fortune-teller 0.1.0 → 0.3.0

package/fortunes/off/unrotated/misogyny

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-A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman.  Imagine if on top
-of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.
-		-- Adolf Hitler
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-A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.
-		-- Norman Mailer
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-A perfectly honest woman, a woman who never flatters, who never manages,
-who never cajoles, who never conceals, who never uses her eyes, who never
-speculates on the effect which she produces, who never is conscious of
-unspoken admiration, what a monster, I say, would such a female be!
-		-- Thackeray
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-A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female
-by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness.
-		-- Aristotle
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-A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family,
-the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society
-which is on its way out.
-		-- L. Ron Hubbard
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-A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.
-		-- Scott
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-A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing--tender, sweet, and stupid.
-		-- Adolf Hitler
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-A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
-It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.
-		-- Karl Kraus, "Die Fackel"
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-A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.
-		-- Herodotus
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-A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social
-pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate
-woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love,
-without virtue, without sex.
-		-- Balzac
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-A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.
-		-- Pancho Villa
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-Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.
-		-- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407.
-%
-And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve?  The judgement of God
-upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of 
-criminal at the bar of justice.
-		-- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer
-%
-		Are Women Human?
-
-In the year 584, in Lyon, France, 43 Catholic bishops and 20 men
-representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote. The
-results were 32 yes, 31 no.  Women were declared human by one vote.
-%
-	Are you a Young Urban Professional Woman?  If so, you know how
-Yuppie women are; cold, ruthless bitches with no time for love, and only
-an occasional weekend for sex.  Your one "hot date" with Joe Fastrack,
-rising corporate star, ended in disaster.  Yesterday you heard him telling
-a friend over lunch,  "The woman must masturbate with popsicles!"  Well,
-all is not lost!  SofSqueeze can change your nickname to Electrolux in just
-15 minutes a day!
-	SofSqueeze is a pressure sensitive device (divided into appropriate
-sections) that plugs into the serial port of most home computers.  Through
-the magic of biofeedback, SofSqueeze teaches you control over your vaginal
-muscles.  With our exciting, easy-to-follow software you'll master the
-"Cincinnati Squeeze", the "Irresistable", the "California Crusher", and,
-of course, the perennial favorite, "Milking Time Down on the Farm".  Or,
-using our exclusive Interactive Mode, invent your own!
-	SofSqueeze is made of sturdy ABS plastic, and is completely
-immersible for easy cleaning.  SofSqueeze's flesh-toned exterior is finely
-textured for a realistic effect.  Requires 4K RAM, a DB25 serial port and
-limited graphics capability.  Comes fully assembled, with 4 AA batteries.
-%
-Contemporary American feminism's simplistic psychology is illustrated by
-the new cliche of the date-rape furor:  "`No' always means `no'."  Will
-we ever graduate from the Girl Scouts?  "No" has always been, and always
-will be, part of the dangerous alluring courtship ritual of sex and
-seduction, observable even in the animal kingdom.
-		-- Camille Paglia, NY Times, Dec. 14 1990, Op Ed.
-%
-Dames lie about anything -- just for practice.
-		-- Raymond Chandler
-%
-Do you want to know what's ahead for you, in your happiness at home,
-your business success?  Here's a telling test: Look in the mirror.  Is
-your skin smooth and lovely, your hair gleaming, your make-up glamorous?
-Are you slender enough for your height?  Do you stand erect, confident?
-Yes?  Then you are on your way to success as a woman.
-		-- Ladies' Home Journal, 1947 advertisement
-%
-Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.
-		-- Chinese Proverb
-%
-Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work.
-Except for women.
-%
-Everyone in the office is welcome to join the group going to the Columbus
-Theater tonight.  Meet in the lobby at 8:30.  The films are "Blue Jennifer" 
-and "Hot Coed Cheerleaders".
-%
-Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women.
-They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.
-		-- Earl Wilson
-%
-Finally, a reporter got a chance to interview Tarzan.
-
-Reporter: Tarzan?  Is that your first or last name?
-Tarzan:   Tarzan first name.
-Reporter: Then, what's your whole name?
-Tarzan:   Tarzan of the Apes.
-Reporter: And who is the woman with you?
-Tarzan:   That Jane.
-Reporter: And what's Jane's whole name?
-Tarzan:   Cunt.
-%
-Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President?
-"I can't deal with the Russians today.  Not now.  I've got my period."
-		-- Steven Moore
-%
-Here's to women.  Would that we could fall into her arms without falling
-into her hands.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-	I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and
-asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics.  He politely obliged.
-That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten
-over the same month for the previous year.  The precinct had made two
-arrests.
-	"Not a very impressive record," I offered.
-	"Don't worry about it," the sergeant assured me.  "You know what
-these complaints represent?"
-	"What do they represent?" I asked.
-	"Prostitutes who didn't get their money," he said firmly,
-closing the book.
-		-- Susan Brownmiller, "Against Our Will"
-%
-If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce
-love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?
-		-- Saint Augustine
-%
-In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her
-husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons.  A woman must never
-be free of subjugation.
-		-- The Hindu Code of Manu
-%
-In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an
-instrument of pleasure.
-		-- Tolstoy
-%
-It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that
-could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered,
-broad-hipped, and short-legged race.
-		-- Schopenhauer
-%
-It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how
-to love with authority.  Women are simple souls who like simple things,
-and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give.  ...  Our family
-airedale will come clear across the yard for one pat on the head.  The
-average wife is like that.
-		-- Episcopal Bishop James Pike
-%
-Many a woman hasn't realized that she was raped until the check bounced.
-%
-Men are superior to women.
-		-- The Koran
-%
-No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
-		-- Sidney
-%
-One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.
-		-- Confucius
-%
-Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the
-ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.
-		-- Edgar Berman
-%
-Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.
-		-- Grover Cleveland, 1905
-%
-She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge,
-containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for
-stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the
-unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours after use.
-
-In 1924 the New York Board of Health considered banning lipstick, not
-because it was hazardous to the wearers but because of "the worry that it
-might poison the men who kissed the women who wore it."
-		-- David Bodanis, "The Secret House"
-%
-Six days after the Creation, Adam was still alone in the Garden of
-Eden, and getting pretty desperate. "God!" he cried, "rescue me from
-loneliness and despair!  Send some company for Your sake!"
-
-God replied "OK, I have just the thing. Keep you warm and relaxed all
-the days of your life.  Never complains.  Looks up to you in every way.
-It'll cost you though".
-
-"Sounds ideal" said Adam. "The society of the beasts of the field and
-the birds of the air palls after a while.  What's the price?"
-
-"An arm and a leg", said God.
-
-Adam thought about it for a bit and finally sighed.  "So, what can I get
-for a rib?"
-%
-Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.
-		-- Noel Coward
-%
-Sure, and of course I would vote for a woman for president!  
-Quite naturally, we wouldn't have to pay her so much.
-%
-That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is
-remarkable.  Amid all the scolding, to be able to think!  But he could not
-write: that was impossible.  Socrates has not left us a single book.
-		-- Heine
-%
-The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made.  Evidently He made
-her on Saturday night.  She reveals his fatigue.
-		-- Dumas
-%
-The great question that has never been answered and which I have not
-yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the
-feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?
-		-- Sigmund Freud
-		
-	[*Which* woman?  This sort of *stupid* question should, I suppose, be
-	 expected from the man who invented the mind-bogglingly unbelievable
-	 concept of 'penis envy' to explain the behavior of half of mankind.]
-%
-The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary.  She
-is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.
-		-- Norton
-%
-The more I learn about women, the more I love my dog.
-%
-The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.
-		-- A. Hoffman
-%
-The Pope is working on a crossword puzzle one Sunday afternoon.  He stops
-for a moment, scratches his forehead, then asks a Cardinal, "Can you think
-of a four-letter word for `woman' that ends in `u-n-t'?"
-	"Aunt," replies the Cardinal.
-	"Say, thanks," says the Pope.  "You got an eraser?"
-%
-The Queen is most anxious to enlist every one who can speak or write to
-join in checking this mad, wicked folly of "Woman's Rights", with all its
-attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every
-sense of womanly feeling and propriety.  Lady ____ ought to get a good
-whipping.  It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot
-contain herself.  God created men and women different -- then let them
-remain each in their own position.
-	-- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from Queen Victoria
-%
-Were there no women, men might live like gods.
-		-- Thomas Dekker
-%
-When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.  I
-shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do
-what you like now."
-		-- Tolstoy
-%
-When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
-say in front of girls.  Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
-%
-With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be
-up here with us.
-		-- Ralph Kiner, on introducing an award winner
-%
-With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies.
-And when she lies, she does not believe herself.
-		-- Tolstoy
-%
-With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of
-it.  I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too
-close.  Like catching snakes.
-		-- Marlon Brando
-%
-Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad
-woman scarcely exists.
-		-- Tolstoy
-%
-Women -- can't live with 'em, can't leave 'em by the curb when you're done.
-%
-Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
-		-- Napoleon
-%
-Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners.
-In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the
-original earth clinging to the roots.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-Women should be obscene and not heard.
-%