fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/politics

@@ -1,2918 +0,0 @@
-$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
-which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
-%
-1st graffitiist: QUESTION AUTHORITY!
-
-2nd graffitiist: Why?
-%
-A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
-"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
-		-- Mahatma Ghandi
-%
-A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money.
-		-- Sen. Everett Dirksen, on the U.S. defense budget
-%
-A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
-A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
-A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
-A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the U.S. Treasury.
-%
-A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is to make a copy of everything
-before he destroys it.
-%
-A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
-poor to protect them from each other.
-%
-A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
-won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
-		-- Bill Vaughan
-%
-A Difficulty for Every Solution.
-		-- Motto of the Federal Civil Service
-%
-A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
-%
-A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you
-actually look forward to the trip.
-		-- Caskie Stinnett, "Out of the Red"
-%
-A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
-A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
-A general leading the State Department resembles a dragon commanding ducks.
-		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
-%
-A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
-to take it all away.
-		-- Barry Goldwater
-%
-A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
-A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
-man a century.
-%
-A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals
-are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for
-not going to church on Sunday.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
-A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
-%
-A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.
-		-- Alexander Hamilton
-%
-A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
-%
-A penny saved is a penny taxed.
-%
-A penny saved kills your career in government.
-%
-A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very easy to
-govern.  It demands no social reforms.  It does not haggle over expenditures
-on armaments and military equipment.  It pays without discussion, it ruins
-itself, and that is an excellent thing for the syndicates of financiers and
-manufacturers for whom patriotic terrors are an abundant source of gain.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
-A political man can have as his aim the realization of freedom,
-but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.
-		-- Jean Paul Sartre
-%
-A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then
-asks you not to kill him.
-		-- Sir Winston Churchill, 1952
-%
-A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be
-too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which
-was intended for her preservation.
-		-- Colton
-%
-A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having
-his neighbour notice it.
-		-- Trygve Lie
-%
-A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
-that the system works.
-%
-A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.
-		-- Ramsey Clark
-%
-A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from
-the vexation of thinking.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals, 1831
-%
-A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years.
-		-- Harry S. Truman
-%
-A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-		-- O'Henry
-%
-A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
-bad measures.
-		-- Daniel Webster
-%
-Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain.  He died in Washington, D.C.
-%
-"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
-the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
-cost to others, to win advancement."
-		-- Norman Thomas
-%
-Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
-	-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy,
-	   Ecole Superieure de Guerre
-%
-Alea iacta est.
-	[The die is cast]
-		-- Gaius Julius Caesar
-%
-Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was
-the closest our country has ever been to being even.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent
-upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a
-visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is
-informing, stimulating and ennobling.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.
-		-- Gaius Julius Caesar, quoted in "The Conspiracy of
-		   Catiline", by Sallust
-%
-All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
-		-- Chou En Lai
-%
-All kings is mostly rapscallions.
-		--Mark Twain
-%
-All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
-the United States.
-		-- Vic Gold
-%
-All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by
-the government in less than a second.
-		-- Jim Fiebig
-%
-All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
-infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
-which he was born.
-		-- Francois Fenelon
-%
-America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one
-dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
-%
-America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
-to decadence without touching civilization.
-		-- John O'Hara
-%
-America: born free and taxed to death.
-%
-An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie and intrigue for the
-benefit of his country.
-		-- Sir Henry Wotton, 1568-1639
-%
-An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is
-always polite to traffic cops.
-%
-An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in
-small as in great matters.  
-		-- W. Churchill
-%
-An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
-		-- Simon Cameron
-
-There are honest journalists like there are honest politicians.  When
-bought they stay bought.
-		-- Bill Moyers
-%
-Anarchy may not be a better form of government, but it's better than no
-government at all.
-%
-"...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
-courtesy detail."
-%
-And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, for if you hit a man
-with a plowshare, he's going to know he's been hit.
-%
-And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
-a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
-tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
-tragedy face to face, we have politics.
-		-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and
-		   Ground Cover"
-%
-Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
-Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
-%
-Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
-		-- Pyrrhus
-%
-Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
-		-- Aesop
-%
-	"Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully.
-	"None," Anita replied.  "She's having great difficulty finding someone
-qualified who is willing to accept the post."
-	"Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh.  "I'm not good for much, but I
-can at least make a decision."
-	"Somewhere," he grumphed, "there must be a naive, opportunistic
-young welp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most
-up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind."
-		-- R.L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly"
-%
-Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years
-organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
-		-- David Broder
-%
-Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
-account be allowed to do the job.
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
-As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
-When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "Intentions"
-%
-Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
-		-- G.J. Danton
-%
-Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
-%
-Be it our wealth, our jobs, or even our homes; nothing is safe while the
-legislature is in session.
-%
-Bedfellows make strange politicians.
-%
-Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
-		-- Herbert Hoover
-%
-C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!
-	[It is magnificent, but it is not war]
-		-- Pierre Bosquet, witnessing the charge of the Light Brigade
-%
-"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."
-		-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
-%
-Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents
-for postage and 30 cents for storage.
-		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
-%
-Census Taker to Housewife:
-Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
-%
-Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted
-in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks.  I think we need
-more owls."
-		-- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"
-%
-Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
-%
-Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner.  His job
-is to enforce the law and fight crime.
-		-- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
-%
-Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-		-- Alfred E. Newman
-%
-Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
-eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-		-- Johnny Hart
-%
-Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
-%
-Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
-we deserve.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
-aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-		-- Senator Soaper
-%
-Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
-incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
-don't think.
-%
-Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who
-will get the blame.
-		-- Laurence J. Peter
-%
-Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.
-		-- Jawaharlal Nehru
-%
-Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
-		-- Arman de Caillavet, 1913
-%
-Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
-are right more than half of the time.
-		-- E. B. White
-%
-Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other
-forms that have been tried from time to time.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
-the people.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the board.
-Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
-%
-Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century.  Politics is about
-surviving until Friday afternoon.
-		-- Sir Humphrey Appleby
-%
-Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.
-		-- Daniele Vare
-%
-Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-		-- Wynn Catlin
-%
-Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
-		-- Balfour
-%
-Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
-%
-Don't be humble ... you're not that great.
-		-- Golda Meir
-%
-Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
-%
-Don't steal... the IRS hates competition!
-%
-Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in!
-		-- "Brazil"
-%
-Don't talk to me about naval tradition.  It's nothing but rum, sodomy and
-the lash.
-	-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Don't vote -- it only encourages them!
-%
-Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
-has been discontinued.
-%
-Each person has the right to take part in the management of public affairs
-in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to succeed, a
-university degree, influential parents, good looks, a curriculum vitae, two
-3x4 snapshots, and a good tax record.
-%
-Each person has the right to take the subway.
-%
-Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
-States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a day.
-
-	[and getting better!  Soon it'll be down to a penny a day!]
-%
-Ever wonder if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?
-%
-Every country has the government it deserves.
-		-- Joseph De Maistre
-%
-Every one says that politicians lie all the time, and that just isn't so!
-But you do have to understand body language to know when they're lying and
-when they aren't.
-
-	When a politician rubs his nose, he isn't lying.
-	When a politician tugs on his ear, he isn't lying.
-	When a politician scratches his collar bone, he isn't lying.
-	When his mouth starts moving, that's when he's lying!
-%
-Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
-no one we know belongs.
-%
-Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit
-of justice is no virtue.
-		-- Barry Goldwater
-%
-Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
-		-- George Santayana
-%
-Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the
-former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
-
-Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and
-reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space.  In those days, spirits
-were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women
-and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures
-from Alpha Centauri.  And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty
-deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus
-was the Empire forged.
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
-Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity.
-Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.
-		-- Joe Orton, "Loot"
-%
-Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.
-		-- H.S. Thompson
-%
-First rule of public speaking.
-	First, tell 'em what you're goin' to tell 'em;
-	then tell 'em;
-	then tell 'em what you've tole 'em.
-%
-For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years.
-This gives me great hope for the human race.
-		-- Harlan Ellison
-%
-Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws
-of nature!
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.
-		-- Charles Curtis, "A Commonplace Book"
-%
-Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.
-		-- A Yippie Proverb
-%
-Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
-%
-Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.
-		-- Camus
-%
-Freedom is slavery.
-Ignorance is strength.
-War is peace.
-		-- George Orwell
-%
-Freedom of the press is for those who happen to own one.
-%
-Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
-		-- Kris Kristofferson, "Me and Bobby McGee"
-%
-"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."
-		-- Secretary of State Henry Stimson, on closing down
-		   the Black Chamber, the precursor to the National
-		   Security Agency.
-%
-Gentlemen,
-	Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the
-approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been
-diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H.M. ship
-from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.
-	We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles,
-and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty's Government holds
-me accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and
-spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted
-for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.
-	Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains
-unaccounted for in one infantry battalion's petty cash and there has been
-a hideous confusion as the the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to
-one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain.  This
-reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance,
-since we are war with France, a fact which may come as a bit of a surprise
-to you gentlemen in Whitehall.
-	This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request
-elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty's Government so that I
-may better understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains.
-I construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, as
-given below.  I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability, but
-I cannot do both:
-	1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the
-benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance:
-	2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain.
-		-- Duke of Wellington, to the British Foreign Office,
-		   London, 1812
-%
-George Orwell 1984.  Northwestern 0.
-		-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
-%
-George Orwell was an optimist.
-%
-George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
-have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
-		-- Ashley Cooper
-%
-Give all orders verbally.  Never write anything down that might go into a
-"Pearl Harbor File".
-%
-"Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."
-		-- Napoleon
-%
-Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and
-car keys to teenage boys.
-	-- P.J. O'Rourke
-%
-God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to
-receive it.
-		-- Austin O'Malley
-%
-Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of
-those who govern.  The machinery of government is always subordinate to the
-will of those who administer that machinery.  The most important element of
-government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
-		-- Frank Herbert, "Children of Dune"
-%
-Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
-%
-Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?  
-Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number":
-
-	1-800-AUDITME
-%
-Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.  Don't overdo it.
-		-- Lao Tsu
-%
-Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
-		-- John Updike, "Couples"
-%
-Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
-%
-Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
-any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
-doesn't know much.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-	Graduating seniors, parents and friends...
-	Let me begin by reassuring you that my remarks today will stand up
-to the most stringent requirements of the new appropriateness.
-	The intra-college sensitivity advisory committee has vetted the
-text of even trace amounts of subconscious racism, sexism and classism.
-	Moreover, a faculty panel of deconstructionists have reconfigured
-the rhetorical components within a post-structuralist framework, so as to
-expunge any offensive elements of western rationalism and linear logic.
-	Finally, all references flowing from a white, male, eurocentric
-perspective have been eliminated, as have any other ruminations deemed
-denigrating to the political consensus of the moment.
-
-	Thank you and good luck.
-		-- Doonesbury, the University Chancellor's graduation speech.
-%
-Great Moments in History: #3
-
-August 27, 1949:
-	A Hall of Fame opened to honor outstanding members of the
-	Women's Air Corp.  It was a WAC's Museum.
-%
-	Grover Cleveland, though constantly at loggerheads with the
-Senate, got on better with the House of Representatives.  A popular
-story circulating during his presidency concerned the night he was
-roused by his wife crying, "Wake up!  I think there are burglars in the
-house."
-	"No, no, my dear," said the president sleepily, "in the Senate maybe,
-but not in the House."
-%
-Grub first, then ethics.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
-Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender.  You stand convicted of
-sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.
-		-- Tobias Smollet
-%
-Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it
-appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down,
-and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels?  Then let us
-not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its
-incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
-%
-Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
-sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
-		-- Dr. Who
-%
-He didn't run for reelection.  "Politics brings you into contact with all
-the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."
-		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegone Days"
-%
-He is the best of men who dislikes power.
-		-- Mohammed
-%
-He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
-%
-He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
-		-- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"
-%
-He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
-attacks democracy itself.
-		-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
-%
-He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest
-benefactor the world has yet known.
-		-- Sir Richard Burton
-%
-He who slings mud generally loses ground.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
-He's just a politician trying to save both his faces...
-%
-Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad.  From where the
-sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.
-		-- Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce
-%
-Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
-%
-History has much to say on following the proper procedures.  From a history
-of the Mexican revolution:
-	"Hidalgo was later defeated at Guadalajara.  The rebel army was
-captured on its way through the mountains.  All were courtmartialed and
-shot, except Hidalgo, because he was a priest.  He was handed over to
-the bishop of Durango who excommunicated him and returned him to the
-army where he was then executed."
-%
-History is on our side (as long as we can control the historians).
-%
-History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.
-		-- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims"
-%
-History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge,
-periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them
-asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at
-intervals, casts its too narrow skin and assumes another...  Truly the imago
-state of Man seems to be terribly distant, but every moult is a step gained.
-		-- Charles Darwin, from "Origin of the Species"
-%
-History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
-exhausted all other alternatives.
-		-- Abba Eban
-%
-How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?
-		-- Charles de Gaulle
-%
-How is the world ruled, and how do wars start?  Diplomats tell lies to
-journalists, and they believe what they read.
-		-- Karl Kraus, "Aphorisms and More Aphorisms"
-%
-I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend
-than be one.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves
-for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice.  To be a man
-is to suffer for others.
-		-- Cesar Chavez
-%
-I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.
-		-- A. Ward
-%
-I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.
-		-- Jay Gould
-%
-I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to
-run their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better
-husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."
-		-- Boss Tweed
-%
-I don't like the Dutchman.  He's a crocodile.  He's sneaky.  I don't trust him.
-		-- Jack "Legs" Diamond, just before a peace conference
-		   with Dutch Schultz.
-
-I don't trust Legs.  He's nuts.  He gets excited and starts pulling a
-trigger like another guy wipes his nose.
-		-- Dutch Schultz, just before a peace conference with
-		   "Legs" Diamond.
-%
-I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
-streets and frighten the horses.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
-I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets
-fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
-		-- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd
-		   just shot.
-%
-I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
-		-- Augustus Caesar
-%
-I have a dream.  I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, 
-the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
-sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
-		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
-%
-I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice
-my wife's brother.
-		-- Artemus Ward
-%
-I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism,
-he catches it in a very acute form.
-		-- Winston Churchill, 1903
-%
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
-and they never believe me.
-		-- Camillo Di Cavour
-%
-I have gained this by philosophy:
-that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
-I have never understood this liking for war.  It panders to instincts
-already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.
-		-- Alan Bennett
-%
-I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
-War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote
-peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want peace so much
-that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them
-have it.
-		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
-%
-I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-I needed the good will of the legislature of four states.  I formed the
-legislative bodies with my own money.  I found that it was cheaper that way.
-		-- Jay Gould
-%
-I never deny, I never contradict.  I sometimes forget.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli, British PM, on dealing with the
-		   Royal Family
-%
-I never vote for anyone.  I always vote against.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
-I owe the government $3400 in taxes.  So I sent them two hammers and a
-toilet seat.
-		-- Michael McShane
-%
-I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as
-the greatest of dangers to be feared.  To preserve our independence, we must
-not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.  If we run into such debts, we
-must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and in our comforts,
-in our labor and in our amusements.  If we can prevent the government from
-wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they
-will be happy.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-I pledge allegiance to the flag
-of the United States of America
-and to the republic for which it stands,
-one nation,
-indivisible,
-with liberty
-and justice for all.
-		-- Francis Bellamy, 1892
-%
-I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
-		-- Cicero
-
-Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
-		-- Poor Richard
-%
-I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern.  I realize that the
-whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
-congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we
-can be free to concern ourselves with getting hold of the plumber.
-
-But from time to time, I feel I must address major public issues such as
-this, because in a free and open society, where the very future of the world
-hinges on decisions made by our elected leaders, you never win large cash
-journalism awards if you stick to the topics I usually write about, such as
-nose-picking.
-		-- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
-		   Political Fallout"
-%
-I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
-they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
-the south.  We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
-us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-I steal.
-		-- Sam Giancana, explaining his livelihood to his draft board
-
-Easy.  I own Chicago.  I own Miami.  I own Las Vegas.
-		-- Sam Giancana, when asked what he did for a living
-%
-I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and
-tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are
-fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country
-are fed up with being sick and tired.  I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and
-tired of being told that I am!
-		-- Monty Python
-%
-I think the world is run by C students.
-		-- Al McGuire
-%
-I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.
-		-- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari
-%
-I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.
-		-- Bill Veeck
-%
-I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.
-		-- Judge Harold T. Stone
-%
-I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.
-		-- Woodrow Wilson
-%
-I used to be a rebel in my youth.
-
-This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL!  But I learned.
-Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own
-problems.  So I lost interest in politics.  Now when I feel aroused by
-a civil rights case or a passport hearing... I realize it's just a device.
-I go to my analyst and we work it out.  You have no idea how much better
-I feel these days.
-		-- J. Feiffer
-%
-I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
-		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
-%
-I was appalled by this story of the destruction of a member of a valued
-endangered species.  It's all very well to celebrate the practicality of
-pigs by ennobling the porcine sibling who constructed his home out of
-bricks and mortar.  But to wantonly destroy a wolf, even one with an
-excessive taste for porkers, is unconscionable in these ecologically
-critical times when both man and his domestic beasts continue to maraud
-the earth.
-		Sylvia Kamerman, "Book Reviewing"
-%
-I was offered a job as a hoodlum and I turned it down cold.  A thief is
-anybody who gets out and works for his living, like robbing a bank or
-breaking into a place and stealing stuff, or kidnapping somebody.  He really
-gives some effort to it.  A hoodlum is a pretty lousy sort of scum.  He
-works for gangsters and bumps guys off when they have been put on the spot.
-Why, after I'd made my rep, some of the Chicago Syndicate wanted me to work
-for them as a hood -- you know, handling a machine gun.  They offered me
-two hundred and fifty dollars a week and all the protection I needed.  I
-was on the lam at the time and not able to work at my regular line.  But
-I wouldn't consider it.  "I'm a thief," I said.  "I'm no lousy hoodlum."
-		-- Alvin Karpis, "Public Enemy Number One"
-%
-I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life.  I
-asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a
-robber.
-		-- Tiburcio Vasquez
-%
-I wish a robot would get elected president.  That way, when he came to town,
-we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-		-- Jack Handley
-%
-I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in
-understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good,
-our tasks will be solved.
-		-- Warren G. Harding
-%
-I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection
-with income tax policies.
-		-- William F. Buckley
-%
-I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.
-		-- Marcus Procius Cato
-%
-I would rather be a serf in a poor man's house and be above ground than
-reign among the dead.
-		-- Achilles, "The Odessey", XI, 489-91
-%
-I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
-whole field to private industry.
-		-- Joseph Heller
-%
-"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
-carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia,
-I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."
-		-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
-%
-"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
-That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."
-		-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
-%
-I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House.  President Johnson
-says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
-		-- Bob Hope
-%
-"I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!"
-%
-I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
--- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-		-- Arthur Godfrey
-%
-"I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives."
-%
-I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.
-%
-If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom;
-and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it
-will lose that, too.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
-%
-If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal
-purposes.
-		-- J. Edgar Hoover
-%
-If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster.
-		-- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
-%
-If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
-If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
-green, baggy skin.
-%
-If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.
-		-- Jerry Dreshfield
-%
-If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital,
-it would have been much better.
-		-- Karl Marx's Mother
-%
-If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
-he should see how bad it is with representation.
-%
-If people have to choose between freedom and sandwiches, they
-will take sandwiches.
-		-- Lord Boyd-orr
-
-Eats first, morals after.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht, "The Threepenny Opera"
-%
-If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
-%
-If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.
-		-- Robert Frost
-%
-If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream
-and never be our destiny.
-		-- Ren'e de Visme Williamson
-%
-If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them
-and elect a new people?
-%
-"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!"
-		-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
-%
-If the rich could pay the poor to die for them, what a living the poor
-could make!
-%
-If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like
-his necktie.
-		-- Attorney General William Saxbe
-%
-If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.  If not voting
-could change the system, it would be illegal.
-%
-If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.
-%
-If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.
-		-- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting"
-%
-If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it,
-and involve others in our doom.
-		-- Samuel Adams
-%
-If we won't stand together, we don't stand a chance.
-%
-If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.
-		-- Andrew Carnegie, on public speaking
-%
-"If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
-have to get a toehold in the public eye."
-%
-If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
-will always do it.
-		-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
-%
-If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
-make the rubble bounce.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-		-- Graham Summer
-%
-If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year
-with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined
-them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!
-		-- Mr. Interesting
-%
-If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
-Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
-statecraft.  Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone
-directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles
-beginning with the word "National."
-		-- George Will
-%
-If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
-memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin'
-it, even if they don't know what it means.
-		-- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"
-%
-If your hands are clean and your cause is just and your demands are
-reasonable, at least it's a start.
-%
-Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
-		-- Robert Orben
-
-Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-		-- Jack Paar
-%
-Imbalance of power corrupts and monopoly of power corrupts absolutely.
-		-- Genji
-%
-Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-		-- Jack Paar
-%
-In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one
-of the risks he takes.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
-In an orderly world, there's always a place for the disorderly.
-%
-In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools
-will be temporarily canceled.
-%
-In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
-		-- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery
-%
-In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last
-resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but
-inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-In fiction the recourse of the powerless is murder; in life the recourse
-of the powerless is petty theft.
-%
-In Germany they first came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because
-I wasn't a Communist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up
-because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for the trade unionists, and I
-didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for the
-Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.  Then they came
-for me -- and by that time no one was left to speak up.
-		-- Pastor Martin Niemoller
-%
-In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror,
-murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michaelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci
-and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had
-five hundred years of democracy and peace -- and what did they produce?
-The cuckoo-clock.
-		-- Orson Welles, "The Third Man"
-%
-In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence
-is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of
-assassination.
-		-- John Diefenbaker
-%
-In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
-		-- Lenny Bruce
-%
-In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
-my advice.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-In war it is not men, but the man who counts.
-		-- Napoleon
-%
-In war, truth is the first casualty.
-		-- U Thant
-%
-... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves
-smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat.  It is
-not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.
-		-- Stephen Crane
-%
-Individualists unite!
-%
-Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.
-		-- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery
-%
-Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
-%
-	Inheritance taxes are getting so out of line, that the deceased family
-often doesn't have a legacy to stand on.
-%
-Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
-%
-Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the
-street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US
-invasion of Grenada.  Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no;
-and 8 percent said "Gimme a quarter?"
-		-- David Letterman
-%
-Interfere?  Of course we should interfere!  Always do what you're
-best at, that's what I say.
-		-- Doctor Who
-%
-It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan
-which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons,
-insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather
-than be the instrument of his army's downfall.
-		-- Napoleon, "Military Maxims and Thought"
-%
-It got to the point where I had to get a haircut or both feet firmly
-planted in the air.
-%
-It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
-%
-It is better to wear chains than to believe you are free, and weight
-yourself down with invisible chains.
-%
-It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
-%
-It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
-proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a
-better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat
-your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the focus of
-attention, the harder the task.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
-It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
-		-- Alfred Adler
-%
-It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination
-of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...
-		-- Russell Baker and Charles Peters
-%
-It is impossible to defend perfectly against the attack of those who want
-to die.
-%
-It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will
-have a high-level meeting.
-		-- Rev. Carl McIntire, on Nixon's China trip
-%
-It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged
-to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the
-youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether
-the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the
-man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and
-blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who
-knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, and who spends himself in a
-worthy cause, and if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that
-he'll never be with those cold and timid souls who never know either victory
-or defeat.
-		-- Teddy Roosevelt
-%
-It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
-		-- Elizabeth Carpenter
-%
-It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a
-sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate
-in all times and situations.  They presented him the words: "And this,
-too, shall pass away."
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better
-still to be a live lion.  And usually easier.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of
-one's life and then come round.
-		-- Lord Alfred Douglas
-%
-It seems a little silly now, but this country was founded as a protest
-against taxation.
-%
-It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
-%
-It took a while to surface, but it appears that a long-distance credit card
-may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada
-military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said
-the Army unit was in a house surrounded by Cuban forces.  One soldier found
-a telephone and, using his credit card, called Ft. Bragg, N.C., telling Army
-officiers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
-Air Force, which sent in gunships to scatter the Cubans and relieve the unit.
-		-- Aviation Week and Space Technology
-%
-"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The
-Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything.  They had no vital lies."
-		-- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
-%
-It was the Law of the Sea, they said.  Civilization ends at the waterline.
-Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
-%
-It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression
-when you lose yours.
-		-- Harry S. Truman
-%
-	"It's a summons."
-	"What's a summons?"
-	"It means summon's in trouble."
-		-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
-%
-It's getting uncommonly easy to kill people in large numbers, and the first
-thing a principle does -- if it really is a principle -- is to kill somebody.
-		-- Dorothy L. Sayers, "Gaudy Night"
-%
-It's important that people know what you stand for.
-It's more important that they know what you won't stand for.
-%
-It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
-to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
-		-- George Burns
-%
-It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which raises
-the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-	Jacek, a Polish schoolboy, is told by his teacher that he has
-been chosen to carry the Polish flag in the May Day parade.
-	"Why me?"  whines the boy.  "Three years ago I carried the flag
-when Brezhnev was the Secretary; then I carried the flag when it was
-Andropov's turn, and again when Chernenko was in the Kremlin.  Why is
-it always me, teacher?"
-	"Because, Jacek, you have such golden hands," the teacher
-explains.
-		-- being told in Poland, 1987
-%
-Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called "Bureaucracy".
-Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to do anything loses.
-%
-Join the army, see the world, meet interesting, exciting people, and kill them.
-%
-Join the Navy; sail to far-off exotic lands, meet exciting interesting people,
-and kill them.
-%
-Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions
-seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires one side to be
-totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner.  The reason
-there are two sides to begin with usually is because neither side has all
-the facts.  Therefore, when the wise mediator effects a compromise, he is
-not acting from political motivation.  Rather, he is acting from a deep
-sense of respect for the whole truth.
-		-- Stephen R. Schwambach
-%
-Keep your laws off my body!
-%
-Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
-%
-L'etat c'est moi.
-	[I am the state.]
-		-- Louis XIV
-%
-Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
-		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
-%
-Lawful Dungeon Master -- and they're MY laws!
-%
-Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it; what
-is happening in America is that those parades are getting smaller and
-smaller -- and there are many more of them.
-		-- John Naisbitt, "Megatrends"
-%
-Let no guilty man escape.
-		-- U.S. Grant
-%
-Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.
-		-- William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania
-%
-Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
-		-- John F. Kennedy
-%
-Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
-	-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
-		-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
-%
-Life is a concentration camp.  You're stuck here and there's no way
-out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Listen, there is no courage or any extra courage that I know of to find out
-the right thing to do.  Now, it is not only necessary to do the right thing,
-but to do it in the right way and the only problem you have is what is the
-right thing to do and what is the right way to do it.  That is the problem.
-But this economy of ours is not so simple that it obeys to the opinion of
-bias or the pronouncements of any particular individual, even to the President.
-This is an economy that is made up of 173 million people, and it reflects
-their desires, they're ready to buy, they're ready to spend, it is a thing
-that is too complex and too big to be affected adversely or advantageously
-just by a few words or any particular -- say, a little this and that, or even
-a panacea so alleged.
-		-- D.D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the government
-		been lacking in courage and boldness in facing up to
-		the recession?"
-%
-Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
-%
-Love America -- or give it back.
-%
-"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
-the smallest amount of thoughts."
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
-		-- Robert Moses
-%
-Man is a military animal, glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.
-		-- P.J. Bailey
-%
-Man is by nature a political animal.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
-Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.
-		-- George M. Cohan
-%
-Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
-%
-Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
-%
-Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
-%
-Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Most people want either less corruption or more of a chance to
-participate in it.
-%
-Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent.
-When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was
-wrong, "Up to a point."
-	"Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean?  Capital of Japan?
-Yokohama isn't it?"
-	"Up to a point, Lord Copper."
-	"And Hong Kong definitely belongs to us, doesn't it?"
-	"Definitely, Lord Copper."
-		-- Evelyn Waugh, "Scoop"
-%
-My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty
-nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and,
-instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at
-a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at
-the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which
-turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain
-that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were
-just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think
-of saying, except in a desperate case.  It is like saying "My mother,
-drunk or sober."
-		-- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant"
-%
-My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully
-co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.
-		-- J.F. Kennedy
-%
-My father was a saint, I'm not.
-		-- Indira Gandhi
-%
-My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet
-the boat.
-%
-My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems,
-and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable.  ...  We should be
-reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent
-to what we do; it has no feeling, no design, no interest in whether or not
-we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to space, because the grand,
-slow march of intelligence has brought us, in our generation, to a point
-from which we can explore and understand and utilize it. To turn back now
-would be to deny our history, our capabilities.
-		-- James A. Michener
-%
-NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe?  Everything he
-	  says is wrong.
-GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
-	  will be right.
-		-- G. B. Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
-%
-National security is in your hands - guard it well.
-%
-Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
-It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-		-- William Pitt, 1783
-%
-Neglect of duty does not cease, by repetition, to be neglect of duty.
-		-- Napoleon
-%
-Nemo me impune lacessit.
-	[No one provokes me with impunity]
-		-- Motto of the Crown of Scotland
-%
-Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-		-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
-%
-Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.
-		-- John Dillinger
-%
-"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
-%
-Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
-as an income tax refund.
-		-- F. J. Raymond
-%
-Nihilism should commence with oneself.
-%
-No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple
-act of justice.
-		-- John Altgeld
-%
-No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme
-court follows th' iliction returns.
-		-- Mr. Dooley
-%
-No, my friend, the way to have good and safe government, is not to trust it
-all to one, but to divide it among the many, distributing to every one exactly
-the functions he is competent to.  It is by dividing and subdividing these
-republics from the national one down through all its subordinations, until it
-ends in the administration of every man's farm by himself; by placing under
-every one what his own eye may superintend, that all will be done for the best.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson, to Joseph Cabell, 1816
-%
-No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good
-intentions.  He had money as well.
-		-- Margaret Thatcher
-%
-Nobody shot me.
-		-- Frank Gusenberg, his last words, when asked by police
-		who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the Saint
-		Valentine's Day Massacre.
-
-Only Capone kills like that.
-		-- George "Bugs" Moran, on the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
-
-The only man who kills like that is Bugs Moran.
-		-- Al Capone, on the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
-%
-Nobody takes a bribe.  Of course at Christmas if you happen to hold out
-your hat and somebody happens to put a little something in it, well, that's
-different.
-		-- New York City Police Commissioner (Ret.) William P.
-		   O'Brien, instructions to the force.
-%
-Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-
-Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as
-satisfying as an income tax refund.
-		-- F.J. Raymond
-%
-Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
-		-- Andrew Young
-%
-Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant
-to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is
-so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a
-personality.
-		-- Soren Kierkegaard
-%
-Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
-%
-"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of 
-normal routines, for children and adults alike."
-		-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
-%
-"Nuclear war would really set back cable."
-		-- Ted Turner
-%
-O'Brien held up his left hand, its back toward Winston, with the
-thumb hidden and the four fingers extended.
-	"How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?"
-	"Four."
-	"And if the Party says that it is not four but five -- then how many?"
-	"Four."
-	The word ended in a gasp of pain.
-		-- George Orwell
-%
-Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
-be irresponsible, too.
-		-- Lichty & Wagner
-%
-Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
-%
-On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
-nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
-what it does.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-Once is happenstance,
-Twice is coincidence,
-Three times is enemy action.
-		-- Auric Goldfinger
-%
-	Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins. He spent his
-time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea.  One day,
-in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a serum that would make
-dolphins live forever!
-	Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realized that in order to mass
-produce this serum he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was
-only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American bird.  Carried
-away by his love for dolphins, he resolved that he would go to the zoo and
-steal one of these birds.
-	Unbeknownst to him, as he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was
-escaping from its cage.  The zookeepers were alarmed and immediately began
-combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply lain down
-on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep.
-	Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and procured his
-bird.  He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he
-stepped absentmindedly stepped over the sleeping lion on his way back to his
-car.  Immediately, 1500 policemen converged on him and arrested him for
-transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
-%
-Once upon a time there was a kingdom ruled by a great bear.  The peasants
-were not very rich, and one of the few ways to become at all wealthy was
-to become a Royal Knight.  This required an interview with the bear.  If
-the bear liked you, you were knighted on the spot.  If not, the bear would
-just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw.  However, the family
-of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
-sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
-possession.  And the moral of the story is:
- 
-The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
-hit you.
-%
-Once you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
-%
-One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
-%
-One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
-do and always a clever thing to say.
-		-- Will Durant
-%
-One organism, one vote.
-%
-One planet is all you get.
-%
-One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
-%
-Only two kinds of witnesses exist.  The first live in a neighborhood where
-a crime has been committed and in no circumstances have ever seen anything
-or even heard a shot.  The second category are the neighbors of anyone who
-happens to be accused of the crime.  These have always looked out of their
-windows when the shot was fired, and have noticed the accused person standing
-peacefully on his balcony a few yards away.
-		-- Sicilian police officer
-%
-Our congratulations go to a Burlington Vermont civilian employee of the
-local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substational cash
-award from our government for inventing a device for optical scanning.
-His device reportedly will save the government more than $6 million a year
-by replacing a more expensive helicopter maintenance tool with his own,
-home-made, hand-held model.
-
-Not suprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit
-to the Pentagon free of charge:
-
-	(a) Don't kill anybody.
-	(b) Don't build things that do.
-	(c) And don't pay other people to kill anybody.
-
-We expect annual savings to be in the billions.
-		-- Sojourners
-%
-Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'.
-We their sons are more worthless than they:
-so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.
-		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
-%
-Our swords shall play the orators for us.
-		-- Christopher Marlowe
-%
-Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-		-- General Omar N. Bradley
-%
-Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-		-- S. Johnson, "The Life of Samuel Johnson" by J. Boswell
-
-In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last
-resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but
-inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-
-When Dr. Johnson defined patriotism as the last refuge of a scoundrel,
-he ignored the enormous possibilities of the word reform.
-		-- Sen. Roscoe Conkling
-
-Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
-		-- Boies Penrose
-%
-Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-Peace is much more precious than a piece of land... let there be no more wars.
-		-- Mohammed Anwar Sadat, 1918-1981
-%
-People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.
-		-- Otto Von Bismarck
-%
-People of privilege will always risk their complete destruction
-rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
-People that can't find something to live for always seem to find something to
-die for.  The problem is, they usually want the rest of us to die for it too.
-%
-People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
-%
-People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world
-citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
-		-- Norman Cousins
-%
-Perhaps the most widespread illusion is that if we were in power we would
-behave very differently from those who now hold it -- when, in truth, in
-order to get power we would have to become very much like them.  (Lenin's
-fatal mistake, both in theory and in practice.)
-%
-Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political
-leaders.
-		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero, "Ad familiares", 1st century BC
-%
-Pilfering Treasury property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are
-ruthless in punishing little thieves.
-		-- Diogenes
-%
-Poland has gun control.
-%
-Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to
-teach children.
-		-- W.H. Auden
-%
-Political speeches are like steer horns.  A point here, a point there,
-and a lot of bull inbetween.
-		-- Alfred E. Neuman
-%
-Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
-all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
-%
-Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even
-where there is no river.
-	-- Nikita Khrushchev
-%
-Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
-		-- Arthur C. Clarke
-%
-Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have
-been, and never will be wrong.
-		-- Walter Dwight
-%
-Politics -- the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
-funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.
-		-- Oscar Ameringer
-%
-Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without
-greatness.  Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.
-		-- Albert Camus
-%
-Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.  In war,
-you can only be killed once.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Politics is not the art of the possible.  It consists in choosing
-between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
-Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next
-week, next month and next year.  And to have the ability afterwards to
-explain why it didn't happen.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.
-		-- Amy Gorin
-%
-Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the
-systematic organisation of hatreds.
-		-- Henry Adams, "The Education of Henry Adams"
-%
-Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the
-reformers of error.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-Populus vult decipi.
-	[The people like to be deceived.]
-%
-Post proelium, praemium.
-	[After the battle, the reward.]
-%
-Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
-%
-Poverty begins at home.
-%
-Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor
-people.
-		-- Don Herold
-%
-Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat.
-		-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987
-%
-Power is poison.
-%
-Power is the finest token of affection.
-%
-Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
-		-- Lord Acton
-%
-Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.
-		-- Henry Adams
-%
-President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and
-forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
-%
-Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.
-		-- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims"
-%
-Question authority.
-%
-QUESTION AUTHORITY.
-
-(Sez who?)
-%
-Question: Is it better to abide by the rules until they're changed or
-help speed the change by breaking them?
-%
-Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
-		-- Jim Samuels
-%
-"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S.
-Army doing it!"
-		-- Good Morning VietNam
-%
-Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
-	Civilization?
-Gandhi:	I think it would be a good idea.
-%
-Reunite Gondwondaland!
-%
-Rev. Jim:	What does an amber light mean?                                 
-Bobby:		Slow down.
-Rev. Jim:	What...   does...  an...  amber...  light...  mean?
-Bobby:		Slow down.
-Rev. Jim:	What....     does....     an....     amber....     light....
-%
-"Rights" is a fictional abstraction.  No one has "Rights", neither machines
-nor flesh-and-blood.  Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they
-use or do not use.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Rule the Empire through force.
-		-- Shogun Tokugawa
-%
-Sauron is alive in Argentina!
-%
-Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.
-		-- Richard Nixon
-%
-Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
-%
-Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?
-	[Who guards the Guardians?]
-%
-Sentenced to two years hard labor (for sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed
-in driving rain waiting for transport to prison.  "If this is the way Queen
-Victoria treats her prisoners," he remarked, "she doesn't deserve to have
-any."
-%
-Serfs up!
-		-- Spartacus
-%
-Shah, shah!  Ayatollah you so!
-%
-Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken
-him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an excess of
-stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
-		-- The Brown University Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
-%
-Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised
-when others believe him.
-		-- Charles DeGaulle
-%
-Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
-%
-[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
-vices I admire.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when
-a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent
-songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as
-those without might see and hear.  They told a tale which was then altogether
-beyond my feeble comprehension: they were tones, loud, long and deep,
-breathing the prayer and complaint of souls boiling over with the bitterest
-anguish.  Every tone was a testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God
-for deliverance from chains.
-		-- Frederick Douglass
-%
-So from the depths of its enchantment, Terra was able to calculate a course
-of action.  Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Dirbanu on a
-friendly basis -- great Durbanu which, since it had force fields which Earth
-could not duplicate, must of necessity have many other things Earth could
-use; mighty Durbanu before whom we would kneel in supplication (with purely-
-for-defense bombs hidden in our pockets) with lowered heads (making invisible
-the knife in our teeth) and ask for crumbs from their table (in order to
-extrapolate the location of their kitchens).
-		-- Theodore Sturgeon, "The World Well Lost"
-%
-... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those
-who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
-and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
-and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.
-		-- Voltarine de Cleyre
-%
-So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
-		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
-%
-Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen.
-		-- Woodie Guthrie
-%
-	Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees
-on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert
-Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of
-employees in the Department of Agriculture at no time exceeds the number of
-farmers in America."
-		-- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"
-%
-Stamp out organized crime!!  Abolish the IRS.
-%
-	Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas.  Five years later?
-Six?  It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era -- the kind of peak that
-never comes again.  San Fransisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
-and place to be a part of.  Maybe it meant something.  Maybe not, in the long
-run...  There was madness in any direction, at any hour.  If not across the
-Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda...  You could
-strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we
-were doing was right, that we were winning...
-	And that, I think, was the handle -- that sense of inevitable victory
-over the forces of Old and Evil.  Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't
-need that. Our energy would simply prevail.  There was no point in fighting
--- on our side or theirs.  We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest
-of a high and beautiful wave.  So now, less than five years later, you can go
-up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes
-you can almost ___see the high-water mark -- that place where the wave finally
-broke and rolled back.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-Such a foolish notion, that war is called devotion, when the greatest
-warriors are the ones who stand for peace.
-%
-Support your local police force -- steal!!
-%
-Support your right to arm bears!!
-%
-Support your right to bare arms!
-		-- A message from the National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association
-%
-Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit!  Just type
-in your name and social security number.  Please remember that leaving
-the room is punishable under law:
-
-Name
-#
-%
-Take Care of the Molehills, and the Mountains Will Take Care of Themselves.
-		-- Motto of the Federal Civil Service
-%
-Take your Senator to lunch this week.
-%
-TANSTAAFL
-%
-Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
-the tree."
-		-- Russell Long
-%
-Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
-out of the market.
-%
-Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
-%
-Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
-		-- Napoleon I
-%
-That government is best which governs least.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience"
-%
-That's where the money was.
-		-- Willie Sutton, on being asked why he robbed a bank
-
-It's a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.
-		-- Willie Sutton
-%
-... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
-consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
-of "Camptown Races".  Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
-listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-		-- Bill Murray
-%
-The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use
-in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the
-Declaration not for that, but for future use.
-		--  Abraham Lincoln
-%
-The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
-%
-The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any
-reward.
-		-- John Maynard Keynes
-%
-The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity.
-To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.
-		-- Nietzsche
-%
-The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
-%
-The Constitution may not be perfect, but it's a lot better than what we've got!
-%
-The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.
-		-- Hilaire Belloc
-%
-The Crown is full of it!
-		-- Nate Harris, 1775
-%
-The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern.  Every class
-is unfit to govern.
-		-- Lord Acton
-%
-The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
-		-- F. Dostoyevski
-%
-The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim
-hours between midnight and dawn.  Hangmen and politicians work best when
-the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
-The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known;
-naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
-really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
-		-- Gilbert K. Chesterson
-%
-The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
-		-- Buckminster Fuller
-%
-The eyes of taxes are upon you.
-%
-The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not
-utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind,
-a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.
-		-- Bertrand Russell, in "Marriage and Morals", 1929
-%
-The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily
-endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or
-compassion.
-		-- Saul Alinsky
-%
-The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
-%
-The fashionable drawing rooms of London have always been happy to accept
-outsiders -- if only on their own, albeit undemanding terms.  That is to
-say, artists, so long as they are not too talented, men of humble birth,
-so long as they have since amassed several million pounds, and socialists
-so long as they are Tories.
-		-- Christopher Booker
-%
-The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-		-- Abbie Hoffman
-%
-The founding fathers tried to set up a judicial system where the accused
-received a fair trial, not a system to insure an acquittal on technicalities.
-%
-	The General disliked trying to explain the highly technical inner
-workings of the U.S. Air Force.
-	"$7,662 for a ten cup coffee maker, General?" the Senator asked.
-	In his head he ran through his standard explanations.  "It's not so,"
-he thought.  "It's a deterrent."  Soon he came up with, "It's computerized,
-Senator.  Tiny computer chips make coffee that's smooth and full-bodied.  Try
-a cup."
-	The Senator did.  "Pfffttt!  Tastes like jet fuel!"
-	"It's not so," the General thought.  "It's a deterrent."
-	Then he remembered something.  "We bought a lot of untested computer
-chips," the General answered.  "They got into everything.  Just a little
-mix-up.  Nothing serious."
-	Then he remembered something else.  It was at the site of the
-mysterious B-1 crash.  A strange smell in the fuel lines.  It smelled like
-coffee.  Smooth and full bodied...
-		-- Another Episode of General's Hospital
-%
-The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the
-people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people
-drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
-The government has just completed work on a missile that turned out to be a
-bit of a boondoggle; nicknamed "Civil Servant", it won't work and they can't
-fire it.
-%
-The Government just announced today the creation of the Neutron Bomb II.
-Similar to the Neutron Bomb, the Neutron Bomb II not only kills people
-and leaves buildings standing, but also does a little light housekeeping.
-%
-The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
-		-- Charles de Gaulle
-%
-The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
-of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
-		-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
-%
-The greatest disloyalty one can offer to great pioneers is to refuse to
-move an inch from where they stood.
-%
-The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty
-deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the
-author's name on the title page.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals, 1831
-%
-The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality
-of functions performed by private citizens.
-		-- Alexis de Tocqueville
-%
-The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
-has.  Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know
-when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings;
-the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-		-- Churchill
-%
-The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the
-whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting
-the most important political institutions. ...  The new style, gradually
-gaining a lodgement, quitely insinuates itself into manners and customs,
-and from it ... goes on to attack laws and constitutions, displaying the
-utmost impudence, until it ends by overturning everything.
-		-- Plato, "Republic", 370 B.C.
-%
-The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free
-information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax
-tip is that you should print neatly.  If you ask them a real tax question,
-such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
-
-So, for guidance, you want to look to big business.  Big business never pays
-a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer
-organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
-%
-The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-The Least Successful Executions
-	History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention.
-The first performed in Sydney in Australia.  In 1803 three attempts were
-made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels.  On the first two of these the rope
-snapped, while on the third Mr. Samuels just hung there peacefully until he
-and everyone else got bored.  Since he had proved unsusceptible to capital
-punishment, he was reprieved.
-	The most important British executioner was Mr. James Berry who
-tried three times in 1885 to hang Mr. John Lee at Exeter Jail, but on each
-occasion failed to get the trap door open.
-	In recognition of this achievement, the Home Secretary commuted
-Lee's sentence to "life" imprisonment.  He was released in 1917, emigrated
-to America and lived until 1933.
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-The Least Successful Police Dogs
-	America has a very strong candidate in "La Dur", a fearsome looking
-schnauzer hound, who was retired from the Orlando police force in Florida
-in 1978.  He consistently refused to do anything which might ruffle or
-offend the criminal classes.
-	His handling officer, Rick Grim, had to admit: "He just won't go up
-and bite them.  I got sick and tired of doing that dog's work for him."
-	The British contenders in this category, however, took things a
-stage further.  "Laddie" and "Boy" were trained as detector dogs for drug
-raids.  Their employment was terminated following a raid in the Midlands in
-1967.
-	While the investigating officer questioned two suspects, they
-patted and stroked the dogs who eventually fell asleep in front of the
-fire.  When the officer moved to arrest the suspects, one dog growled at
-him while the other leapt up and bit his thigh.
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
-		-- Kin Hubbard
-%
-The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
-we could with both of them."
-		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
-%
-The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time.  The
-terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.  The
-man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.
-		-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
-%
-The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President.  All he has
-to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"
-		-- Will Rogers
-
-The vice-presidency ain't worth a pitcher of warm spit.
-		-- Vice President John Nance Garner
-%
-The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause,
-while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
-		-- Wilhelm Stekel
-%
-	The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all
-students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school
-graduation.
-	Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's
-recognition of the sanctity of human life."
-	According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22,
-1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm."  Their
-"farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year.  But as a "family
-farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.
-	Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of
-Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers."  You
-probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.
-	It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore.  Now it's "chrono-
-logically experienced citizens."
-	According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was
-just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."
-		-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
-%
-The Moral Majority is neither.
-%
-The more control, the more that requires control.
-%
-The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
-%
-The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.  I
-hope I don't get run over again.
-%
-The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".
-%
-The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
-		-- David Gerrold
-%
-The poetry of heroism appeals irresitably to those who don't go to a war,
-and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy."
-		-- Celine
-%
-The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be
-addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified.  But it is equally
-important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not
-expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own preferences.  Only then can
-we hope to restore the insult to its proper social function of expressing
-true distaste.
-		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly
-		   Correct Behavior"
-%
-The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment.
-To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.
-		-- Buckminster Fuller
-%
-The price of greatness is responsibility.
-%
-The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
-they might force their beliefs on us.
-		-- Mario Cuomo
-%
-The primary theme of SoupCon is communication.  The acronym "LEO"
-represents the secondary theme:
-
-	Law Enforcement Officials
-
-The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
-
-	Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
-		-- M. Gallaher
-%
-The problem with most conspiracy theories is that they seem to believe that
-for a group of people to behave in a way detrimental to the common good
-requires intent.
-%
-The problem with this country is that there is no death penalty for
-incompetence.
-%
-The public demands certainties;  it must be told definitely and a bit
-raucously that this is true and that is false.  But there are no certainties.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, "Prejudice"
-%
-The public is an old woman.  Let her maunder and mumble.
-		-- Thomas Carlyle
-%
-The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but
-because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
-		-- Thomas Macaulay, "History of England"
-%
-The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president?  What is it
-about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that
-you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
-		-- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"
-%
-The revolution will not be televised.
-%
-"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
-and to his imagination for his facts."
-		-- Sheridan
-%
-The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-The scum also rises.
-		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations
-of the victors.  History is written by the survivors.
-		-- Max Lerner
-%
-The time for action is past!  Now is the time for senseless bickering.
-%
-The time was the 19th of May, 1780.  The place was Hartford, Connecticut.
-The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of
-Judgement Day.  For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by
-mid-afternoon had blackened over so densely that, in that religious age,
-men fell on their knees and begged a final blessing before the end came.
-The Connecticut House of Representatives was in session.  And, as some of
-the men fell down and others clamored for an immediate adjournment, the
-Speaker of the House, one Col. Davenport, came to his feet.  He silenced
-them and said these words: "The day of judgment is either approaching or
-it is not.  If it is not, there is no cause for adjournment.  If it is, I
-choose to be found doing my duty.  I wish therefore that candles may be
-brought."
-		-- Alistair Cooke
-%
-The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians
-who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool
-all of the people all of the time.
-		-- Franklin Adams
-%
-The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic.  It showed that
-two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated
-by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.
-		-- I.F. Stone
-%
-The universe is ruled by letting things take their course.  It cannot be
-ruled by interfering.
-		-- Chinese proverb
-%
-The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.  Instead of
-altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their
-views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the
-facts that needs altering.
-		-- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
-%
-"The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
-it's just a tired feeling:"
-%
-The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and
-incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
-		-- Emo Philips
-%
-The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great
-scholars great men.
-		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
-%
-The Worst Bank Robbery
-	In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of
-Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors.  They
-had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone,
-sheepishly left the building.
-	A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of
-robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.  When they demanded
-5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it
-was a practical joke.
-	Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor
-clutching his ankle.  The other two tried to make their getaway, but got
-trapped in the revolving doors again.
-%
-The Worst Prison Guards
-	The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a
-maximum security prison is 124.  This record is held by Alcoente Prison,
-near Lisbon in Portugal.
-	During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 the prison
-warders had noticed that attendances had fallen at film shows which
-included "The Great Escape", and also that 220 knives and a huge quantity
-of electric cable had disappeared.  A guard explained, "Yes, we were
-planning to look for them, but never got around to it."  The warders had
-not, however, noticed the gaping holes in the wall because they were
-"covered with posters".  Nor did they detect any of the spades, chisels,
-water hoses and electric drills amassed by the inmates in large quantities.
-The night before the breakout one guard had noticed that of the 36
-prisoners in his block only 13 were present.  He said this was "normal"
-because inmates sometimes missed roll-call or hid, but usually came back
-the next morning.
-	"We only found out about the escape at 6:30 the next morning when
-one of the prisoners told us," a warder said later.  [...]  When they
-eventually checked, the prison guards found that exactly half of the gaol's
-population was missing.  By way of explanation the Justice Minister, Dr.
-Santos Pais, claimed that the escape was "normal" and part of the
-"legitimate desire of the prisoner to regain his liberty."
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-There appears to be irrefutable evidence that the mere fact of overcrowding
-induces violence.
-		-- Harvey Wheeler
-%
-There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.
-		-- The Duke of Wellington
-%
-There are only two things in this world that I am sure of, death and
-taxes, and we just might do something about death one of these days.
-		-- shades
-%
-There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
-And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"
-		-- John Brunner, "The Shockwave Rider"
-%
-There but for the grace of God, goes God.
-		-- Winston Churchill, speaking of Sir Stafford Cripps.
-%
-There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.
-		-- Ralph Nader
-%
-There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.
-		-- Henry Kissinger
-%
-There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
-There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-		-- Arthur C. Clarke
-%
-There is Jackson standing like a stone wall.  Let us determine to die,
-and we will conquer.  Follow me.
-		-- General Barnard E. Bee (CSA)
-%
-There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party
-is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli, "Vivian Grey"
-%
-There is no education that is not political.  An apolitical
-education is also political because it is purposely isolating.
-%
-There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
-		-- General Douglas MacArthur
-%
-There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and
-family.  But he can't make a living for them *and* his government, too,
-the way his government is living.  What the government has got to do is
-live as cheap as the people.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist --
-the taxidermist leaves the hide.
-		-- Mortimer Caplan
-%
-There is only one way to kill capitalism -- by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
-		-- Karl Marx
-%
-There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which
-it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.
-		-- James Boswell
-%
-There never was a good war or a bad peace.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
-There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
-working for you.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead
-armadillos.
-		-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
-%
-They call them "squares" because it's the most complicated shape they can
-deal with.
-%
-"They make a desert and call it peace."
-		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
-%
-They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the
-system from within.  I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them.  First
-we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin.
-
-I'm guided by a signal in the heavens.  I'm guided by this birthmark on
-my skin.  I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons.  First we take Manhattan,
-then we take Berlin.
-
-I'd really like to live beside you, baby.  I love your body and your spirit
-and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving through the station?
-I told you I told you I told you I was one of those.
-	-- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan"
-%
-"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
-safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-		-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
-%
-They use different words for things in America.
-For instance they say elevator and we say lift.
-They say drapes and we say curtains.
-They say president and we say brain damaged git.
-		-- Alexie Sayle
-%
-They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.
-		-- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads.
-%
-They're giving bank robbing a bad name.
-		-- John Dillinger, on Bonnie and Clyde
-%
-Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become
-their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday"
-%
-This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
-regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
-%
-	Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of
-legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does.
-	As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it.  I
-am told that he appears to be strong and rosy, and steadily sane.  But we
-will be doing what he wants us to do, I think, if we consider his exterior
-a sort of Dorian Gray facade.  Inwardly, he is being eaten alive by tinhorn
-politicians.
-	The disease is fatal.  There is no known cure.  The most we can do
-for the poor devil, it seems to me, is to name his disease in his honor.
-From this moment on, let all those who feel that Americans can be as easily
-led to beauty as to ugliness, to truth as to public relations, to joy as to
-bitterness, be said to be suffering from Hunter Thompson's disease.  I don't
-have it this morning.  It comes and goes.  This morning I don't have Hunter
-Thompson's disease.
-		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Excerpt
-		from "A Political Disease", Vonnegut's review of "Fear and
-		Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72"
-%
-"Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics."
-		-- French Proverb
-%
-Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty
-Often have a share in their misfortunes.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht, "The Caucasian Chalk Circle"
-%
-Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the
-world is love.  The poor know that it is money.
-		-- Gerald Brenan
-%
-Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are
-men who want rain without thunder and lightning.  They want the ocean
-without the roar of its many waters.
-		-- Frederick Douglass
-%
-To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North
-Star.  As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
-%
-To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of
-confidence.
-		-- Andrew Young
-%
-To think contrary to one's era is heroism.  But to speak against it is madness.
-		-- Eugene Ionesco
-%
-To use violence is to already be defeated.
-		-- Chinese proverb
-%
-Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
-%
-Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
-briefcases.
-		-- Governor Jerry Brown
-%
-Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
-%
-Treaties are like roses and young girls -- they last while they last.
-		-- Charles DeGaulle
-%
-True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what
-it ought to be.
-		-- Virginia Allan
-%
-Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers
-in heavy weather for several days.  I was serving on the lead battleship and
-was on watch on the bridge as night fell.  The visibility was poor with patchy
-fog, so the Captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.
-	Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported,
-"Light, bearing on the starboard bow."
-	"Is it steady or moving astern?" the Captain called out.
-	Lookout replied, "Steady, Captain," which meant we were on a dangerous
-collision course with that ship.
-	The Captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on
-a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
-	Back came a signal "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
-	In reply, the Captain said, "Send: I'm a Captain, change course 20
-degrees!"
-	"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply, "You had better change
-course 20 degrees."
-	By that time, the Captain was furious. He spit out, "Send: I'm a
-battleship, change course 20 degrees."
-	Back came the flashing light: "I'm a lighthouse!"
-	We changed course.
-		-- The Naval Institute's "Proceedings"
-%
-"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."
-
-(Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
-		-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
-%
-Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
-just man is also a prison.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
-ordinance under which you can be booked.
-		-- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp.
-%
-Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it's just the opposite.
-		-- J.K. Galbraith
-%
-Under every stone lurks a politician.
-		-- Aristophanes
-%
-United Nations, New York, December 25.  The peace and joy of the Christmas
-season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military
-forces of the world.  Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of
-every persuasion.  Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time
-low over the world.
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
-Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime
-between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20.  The flag is described as red, white
-and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.
-		-- Windsor-Heights Herald "Police Blotter", Jan 28, 1987
-%
-Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American now pays out
-twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.
-		-- Mel Brooks, "The Listener"
-%
-Veni, vidi, vici.
-	[I came, I saw, I conquered].
-		-- Gaius Julius Caesar
-%
-Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen
-at all.  The conscientious historian will correct these defects.
-		-- Herodotus
-%
-Victory uber allies!
-%
-"Violence accomplishes nothing."  What a contemptible lie!  Raw, naked
-violence has settled more issues throughout history than any other method
-ever employed.  Perhaps the city fathers of Carthage could debate the
-issue, with Hitler and Alexander as judges?
-%
-Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
-%
-Violence is molding.
-%
-Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
-		-- Salvor Hardin
-%
-Vote anarchist.
-%
-War doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
-%
-War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
-		-- Charles Edward Montague
-%
-War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
-%
-War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
-		-- Desiderius Erasmus
-%
-War is like love, it always finds a way.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht, "Mother Courage"
-%
-War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
-		-- Clemenceau
-%
-War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
-%
-War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
-		-- Anacreon
-%
-[Washington, D.C.] is the home of... taste for the people -- the big,
-the bland and the banal.
-		-- Ada Louise Huxtable
-%
-Washington, D.C: Fifty square miles almost completely surrounded by reality.
-%
-We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean
-the same thing.
-		-- A. Lincoln
-%
-We are all born equal... just some of us are more equal than others.
-%
-We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
-We have not inherited the earth from our parents, we've borrowed it from
-our children.
-%
-... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not
-we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up
-in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of
-the past.
-		-- Joseph Wood Krutch
-%
-We should be glad we're living in the time that we are.  If any of us had been
-born into a more enlightened age, I'm sure we would have immediately been taken
-out and shot.
-		-- Strange de Jim
-%
-We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were
-taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things
-themselves.
-		-- John Locke
-%
-We should have a Vollyballocracy.  We elect a six-pack of presidents.
-Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.
-		-- Dennis Miller
-%
-We the unwilling, led by the ungrateful, are doing the impossible.
-We've done so much, for so long, with so little,
-that we are now qualified to do something with nothing.
-%
-We totally deny the allegations, and we're trying to identify the allegators.
-%
-We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem.
-There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your
-borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.
-		-- Ohio Lt. Governor Paul Leonard
-%
-We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel
-a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Well, don't worry about it...  It's nothing.
-		-- Lieutenant Kermit Tyler (Duty Officer of Shafter Information
-		   Center, Hawaii), upon being informed that Private Joseph
-		   Lockard had picked up a radar signal of what appeared to be
-		   at least 50 planes soaring toward Oahu at almost 180 miles
-		   per hour, December 7, 1941.
-%
-Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government,
-to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.
-		-- Laurie Anderson
-%
-What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.
-		-- WOP, "War Games"
-%
-What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to
-win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent?
-In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded
-that it takes a coincidence of four conditions, or in Neil's view, the
-simultaneous peaking of four of the many cycles of American life.  First, a
-base of technology must exist from which to do the thing to be done.  Second,
-a period of national uneasiness about America's place in the scheme of human
-activities must exist.  Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses
-the national attention upon the direction to proceed.  Finally, an articulate
-and wise leader must sense these first three conditions and put forth with
-words and action the great thing to be accomplished.  The motivation of young
-Americans to do what needs to be done flows from such a coincidence of
-conditions. ...  The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John
-Kennedys appear.  We must begin to create the tools of leadership which they,
-and their young frontiersmen, will require to lead us onward and upward.
-		-- Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt
-%
-"What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so that we
-wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our country. Nice try
-anyway, George."
-		-- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
-%
-What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
-%
-What is status?
-	Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.
-
-Uh, no...
-	Status is when the President calls you in to discuss a
-	problem with him.
-
-Uh, that still ain't right...
-	STATUS is when you're in the Oval Office talking to the President,
-	and the phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a
-	minute, and hands it to you, saying, "It's for you."
-%
-What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
-		-- Bertold Brecht
-%
-What is the sound of one hand clapping?
-%
-What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
-%
-What we need is either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
-%
-What's a cult?  It just means not enough people to make a minority.
-		-- Robert Altman
-%
-When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public
-property.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not
-far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space travel
-is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
-		-- R.A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
-%
-When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see
-the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
-relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
-%
-When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
-the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
-		-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
-%
-When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced
-to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
-		-- Brendan Behan
-%
-When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity
-for him.  All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report"
-%
-When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.  Now
-I'm beginning to believe it.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
-%
-When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men
-live content.
-		-- Niccolo Machiavelli
-%
-When smashing monuments, save the pedstals -- they always come in handy.
-		-- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
-%
-When some people decide it's time for everyone to make big changes,
-it means that they want you to change first.
-%
-When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
-%
-When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify
-the problem, not the remedy.
-%
-When the revolution comes, count your change.
-%
-When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
-not hereditary.
-		-- Thomas Paine
-%
-When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find
-anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains,
-two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge.  Never in the
-history of war have so few been led by so many.
-		-- General James Gavin
-%
-When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve
-people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
-		-- Norm Crosby
-%
-When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
-		-- Harry Truman
-%
-When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
-		-- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war
-%
-When you live in a sick society, just about everything you do is wrong.
-%
-When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that
-you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
-		-- Otto Von Bismarck
-%
-When you're in command, command.
-		-- Admiral Nimitz
-%
-Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
-see it tried on him personally.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
-%
-Where you stand depends on where you sit.
-		-- Rufus Miles, HEW
-%
-Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
-%
-Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
-%
-Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic condition?
-We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun, whether
-we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it, howling like a
-pet coon.  This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to
-pay the fiddler.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-	Will Rogers, having paid too much income tax one year, tried in
-vain to claim a rebate.  His numerous letters and queries remained
-unanswered.  Eventually the form for the next year's return arrived.  In
-the section marked "DEDUCTIONS," Rogers listed: "Bad debt, US Government
--- $40,000."
-%
-	... with liberty and justice for all ... who can afford it.
-%
-With reasonable men I will reason;
-with humane men I will plead;
-but to tyrants I will give no quarter.
-		-- William Lloyd Garrison
-%
-Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
-%
-World tensions have, if anything, increased in the quarter century since
-H.G. Wells uttered his glum warning: "There is no more evil thing on
-earth than race prejudice, none at all.  I write deliberately -- it is
-the worst single thing in life now.  It justifies and holds together more
-baseness, cruelty and abomination than any other sort of error in the world."
-		-- Sydney Harris
-%
-World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
-%
-	"Wrong," said Renner.
-	"The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
-the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
-%
-You can have peace.  Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having
-both at once.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The
-short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which
-means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation
-expert to distinguish between their first and last names.  Here's the
-complete text:
-
-"(1) How much did you make?  (AMOUNT)
-(2) How much did we here at the government take out?  (AMOUNT)
-(3) Hey!  Sounds like we took too much!  So we're going to
-     send an official government check for (ONE-FIFTEENTH OF
-     THE AMOUNT WE TOOK) directly to the (YOUR LAST NAME)
-     household at (YOUR ADDRESS), for you to spend in any way
-     you please! Which just goes to show you, (YOUR FIRST
-     NAME), that it pays to file the short form!"
-
-The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your
-money.  So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
-%
-You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice,
-bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
-		-- Aristophanes
-%
-You must include all income you receive in the form of money, property
-and services if it is not specifically exempt.  Report property (goods)
-and services at their fair market values.  Examples include income from
-bartering or swapping transactions, side commissions, kickbacks, rent
-paid in services, illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.),
-cash skimming by proprietors and tradesmen, "moonlighting" services,
-gambling, prizes and awards.  Not reporting such income can lead to
-prosecution for perjury and fraud.
-		-- Excerpt from Taxachussetts income tax forms
-%
-You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
-		-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
-%
-You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
-freedom and liberty.
-		-- Henrik Ibsen
-%