fortune-teller 0.1.2 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/love

@@ -1,576 +0,0 @@
-A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.
-%
-A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual
-stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.
-%
-A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers.  It was clearly platoonic.
-%
-Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones,
-as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld
-%
-Absence in love is like water upon fire; a little quickens, but much
-extinguishes it.
-		-- Hannah More
-%
-Absence is to love what wind is to fire.  It extinguishes the small,
-it enkindles the great.
-%
-All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
-ridiculous ones.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld
-%
-Always there remain portions of our heart into which no one is able to enter,
-invite them as we may.
-%
-Bondage maybe, discipline never!
-		-- T.K.
-%
-Distrust all those who love you extremely upon a very slight acquaintance
-and without any visible reason.
-		-- Lord Chesterfield
-%
-Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
-%
-Falling in Love
-	When two people have been on enough dates, they generally fall in
-love.  You can tell you're in love by the way you feel: your head becomes
-light, your heart leaps within you, you feel like you're walking on air,
-and the whole world seems like a wonderful and happy place.  Unfortunately,
-these are also the four warning signs of colon disease, so it's always a
-good idea to check with your doctor.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-Falling in love is a lot like dying.  You never get to do it enough to
-become good at it.
-%
-Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less:
-
-	"Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ..."
-
-Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to:
-
-	P.O. Box 35
-	Baffled Greek, Michigan
-%
-Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
-		-- St. Augustine
-%
-God is love, but get it in writing.
-		-- Gypsy Rose Lee
-%
-"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
-effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable perversion."
-		-- Mick Farren, "When Gravity Fails"
-%
-He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage -- he won't
-encounter many rivals.
-		-- Georg Lichtenberg, "Aphorisms"
-%
-Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
-		-- The Wizard of Oz
-%
-HEY KIDS!  ANN LANDERS SAYS:
-	Be sure it's true, when you say "I love you".  It's a sin to
-	tell a lie.  Millions of hearts have been broken, just because
-	these words were spoken.
-%
-His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
-%
-How much does she love you?  Less than you'll ever know.
-%
-I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.
-		-- John Donne
-%
-I can mend the break of day, heal a broken heart, and provide temporary
-relief to nymphomaniacs.
-		-- Larry Lee
-%
-I don't want people to love me.  It makes for obligations.
-		-- Jean Anouilh
-%
-I love you more than anything in this world.  I don't expect that will last.
-		-- Elvis Costello
-%
-I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
-		-- Roy Croft
-%
-I loved her with a love thirsty and desperate. I felt that we two might commit
-some act so atrocious that the world, seeing us, would find it irresistible.
-		-- Gene Wolfe, "The Shadow of the Torturer"
-%
-I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
-		-- Mae West
-%
-I think a relationship is like a shark.  It has to constantly move forward
-or it dies.  Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-		-- Mae West
-%
-I used to think romantic love was a neurosis shared by two, a supreme
-foolishness.  I no longer thought that.  There's nothing foolish in
-loving anyone.  Thinking you'll be loved in return is what's foolish.
-		-- Rita Mae Brown
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
-to undo it."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'"
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
-Julian to Gregorian."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static
-cling."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
-cottage cheese sculpture."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to say tuned."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
-need worrying about."
-%
-I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
-		-- Bette Davis, "Cabin in the Cotton"
-%
-	"I'll tell you what I know, then," he decided.  "The pin I'm wearing
-means I'm a member of the IA.  That's Inamorati Anonymous.  An inamorato is
-somebody in love.  That's the worst addiction of all."
-	"Somebody is about to fall in love," Oedipa said, "you go sit with
-them, or something?"
-	"Right.  The whole idea is to get where you don't need it.  I was
-lucky.  I kicked it young.  But there are sixty-year-old men, believe it or
-not, and women even older, who might wake up in the night screaming."
-	"You hold meetings, then, like the AA?"
-	"No, of course not.  You get a phone number, an answering service
-you can call.  Nobody knows anybody else's name; just the number in case
-it gets so bad you can't handle it alone.  We're isolates, Arnold.  Meetings
-would destroy the whole point of it."
-		-- Thomas Pynchon, "The Crying of Lot 49"
-%
-If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-If Love Were Oil, I'd Be About A Quart Low
-		-- Book title by Lewis Grizzard
-%
-If only you knew she loved you, you could face the uncertainty of
-whether you love her.
-%
-If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a call.
-%
-If you love someone, set them free.
-If they don't come back, then call them up when you're drunk.
-%
-In a great romance, each person basically plays a part that the
-other really likes.
-		-- Elizabeth Ashley
-%
-In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to
-be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's
-beloved.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
-In love, she who gives her portrait promises the original.
-		-- Bruton
-%
-In real love you want the other person's good.  In romantic love you
-want the other person.
-		-- Margaret Anderson
-%
-It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
-%
-Just how difficult it is to write biography can be reckoned by anybody
-who sits down and considers just how many people know the real truth
-about his or her love affairs.
-		-- Rebecca West
-%
-Let us live!!!
-Let us love!!!
-Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
-
-You first.
-%
-Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
-%
-Let's not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
-%
-Lonely is a man without love.
-		-- Englebert Humperdinck
-%
-Love -- the last of the serious diseases of childhood.
-%
-Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-%
-Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
-world has ever seen.
-%
-Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
-		-- Sigmund Freud
-%
-Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
-		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
-%
-Love is a grave mental disease.
-		-- Plato
-%
-Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra, which suddenly flips
-over, pinning you underneath.  At night the ice weasels come.
-		-- Matt Groening, "Love is Hell"
-%
-Love is always open arms.  With arms open you allow love to come and
-go as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway.  If you close your
-arms about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
-%
-Love is being stupid together.
-		-- Paul Valery
-%
-Love is dope, not chicken soup.  I mean, love is something to be passed
-around freely, not spooned down someone's throat for their own good by a
-Jewish mother who cooked it all by herself.
-%
-Love is in the offing.
-		-- The Homicidal Maniac
-%
-Love is like a friendship caught on fire.  In the beginning a flame, very
-pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering.  As love
-grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning
-and unquenchable.
-		-- Bruce Lee
-%
-Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
-		-- Jerome K. Jerome
-%
-Love is never asking why?
-%
-Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
-%
-Love is sentimental measles.
-%
-Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
-%
-Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
-		-- M. Hirschfield
-%
-Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
-		-- Saint Exupery
-%
-Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-Love IS what it's cracked up to be.
-%
-Love is what you've been through with somebody.
-		-- James Thurber
-%
-Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
-%
-Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
-%
-Love means never having to say you're sorry.
-		-- Eric Segal, "Love Story"
-
-That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
-		-- Ryan O'Neill, "What's Up Doc?"
-%
-Love tells us many things that are not so.
-		-- Krainian Proverb
-%
-May your SO always know when you need a hug.
-%
-"Maybe we should think of this as one perfect week... where we found each
-other, and loved each other... and then let each other go before anyone
-had to seek professional help."
-%
-Most people don't need a great deal of love nearly so much as they need
-a steady supply.
-%
-My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
-%
-Nature abhors a virgin -- a frozen asset.
-		-- Clare Booth Luce
-%
-	"No, I understand now," Auberon said, calm in the woods -- it was so
-simple, really.  "I didn't, for a long time, but I do now.  You just can't
-hold people, you can't own them.  I mean it's only natural, a natural process
-really.  Meet.  Love.  Part.  Life goes on.  There was never any reason to
-expect her to stay always the same -- I mean `in love,' you know."  There were
-those doubt-quotes of Smoky's, heavily indicated.  "I don't hold a grudge.  I
-can't."
-	"You do," Grandfather Trout said.  "And you don't understand."
-		-- Little, Big, "John Crowley"
-%
-Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
-%
-Of course it's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
-		-- Charles Bukowski
-%
-Oh, love is real enough, you will find it some day, but it has one
-arch-enemy -- and that is life.
-		-- Jean Anouilh, "Ardele"
-%
-On a tous un peu peur de l'amour, mais on a surtout peur de souffrir
-ou de faire souffrir.
-	[One is always a little afraid of love, but above all, one is
-	 afraid of pain or causing pain.]
-%
-Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings
-infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can
-grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it
-possible for each to see each other whole against the sky.
-		-- Rainer Rilke
-%
-One expresses well the love he does not feel.
-		-- J.A. Karr
-%
-People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.
-		-- Ken Kesey
-%
-Really??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
-%
-Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder...
-and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn.
-		-- N.V. Plyter
-%
-Sometimes love ain't nothing but a misunderstanding between two fools.
-%
-Sorry never means having your say to love.
-%
-Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these
-days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate
-with the people they love; Husbands and wives who can't communicate, children
-who can't communicate with their parents, and so on.  And the characters in
-these books and plays and so on (and in real life, I might add) spend hours
-bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate.  I feel that if a person can't
-communicate, the very _____least he can do is to shut up!
-		-- Tom Lehrer, "That Was the Year that Was"
-%
-Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
-%
-That is the true season of love, when we believe that we alone can love,
-that no one could have loved so before us, and that no one will love
-in the same way as us.
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
-That's life for you, said McDunn.  Someone always waiting for someone who
-never comes home.  Always someone loving something more than that thing loves
-them.  And after awhile you want to destroy whatever that thing is, so it
-can't hurt you no more.
-		-- R. Bradbury, "The Fog Horn"
-%
-	The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time
-for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
-	It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners
-has been known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a
-curb, and, in her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a
-foot or two under the dinner table.  Miss Manners also believes that the
-sight of people strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand
-dresses up a city considerably more than the more familiar sight of
-people shaking umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to
-is the kind of activity that frightens the horses on the street...
-%
-The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
-%
-The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
-		-- Blaise Pascal
-%
-The heart is wiser than the intellect.
-%
-The little pieces of my life I give to you, with love, to make a quilt
-to keep away the cold.
-%
-The magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-The myth of romantic love holds that once you've fallen in love with the
-perfect partner, you're home free.  Unfortunately, falling out of love
-seems to be just as involuntary as falling into it.
-%
-The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years
-is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.
-		-- The Indianapolis Star
-%
-The onset and the waning of love make themselves felt in the uneasiness
-experienced at being alone together.
-		-- Jean de la Bruyere
-%
-The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
-		-- Charles Pierce
-%
-The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
-%
-The seven year itch comes from fooling around during the fourth, fifth,
-and sixth years.
-%
-The story of the butterfly:
-	"I was in Bogota and waiting for a lady friend.  I was in love,
-a long time ago.  I waited three days.  I was hungry but could not go
-out for food, lest she come and I not be there to greet her.  Then, on
-the third day, I heard a knock."
-	"I hurried along the old passage and there, in the sunlight,
-there was nothing."
-	"Just," Vance Joy said, "a butterfly, flying away."
-		-- Peter Carey, BLISS
-%
-The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core --
-Scratch a lover and find a foe!
-		-- Dorothy Parker, "Ballad of a Great Weariness"
-%
-The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
-%
-There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants
-and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when
-the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again, don't we all?
-%
-There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
-%
-There is only one way to be happy by means of the heart -- to have none.
-		-- Paul Bourget
-%
-There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
-%
-Timing must be perfect now.  Two-timing must be better than perfect.
-%
-To be loved is very demoralizing.
-		-- Katharine Hepburn
-%
-To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three
-parts dead.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
-Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
-%
-True happiness will be found only in true love.
-%
-Under deadline pressure for the next week.  If you want something, it can wait.
-Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
-%
-We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
-		-- Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
-%
-What is irritating about love is that it is a crime that requires an accomplice.
-		-- Charles Baudelaire
-%
-When your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
-They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.
-		-- Leonard Cohen, "Sisters of Mercy"
-%
-Why I Can't Go Out With You:
-
-I'd LOVE to, but ...
-	-- I have to floss my cat.
-	-- I've dedicated my life to linguini.
-	-- I need to spend more time with my blender.
-	-- it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
-	-- it's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish.
-	-- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves.
-	-- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
-	-- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
-	-- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
-	-- I have some really hard words to look up.
-	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
-	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
-%
-Why I Can't Go Out With You:
-
-I'd LOVE to, but...
-	-- I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
-	-- None of my socks match.
-	-- I'm having all my plants neutered.
-	-- I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
-	-- My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
-	-- I'm touring China with a wok band.
-	-- My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
-	-- I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student
-		named Basil Metabolism.
-	-- There are important world issues that need worrying about.
-	-- I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
-	-- I prefer to remain an enigma.
-	-- I think you want the OTHER Peggy/Cathy/Mike/whomever.
-	-- I feel a song coming on.
-%
-Why I Can't Go Out With You:
-
-I'd LOVE to, but...
-	-- I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
-	-- I have to sit up with a sick ant.
-	-- I'm trying to be less popular.
-	-- My bathroom tiles need grouting.
-	-- I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
-	-- My subconscious says no.
-	-- I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I
-		can't seem to put it down.
-	-- My favorite commercial is on TV.
-	-- I have to study for my blood test.
-	-- I've been traded to Cincinnati.
-	-- I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
-	-- I have to go to court for kitty littering.
-%
-Why I Can't Go Out With You:
-
-I'd LOVE to, but...
-	-- I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
-	-- I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
-	-- The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
-	-- I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
-	-- I have to fulfill my potential.
-	-- I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
-	-- It's too close to the turn of the century.
-	-- I have to bleach my hare.
-	-- I'm worried about my vertical hold knob.
-	-- I left my body in my other clothes.
-%
-Why I Can't Go Out With You:
-
-I'd LOVE to, but...
-	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
-	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
-	-- I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
-	-- I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
-	-- It's my parakeet's bowling night.
-	-- I'm building a plant from a kit.
-	-- There's a disturbance in the Force.
-	-- I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
-	-- I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
-	-- My crayons all melted together.
-%
-"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
-you knowing nothing?"
-		-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
-%
-Without love intelligence is dangerous;
-without intelligence love is not enough.
-		-- Ashley Montagu
-%
-Wouldn't this be a great world if being insecure and desperate were a turn-on?
-		-- "Broadcast News"
-%
-Yeah, there are more important things in life than money, but they won't go
-out with you if you don't have any.
-%
-You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
-		-- Pat Benatar, "Hell is for Children"
-%