fortune-teller 0.1.0 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/people

@@ -1,4265 +0,0 @@
-A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality.
-Bastinado is about right.  For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling.
-But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-A 'full' life in my experience is usually full only of other people's demands.
-%
-A bore is a man who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about
-yourself.
-%
-A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
-enlightened him with ours.
-%
-A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
-		-- Herbert Prochnow
-%
-A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
-A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
-		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
-%
-A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
-A friend is a present you give yourself.
-		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
-%
-A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to
-you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to
-you about yourself.
-		-- Lisa Kirk
-%
-A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head.  The
-green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that
-grew in the ears themselvse, stuck out on either side like turn signals
-indicating two directions at once.  Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the
-bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled
-with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.  In the shadow under the green visor
-of the cap Ignatius J. Reilly's supercilious blue and yellow eyes looked down
-upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D.H. Holmes department
-store, studying the crowd of people for signs of bad taste in dress.  Several
-of the outfits, Ignatius noticed, were new enough and expensive enough to be
-properly considered offenses against taste and decency.  Possession of
-anything new or expensive only reflected a person's lack of theology and
-geometry; it could even cast doubts upon one's soul.
-		-- John Kennedy Toole, "Confederacy of Dunces"
-%
-A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own
-weight in other people's patience.
-		-- John Updike
-%
-A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another
-man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
-whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
-water..."
-	"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water
-with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
-	"Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."
-	"They're only four dollars apiece."
-	"I need *water*."
-	"Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
-	"Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.
-	"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,
-and he heads off into the distance.
-	The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
-Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he
-sees a restaurant in the distance.  Summoning the last of his strength he
-staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
-	"Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
-	"I'm sorry, sir, ties required."
-%
-A man of genius makes no mistakes.
-His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
-		-- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
-%
-	A man pleaded innocent of any wrong doing when caught by the police
-during a raid at the home of a mobster, excusing himself by claiming that he
-was making a bolt for the door.
-%
-A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
-%
-A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
-%
-A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
-%
-A man would still do something out of sheer perversity - he would create
-destruction and chaos - just to gain his point... and if all this could in
-turn be analyzed and prevented by predicting that it would occur, then man
-would deliberately go mad to prove his point.
-		-- Feodor Dostoevsky, "Notes From the Underground"
-%
-A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
-A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.
-		-- William S. Burroughs
-%
-A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
-%
-	"A penny for your thoughts?"
-	"A dollar for your death."
-		-- The Odd Couple
-%
-A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
-%
-A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
-%
-A person who has nothing looks at all there is and wants something.
-A person who has something looks at all there is and wants all the rest.
-%
-A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
-		-- Elbert Hubbard
-%
-A pretty foot is one of the greatest gifts of nature... please send me your
-last pair of shoes, already worn out in dancing... so I can have something
-of yours to press against my heart.
-		-- Goethe
-%
-A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
-		-- George Eliot
-%
-A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
-A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away.
-A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
-%
-A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
-the real reason.
-%
-A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single 
-man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-		-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-%
-A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
-%
-A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep
-him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are
-worth committing.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-	"...A strange enigma is man!"
-	"Someone calls him a soul concealed in an animal," I suggested.
-	"Winwood Reade is good upon the subject," said Holmes.  "He remarked
-that, while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he
-becomes a mathematical certainty.  You can, for example, never foretell what
-any one man will do, but you can say with precision what an average number
-will be up to.  Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant.  So says
-the statistician."
-		-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Sign of Four"
-%
-A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention,
-and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-A truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
-A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
-getting nervous.
-%
-A well-known friend is a treasure.
-%
-	A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened 
-to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.  After seeing the 
-sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
-"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride.  "You certainly have a dangerous job.
-Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"
-	"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.
-	"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by
-a snake?"
-	"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I
-am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then
-suck the poison from the wound."
-	"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally *sit* on
-a rattler?" persisted the woman.
-	"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn
-who my real friends are."
-%
-Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
-%
-According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.
-%
-Adam was but human--this explains it all.  He did not want the apple for the
-apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.  The mistake was in
-not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
-		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
-%
-Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
-%
-Advice to young men: Be ascetic, and if you can't be ascetic,
-then at least be aseptic.
-%
-After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.
-		-- Jean Giraudoux
-%
-After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not for
-you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply
-sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
-		-- P.J. O'Rourke
-%
-After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything.
-Just in case.
-%
-	After Snow White used a couple rolls of film taking pictures of the
-seven dwarfs, she mailed the roll to be developed.  Later she was heard to
-sing, "Some day my prints will come."
-%
-Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain.
-		-- Friedrich von Schiller, "The Maid of Orleans", III, 6
-%
-Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
-%
-Ah, sweet Springtime, when a young man lightly turns his fancy over!
-%
-Al didn't smile for forty years.  You've got to admire a man like that.
-		-- from "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman"
-%
-Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself
-or not.  Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has
-a beginning and an end.  Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and
-Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
-		-- Tom Robbins
-%
-All God's children are not beautiful.  Most of God's children are, in fact,
-barely presentable.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
-%
-All his life he has looked away... to the horizon, to the sky,
-to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.
-		-- Yoda
-%
-All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
-%
-All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-All I've got left on the list of desirable vocations is heiress to the
-throne of any country in Western Europe and Laurie Anderson.  "Be
-practical", was the choral reply from the dinner table.  Well, Laurie
-Anderson is already Laurie Anderson, but I read an article in Harpers
-that said there were eleven countries, in the world this is I think,
-that have queens as sovereign rulers.  That's probably my best shot.
-%
-All men have the right to wait in line.
-%
-All men profess honesty as long as they can.  To believe all men honest
-would be folly.  To believe none so is something worse.
-		-- John Quincy Adams
-%
-All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
-%
-All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
-%
-"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific."
-		-- Jane Wagner
-%
-All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is
-to enjoy it.
-%
-All possibility of understanding is rooted in the ability to say no.
-		-- Susan Sontag
-%
-All progress is based upon a universal innate desire of every organism
-to live beyond its income.
-		-- Samuel Butler, "Notebooks"
-%
-All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-		-- Sean O'Casey
-%
-All we know is the phenomenon: we spend our time sending messages to each
-other, talking and trying to listen at the same time, exchanging information.
-This seems to be our most urgent biological function; it is what we do with
-our lives."
-		-- Lewis Thomas, "The Lives of a Cell"
-%
-Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
-%
-Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
-%
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-		-- Charlie McCarthy
-%
-America's best buy for a quarter is a telephone call to the right person.
-%
-An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
-%
-An elderly couple were flying to their Caribbean hideaway on a chartered plane
-when a terrible storm forced them to land on an uninhabited island.  When
-several days passed without rescue, the couple and their pilot sank into a
-despondent silence. Finally, the woman asked her husband if he had made his
-usual pledge to the United Way Campaign.
-	"We're running out of food and water and you ask *that*?" her husband
-barked.  "If you really need to know, I not only pledged a half million but
-I've already paid them half of it."
-	"You owe the U.W.C. a *quarter million*?" the woman exclaimed
-euphorically.  "Don't worry, Harry, they'll find us!  They'll find us!"
-%
-An evil mind is a great comfort.
-%
-An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He wears
-a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised
-only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich
-Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
-incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote excellence:
-
-"The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
-discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
-to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting
-things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch parts
-or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a timeless
-statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who doesn't need to
-be reminded all the time that he is very successful. Much more successful
-than the people who laughed at him in high school.  Because of his acne.
-People who are probably nowhere near as successful as he is now.  Maybe
-he'll go to his 20th reunion, and they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.
-Hahahahahahahahaha."
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-An expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the
-grand fallacy.
-		-- Benjamin Stolberg
-%
-An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows
-absolutely everything about nothing.
-%
-An idealist is one who helps the other fellow to make a profit.
-		-- Henry Ford
-%
-An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be
-devoured.
-		-- Konrad Adenauer
-%
-An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
-		-- Albert Camus
-%
-An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
-		-- Don Marquis
-%
-And I suppose the little things are harder to get used to than the big
-ones.  The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them.  The
-little things come along unexpectedly, when you aren't thinking about
-them, aren't braced against them.
-		-- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "The Forbidden Tower"
-%
-And I will do all these good works, and I will do them for free!
-My only reward will be a tombstone that says "Here lies Gomez Addams --
-he was good for nothing."
-		-- Jack Sharkey, The Addams Family
-%
-And on the eighth day, we bulldozed it.
-%
-And the crowd was stilled.  One elderly man, wondering at the sudden silence,
-turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said.  Wide-eyed,
-the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the Emperor has no
-clothes!  He is naked!"
-		-- "The Emperor's New Clothes"
-%
-"And, you know, I mustn't preach to you, but surely it wouldn't be right for
-you to take away people's pleasure of studying your attire, by just going
-and making yourself like everybody else.  You feel that, don't you?"  said
-he, earnestly.
-		-- William Morris, "Notes from Nowhere"
-%
-Anger is momentary madness.
-		-- Horace
-%
-Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
-%
-Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
-Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-		-- Charles McCabe
-%
-Any coward can sit in his home and criticize a pilot for flying into a
-mountain in a fog.  But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside
-than in bed.  What kind of man would live where there is no daring?
-And is life so dear that we should blame men for dying in adventure?
-Is there a better way to die?
-		-- Charles Lindbergh
-%
-Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of sense to know
-how to lie well.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-Any man can work when every stroke of his hand brings down the fruit
-rattling from the tree to the ground; but to labor in season and out of
-season, under every discouragement, by the power of truth -- that
-requires a heroism which is transcendent.
-		-- Henry Ward Beecher
-%
-Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
-		-- Leo Rosten, on W.C. Fields
-%
-Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
-%
-Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is
-probably parked.
-%
-Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
-%
-Anyone can become angry -- that is easy; but to be angry with the right
-person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose
-and in the right way -- that is not easy.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
-"Anyone can say 'no'. It is the first word a child learns and often the
-first word he speaks. It is a cheap word because it requires no
-explanation, and many men and women have acquired a reputation for
-intelligence who know only this word and have used it in place of
-thought on every occasion."
-                -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.)
-%
-Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty.
-%
-Apathy Club meeting this Friday.  If you want to come, you're not invited.
-%
-"Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
-%
-Appearances often are deceiving.
-		-- Aesop
-%
-Are your glasses mended with a strip of masking tape right over your nose?
-Do you put pennies in the slots in your penny loafers?
-Does your bow-tie flash "hey you kid" in red neon at parties?
-Do you think pizza before noon is unhealthy?
-Do you use the "greasy kid's stuff" to stick down your cowlick?
-Do you wear a "nerd-pack" in your shirt pocket to keep the dozen
-	or so pencils from marking the cloth?
-Do you think Mary Jane is somebody's name?
-Is illegal fishing is something only a daring criminal would do?
-Is Batman your hero?  Superman?  Green Lantern?  The Shadow?
-Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose?
-
-	Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
-0-2  -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood.
-3-5  -- There is hope for you yet.
-6-7  -- Uh-oh, trouble in River City.
-8-10 -- Your immortal soul is in peril.
-11+  -- Does suicide seem attractive?
-%
-Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
-%
-Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly
-the same opinion.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
-		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
-%
-As crazy as hauling timber into the woods.
-		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
-%
-As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
-One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
-useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
-
-Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
-
- 1. I salivate at the sight of mittens.
- 2. If I go into the street, I'm apt to be bitten by a horse.
- 3. Some people never look at me.
- 4. Spinach makes me feel alone.
- 5. My sex life is A-okay.
- 6. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
- 7. I like to kill mosquitoes.
- 8. Cousins are not to be trusted.
- 9. It makes me embarrassed to fall down.
-10. I get nauseous from too much roller skating.
-11. I think most people would cry to gain a point.
-12. I cannot read or write.
-13. I am bored by thoughts of death.
-14. I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.
-15. I would enjoy the work of a chicken flicker.
-16. I am never startled by a fish.
-17. My mother's uncle was a good man.
-18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten.
-19. People who break the law are wise guys.
-20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
-%
-As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
-One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
-useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
-
-Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
-
- 1. I think beavers work too hard.
- 2. I use shoe polish to excess.
- 3. God is love.
- 4. I like mannish children.
- 5. I have always been diturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
- 6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
- 7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
- 8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
- 9. I believe I smell as good as most people.
-10. Frantic screams make me nervous.
-11. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room
-    full of mice.
-12. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
-13. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
-14. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
-15. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
-16. My eyes are always cold.
-17. Cousins are not to be trusted.
-18. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
-19. I am never startled by a fish.
-20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
-%
-As you grow older, you will still do foolish things, but you will do them
-with much more enthusiasm.
-		-- The Cowboy
-%
-Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
-		-- J.J. Gibson
-%
-Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
-		-- John Stuart Mill
-%
-Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.  Run
-with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.  Keep
-the company of bums and you will become a bum.  Hang around with rich people
-and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.
-		-- Stanley Walker
-%
-At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
-thumb with a hammer.
-		-- Marshall Lumsden
-%
-Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
-and it was always snowing.
-%
-Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
-%
-Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink
-that they may live.
-		-- Socrates
-%
-Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
-%
-Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or situations that
-can't bear inspection.
-%
-Be careful what you set your heart on -- for it will surely be yours.
-		-- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name"
-%
-Be incomprehensible.  If they can't understand, they can't disagree.
-%
-Be independent.  Insult a rich relative today.
-%
-Be nice to people on the way up, because you'll meet them on your way down.
-		-- Wilson Mizner
-%
-Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
-		-- Pope St. Gregory I
-%
-Be open to other people -- they may enrich your dream.
-%
-Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
-%
-Be valiant, but not too venturous.
-Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
-		-- John Lyly
-%
-Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
-		-- Redd Foxx
-%
-Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
-		-- Addison H. Hallock
-%
-Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honour.
-		-- Psalms 18:12
-%
-Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
-%
-Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
-%
-Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember
-and be sad.
-		-- Christina Rossetti
-%
-Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a
-drip under pressure.
-%
-Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
-%
-"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
-finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of
-murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
-their ignorance the hard way."
-		-- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
-%
-BEWARE!  People acting under the influence of human nature.
-%
-Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
-%
-Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
-%
-Blessed are the forgetful:  for they get the better even of their blunders.
-		-- Nietzsche
-%
-Blessed are they that have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded
-to say it.
-		-- James Russell Lowell
-%
-Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
-		-- W.C. Bennett
-%
-Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
-		-- Alexander Pope
-%
-Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it,
-for he shall enjoy living.
-		-- W.C. Bennett
-%
-Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving
-wordy evidence of the fact.
-		-- George Eliot
-%
-Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
-		-- Ralph Lewin
-%
-Brisk talkers are usually slow thinkers.  There is, indeed, no wild beast
-more to be dreaded than a communicative man having nothing to communicate.
-If you are civil to the voluble, they will abuse your patience; if
-brusque, your character.
-		-- Jonathan Swift
-%
-Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang.
-%
-But I find the old notions somehow appealing.  Not that I want to go back
-to them -- it is outrageous to have some outer authority tell you what is
-proper use and abuse of your own faculties, and it is ludicrous to hold
-reason higher than body or feeling.  Still there is something true and
-profoundly sane about the belief that acts like murder or theft or
-assault violate the doer as well as the done to.  We might even, if we
-thought this way, have less crime.  The popular view of crime, as far as
-I can deduce it from the movies and television, is that it is a breaking
-of a rule by someone who thinks they can get away with that; implicitly,
-everyone would like to break the rule, but not everyone is arrogant
-enough to imagine they can get away with it.  It therefore becomes very
-important for the rule upholders to bring such arrogance down.
-		-- Marilyn French, "The Woman's Room"
-%
-But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
-%
-"But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
-to the nearest gas station."
-%
-But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than 
-frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?  
-		-- M. Proust
-%
-By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
-completely overwhelm you.
-%
-By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
-%
-By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
-		-- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"
-%
-Can you buy friendship?  You not only can, you must.  It's the
-only way to obtain friends.  Everything worthwhile has a price.
-		-- Robert J. Ringer
-%
-Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
-But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money?
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Character is what you are in the dark!
-		-- Lord John Whorfin
-%
-Charlie Brown:	Why was I put on this earth?
-Linus:		To make others happy.
-Charlie Brown:	Why were others put on this earth?
-%
-Charm is a way of getting the answer "Yes" -- without having asked any
-clear question.
-%
-Class, that's the only thing that counts in life.  Class.
-Without class and style, a man's a bum; he might as well be dead.
-		-- "Bugsy" Siegel
-%
-Class: when they're running you out of town, to look like you're
-leading the parade.
-		-- Bill Battie
-%
-Clones are people two.
-%
-Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
-%
-Coming together is a beginning;
-	keeping together is progress;
-		working together is success.
-%
-Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
-different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
-		-- Clive James
-%
-Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world.
-Everyone thinks he has enough.
-	-- Descartes, 1637
-%
-Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-		-- LaRouchefoucauld
-%
-Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven;
-confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
-good for dandruff.
-		-- Peter de Vries
-%
-Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
-%
-Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.
-		-- Lord Thomas Dewar
-%
-Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you
-fall flat on your face.
-		-- Dr. L. Binder
-%
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
-%
-Conformity is the refuge of the unimaginative.
-%
-Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
-		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
-%
-Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
-%
-Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
-wish you weren't.
-%
-Convention is the ruler of all.
-		-- Pindar
-%
-Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
-%
-Cops never say good-bye. They're always hoping to see you again in the line-up.
-		-- Raymond Chandler
-%
-Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
-		-- Goethe
-%
-Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
-%
-Courage is grace under pressure.
-%
-Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties, for
-peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being
-ahead of your time when people finally realize you were right, they'll
-say it was obvious all along.
-		-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
-%
-Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
-%
-Creativity is not always bred in an environment of tranquility;
-sometimes you have to squeeze a little to get the paste out of the tube.
-%
-Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
-		-- Zeuxis
-%
-Dare to be naive.
-		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
-%
-Dave Mack:	"Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
-Allen Gwinn:	"Yours is."
-%
-Dear Lord: Please make my words sweet and tender, for tomorrow I may
-have to eat them.
-%
-Death rays don't kill people, people kill people!!
-%
-Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
-		-- Bill Musselman
-%
-Delay is preferable to error.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
-		-- Euripides
-%
-Distance doesn't make you any smaller, but it does make you part of a
-larger picture.
-%
-Do clones have navels?
-%
-Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
-%
-Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you.  Their tastes
-may not be the same.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
-%
-Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
-day as it comes.
-		-- Donald Kaul
-%
-Do you know, I think that Dr. Swift was silly to laugh about Laputa.  I
-believe it is a mistake to make a mock of people, just because they think.
-There are ninety thousand people in this world who do not think, for every
-one who does, and these people hate the thinkers like poison.  Even if some
-thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make fun of them for it.  Better to
-think about cucumbers even, than not to think at all.
-		-- T.H. White
-%
-Do you mean that you not only want a wrong answer, but a certain wrong answer?
-		-- Tobaben
-%
-Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
-the time to take the dirt out of them?
-%
-Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
-%
-Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
-%
-Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
-		-- Joe Cointment
-%
-Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
-%
-Don't despise your poor relations, they may become suddenly rich one day.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
-%
-Don't expect people to keep in step--it's hard enough just staying in line.
-%
-Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
-%
-Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
-%
-Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
-Don't remember what you can infer.
-		-- Harry Tennant
-%
-Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.
-		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
-%
-Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
-%
-Don't shout for help at night.  You might wake your neighbors.
-		-- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
-%
-Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good.  I know better.  The things
-I worry about don't happen.
-		-- Watchman Examiner
-%
-Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.
-%
-Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes.  I get stranger things than you free
-with my breakfast cereal.
-		-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
-%
-Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
-avoiding you.
-		-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
-%
-Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any good,
-you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
-		-- Howard Aiken
-%
-Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.  They're too
-busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
-%
-Don't you wish that all the people who sincerely want to help you
-could agree with each other?
-%
-Dorothy:	But how can you talk without a brain?
-Scarecrow:	Well, I don't know... but some people without brains
-		do an awful lot of talking.
-		-- The Wizard of Oz
-%
-Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
-Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
-%
-Early to bed and early to rise and you'll be groggy when everyone else is
-wide awake.
-%
-	Eeyore, the old grey Donkey, stood by the side of the stream, and
-looked at himself in the water.
-	"Pathetic," he said.  "That's what it is.  Pathetic."
-	He turned and walked slowly down the stream for twenty yards,
-splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side.  Then he
-looked at himself again.
-	"As I thought," he said, "no better from *____this* side.  But nobody
-minds.  Nobody cares.  Pathetic, that's what it is.
-		-- A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh," Chapter VI, "In Which Eeyore
-		   Has a Birthday and Gets Two Presents"
-%
-Elevators smell different to midgets.
-%
-Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
-%
-Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
-%
-Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
-		-- Onasander
-%
-Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
-%
-Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
-%
-Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
-		-- Menander
-%
-Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
-		-- Aristophanes
-%
-Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
-%
-	Everthing is farther away than it used to be.  It is even twice as
-far to the corner and they have added a hill.  I have given up running for
-the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to.
-	It seems to me they are making the stairs steeper than in the old
-days.  And have you noticed the smaller print they use in the newspapers?
-	There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everbody
-speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.
-	The material in dresses is so skimpy now, especially around the hips
-and waist, that it is almost impossible to reach one's shoelaces.  And the
-sizes don't run the way they used to.  The 12's and 14's are so much smaller.
-	Even people are changing.  They are so much younger than they used to
-be when I was their age.  On  the other hand people my age are so much older
-than I am.
-	I ran into an old classmate the other day and she has aged so much
-that she didn't recognize me.
-	I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair
-this morning and in so doing I glanced at my own reflection.  Really now,
-they don't even make good mirrors like they used to.
-		Sandy Frazier, "I Have Noticed"
-%
-Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-		-- Frank Moore Colby
-%
-Every man is apt to form his notions of things difficult to be apprehended,
-or less familiar, from their analogy to things which are more familiar.
-Thus, if a man bred to the seafaring life, and accustomed to think and talk
-only of matters relating to navigation, enters into discourse upon any other
-subject; it is well known, that the language and the notions proper to his
-own profession are infused into every subject, and all things are measured
-by the rules of navigation: and if he should take it into his head to
-philosophize concerning the faculties of the mind, it cannot be doubted,
-but he would draw his notions from the fabric of the ship, and would find
-in the mind, sails, masts, rudder, and compass.
-		-- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764
-%
-Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
-Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits
-of the world.
-		-- Schopenhauer
-%
-Every time I look at you I am more convinced of Darwin's theory.
-%
-Everybody has something to conceal.
-		-- Humphrey Bogart
-%
-Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-		-- Dykstra
-%
-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-%
-Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
-%
-Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
-%
-Everyone is a genius.  It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
-%
-Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
-%
-Everyone is more or less mad on one point.
-		-- Rudyard Kipling
-%
-Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
-%
-Everyone wants results, but no one is willing to do what it takes to get them.
-		-- Dirty Harry
-%
-Everyone was born right-handed.  Only the greatest overcome it.
-%
-Everyone's in a high place when you're on your knees.
-%
-Evil is that which one believes of others.  It is a sin to believe evil
-of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.
-		-- Albert Schweitzer
-%
-	Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
-mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
-"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
-how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
-"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
-So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
-acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
-%
-Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you,
-and just before you realize what is wrong with it.
-%
-Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens
-to you.
-		-- Aldous Huxley
-%
-Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
-when you make it again.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
-%
-Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
-%
-Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
-%
-Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye,
-particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something.
-		-- Clifton Fadiman, "Enter Conversing"
-%
-Fame may be fleeting but obscurity is forever.
-%
-Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
-every six months.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
-Fess:	Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about
-	a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.
-Rod:	Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure.  But after all, isn't that the
-	basic difference between robots and humans?
-Fess:	What, the ability to form imaginary constructs?
-Rod:	No, the ability to get hung up on them.
-		-- Christopher Stasheff, "The Warlock in Spite of Himself"
-%
-Flattery is like cologne -- to be smelled, but not swallowed.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be
-always old-fashioned.
-%
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-		-- Harrison
-%
-For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-		-- R. Clopton
-%
-For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.
-		-- Paul of Tarsus, (Saint Paul)
-%
-	"For I perceive that behind this seemingly unrelated sequence
-of events, there lurks a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
-	"Whose?"
-	"MINE! HA-HA!"
-%
-For men use, if they have an evil turn, to write it in marble:
-and whoso doth us a good turn we write it in dust.
-		-- Sir Thomas More
-%
-For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to
-get themselves filed.
-		-- Clifton Fadiman
-%
-For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
-%
-For perfect happiness, remember two things:
-	(1) Be content with what you've got.
-	(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
-%
-For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
-phone calls taper off."
-		-- Johnny Carson
-%
-Fortune finishes the great quotations, #2
-
-	If at first you don't succeed, think how many people
-	you've made happy.
-%
-Fortune finishes the great quotations, #21
-
-	Shall I compare thee to a Summer day?
-	No, I guess not.
-%
-Fortune finishes the great quotations, #6
-
-	"But, soft!  What light through yonder window breaks?"
-	It's nothing, honey.  Go back to sleep.
-%
-Four fifths of the perjury in the world is expended on tombstones, women
-and competitors.
-		-- Lord Thomas Dewar
-%
-Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
-		-- Thomas Jones
-%
-Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority
-over the other.
-		-- Honore DeBalzac
-%
-Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
-%
-Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
-		-- Elbert Hubbard
-%
-Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
-%
-Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
-%
-Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.
-		-- Cadmus, to Pentheus, in "The Bacchae" by Euripides
-%
-Go slowly to the entertainments of thy friends, but quickly to their
-misfortunes.
-		-- Chilo
-%
-God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
-%
-God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
-%
-Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
-%
-Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
-example.
-		-- La Rouchefoucauld
-%
-Good judgement comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgement.
-		-- Jim Horning
-%
-Gratitude, like love, is never a dependable international emotion.
-		-- Joseph Alsop
-%
-Great minds run in great circles.
-%
-Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
-%
-Growing old isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
-		-- Maurice Chevalier
-%
-Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
-%
-Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't,
-and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
-%
-Hate is like acid.  It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well
-as destroy the object on which it is poured.
-%
-Hate the sin and love the sinner.
-		-- Mahatma Gandhi
-%
-Have no friends not equal to yourself.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-Having no talent is no longer enough.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
-He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly
-delightful.
-		-- Sydney Smith
-%
-He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy
-presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever
-behaving "normally."
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
-%
-He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.
-		-- John LeCarre 
-%
-He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
-%
-He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-He laughs at every joke three times... once when it's told, once when
-it's explained, and once when he understands it.
-%
-He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
-		-- Ring Lardner
-%
-He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue.
-		-- Andrew Lang
-%
-He only knew his iron spine held up the sky -- he didn't realize his brain
-had fallen to the ground.
-		-- The Book of Serenity
-%
-He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
-%
-He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
-%
-He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
-%
-He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
-%
-He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser.
-		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
-%
-He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
-%
-He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
-%
-He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
-%
-He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
-%
-He who minds his own business is never unemployed.
-%
-He who walks on burning coals is sure to get burned.
-		-- Sinbad
-%
-He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
-		-- M.C. Escher
-%
-He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd
-be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
-%
-"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
-%
-Her days were spent in a kind of slow bustle; always busy without getting
-on, always behind hand and lamenting it, without altering her ways;
-wishing to be an economist, without contrivance or regularity; dissatisfied
-with her servants, without skill to make them better, and whether helping, or
-reprimanding, or indulging them, without any power of engaging their respect.
-		-- J. Austen
-%
-Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when
-I grow up.
-		-- Peter Drucker
-%
-Hi!  I'm Larry.  This is my brother Bob, and this is my other brother
-Jimbo.  We thought you might like to know the names of your assailants.
-%
-Higgins:	Doolittle, you're either an honest man or a rogue.
-Doolittle:	A little of both, Guv'nor.  Like the rest of us, a
-		little of both.
-		-- Shaw, "Pygmalion"
-%
-Hindsight is always 20:20.
-		-- Billy Wilder
-%
-Hindsight is an exact science.
-%
-His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
-%
-His mind is like a steel trap: full of mice.
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-History repeats itself -- the first time as a tragi-comedy, the second
-time as bedroom farce.
-%
-History repeats itself only if one does not listen the first time.
-%
-History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
-%
-Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
-		-- Robert Frost, "The Death of the Hired Man"
-%
-Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is
-to a cockatoo.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
-		-- Francis Bacon
-%
-Hope is a waking dream.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
-Hope not, lest ye be disappointed.
-		-- M. Horner
-%
-How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards in reasoning,
-and are so afraid to stand the test of ridicule?
-		-- A. Cooper
-%
-How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
-%
-How many "coming men" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
-		-- Sir Arthur Wing Pinero
-%
-However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
-manner ... sulking and nausea.
-		-- Tom K. Ryan
-%
-Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
-		-- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton"
-%
-Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, 
-responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and 
-immature.
-		-- Tom Robbins
-%
-Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.
-		-- Alan Kay
-%
-Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
-		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
-%
-I allow the world to live as it chooses, and I allow myself to live as I
-choose.
-%
-I always choose my friends for their good looks and my enemies for their
-good intellects.  Man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
-%
-I always pass on good advice.  It is the only thing to do with it.
-It is never any good to oneself.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband"
-%
-I always say beauty is only sin deep.
-		-- Saki, "Reginald's Choir Treat"
-%
-I am an optimist.  It does not seem too much use being anything else.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-I am firm.  You are obstinate.  He is a pig-headed fool.
-		-- Katharine Whitehorn
-%
-I am looking for a honest man.
-		-- Diogenes the Cynic
-%
-"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
-great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton
-%
-I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
-		-- Biff Barf
-%
-I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't.
-		-- Nero Wolfe, "Over My Dead Body"
-%
-I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write
-faster than anybody who can write better.
-		-- A.J. Liebling
-%
-I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along."
-It isn't that I can't toddle.  It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
-I can't stand squealers; hit that guy.
-		-- Albert Anastasia
-%
-I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
-understand it.
-		-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
-%
-I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.  I'm frightened
-of the old ones.
-		-- John Cage
-%
-I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
-		-- Lillian Hellman
-%
-I consider the day misspent that I am not either charged with a crime,
-or arrested for one.
-		-- "Ratsy" Tourbillon
-%
-I didn't get sophisticated -- I just got tired.  But maybe that's what
-sophisticated is -- being tired.
-		-- Rita Gain
-%
-"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
-%
-I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to
-tell such LIES!
-%
-I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
-I do not know where to find in any literature, whether ancient or modern,
-any adequate account of that nature with which I am acquainted.  Mythology
-comes nearest to it of any.
-		-- Henry David Thoreau
-%
-	"I don't know what you mean by 'glory'," Alice said.
-	Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
-till I tell you.  I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!'"
-	"But glory doesn't mean 'a nice knock-down argument'," Alice
-objected.
-	"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful
-tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
-	"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean
-so many different things."
-	"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master --
-that's all."
-		-- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
-%
-I don't know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know
-what his grandson will be.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
-%
-I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.
-		-- Cash McCall
-%
-I don't mind arguing with myself.  It's when I lose that it bothers me.
-		-- Richard Powers
-%
-I don't remember it, but I have it written down.
-%
-"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
-hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out."
-%
-"I don't understand," said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush down
-to the sea and drown yourselves."
-
-"How curious," said the lemming. "The one thing I don't understand is why
-you human beings don't."
-		-- James Thurber
-%
-I don't want to bore you, but there's nobody else around for me to bore.
-%
-I either want less decadence or more chance to participate in it.
-%
-I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-		-- Mae West
-%
-I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who?
-		-- Beauregard Bugleboy
-%
-I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.
-		-- Butch Cassidy
-%
-I guess I've been wrong all my life, but so have billions of other people...
-Certainty is just an emotion.
-		-- Hal Clement
-%
-I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know
-how bad I am.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park
-there's nothing else to do.
-		-- Lenny Bruce
-%
-I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable
-to sit still in a room.
-		-- Blaise Pascal
-%
-I have found little that is good about human beings.  In my experience
-most of them are trash.
-		-- Sigmund Freud
-%
-I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-		-- Edgar Allan Poe
-%
-I have learned silence from the talkative,
-toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.
-		-- Kahlil Gibran
-%
-I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
-that I have never made one.
-		-- James Gordon Bennett
-%
-I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his
-own eyes.  What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks
-of himself.  To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.
-		-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-%
-I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better
-take one along that worked.
-		-- Raymond Chandler
-%
-I love mankind ... It's people I hate.
-		-- Schulz
-%
-	I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments
-of others, and all positive assertion of my own.  I even forbade myself the use
-of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, such
-as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc.   I adopted instead of them "I conceive",
-"I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it appears to me
-at present".
-	When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied
-myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him
-immediately some absurdity in his proposition.  In answering I began by
-observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right,
-but in the present case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc.
-	I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the
-conversations I engaged in went on more pleasantly.  The modest way in which I
-proposed my opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction.
-I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily
-prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I
-happened to be in the right.
-		-- Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
-%
-"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but don't
-let appearances fool you.  I'm approaching old age ... at the speed of light."
-		-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
-%
-I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
-%
-I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-I never killed a man that didn't deserve it.
-		-- Mickey Cohen
-%
-I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
-		-- Alexandre Dumas, fils
-%
-I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
-		-- William F. Buckley
-%
-I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of
-tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If
-they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go
-crude.  I'm a very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.
-These days, though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even
-aspire to crudeness.
-		-- William Gibson, "Johnny Mnemonic"
-%
-"... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was
-supposed to make me look like the dashing, romantic Zorro but which actually
-made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ..."
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wet Zorro Suit and Other Turning
-		   Points in l'Amour"
-%
-I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-I think I'm schizophrenic.  One half of me's paranoid and the other half's
-out to get him.
-%
-I treasure this strange combination found in very few persons: a fierce
-desire for life as well as a lucid perception of the ultimate futility of
-the quest.
-		-- Madeleine Gobeil
-%
-I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in
-my body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.
-		-- Emo Phillips
-%
-I waited and waited and when no message came I knew it must be from you.
-%
-I will follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it if I can
-help it.
-		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
-%
-I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
-listen to it!
-		-- Tom Galloway with apologies to Voltaire
-%
-I'll give you my opinion of the human race in a nutshell ... their heart's
-in the right place, but their head is a thoroughly inefficient organ.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Summing Up"
-%
-I'll pretend to trust you if you'll pretend to trust me.
-%
-I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't
-that good.
-		-- Amy Gorin
-%
-"I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
-soon ..."
-%
-I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
-%
-I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.
-%
-I'm sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
-%
-I'm successful because I'm lucky.   The harder I work, the luckier I get.
-%
-I've already told you more than I know.
-%
-I've found my niche.  If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
-this little hole in the bottom ...
-		-- John Croll
-%
-I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
-%
-I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
-on the same day.
-%
-"I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer"
-		-- Senator Claghorn
-%
-Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like
-solitary confinement.
-%
-If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.
-		-- Thomas Wolfe
-%
-If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
-%
-If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
-%
-If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the
-airport.
-		-- George Winters
-%
-If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
-%
-If God hadn't wanted you to be paranoid, He wouldn't have given you such
-a vivid imagination.
-%
-If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-		-- Marvin Kitman
-%
-If he should ever change his faith, it'll be because he no longer thinks
-he's God.
-%
-If I'm over the hill, why is it I don't recall ever being on top?
-		-- Jerry Muscha
-%
-If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.
-		-- Mary Wilson Little
-%
-If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-		-- A. Einstein.
-%
-If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use
-		of the Young"
-%
-If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
-%
-If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without
-having to accomplish anything.
-%
-If only you had a personality instead of an attitude.
-%
-If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
-%
-If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward,
-then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never hurt you, nine
-times out of ten!
-%
-If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
-%
-If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
-%
-If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
-%
-If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.  If
-the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.  If the
-bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will
-exceed all expectations.
-		-- Reverend Chichester
-%
-If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
-		-- Edward A. Murphy Jr.
-%
-If there was any justice in the world, "trust" would be a four-letter word.
-%
-If things don't improve soon, you'd better ask them to stop helping you.
-%
-"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
-%
-If we were meant to get up early, God would have created us with alarm clocks.
-%
-If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
-		-- Ann Edwards-Duff
-%
-If you are honest because honesty is the best policy, your honesty is corrupt.
-%
-If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then
-you clearly don't understand the situation.
-%
-If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
-		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
-%
-If you cannot in the long run tell everyone what you have been doing,
-your doing was worthless.
-		-- Edwim Schrodinger
-%
-If you continually give you will continually have.
-%
-If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
-%
-If you didn't have most of your friends, you wouldn't have most of
-your problems.
-%
-If you do not wish a man to do a thing, you had better get him to talk about
-it; for the more men talk, the more likely they are to do nothing else.
-		-- Carlyle
-%
-If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
-%
-If you don't do it, you'll never know what would have happened if you
-had done it.
-%
-If you don't do the things that are not worth doing, who will?
-%
-If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-		-- Clarence Day
-%
-If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
-		-- Freeman Dyson
-%
-If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
-%
-If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
-If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
-%
-If you flaunt it, expect to have it trashed.
-%
-If you float on instinct alone, how can you calculate the buoyancy for
-the computed load?
-		-- Christopher Hodder-Williams
-%
-If you go out of your mind, do it quietly, so as not to disturb those
-around you.
-%
-If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
-%
-If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
-boot yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A.J. Liebling, "The Press"
-%
-If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of
-rubbish into it.
-		-- William Orton
-%
-If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets
-and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
-		-- Garrison Keillor
-%
-If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life.
-		-- Robert Pante, fashion consultant
-%
-If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
-really make them think they'll hate you.
-%
-If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
-		-- Schmidt
-%
-If you notice that a person is deceiving you, they must not be
-deceiving you very well.
-%
-If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have
-schizophrenia.
-		-- Thomas Szasz
-%
-If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
-%
-If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-		-- Arthur Kasspe
-%
-If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you
-lack sufficient imagination.
-%
-If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
-%
-If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
-%
-If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that
-fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and
-heartbeats.
-%
-If you would understand your own age, read the works of fiction produced
-in it.  People in disguise speak freely.
-%
-If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
-%
-If you're constantly being mistreated, you're cooperating with the treatment.
-%
-If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow
-morning, sleep late.
-		-- Henny Youngman
-%
-If you're happy, you're successful.
-%
-If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-In good speaking, should not the mind of the speaker know the truth of
-the matter about which he is to speak?
-		-- Plato
-%
-In matters of principle, stand like a rock;
-in matters of taste, swim with the current.
-		-- Thomas Jefferson
-%
-In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
-%
-In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.
-		-- Alan Kay
-%
-In the misfortune of our friends we find something that is not displeasing
-to us.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
-%
-In this world some people are going to like me and some are not.  So, I may
-as well be me.  Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
-%
-In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting what one
-wants, and the other is getting it.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself.
-		-- Joan Didion, "On Self Respect"
-%
-Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
-%
-Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing --
-it requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
-		-- Bernard Cooke
-%
-It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something
-from the floor while you get up.
-%
-It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've
-done and what you're going to do.
-%
-It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is
-thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have
-drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
-been searching for evidence which could support this.
-		-- Bertrand Russell
-%
-It is all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it
-now and then.
-		-- Richard Armour
-%
-It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course,
-you are an exceptionally good liar.
-		-- Jerome K. Jerome
-%
-It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
-%
-It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be 
-coming up it.
-		-- Henry Allen
-%
-It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-%
-It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig.
-		-- George Santayana
-%
-It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.
-		-- Aeschylus
-%
-It is equally bad when one speeds on the guest unwilling to go, and when he
-holds back one who is hastening.  Rather one should befriend the guest who
-is there, but speed him when he wishes.
-		-- Homer, "The Odyssey"
- 
-	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
-	 referring to scheduling.]
-%
-It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is a proper judge of it.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
-your help.
-		-- Miss Manners
-%
-It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
-if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
-		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
-%
-It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
-%
-It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
-%
-It is indeed desirable to be well descended, but the glory belongs to
-our ancestors.
-		-- Plutarch
-%
-It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.
-		-- Rene Descartes
-%
-It is not enough to have great qualities, we should also have the
-management of them.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld
-%
-It is not good for a man to be without knowledge,
-and he who makes haste with his feet misses his way.
-		-- Proverbs 19:2
-%
-It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
-		-- Grace Murray Hopper
-%
-It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
-		-- Cervantes
-%
-It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
-%
-It is only the great men who are truly obscene.  If they had not dared
-to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
-		-- Havelock Ellis
-%
-It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-		-- Carl Sandburg
-%
-It is the nature of extreme self-lovers, as they will set an house on fire,
-and it were but to roast their eggs.
-		-- Francis Bacon
-%
-It is the wisdom of crocodiles, that shed tears when they would devour.
-		-- Francis Bacon
-%
-It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
-%
-It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether II win or lose.
-		-- Darrin Weinberg
-%
-It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too
-good either if you speak when your head is empty.
-%
-It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
-warning to others.
-%
-It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
-%
-It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.  The good ones slept
-better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
-%
-It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
-%
-It takes a special kind of courage to face what we all have to face.
-%
-It takes all kinds to fill the freeways.
-		-- Crazy Charlie
-%
-It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
-%
-It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you
-did it wrong.
-		-- H.W. Longfellow
-%
-It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
-%
-It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature
-and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples.
-		-- Charles Dickens
-%
-It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
-%
-It's amazing how many people you could be friends with if only they'd
-make the first approach.
-%
-It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
-%
-It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
-		-- Michael Arlen
-%
-It's bad enough that life is a rat-race, but why do the rats always have to win?
-%
-It's better to be quotable than to be honest.
-		-- Tom Stoppard
-%
-It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
-		-- Marty Winch
-%
-It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
-%
-It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being 
-right.
-%
-It's hard not to like a man of many qualities, even if most of them are bad.
-%
-It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
-%
-It's hard to keep your shirt on when you're getting something off your chest.
-%
-It's interesting to think that many quite distinguished people have
-bodies similar to yours.
-%
-It's only by NOT taking the human race seriously that I retain
-what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
-		-- Roger Noe
-%
-It's reassuring to know that if you behave strangely enough, society will
-take full responsibility for you.
-%
-It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
-%
-Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
-%
-Just because I turn down a contract on a guy doesn't mean he isn't going
-to get hit.
-		-- Joey
-%
-Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
-%
-"Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
-of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?"
-		-- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US
-%
-Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt of all the others, and then
-do what's best.
-		-- Lovers and Other Strangers
-%
-Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!
-%
-Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
-		-- Michael J. Wagner
-%
-Keep cool, but don't freeze.
-		-- Hellman's Mayonnaise
-%
-Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;
-Open it and you remove all doubt.
-%
-Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
-%
-Lack of money is the root of all evil.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-Largest Number of Driving Test Failures
-	By April 1970 Mrs. Miriam Hargrave had failed her test thirty-nine
-times.  In the eight preceding years she had received two hundred and
-twelve driving lessons at a cost of L300.  She set the new record while
-driving triumphantly through a set of red traffic lights in Wakefield,
-Yorkshire.  Disappointingly, she passed at the fortieth attempt (3 August
-1970) but eight years later she showed some of her old magic when she was
-reported as saying that she still didn't like doing right-hand turns.
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-Last guys don't finish nice.
-		-- Stanley Kelley, on the cult of victory at all costs
-%
-Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-		-- Victor Borge
-%
-Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make your own.
-%
-Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
-Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them.
-		-- James Thurber
-%
-Let's do it.
-		-- Gary Gilmore, to his firing squad
-%
-Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to
-change his bed.
-		-- Charles Baudelaire
-%
-Life is a series of rude awakenings.
-		-- R.V. Winkle
-%
-Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane person would
-wantonly inflict on someone else.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.
-%
-Life is like bein' on a mule team.  Unless you're the lead mule, all the
-scenery looks about the same.
-%
-"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
-weren't for other people"
-		-- Blore
-%
-Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer.
-It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches
-over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow
-His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that.  On the
-other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their
-religions.
-		-- Benjamin Spock
-%
-	Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode
-into the saloon.  As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
-galloped through town screaming, "Big Mike's comin'!  Run fer yer lives!"
-	Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open.  An enormous man, standing over
-eight feet tall and weighing an easy 400 pounds, rode in on a bull, using a
-rattlesnake for a whip.  Grabbing the drifter by the arm and throwing him over
-the bar, the giant thundered, "Gimme a drink!"
-	The terrified man handed over a bottle of whiskey, which the man
-guzzled in one gulp and then smashed on the bar.  He then stood aghast as
-the man stuffed the broken bottle in his mouth, munched broken glass and
-smacked his lips with relish.
-	"Can I, ah, uh, get you another, sir?" the drifter stammered.
-	"Naw, I gotta git outa here, boy," the man grunted.  "Big Mike's
-a-comin'."
-%
-Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
-		-- Charles D'Hericault
-%
-Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-		-- Louise Beal
-%
-Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
-%
-Love your neighbour, yet don't pull down your hedge.
-		-- Benjamin Franklin
-%
-Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.
-		-- Bergan Evans
-%
-Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.
-		-- Daniel Hudson Burnham
-%
-Man belongs wherever he wants to go.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
-Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
-Man has never reconciled himself to the ten commandments.
-%
-Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon
-to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
-victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
-%
-Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal
-that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they
-ought to be.
-		-- William Hazlitt
-%
-Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it
-is an enemy.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
-%
-Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual conflict between
-the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
-Many a family tree needs trimming.
-%
-Many a man that can't direct you to a corner drugstore will get a respectful
-hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
-		-- Finley Peter Dunne
-%
-Many mental processes admit of being roughly measured.  For instance,
-the degree to which people are bored, by counting the number of their
-fidgets. I not infrequently tried this method at the meetings of the
-Royal Geographical Society, for even there dull memoirs are occasionally
-read.  [...]  The use of a watch attracts attention, so I reckon time
-by the number of my breathings, of which there are 15 in a minute.  They
-are not counted mentally, but are punctuated by pressing with 15 fingers
-successively.  The counting is reserved for the fidgets.  These observations
-should be confined to persons of middle age.  Children are rarely still,
-while elderly philosophers will sometimes remain rigid for minutes altogether.
-		-- Francis Galton, 1909
-%
-Many people are desperately looking for some wise advice which will
-recommend that they do what they want to do.
-%
-Many people are secretly interested in life.
-%
-Many people feel that if you won't let them make you happy, they'll make you
-suffer.
-%
-Many people feel that they deserve some kind of recognition for all the
-bad things they haven't done.
-%
-Many people resent being treated like the person they really are.
-%
-Many receive advice, few profit by it.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
-'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-May those that love us love us; and those that don't love us, may
-God turn their hearts; and if he doesn't turn their hearts, may
-he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
-%
-May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
-%
-Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the
-earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-"Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
-%
-Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.
-%
-Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise our
-pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs
-and tears.  ...  It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious,
-inspires us with dread and fear, whether by night or by day, brings us
-sleeplessness, inopportune mistakes, aimless anxieties, absent-mindedness
-and acts that are contrary to habit...
-		-- Hippocrates "The Sacred Disease"
-%
-Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to
-conceal their thoughts.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
-Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a
-rainy Sunday afternoon.
-		-- Susan Ertz
-%
-Mind your own business, then you don't mind mine.
-%
-Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly
-at the right moment.
-		-- Horace
-%
-Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
-%
-Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
-		-- J.K. Galbraith
-%
-More are taken in by hope than by cunning.
-		-- Vauvenargues
-%
-More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.
-		-- R.S. Surtees
-%
-Most of our lives are about proving something, either to ourselves or to
-someone else.
-%
-Most of the fear that spoils our life comes from attacking difficulties
-before we get to them.
-		-- Dr. Frank Crane
-%
-Most of your faults are not your fault.
-%
-Most people are too busy to have time for anything important.
-%
-Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and
-they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment
-to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries.
-%
-Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently
-than they do.
-		-- Turgenev
-%
-Most people deserve each other.
-		-- Shirley
-%
-Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion.
-%
-Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained
-only by the disinclination of others to listen.  Reserve is an artificial
-quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs.
-		-- W.S. Maugham
-%
-Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only.
-%
-Most people have two reasons for doing anything -- a good reason, and
-the real reason.
-%
-Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best,
-reformed or potential lunatics.
-		-- Susan Sontag
-%
-Most people need some of their problems to help take their mind off
-some of the others.
-%
-Most people prefer certainty to truth.
-%
-Mother told me to be good but she's been wrong before.
-%
-Murder is always a mistake -- one should never do anything one cannot
-talk about after dinner.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
-%
-My brain is my second favorite organ.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say.
-And then say it with the utmost levity.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly
-with my legs.
-		-- Woody Allen, on Epistemology
-%
-My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-%
-My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-My philosophy is: Don't think.
-		-- Charles Manson
-%
-Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
-character, give him power.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-Needs are a function of what other people have.
-%
-Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
-%
-Never argue with a fool -- people might not be able to tell the difference.
-%
-Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
-%
-Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.
-%
-Never explain.  Your friends do not need it and your enemies will never
-believe you anyway.
-		-- Elbert Hubbard
-%
-Never face facts; if you do you'll never get up in the morning.
-		-- Marlo Thomas
-%
-Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
-%
-Never frighten a small man -- he'll kill you.
-%
-Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose.
-%
-Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
-%
-Never kick a man, unless he's down.
-%
-Never leave anything to chance; make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
-%
-Never pay a compliment as if expecting a receipt.
-%
-Never speak ill of yourself, your friends will always say enough on
-that subject.
-		-- Charles-Maurice De Talleyrand
-%
-Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
-%
-Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg.
-%
-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
-%
-Never, ever lie to someone you love unless you're absolutely sure they'll
-never find out the truth.
-%
-Nezvannyi gost'--khuzhe tatarina.
-	[An uninvited guest is worse than the Mongol invasion]
-		-- Russian proverb
-%
-Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-No character, however upright, is a match for constantly reiterated attacks,
-however false.
-		-- Alexander Hamilton
-%
-No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a
-nuisance after three days.
-		-- Titus Maccius Plautus
-%
-No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
-%
-No man is useless who has a friend, and if we are loved we are indispensable.
-		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
-%
-No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
-		-- E.W. Howe
-%
-No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
-%
-No one becomes depraved in a moment.
-		-- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
-%
-No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a
-dirty little beast.
-		-- W.S. Gilbert
-%
-No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
-%
-No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
-%
-"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
-%
-No one knows what he can do till he tries.
-		-- Publilius Syrus
-%
-No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
-		-- Quintus Ennius
-%
-No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism as the
-one who's giving it.
-		-- Hal Chadwick
-%
-No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
-%
-No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
-%
-No sooner said than done -- so acts your man of worth.
-		-- Quintus Ennius
-%
-Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
-%
-Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
-		-- Kin Hubbard
-%
-Nobody is one block of harmony.  We are all afraid of something, or feel
-limited in something.  We all need somebody to talk to.  It would be good
-if we talked to each other--not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We
-shouldn't be so afraid, because most people really like this contact;
-that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable too.
-It's so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.
-		-- Liv Ullman
-%
-Nobody knows the trouble I've been.
-%
-Nobody knows what goes between his cold toes and his warm ears.
-		-- Roy Harper
-%
-Nobody wants constructive criticism.  It's all we can do to put up with
-constructive praise.
-%
-Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
-Conscience makes egotists of us all.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at
-which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
-		-- Quentin Crisp
-%
-O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for Thou knowest we will
-never change our minds.
-%
-Objects are lost only because people look where they are not rather than
-where they are.
-%
-Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
-%
-Oh this age!  How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
-		-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
-%
-Oh wearisome condition of humanity!
-Born under one law, to another bound.
-		-- Fulke Greville, Lord Brooke
-%
-"Oh, yes.  The important thing about having lots of things to  remember is
-that you've got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you
-see?  You've got to stop.  You haven't really been anywhere until you've got
-back home.  I think that's what I mean."
-		-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"
-%
-Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
-%
-Old age is always fifteen years old than I am.
-		-- B. Baruch
-%
-Old age is the harbor of all ills.
-		-- Bion
-%
-Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
-		-- Trotsky
-%
-Old age is too high a price to pay for maturity.
-%
-Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their
-inability to set a bad example.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
-%
-On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
-created jerks.
-		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
-%
-One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's
-listening.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
-		-- Helen Keller
-%
-One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
-%
-One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
-Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought,
-a rivalry of aim.
-		-- Henry Brook Adams
-%
-One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
-		-- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
-%
-One is often kept in the right road by a rut.
-		-- Gustave Droz
-%
-One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
-%
-One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends
-can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
-		-- Clifton Fadiman
-%
-One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
-%
-One of the large consolations for experiencing anything unpleasant is
-the knowledge that one can communicate it.
-		-- Joyce Carol Oates
-%
-One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with
-Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just
-to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't
-be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending
-to be so outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't
-understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.  He was
-reknowned for being quite clever and quite clearly was so -- but not all the
-time, which obviously worried him, hence the act.  He preferred people to be
-puzzled rather than contemptuous.  This above all appeared to Trillian to be
-genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
-		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
-One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they
-need no answer.
-		-- George Gordon, Lord Byron
-%
-One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
-%
-One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so,
-because they bite.
-		-- Vladimir Il'ich Lenin
-%
-Only a fool has no doubts.
-%
-Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
-		-- Laurence Peter
-%
-Only fools are quoted.
-		-- Anonymous
-%
-Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right
-to use the editorial "we".
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an
-elephant.
-%
-Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
-		-- Hannah Arendt
-%
-Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is
-paranoid and the other one is out to get him.
-%
-Optimism is the content of small men in high places.
-		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Crack Up"
-%
-Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born
-to people you could not have possibly met.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.
-%
-Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
-%
-Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
-		-- Immanuel Kant
-%
-Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
-%
-Paranoia is heightened awareness.
-%
-Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
-%
-Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
-%
-Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.  It's easy
-to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
-		-- D.J. Hicks
-%
-Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-		-- Eric Hoffer
-%
-Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, on qualifiers
-%
-Pelorat sighed.
-	"I will never understand people."
-	"There's nothing to it.  All you have to do is take a close look
-at yourself and you will understand everyone else.  How would Seldon have
-worked out his Plan -- and I don't care how subtle his mathematics was --
-if he didn't understand people; and how could he have done that if people
-weren't easy to understand?  You show me someone who can't understand
-people and I'll show you someone who has built up a false image of himself
--- no offense intended."
-		-- Asimov, "Foundation's Edge"
-%
-People (a group that in my opinion has always attracted an undue amount of
-attention) have often been likened to snowflakes.  This analogy is meant to
-suggest that each is unique -- no two alike.  This is quite patently not the
-case.  People ... are simply a dime a dozen.  And, I hasten to add, their
-only similarity to snowflakes resides in their invariable and lamentable
-tendency to turn, after a few warm days, to slush.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-People are like onions -- you cut them up, and they make you cry.
-%
-People are unconditionally guaranteed to be full of defects.
-%
-People don't change; they only become more so.
-%
-People don't usually make the same mistake twice -- they make it three
-times, four time, five times...
-%
-People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-People need good lies.  There are too many bad ones.
-		-- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
-%
-People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the
-future.
-%
-People respond to people who respond.
-%
-People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they
-*know* me there!
-		-- D.L. Roth
-%
-People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people
-have been left out on the pleasure.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
-People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
-%
-People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never
-slept in a room with a single mosquito.
-%
-People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
-		-- Abigail Van Buren
-%
-People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking
-advantage of them.
-%
-People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't
-what they want that they don't want it.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
-%
-People who push both buttons should get their wish.
-%
-People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
-%
-People who take cold baths never have rheumatism, but they have cold baths.
-%
-People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
-%
-People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin
-Franklin said it first.
-%
-People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they
-did yesterday.
-%
-People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
-%
-Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom.  The first is being a bore.
-		-- Cecil Beaton
-%
-Personifiers of the world, unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
-		-- Bernadette Bosky
-%
-Please don't put a strain on our friendship by asking me to do something
-for you.
-%
-Please don't recommend me to your friends-- it's difficult enough to
-cope with you alone.
-%
-Please forgive me if, in the heat of battle, I sometimes forget which
-side I'm on.
-%
-Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.
-		-- Mary Poppins
-%
-Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
-%
-Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their
-minds cannot change anything.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
-%
-Put your trust in those who are worthy.
-%
-Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-"Quite frankly, I don't like you humans.  After what you all have done,
-I find being 'inhuman' a compliment."
-		-- Spider Robinson, "Callahan's Secret"
-%
-Rarely do people communicate; they just take turns talking.
-%
-Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't the remotest
-knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest"
-%
-... relaxed in the manner of a man who has no need to put up a front of
-any kind.
-		-- John Ball, "Mark One: the Dummy"
-%
-Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
-		-- Dave Butler
-%
-Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
-%
-Revenge is a meal best served cold.
-%
-	"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing
-what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt
-somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..."
-	"He was going to suck my blood!"
-	"Which is what we do to anyone when we tell them we'll be hurt
-if they don't live our way."
-...
-	"The thing that puzzles you," he said, "is an accepted saying that
-happens to be impossible.  The phrase is hurt somebody else.  We choose,
-ourselves, to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what.  Us who decides.
-Nobody else.  My vampire told you he'd be hurt if you didn't let him?  That's
-his decision to be hurt, that's his choice.  What you do about it is your
-decision, your choice: give him blood; ignore him; tie him up; drive a stake
-through his heart.  If he doesn't want the holly stake, he's free to resist,
-in whatever way he wants.  It goes on and on, choices, choices."
-	"When you look at it that way..."
-	"Listen," he said, "it's important.  We are all.  Free.  To do.
-Whatever.  We want.  To do."
-		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
-%
-Rincewind looked down at him and grinned slowly.  It was a wide, manic, and
-utterly humourless rictus.  It was the sort of grin that is normally
-accompanied by small riverside birds wandering in and out, picking scraps
-out of the teeth.
-		-- Terry Pratchett, "The Lure of the Wyrm"
-%
-Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength.
-%
-Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.
-		-- George Orwell, "Reflections on Gandhi"
-%
-Sanity and insanity overlap a fine grey line.
-%
-Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.
-		-- Mark Harrold
-%
-Say no, then negotiate.
-		-- Helga
-%
-Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
-%
-Scenery is here, wish you were beautiful.
-%
-Schizophrenia beats being alone.
-%
-Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
-%
-"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ..."
-%
-Sentimentality -- that's what we call the sentiment we don't share.
-		-- Graham Greene
-%
-Serenity through viciousness.
-%
-Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a
-little kinder than is necessary?
-		-- J.M. Barrie
-%
-Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.
-		-- Robert Preston, Toddy, "Victor/Victoria"
-%
-She often gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it).
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-Short people get rained on last.
-%
-Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
-%
-Sin boldly.
-		-- Martin Luther
-%
-Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
-%
-Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.  All other "sins" are
-invented nonsense.  (Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid).
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive.
-		-- John Sloan
-%
-Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
-		-- Bob "Mountain" Beck
-%
-Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
-%
-So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far
-as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical
-way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.
-		-- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire
-%
-So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the
-town gossip.
-%
-Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
-%
-Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men
-have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
-%
-Some men are discovered; others are found out.
-%
-Some men love truth so much that they seem to be in continual fear
-lest she should catch a cold on overexposure.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-Some of the things that live the longest in peoples' memories never
-really happened.
-%
-Some people around here wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
-%
-Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
-%
-Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have
-only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
-%
-Some people have parts that are so private they themselves have no
-knowledge of them.
-%
-Some people's mouths work faster than their brains.  They say things they
-haven't even thought of yet.
-%
-Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
-%
-Someone will try to honk your nose today.
-%
-Something better...
-
- 1 (obvious): Excuse me.  Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
- 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover.  She's going to blow.
- 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore 
-	something larger.  Like ... Wyoming.
- 4 (personal): Well, here we are.  Just the three of us.
- 5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen.  Your nose was on time but you were fifteen
-	minutes late.
- 6 (envious): Oooo, I wish I were you.  Gosh.  To be able to smell your
-	own ear.
- 7 (naughty): Pardon me, Sir.  Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't
-	mind putting that thing away.
- 8 (philosophical): You know.  It's not the size of a nose that's important.
-	It's what's in it that matters.
- 9 (humorous): Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Sneeze and it's goodbye,
-	Seattle.
-10 (commercial): Hi, I'm Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
-11 (polite): Ah.  Would you mind not bobbing your head.  The orchestra keeps
-	changing tempo.
-12 (melodic): Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."
-		-- Steve Martin, "Roxanne"
-%
-Something better...
-
-13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened?  Did your parents lose a bet with God?
-14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
-	perch on.
-15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
-16 (obscure): Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone.
-17 (inquiry): When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
-18 (french): Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you
-	leave.
-19 (pornographic): Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
-20 (religious): The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
-21 (disgusting): Say, who mows your nose hair?
-22 (paranoid): Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
-23 (aromatic): It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the
-	coffee ... in Brazil.
-24 (appreciative): Oooo, how original.  Most people just have their teeth
-	capped.
-25 (dirty): Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
-		-- Steve Martin, "Roxanne"
-%
-Something unpleasant is coming when men are anxious to tell the truth.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-Sometimes I get the feeling that I went to a party on Perry Lane in 1962, and
-the party spilled out of the house, and came down the street, and covered the
-world.
-		-- Robert Stone
-%
-Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-Sometimes when you look into his eyes you get the feeling that someone
-else is driving.
-		-- David Letterman
-%
-Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
-%
-Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-		-- Dave Millman
-%
-Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
-Start the day with a smile.  After that you can be your nasty old self again.
-%
-Stay together, drag each other down.
-%
-Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth.  Say, do you
-have a map to the next joint?
-%
-Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
-%
-Stupidity is its own reward.
-%
-Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
-%
-Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
-before it is understood.
-%
-Success is a journey, not a destination.
-%
-Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
-%
-Success is in the minds of Fools.
-		-- William Wrenshaw, 1578
-%
-Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
-		-- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion"
-%
-Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
-%
-Such a fine first dream!
-But they laughed at me; they said
-I had made it up.
-%
-Suicide is simply a case of mistaken identity.
-%
-Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
-		-- Donald Kaul
-%
-Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
-%
-Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
-%
-Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
-%
-Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.
-		-- Jean Cocteau
-%
-Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
-hole in his head.
-%
-Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
-%
-Take a lesson from the whale; the only time he gets speared is when he
-raises to spout.
-%
-Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.
-%
-Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-		-- Euripides
-%
-Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
-		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
-%
-Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than
-a gallon of vinegar.
-		-- B. Franklin
-%
-Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you.
-Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
-%
-Tell me what to think!!!
-%
-Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting
-a falsehood, isn't it?
-		-- A. Hope
-%
-"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.
-		-- Moliere
-%
-That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
-%
-That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks
-you're crazy.
-		-- Evelyn E. Smith
-%
-The adjuration to be "normal" seems shockingly repellent to me; I see neither
-hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level.  I think it is ignorance that
-makes people think of abnormality only with horror and allows them to remain
-undismayed at the proximity of "normal" to average and mediocre.  For surely
-anyone who achieves anything is, essentially, abnormal.
-		-- Dr. Karl Menninger, "The Human Mind", 1930
-%
-The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that
-he is already degraded.
-		-- George Orwell
-%
-The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.
-		-- Albertano of Brescia
-%
-The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
-%
-The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in
-the morning feeling just terrible.
-		-- Jean Kerr
-%
-The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.
-		-- Blair
-%
-The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts
-of kindness and love.
-		-- Wordsworth
-%
-The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and
-fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are
-drifting side by side to our common doom.
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
-%
-The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
-%
-The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
-%
-The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
-%
-The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.
-%
-The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
-%
-The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing
-and humiliating reality.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none
-of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but."  Don't use
-excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period.  Cutting his throat
-is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
-%
-The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
-%
-The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is
-thinking everyone is out to get you.  That's normal -- they are.  Paranoia
-is thinking that they're conspiring.
-		-- J. Kegler
-%
-The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
-%
-The difference between sentiment and being sentimental is the following:
-Sentiment is when a driver swerves out of the way to avoid hitting a
-rabbit on the road.  Being sentimental is when the same driver, when
-swerving away from the rabbit hits a pedestrian.
-		-- Frank Herbert, "The White Plague"
-%
-The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
-%
-The distinction between true and false appears to become increasingly
-blurred by... the pollution of the language.
-		-- Arne Tiselius
-%
-The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe because
-it lives in a forest.  Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.
-		-- Laukikanyay.
-%
-The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend
-of both parties tactfully interferes.
-		-- G.K. Chesterton
-%
-The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it
-is your move.
-		-- Frank Crane
-%
-The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.
-		-- Charles Chincholles, "Reflections on the Art of Life"
-%
-The great secret in life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight.
-At the expiration of that period you will find that nearly all of them have
-answered themselves.
-		-- Arthur Binstead
-%
-The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
-%
-The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
-%
-The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of
-relatives on the train for home.
-%
-The hatred of relatives is the most violent.
-		-- Tacitus (c.55 - c.117)
-%
-... the heat come 'round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day.
-%
-The help people need most urgently is help in admitting that they need help.
-%
-The heroic hours of life do not announce their presence by drum and trumpet,
-challenging us to be true to ourselves by appeals to the martial spirit that
-keeps the blood at heat.  Some little, unassuming, unobtrusive choice presents
-itself before us slyly and craftily, glib and insinuating, in the modest garb
-of innocence.  To yield to its blandishments is so easy.  The wrong, it seems,
-is venial...  Then it is that you will be summoned to show the courage of
-adventurous youth.
-		-- Benjamin Cardozo
-%
-The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
-protein -- it rejects it.
-		-- P. Medawar
-%
-The human race never solves any of its problems.  It merely outlives them.
-		-- David Gerrold
-%
-The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
-		-- Quintus Ennius
-%
-The important thing is not to stop questioning.
-%
-The kind of danger people most enjoy is the kind they can watch from
-a safe place.
-%
-The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
-		-- Irving Howe
-%
-The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
-The Least Successful Defrosting Device
-	The all-time record here is held by Mr. Peter Rowlands of Lancaster
-whose lips became frozen to his lock in 1979 while blowing warm air on it.
-	"I got down on my knees to breathe into the lock.  Somehow my lips
-got stuck fast."
-	While he was in the posture, an old lady passed an inquired if he
-was all right.  "Alra?  Igmmlptk", he replied at which point she ran away.
-	"I tried to tell her what had happened, but it came out sort of...
-muffled," explained Mr. Rowlands, a pottery designer.
-	He was trapped for twenty minutes ("I felt a bit foolish") until
-constant hot breathing brought freedom.  He was subsequently nicknamed "Hot
-Lips".
-		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
-%
-The Lord prefers common-looking people.  That is the reason that He makes
-so many of them.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the
-societies in which they occur.
-		-- A.N. Whitehead
-%
-The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
-		-- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time"
-%
-The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two
-chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
-		-- Carl Jung
-%
-The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
-%
-The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another
-mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same
-being who produces the impressions.
-		-- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade
-%
-The more I know men the more I like my horse.
-%
-The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.
-		-- Mme De Sevigne, 1626-1696
-%
-The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
-%
-The most disagreeable thing that your worst enemy says to your face does
-not approach what your best friends say behind your back.
-		-- Alfred De Musset
-%
-The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
-%
-The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
-		-- Lucille S. Harper
-%
-The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
-%
-The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
-%
-The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
-brings wisdom.
-		-- H.L. Mencken
-%
-The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint
-has a past and every sinner has a future.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
-%
-The only rose without thorns is friendship.
-%
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  It is never any
-use to oneself.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-The only two things that motivate me and that matter to me are revenge
-and guilt.
-		-- Elvis Costello
-%
-The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
-%
-The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is waiting.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
-%
-The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
-%
-The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible
-enough to give none.
-%
-The perfect friend sees the best in you -- sees it constantly -- not just
-when you occasionally are that way, but also when you waver, when you
-forget yourself, act like less than you are. In time, you become more
-like his vision of you -- which is the person you have always wanted to be.
-		-- Nancy Friday
-%
-The point is, you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad
-trying to stop yourself going mad.  You might just as well give in and
-save your sanity for later.
-%
-... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
-other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
-charity we can only call "inhuman."
-		-- R. A. Lafferty
-%
-The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
-stupidity of your action.
-%
-The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can
-be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-		-- Elizabeth Taylor
-%
-The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper
-thoughts about their neighbours.
-		-- F.H. Bradley
-%
-The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
-persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all progress
-depends on the unreasonable man.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
-The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.  This
-means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
-%
-"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
-%
-The second best policy is dishonesty.
-%
-The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
-%
-The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
-		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
-%
-The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
-%
-The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts for recurrence.  He
-can smile in the face of the most terrible thought: meaningless, aimless
-existence recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
-that he has the strength to recognise -- and to live with the recognition --
-that the world is valueless in itself and that all values are human ones.
-He creates himself by fashoning his own values; he has the pride to live
-by the values he wills.
-		-- Nietzsche
-%
-The sudden sight of me causes panic in the streets. They have yet to learn
--- only the savage fears what he does not understand.
-		-- The Silver Surfer
-%
-The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher
-esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
-		-- Nietzsche
-%
-The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
-%
-The three questions of greatest concern are -- 1. Is it attractive?
-2. Is it amusing?  3. Does it know its place?
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
-%
-The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds
-the other fellow of a dull one.
-		-- Sid Caesar
-%
-The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.
-		-- Andre Malraux
-%
-The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
-The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.
-		-- Nathaniel Howe
-%
-The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
-%
-The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
-%
-The wise man seeks everything in himself; the ignorant man tries to get
-everything from somebody else.
-%
-The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
-%
-The wonderful thing about a dancing bear is not how well he dances,
-but that he dances at all.
-%
-The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an
-open doorway with an open mind.
-		-- E.B. White
-%
-The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
-%
-The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."
-		-- King Lear
-%
-The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.
-		-- Bette Midler
-%
-The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,
-but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
-The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
-		-- William Butler Yeats
-%
-The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and
-not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could
-have materialized -- and never knowing.
-		-- David Viscott
-%
-	Then there's the story of the man who avoided reality for 70 years
-with drugs, sex, alcohol, fantasy, TV, movies, records, a hobby, lots of
-sleep...  And on his 80th birthday died without ever having faced any of
-his real problems.
-	The man's younger brother, who had been facing reality and all his
-problems for 50 years with psychiatrists, nervous breakdowns, tics, tension,
-headaches, worry, anxiety and ulcers, was so angry at his brother for having
-gotten away scott free that he had a paralyzing stroke.
-	The moral to this story is that there ain't no justice that we can
-stand to live with.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
-There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure
-to be thought so.
-%
-There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal
-friend.  They may know something that we don't.  They are probably
-avoiding a great deal of pain.
-%
-There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing.
-		-- Eugene Ionesco
-%
-There are no emotional victims, only volunteers.
-%
-There are no great men, buster.  There are only men.
-		-- Elaine Stewart, "The Bad and the Beautiful"
-%
-There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced
-by circumstances to meet.
-		-- Admiral William Halsey
-%
-There are only two kinds of men -- the dead and the deadly.
-		-- Helen Rowland
-%
-There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
-truth without lying.
-		-- Josh Billings
-%
-There are two types of people in this world, good and bad.  The good
-sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-There comes a time to stop being angry.
-		-- A Small Circle of Friends
-%
-There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote,
-at least an alleviation.  If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.
-	--Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles
-%
-There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it
-has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.
-		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
-%
-There is brutality and there is honesty.  There is no such thing as brutal
-honesty.
-%
-There is no delight the equal of dread.  As long as it is somebody else's.
-		--Clive Barker
-%
-There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
-%
-There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
-%
-There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
-%
-There is no such thing as inner peace.  There is only nervousness or death.
-Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behaviour.
-		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
-%
-There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
-		-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
-%
-There is nothing stranger in a strange land than the stranger who comes
-to visit.
-%
-There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings,
-and that word is blackmail.
-		-- Colm Brogan
-%
-There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly
-divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
-There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
-%
-There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
-%
-There's no saint like a reformed sinner.
-%
-There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
-%
-Therefore it is necessary to learn how not to be good, and to use
-this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.
-		-- Machiavelli
-%
-They also serve who only stand and wait.
-		-- John Milton
-%
-They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see
-nothing but sea.
-		-- Francis Bacon
-%
-"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
-%
-They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
-%
-"They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult to like."
-		-- Avon
-%
-Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.
-		-- Frank Herbert, "Chapterhouse: Dune"
-%
-This generation doesn't have emotional baggage.  We have emotional moving vans.
-		-- Bruce Feirstein
-%
-This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's
-side.  I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little
-else to sustain them.  Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in
-a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
-Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
-%
-Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have
-learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee.
-		-- W.S. Krabill
-%
-Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
-		-- George Santayana
-%
-Those who don't know, talk.  Those who don't talk, know.
-%
-Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
-%
-To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.
-%
-To be great is to be misunderstood.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-To be is to be related.
-		-- C.J. Keyser.
-%
-To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
-%
-To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
-%
-To be wise, the only thing you really need to know is when to say
-"I don't know."
-%
-To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for
-you in your private heart is true for all men -- that is genius.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize
-the competent.
-%
-To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient
-solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.
-		-- H. Poincar'e
-%
-To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him -- two.
-		-- Norman Douglas
-%
-To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
-%
-To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
-%
-To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
-%
-To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
-%
-To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn
-old falsehoods.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
-%
-To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what
-he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do.
-%
-Too clever is dumb.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
-%
-Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
-		-- Henrik Tikkanen
-%
-Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
-%
-Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
-%
-Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
-		-- Alan Watts
-%
-Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.  Let me, then, straightforwardly
-state the thesis I shall now elaborate: Making variations on a theme is
-really the crux of creativity.
-		-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
-%
-Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.
-		-- e.e. cummings
-%
-Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
-
-Orac: "It is unlikely.  I would predict there are far greater mistakes
-      waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
-%
-Violence stinks, no matter which end of it you're on.  But now and then
-there's nothing left to do but hit the other person over the head with a
-frying pan.  Sometimes people are just begging for that frypan, and if we
-weaken for a moment and honor their request, we should regard it as
-impulsive philanthropy, which we aren't in any position to afford, but
-shouldn't regret it too loudly lest we spoil the purity of the deed.
-		-- Tom Robbins
-%
-Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice -- only the willingness
-to make it when necessary.
-		-- Frederick Dunn
-%
-Virtue is its own punishment.
-		-- Denniston
-
-Righteous people terrify me ... virtue is its own punishment.
-		-- Aneurin Bevan
-%
-Virtue is not left to stand alone.  He who practices it will have neighbors.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld
-%
-Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.
-		-- Edouard Le Berquier, "Pensees des Autres"
-%
-Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime.
-For a first offense, that is.
-%
-Walk softly and carry a BFG-9000.
-%
-Walk softly and carry a big stick.
-		-- Theodore Roosevelt
-%
-Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
-%
-We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling.
-%
-We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
-%
-We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
-		-- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
-%
-We are all born mad.  Some remain so.
-		-- Samuel Beckett
-%
-We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
-%
-We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness.
-		-- A. Schweitzer
-%
-We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
-		-- Ray Bradbury
-%
-We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
-		-- Whole Earth Catalog
-%
-We are each only one drop in a great ocean -- but some of the drops sparkle!
-%
-We are not loved by our friends for what we are; rather, we are loved in
-spite of what we are.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
-We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
-		-- Jonathon Swift
-%
-We are stronger than our skin of flesh and metal, for we carry and share a
-spectrum of suns and lands that lends us legends as we craft our immortality
-and interweave our destinies of water and air, leaving shadows that gather
-color of their own, until they outshine the substance that cast them.
-%
-We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
-		-- La Rochefoucauld
-%
-We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the
-machinations of the wicked.
-%
-We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
-	-- Eric Hoffer
-%
-We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect
-their good judgement.
-%
-We only acknowledge small faults in order to make it appear that we are
-free from great ones.
-		-- La Rouchefoucauld
-%
-We prefer to believe that the absence of inverted commas guarantees the
-originality of a thought, whereas it may be merely that the utterer has
-forgotten its source.
-		-- Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play"
-%
-We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
-%
-We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
-%
-We read to say that we have read.
-%
-We really don't have any enemies.  It's just that some of our best
-friends are trying to kill us.
-%
-We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
-		-- Thucydides
-%
-We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.
-		-- Jean de la Bruyere
-%
-We thrive on euphemism.  We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet
-size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative".  In
-fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie".  And now, here
-are the euphemisms so colorfully employed in Personal Ads:
-
-EUPHEMISM			REALITY
--------------------		-------------------------
-Excited about life's journey	No concept of reality
-Spiritually evolved		Oversensitive
-Moody				Manic-depressive
-Soulful				Quiet manic-depressive
-Poet				Boring manic-depressive
-Sultry/Sensual			Easy
-Uninhibited			Lacking basic social skills
-Unaffected and earthy		Slob and lacking basic social skills
-Irreverent			Nasty and lacking basic social skills
-Very human			Quasimodo's best friend
-Swarthy				Sweaty even when cold or standing still
-Spontaneous/Eclectic		Scatterbrained
-Flexible			Desperate
-Aging child			Self-centered adult
-Youthful			Over 40 and trying to deny it
-Good sense of humor		Watches a lot of television
-%
-Well, I'm disenchanted too.  We're all disenchanted.
-		-- James Thurber
-%
-Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the
-formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite
-shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide
-a grin.
-		-- F.M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations"
-%
-What do I consider a reasonable person to be?  I'd say a reasonable person
-is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes
-that into account when dealing with others.  Implicit in this definition is
-the belief that it is the right and the responsibility of each person to
-live his or her own life as he or she sees fit, to respect this right in
-others, and to demand the assumption of this responsibility by others.
-%
-What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-	What is involved in such [close] relationships is a form of emotional
-chemistry, so far unexplained by any school of psychiatry I am aware of, that
-conditions nothing so simple as a choice between the poles of attraction and
-repulsion.  You can meet some people thirty, forty times down the years, and
-they remain amiable bystanders, like the shore lights of towns that a sailor
-passes at stated times but never calls at on the regular run.  Conversely,
-all considerations of sex aside, you can meet some other people once or twice
-and they remain permanent influences on your life.
-	Everyone is aware of this discrepancy between the acquaintance seen
-as familiar wallpaper or instant friend.  The chemical action it entails is
-less worth analyzing than enjoying.  At any rate, these six pieces are about
-men with whom I felt an immediate sympat - to use a coining of Max Beerbohm's
-more satisfactory to me than the opaque vogue word "empathy".
-		-- Alistair Cooke, "Six Men"
-%
-What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity.  We are all formed
-of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that
-is the first law of nature.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
-What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think
-themselves cleverer than we are.
-%
-What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?
-		-- H.G. Wells
-%
-What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no
-longer believe you.
-		-- Nietzsche
-%
-What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
-		-- John Lubbock
-%
-What you see is from outside yourself, and may come, or not, but is beyond
-your control.  But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or
-your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control.  If you feel
-powerless over your fear, you have not yet admitted that it is yours, to do
-with as you will.
-		-- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "Stormqueen"
-%
-What's the matter with the world?  Why, there ain't but one thing wrong
-with every one of us -- and that's "selfishness."
-		-- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
-What's this stuff about people being "released on their own recognizance"?
-Aren't we all out on our own recognizance?
-%
-What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.
-		-- Christopher Fry
-%
-Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this: that you are dreadfully like
-other people.
-		-- James Russell Lowell, "My Study Windows"
-%
-Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
-%
-When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his
-mind wonderfully.
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
-When a man you like switches from what he said a year ago, or four years
-ago, he is a broad-minded man who has courage enough to change his mind
-with changing conditions.  When a man you don't like does it, he is a
-liar who has broken his promises.
-		-- Franklin Adams
-%
-When all other means of communication fail, try words.
-%
-When among apes, one must play the ape.
-%
-When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
-%
-When in doubt, do it.  It's much easier to apologize than to get permission.
-		-- Grace Murray Hopper
-%
-When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
-%
-When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
-%
-When there are two conflicting versions of the story, the wise course
-is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
-		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
-%
-When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
-%
-When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath
-your feet.
-		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
-%
-When you speak to others for their own good it's advice;
-when they speak to you for your own good it's interference.
-%
-When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
-impression you will make.
-%
-WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to
-laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.  Struggle
-to become a parrot or something.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
-%
-Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
-%
-Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure
-that they're not using it.
-%
-... whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to
-spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it.
-		-- Richard Shelton
-%
-While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
-admission to someone else.
-%
-While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
-%
-While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their
-correctness never does.
-%
-While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
-		-- Dean Rusk
-%
-While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
-reassuring to know that it's still there.
-%
-While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
-safe, for you can watch both of his.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
-become a monster.  And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
-into you.
-		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
-%
-Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
-%
-Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
-%
-Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
-avoid responsibility with?
-%
-Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they
-are another's.
-		 -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681
-%
-Why was I born with such contemporaries?
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Why, every one as they like; as the good woman said when she kissed her cow.
-		-- Rabelais
-%
-Will your long-winded speeches never end?
-What ails you that you keep on arguing?
-		-- Job 16:3
-%
-Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
-it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
-%
-With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I
-try to be a fraud and a half.
-		-- Otto von Bismark
-%
-With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
-%
-Words must be weighed, not counted.
-%
-Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair -- It gives you something to do,
-but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-%
-Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-		-- Anonymous
-%
-Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most astonishin'
-things to preserve their respectability.  Thank God I'm not respectable.
-		-- Ruthven Campbell Todd
-%
-Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
-%
-Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
-%
-You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
-%
-You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.
-		-- Philip Whalen
-%
-You are absolute plate-glass. I see to the very back of your mind.
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
-You are not a fool just because you have done something foolish --
-only if the folly of it escapes you.
-%
-You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
-%
-You can always tell the people that are forging the new frontier.
-They're the ones with arrows sticking out of their backs.
-%
-You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
-		-- Katharine Fullerton Gerould
-%
-You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
-		-- Janis Joplin
-%
-You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
-%
-You can't cheat an honest man.  Never give a sucker an even break or
-smarten up a chump.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
-You can't cross a large chasm in two small jumps.
-%
-You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.
-		-- Peter Frampton
-%
-You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.
-		-- Ayn Rand
-%
-You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
-		-- Booker T. Washington
-%
-You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle
-is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
-%
-You can't play your friends like marks, kid.
-		-- Henry Gondorf, "The Sting"
-%
-You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.  You get spastic
-enough worrying about what's happening now.
-		-- Lauren Bacall
-%
-"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."
-		-- Dagwood Bumstead
-%
-You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
-%
-You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
-%
-You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
-%
-You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
-		-- Indira Gandhi
-%
-You cannot use your friends and have them too.
-%
-You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
-and last month in advance.
-%
-You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on
-coming back down.
-		-- Oliver Warbucks, "Annie"
-%
-You don't have to explain something you never said.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
-You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me 
-from your own life.  May it all turn out to your happiness.
-		-- Goethe
-%
-You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going,
-because you might not get there.
-		-- Yogi Berra
-%
-You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
-		-- John Viscount Morley
-%
-You humans are all alike.
-%
-You just wait, I'll sin till I blow up!
-		-- Dylan Thomas
-%
-You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
-		-- Maharbal
-%
-You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
-you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
-%
-You know it's going to be a long day when you get up, shave and shower,
-start to get dressed and your shoes are still warm.
-		-- Dean Webber
-%
-You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.
-		-- Garfield
-%
-You know what they say -- the sweetest word in the English language is revenge.
-		-- Peter Beard
-%
-You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.
-		-- E.A. Gilliam
-%
-You know you're in trouble when...
-(1)	You wake up face down on the pavement.
-(2)	Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
-(3)	You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes
-		out of the city.
-(4)	Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
-(5)	You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then
-		remember that you don't have a waterbed.
-(6)	Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate.
-%
-You know you're in trouble when...
-(1)	You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your 
-		skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
-		Especially if you're a man.
-(2)	Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
-(3)	Your income tax check bounces.
-(4)	You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
-(5)	Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
-(6)	You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
-		after you bought a waterbed.
-(7)	You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk
-		clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party 
-		for your spouse.
-%
-You know you're in trouble when...
-(1)	Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
-		follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
-(2)	You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party 
-		and there aren't any.
-(3)	Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
-(4)	The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
-(5)	You wake up and your braces are locked together.
-(6)	Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
-%
-You know you're in trouble when...
-(1)	Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind 
-		her own business.
-(2)	You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
-(3)	You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
-(4)	You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
-(5)	Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-(6)	Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to 
-		flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
-(7)	You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
-%
-You know your apartment is small...
-	when you can't know its position and velocity at the same time.
-	you put your key in the lock and it breaks the window.
-	you have to go outside to change your mind.
-	you can vacuum the entire place using a single electrical outlet.
-%
-You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
-is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
-		-- Sydney Harris
-%
-You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him.
-		-- Ed Howe
-%
-You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success.
-You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white
-plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised
-as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
-		-- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
-%
-You must know that a man can have only one invulnerable loyalty, loyalty
-to his own concept of the obligations of manhood.  All other loyalties
-are merely deputies of that one.
-		-- Nero Wolfe
-%
-You never gain something but that you lose something.
-		-- Thoreau
-%
-You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
-%
-You never go anywhere without your soul.
-%
-You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
-		-- William Blake
-%
-You never learn anything by doing it right.
-%
-You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
-know how seldom they do.
-		-- Olin Miller.
-%
-	"You say there are two types of people?"
-	"Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that don't."
-	"Wrong.  There are three groups:
-		Those who separate people into three groups.
-		Those who don't separate people into groups.
-		Those who can't decide."
-	"Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into two groups?"
-	"Oh.  Okay, then there are four groups."
-	"Aren't you then separating people into four groups?"
-	"Yeah."
-	"So then there's a fifth group, right?"
-	"You know, the problem is these idiots who can't make up their minds."
-%
-You see things; and you say "Why?"
-But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"
-		-- George Bernard Shaw, "Back to Methuselah"
-		[No, it wasn't J.F. Kennedy.  Ed.]
-%
-You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.
-		-- Joseph Conrad
-%
-You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
-%
-You should make a point of trying every experience once -- except
-incest and folk-dancing.
-		-- A. Bax, "Farewell My Youth"
-%
-You shouldn't wallow in self-pity.  But it's OK to put your feet in it
-and swish them around a little.
-		-- Guindon
-%
-You want to know why I kept getting promoted?  Because my mouth knows more
-than my brain.
-	-- W.G.
-%
-You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
-		-- Frank Hubbard
-%
-You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m.
-anyway.
-		-- From the wall of the Wurster Hall stairwell
-%
-You'd better smile when they watch you, smile like you're in control.
-		-- Smile, "Was (Not Was)"
-%
-You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
-%
-You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.
-		-- Eldridge Cleaver
-%
-You're never too old to become younger.
-		-- Mae West
-%
-You've always made the mistake of being yourself.
-		-- Eugene Ionesco
-%
-You've been telling me to relax all the way here, and now you're telling
-me just to be myself?
-		-- The Return of the Secaucus Seven
-%
-Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for
-counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business.  For the
-experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it, directeth
-them; but in new things, abuseth them.  The errors of young men are the ruin
-of business; but the errors of aged men amount but to this, that more might
-have been done, or sooner.  Young men, in the conduct and management of
-actions, embrace more than they can hold; stir more than they can quiet; fly
-to the end, without consideration of the means and degrees; pursue some few
-principles which they have chanced upon absurdly; care not how they innovate,
-which draws unknown inconveniences; and, that which doubleth all errors, will
-not acknowledge or retract them; like an unready horse, that will neither stop
-nor turn.  Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little,
-repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but
-content themselves with a mediocrity of success.  Certainly, it is good to
-compound employments of both ... because the virtues of either age may correct
-the defects of both.
-		-- Francis Bacon, "Essay on Youth and Age"
-%
-Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
-		-- George Chapman
-%
-Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
-		-- Augustus Caesar
-%
-Your Co-worker Could Be a Space Alien, Say Experts
-		...Here's How You Can Tell
-Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -- but you
-can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They
-listed 10 signs to watch for:
-    (3) Bizarre sense of humor.  Space aliens who don't understand
-	earthly humor may laugh during a company training film or tell
-	jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
-    (6) Misuses everyday items.  "A space alien may use correction
-	fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.
-    (8) Secretive about personal life-style and home.  "An alien won't
-	discuss details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends."
-   (10) Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
-	high-tech hardware.  "An alien may experience a mood change when
-	a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.
-The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not
-all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
-		-- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.
-
-	[I thought everybody laughed at company training films.  Ed.]
-%
-Your conscience never stops you from doing anything.  It just stops you
-from enjoying it.
-%
-Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your
-acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
-		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
-%
-Youth -- not a time of life but a state of mind... a predominance of
-courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease.
-		-- Robert F. Kennedy
-%
-Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli, "Coningsby"
-%
-Youth is a disease from which we all recover.
-		-- Dorothy Fuldheim
-%
-	Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind; it is a temper of
-the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a predominance
-of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.
-	Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow
-old only by deserting their ideals.  Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up
-enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.  Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear, and despair
--- these are the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit
-back to dust.
-	Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart the love
-of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike things and
-thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite
-for what next, and the joy and the game of life.
-	You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your
-self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your
-despair.
-	So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage,
-grandeur and power from the earth, from man, and from the Infinite, so long
-you are young.
-		-- Samuel Ullman
-%