== ALL FRESHMEN PLEASE NOTE ===============
-
-To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
-course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
-offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to 
-afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
-to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
-there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
-%
-An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
-		-- Benjamin Franklin
-%
-Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
-%
-As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
-of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
-		-- J.F. Kennedy
-%
-As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
-%
-Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of
-data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover
-an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order
-and causality in random arrays, to perceive a pattern or correlation
-which seems a priori intuitively correct even when the actual correlation
-in the data is counterintuitive, to jump to conclusions about the correct
-hypothesis, to seek and to use only positive or confirmatory evidence, to
-construe evidence liberally as confirmatory, to fail to generate or to
-assess alternative hypotheses, and having thus managed to expose themselves
-only to confirmatory instances, to be fallaciously confident of the validity
-of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
-analyzing of past events, these tendencies are exacerbated by failure to
-appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
-		-- A. Benjamin
-%
-British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive
-it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
-		-- Peter Ustinov
-%
-... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
-intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
-we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
-that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
-of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
-example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
-makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
-whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
-finite or an infinite number.
-		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
-%
-Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
-		-- M. M. Johnston
-%
-Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
-of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
-		-- David Guaspari
-%
-Dear Freshman,
-	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but
-unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
-prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
-mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
-%
-Dear Miss Manners:
-	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
-elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
-courses, is all right.  Which is correct?
-
-Gentle Reader:
-	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics
-class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle of
-education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning
-correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
-%
-Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
-%
-Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
-%
-Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
-%
-Do you know the difference between education and experience?  Education
-is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get
-when you don't.
-		-- Pete Seeger
-%
-Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
-%
-Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and
-demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
-		-- Charlotte Observer, 1897
-%
-Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to
-time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"
-%
-Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
-		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
-%
-Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
-		-- Irwin Edman
-%
-Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
-		-- B.F. Skinner
-%
-Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.  It can only lead
-to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters
-of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with
-royal-blue chickens.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-Eloquence is logic on fire.
-%
-Encyclopedia for sale by father.  Son knows everything.
-%
-Engineering:    "How will this work?"
-Science:        "Why will this work?"
-Management:     "When will this work?"
-Liberal Arts:   "Do you want fries with that?"
-%
-Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak
-it to?
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers.  My
-opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.  There's many a bestseller
-that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-		-- Flannery O'Connor
-%
-Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for
-even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.
-		-- C.C. Colton
-%
-Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and
-the instruction afterward.
-%
-F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
-%
-f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
-%
-f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
-%
-f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
-%
-Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking:
-
-WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS:			YOU WRITE:
-
-Probably the greatest quality of the poetry	John Milton -- born 1608
-of John Milton, who was born in 1608, is the
-combination of beauty and power.  Few have
-excelled him in the use of the English language,
-or for that matter, in lucidity of verse form,
-'Paradise Lost' being said to be the greatest
-single poem ever written."
-
-Current historians have come to			Most of the problems that now
-doubt the complete advantageousness		face the United States are
-of some of Roosevelt's policies...		directly traceable to the
-						bungling and greed of President
-						Roosevelt.
-
-... it is possible that we simply do		Professor Mitchell is a
-not understand the Russian viewpoint...		communist.
-%
-Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue
-ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature.
-This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.
-		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
-%
-Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school
-make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
-%
-Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
-%
-Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.
-		-- Gail Godwin
-%
-Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
-%
-Graduate students and most professors are no smarter than undergrads.
-They're just older.
-%
-He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.
-		-- Benjamin Franklin
-%
-"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him insufferable."
-%
-He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion
-on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general
-education and culture.
-		-- Julia Norton McCorkle
-%
-[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had
-a complete set.
-		-- Ring Lardner
-%
-Higher education helps your earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
-%
-History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
-%
-History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles,
-cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.
-		-- Leo Tolstoy
-%
-How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
-		-- Elliot, "E.T."
-%
-I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you will not sell me
-another book.
-%
-"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
-		-- English Professor
-%
-I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
-has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-		-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University
-%
-I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the
-sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are
-loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
-		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
-		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
-%
-I came out of twelve years of college and I didn't even know how to sew.
-All I could do was account -- I couldn't even account for myself.
-		-- Firesign Theatre
-%
-I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
-%
-I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
-make it shorter.
-		-- Blaise Pascal
-%
-"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."
-		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
-%
-I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting:
-a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.
-		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
-%
-I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
-		-- Wilson Mizner
-%
-I think your opinions are reasonable, except for the one about my mental
-instability.
-		-- Psychology Professor, Farifield University
-%
-"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper)
-presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."
-		-- English Professor, Providence College
-%
-If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president
-of Harvard.
-		-- Edward Holyoke
-%
-If he had only learnt a little less, how infinitely better he might have
-taught much more!
-%
-If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
-%
-If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
-		-- Tom Robbins
-%
-If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
-		-- Pope John Paul I
-%
-If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get
-the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.  See in
-college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural
-method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall
-learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The college, which should
-be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the
-young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits.
-I would have the studies elective.  Scholarship is to be created not
-by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge.  The wise
-instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the
-attractions the study has for himself.  The marking is a system for schools,
-not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to
-put on a professor.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
-		-- Wittgenstein
-%
-If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
-in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
-qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
-		-- Marguerite Emmons
-%
-If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
-%
-If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
-%
-If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire
-deeper insights into what you believe?  The things most worth reading
-are precisely those that challenge our convictions.
-%
-If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-		-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
-%
-If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to
-end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
-		-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
-%
-"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
-		-- A. L.
-%
-Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the
-rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
-		-- Franklin K. Dane
-%
-Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
-%
-Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people
-so resolutely pursuing it. 
-%
-Illiterate?  Write today, for free help!
-%
-	In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi,
-Junior, what are you up to?"
-	"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the
-rabbit.
-	"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!  No one
-will publish such rubbish!"
-	"Well, follow me and I'll show you."
-	They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the
-rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.  Comes along a
-wolf.  "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?"
-	"I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour
-wolves."
-	"Are you crazy?  Where's your academic honesty?"
-	"Come with me and I'll show you."
-	As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face
-and a diploma in his paw.  Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave
-and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge
-lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next to some furry, bloody
-remnants of the wolf and the fox.
-
-	The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are
-important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts.
-%
-In California, Bill Honig, the Superintendent of Public Instruction, said he
-thought the general public should have a voice in defining what an excellent
-teacher should know.  "I would not leave the definition of math," Dr. Honig
-said, "up to the mathematicians."
-		-- The New York Times, October 22, 1985
-%
-Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't
-they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning
-anything?  If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five
-years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-Iowa State -- the high school after high school!
-		-- Crow T. Robot
-%
-It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself
-that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that
-one can learn."
-		-- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman
-%
-It has long been an article of our folklore that too much knowledge or skill,
-or especially consummate expertise, is a bad thing.  It dehumanizes those who
-achieve it, and makes difficult their commerce with just plain folks, in whom
-good old common sense has not been obliterated by mere book learning or fancy
-notions.  This popular delusion flourishes now more than ever, for we are all
-infected with it in the schools, where educationists have elevated it from
-folklore to Article of Belief.  It enhances their self-esteem and lightens
-their labors by providing theoretical justification for deciding that
-appreciation, or even simple awareness, is more to be prized than knowledge,
-and relating (to self and others), more than skill, in which minimum
-competence will be quite enough.
-		-- The Underground Grammarian
-%
-	It is a profoundly erroneous truism, repeated by all copy-books and
-by eminent people when they are making speeches, that we should cultivate
-the habit of thinking about what we are doing.  The precise opposite is the
-case.  Civilization advances by extending the numbers of important operations
-which we can perform without thinking about them.  Operations of thought are
-like cavalry charges in battle -- they are strictly limited in number, they
-require fresh horses, and must only be made at decisive moments.
-		-- Alfred North Whitehead
-%
-			It's grad exam time...
-COMPUTER SCIENCE
-	Inside your desk you'll find a listing of the DEC/VMS operating
-system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
-this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are
-bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
-new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)
-
-MATHEMATICS
-	If X equals PI times R^2, construct a formula showing how long
-it would take a fire ant to drill a hole through a dill pickle, if the
-length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.
-
-GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
-Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.
-%
-			It's grad exam time...
-MEDICINE
-	You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
-bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has
-been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)
-
-HISTORY
-	Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
-day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
-economic, religious and philisophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
-Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.
-
-BIOLOGY
-	Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
-if this form of life had been created 500 million years ago or earlier, with
-special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.
-%
-It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
-is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It
-isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-		-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
-%
-Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
-		-- Snoopy
-%
-Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
-%
-Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
-%
-Learning without thought is labor lost;
-thought without learning is perilous.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't
-using ain't ain't eatin' well.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
-%
-My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot
-replace it."
-		-- Erich Maria Remarque
-%
-Never have so many understood so little about so much.
-		-- James Burke
-%
-Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
-%
-No discipline is ever requisite to force attendance upon lectures which are
-really worth the attending.
-		-- Adam Smith, "The Wealth of Nations"
-%
-No matter who you are, some scholar can show you the great idea you had
-was had by someone before you.
-%
-No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
-%
-Normally our rules are rigid; we tend to discretion, if for no other reason
-than self-protection.  We never recommend any of our graduates, although we
-cheerfully provide information as to those who have failed their courses.
-		-- Jack Vance, "Freitzke's Turn"
-%
-Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
-is from the wrong kind of tree.
-		-- Professor, EECS, George Washington University
-
-I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year.
-		-- Professor, Harvard, on a  senior thesis.
-%
-		`O' LEVEL COUNTER CULTURE
-Timewarp allowed: 3 hours.  Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the
-margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells.  Orange may be worn.  Credit
-will be given to candidates who self-actualise.
-
-	(1) Compare and contrast Pink Floyd with Black Sabbath and say why
-	    neither has street credibility.
-	(2) "Even Buddha would have been hard pushed to reach Nirvana squatting
-	    on a juggernaut route."  Consider the dialectic of inner truth
-	    and inner city.
-	(3) Discuss degree of hassle involved in paranoia about being sucked
-	    into a black hole.
-	(4) "The Egomaniac's Liberation Front were a bunch of revisionist
-	    ripoff merchants."  Comment on this insult.
-	(5) Account for the lack of references to brown rice in Dylan's lyrics.
-	(6) "Castenada was a bit of a bozo."  How far is this a fair summing
-	    up of western dualism?
-	(7) Hermann Hesse was a Pisces.  Discuss.
-%
-"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
-		-- Dr. Joy
-%
-OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
-%
-One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
-how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
-		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
-%
-Periphrasis is the putting of things in a round-about way.  "The cost may be
-upwards of a figure rather below 10m#." is a periphrasis for The cost may be
-nearly 10m#.  "In Paris there reigns a complete absence of really reliable
-news" is a periphrasis for There is no reliable news in Paris.  "Rarely does
-the 'Little Summer' linger until November, but at times its stay has been
-prolonged until quite late in the year's penultimate month" contains a
-periphrasis for November, and another for lingers.  "The answer is in the
-negative" is a periphrasis for No.  "Was made the recipient of" is a
-periphrasis for Was presented with.  The periphrasis style is hardly possible
-on any considerable scale without much use of abstract nouns such as "basis,
-case, character, connexion, dearth, description, duration, framework, lack,
-nature, reference, regard, respect".  The existence of abstract nouns is a
-proof that abstract thought has occurred; abstract thought is a mark of
-civilized man; and so it has come about that periphrasis and civilization are
-by many held to be inseparable.  These good people feel that there is an almost
-indecent nakedness, a reversion to barbarism, in saying No news is good news
-instead of "The absence of intelligence is an indication of satisfactory
-developments."
-		-- Fowler's English Usage
-%
-"Plaese porrf raed."
-		-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
-%
-Practice is the best of all instructors.
-		-- Publilius
-%
-Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.  Harvard's is a subtle
-taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco.  It may even be a bad habit, for
-all I know.
-		-- Prof. J.H. Finley '25
-%
-Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130
-midterm.  Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam.
-Newell has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter.  Newell's earned exam average
-has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%.
-%
-Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
-%
-Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
-%
-Reporter:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
-Yogi Berra: "Closed."
-%
-Rules for Good Grammar #4.
-	 (1) Don't use no double negatives.
-	 (2) Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
-	 (3) Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
-	 (4) About them sentence fragments.
-	 (5) When dangling, watch your participles.
-	 (6) Verbs has got to agree with their subjects.
-	 (7) Just between you and i, case is important.
-	 (8) Don't write run-on sentences when they are hard to read.
-	 (9) Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
-	(10) Try to not ever split infinitives.
-	(11) It is important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
-	(12) Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
-	(13) Correct speling is essential.
-	(14) A preposition is something you never end a sentence with.
-	(15) While a transcendant vocabulary is laudable, one must be eternally
-	     careful so that the calculated objective of communication does not
-	     become ensconsed in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.
-%
-Smartness runs in my family.  When I went to school I was so smart my
-teacher was in my class for five years.
-		-- George Burns
-%
-Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.
-		-- Folk saying
-%
-"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
-%
-Spelling is a lossed art.
-%
-Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
-without his duck ...
-%
-Teachers have class.
-%
-The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.  Don't ever do
-this to my eyes again.
-		-- Professor Ronald Brady, Philosophy, Ramapo State College
-%
-The alarm clock that is louder than God's own belongs to the roommate with
-the earliest class.
-%
-The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from
-one graveyard to another.
-		-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
-%
-The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned
-into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
-		-- Nelson Algren, "Writers at Work"
-%
-	"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff
-and blow, "is to learn something.  That's the only thing that never fails.
-You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at
-night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love,
-you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your
-honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for
-it then -- to learn.  Learn why the world wags and what wags it.  That is
-the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be
-tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.  Learning
-is the only thing for you.  Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
-		-- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
-%
-The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
-in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
-%
-The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his
-intellectual nakedness.
-		-- Robert M. Hutchins
-%
-The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday, with
-symposium to follow.
-%
-The future is a race between education and catastrophe.
-		-- H.G. Wells
-%
-The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-%
-The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
-		-- Menander
-%
-The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.
-		-- Andre Maurois (Emile Herzog)
-%
-The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
-		-- Earl Warren
-
-That men do not learn very much from history is the most important of all
-the lessons that history has to teach.
-		-- Aldous Huxley
-
-We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
-		-- Georg Hegel
-
-HISTORY:  Papa Hegel he say that all we learn from history is that we learn
-nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from what happened
-this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long view.
-		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
-%
-The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
-		-- Hegel
-
-I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the long view.
-		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
-%
-The problem with graduate students, in general, is that they have
-to sleep every few days.
-%
-The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the
-illiterates can read.
-		-- Alberto Moravia
-%
-The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.
-		-- Christopher Morley
-%
-"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
-is an emerging underachiever."
-%
-The sum of the intelligence of the world is constant.  The population is,
-of course, growing.
-%
-The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
-		-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
-%
-The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed
-ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
-		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
-%
-The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
-%
-The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
-%
-The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious
-seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the
-unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more
-bounteous harvest of gobbledegook than the rest of the world put together.
-		-- Sir Peter Medawar
-%
-The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
-%
-The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an
-open doorway with an open mind.
-		-- E.B. White
-%
-There are no answers, only cross-references.
-		-- Weiner
-%
-This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for
-these only gave life, those the art of living well.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
-Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
-		-- Hector Berlioz
-%
-To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education.
-To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To accuse neither
-oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.
-		-- Epictetus
-%
-To craunch a marmoset.
-		-- Pedro Carolino, "English as She is Spoke"
-%
-To teach is to learn twice.
-		-- Joseph Joubert
-%
-To teach is to learn.
-%
-Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
-		-- Charles Schulz
-%
-Trying to get an education here is like trying to get a drink from a fire hose.
-%
-Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little
-in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
-%
-University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
-		-- Henry Kissinger
-%
-Walt:	Dad, what's gradual school?
-Garp:	Gradual school?
-Walt:	Yeah.  Mom says her work's more fun now that she's teaching
-	gradual school.
-Garp:	Oh.  Well, gradual school is someplace you go and gradually
-	find out that you don't want to go to school anymore.
-		-- The World According To Garp
-%
-"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
-		-- Vroomfondel
-%
-We know next to nothing about virtually everything.  It is not necessary
-to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know.
-Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition
-to crave knowledge.
-		-- George Will
-%
-We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable
-things we did.  I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend
-and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.
-		-- Waldo D.R. Dobbs
-%
-	"We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation.  We
-had crisis, then we went into chaos, and now what do we call this?" said
-Nicaraguan economist Francisco Mayorga, who holds a doctorate from Yale.
-		-- The Washington Post, February, 1988
-
-The New Yorker's comment:
-	At Harvard they'd call it a noun.
-%
-What does education often do?  It makes a straight cut ditch of a
-free meandering brook.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-		What I Did During My Fall Semester
-On the first day of my fall semester, I got up.
-Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
-Then I hung out in front of the Dover.
-
-On the second day of my fall semester, I got up.
-Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
-Then I hung out in front of the Dover.
-
-On the third day of my fall semester, I got up.
-Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
-I found a thesis topic:
-	How to keep people from hanging out in front of the Dover.
-		-- Sister Mary Elephant, "Student Statement for Black Friday"
-%
-What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?
-		-- Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying"
-%
-What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.
-		-- Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals"
-%
-What we do not understand we do not possess.
-		-- Goethe
-%
-What's page one, a preemptive strike?
-		-- Professor Freund, Communication, Ramapo State College
-%
-When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
-the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."
-		-- Dave Parnas
-%
-Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?
-		-- Karl Kraus
-%
-"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
-		-- George Ade
-%
-	Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
-and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if
-quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and
-and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and
-Chips, as well as after Chips?
-%
-You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.
-		-- H.H. Munro
-%
-You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-		-- J. D. Salinger
-%
-You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
-		-- Alfred Kahn
-%
-"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a plowshare,
-your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture"
-		-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
-%
-Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
-%