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-# One-on-One Meeting Guides
-
-**Comprehensive guide to running effective 1-on-1s with engineers.**
-
----
-
-## Why 1-on-1s Matter
-
-**1-on-1s are the most important meeting you have as a manager.**
-
-They are:
-- **Your primary tool** for building trust and relationships
-- **Early warning system** for problems (burnout, disengagement, conflict)
-- **Career development forum** for growth conversations
-- **Two-way feedback channel** for manager and report
-- **Safe space** for difficult conversations
-
-**What 1-on-1s are NOT:**
-- ❌ Status updates (use stand-ups or async for this)
-- ❌ Manager's agenda only (this is THEIR meeting)
-- ❌ Performance review (separate, formal process)
-- ❌ Optional or easily canceled (highest priority meeting)
-
----
-
-## Cadence and Duration
-
-### Standard Cadence
-
-**Weekly 30-minute 1-on-1:**
-- **For:** All direct reports
-- **Duration:** 30 minutes minimum
-- **When:** Same day/time each week (consistency matters)
-- **Format:** Video call preferred (see facial expressions, body language)
-
-**Monthly 60-minute Career 1-on-1:**
-- **For:** All direct reports
-- **Duration:** 60 minutes
-- **Focus:** Long-term career goals, growth, skills development
-- **Separate from weekly** - different purpose and depth
-
-### Adjusting Cadence
-
-**More frequent (twice weekly or daily):**
-- New hire in first 90 days
-- Engineer struggling with performance
-- Critical project or high-stress period
-- Significant personal/team changes
-
-**Less frequent (bi-weekly):**
-- Staff+ engineers with high autonomy
-- Strong performers who prefer more space
-- **BUT:** Be careful - reducing frequency can signal lack of care
-
-**Never skip more than 2 weeks** - relationship and trust erode quickly
-
----
-
-## Weekly 1-on-1 Structure
-
-### Template Agenda (30 minutes)
-
-```
-First 15 minutes - THEIR Agenda:
-├── "What's top of mind for you this week?"
-├── Obstacles and blockers
-├── Concerns or frustrations
-├── Wins and celebrations
-└── Questions for you
-
-Last 15 minutes - YOUR Agenda:
-├── Project updates (if needed)
-├── Feedback (both directions)
-├── Team/org updates they should know
-├── Planning and priorities
-└── Action items recap
-```
-
-**Key principle:** First half is THEIRS, second half is yours. Don't flip this.
-
-### Opening Questions
-
-**Start with open-ended questions:**
-- "What's top of mind for you?"
-- "How are you feeling about work this week?"
-- "What's been energizing? What's been draining?"
-- "What's one thing I can help you with?"
-- "What's going well? What's not going well?"
-
-**Avoid:**
-- "Any updates?" (too vague, leads to status update)
-- "Everything good?" (closed question, easy to deflect)
-- Starting with YOUR agenda (makes it your meeting, not theirs)
-
-### Deep Listening
-
-**Active listening techniques:**
-1. **Pause before responding** - Let them finish, then pause 2-3 seconds
-2. **Paraphrase back** - "So what I'm hearing is..."
-3. **Ask follow-up questions** - "Tell me more about that"
-4. **Validate emotions** - "That sounds frustrating"
-5. **Take notes** - Shows you care, helps follow up
-
-**Avoid:**
-- Interrupting or finishing their sentences
-- Immediately jumping to solutions
-- Checking phone/laptop during meeting
-- Multi-tasking or distracted listening
-- Dismissing concerns ("that's not a big deal")
-
----
-
-## Conversation Themes
-
-### Theme 1: Obstacles and Blockers
-
-**Questions:**
-- "What's slowing you down this week?"
-- "What blockers can I help remove?"
-- "Is there anything unclear about priorities?"
-- "What do you need from me or other teams?"
-
-**Your role:** Remove obstacles, provide clarity, connect to resources
-
-**Follow-up actions:**
-- Clear blockers within 48 hours if possible
-- If you can't solve it, explain why and alternatives
-- Connect them to people who can help
-
-### Theme 2: Work-Life Balance and Wellbeing
-
-**Questions:**
-- "How's your workload feeling?"
-- "Are you able to disconnect after work?"
-- "How's the on-call rotation impacting you?"
-- "What's your stress level on a scale of 1-10?"
-
-**Red flags to watch for:**
-- Working late nights or weekends regularly
-- Not taking vacation or breaks
-- Appearing exhausted or burned out
-- Increasing cynicism or negativity
-
-**Your actions:**
-- Proactively redistribute work if overloaded
-- Encourage time off and model healthy behavior
-- Address unrealistic expectations from stakeholders
-
-### Theme 3: Team Dynamics
-
-**Questions:**
-- "How's the team dynamic lately?"
-- "Anyone you'd like more/less collaboration with?"
-- "Do you feel heard in team discussions?"
-- "Any conflicts or friction I should be aware of?"
-
-**Why this matters:** Problems fester if not surfaced early
-
-**Your role:**
-- Address conflicts quickly and directly
-- Create space for difficult conversations
-- Coach on communication and collaboration
-
-### Theme 4: Growth and Development
-
-**Questions:**
-- "What skills do you want to develop?"
-- "What kind of projects excite you?"
-- "What's one thing you'd like to learn this quarter?"
-- "Are there areas where you'd like more autonomy?"
-
-**Follow-up:**
-- Identify stretch projects for skill development
-- Connect to mentors or learning resources
-- Create opportunities for growth
-
-### Theme 5: Feedback (Both Directions)
-
-**Giving feedback:**
-- Specific examples, not generalizations
-- Timely (within days, not weeks)
-- Balanced (positive and constructive)
-- Actionable (clear what to do differently)
-
-**Asking for feedback:**
-- "What's one thing I could do better as your manager?"
-- "What should I start/stop/continue doing?"
-- "How can I better support you?"
-- "Am I giving you enough context?"
-
-**Why ask for feedback:** Shows humility, builds trust, improves your management
-
-### Theme 6: Career and Progression
-
-**Questions:**
-- "Where do you see yourself in 2-3 years?"
-- "What does success look like for you?"
-- "What's your ideal next role?"
-- "Are you interested in management or staying IC?"
-
-**Follow-up:**
-- Create development plan with specific goals
-- Regular check-ins on progress toward goals
-- Be honest about promotion timeline and criteria
-
----
-
-## Monthly Career 1-on-1 (60 minutes)
-
-### Purpose
-
-**Deep dive on long-term career:**
-- Goals and aspirations
-- Skills development
-- Promotion readiness
-- Personal development
-
-**Not for:** Day-to-day work or status updates
-
-### Structure
-
-```
-Part 1: Reflection (15 min)
-├── "Looking back at last quarter, what are you proud of?"
-├── "What challenged you?"
-├── "What did you learn?"
-└── "How do you feel about your growth?"
-
-Part 2: Skills Assessment (15 min)
-├── Review career ladder for their level
-├── "Where are you strong?"
-├── "Where do you want to grow?"
-└── Identify 2-3 development areas
-
-Part 3: Goal Setting (20 min)
-├── "What goals do you have for next quarter?"
-├── Technical skills to develop
-├── Projects for growth
-├── Leadership or collaboration skills
-└── Document goals in shared doc
-
-Part 4: Long-Term Vision (10 min)
-├── "What's your 2-3 year vision?"
-├── "What role do you aspire to?"
-├── "What experiences do you need?"
-└── Discuss realistic path and timeline
-```
-
-### Career Development Plan
-
-**Template:**
-
-```markdown
-## Career Development Plan: [Name]
-Current Level: L4 (Mid-level Engineer)
-Target Level: L5 (Senior Engineer)
-Timeline: 12-18 months
-
-### Strengths
-- Strong technical execution
-- Excellent collaboration with team
-- Consistently delivers projects on time
-
-### Development Areas
-1. Technical depth in Kubernetes
-2. Design skills for larger systems
-3. Mentorship of junior engineers
-
-### Goals for Q1 2024
-1. **Kubernetes Deep Dive**
-   - Complete CKA certification
-   - Lead migration of 5 services to K8s
-   - Present K8s lunch & learn to team
-
-2. **System Design**
-   - Shadow Sarah on next architecture review
-   - Design and propose observability platform
-   - Read "Designing Data-Intensive Applications"
-
-3. **Mentorship**
-   - Mentor Alex (L3) on CI/CD project
-   - Review code with teaching mindset
-   - Pair programming 2 hours/week
-
-### Action Items for Manager
-- Assign K8s migration project to [Name]
-- Invite to architecture reviews
-- Connect with Sarah for mentorship
-- Approve CKA cert ($300)
-
-### Next Review: March 31, 2024
-```
-
----
-
-## Difficult Conversations
-
-### Performance Issues
-
-**Structure:**
-1. **State the problem clearly** - Specific examples, not vague
-2. **Impact** - Why this matters (team, customers, business)
-3. **Listen** - What's their perspective? Any context you're missing?
-4. **Create improvement plan** - Specific actions, timeline, support
-5. **Follow-up** - Regular check-ins on progress
-
-**Example:**
-> "I want to talk about missed deadlines. In the last 3 sprints, you've committed to 20 points but delivered 12. This impacts the team's ability to deliver our roadmap. Can you help me understand what's happening?"
-
-**Listen for:**
-- Lack of clarity on expectations
-- Workload issues or competing priorities
-- Skill gaps that need addressing
-- Personal issues affecting work
-- Misalignment on what "done" means
-
-**Avoid:**
-- Surprising them (feedback should be ongoing)
-- Being vague ("you need to work harder")
-- Comparing to other engineers
-- Making it personal
-
-### Burnout Signals
-
-**Conversation:**
-> "I've noticed you've been working late and seem exhausted. I'm concerned about your wellbeing. Can we talk about your workload?"
-
-**If they're burned out:**
-- Immediate action: Reduce workload or take time off
-- Medium-term: Redistribute work, hire if needed
-- Long-term: Address root cause (understaffing, unrealistic expectations, toxic culture)
-
-**Don't:**
-- Ignore the signs hoping it gets better
-- Tell them to "just take a vacation" without addressing root cause
-- Make them feel guilty for being burned out
-
-### Resignation Conversations
-
-**When they give notice:**
-1. **Don't panic or guilt-trip** - "That's disappointing, but I understand"
-2. **Ask why** - "Can you share what led to this decision?"
-3. **Listen without defending** - Hear their reasons, don't argue
-4. **Counter-offer (if appropriate)** - Only if you can fix the real issues
-5. **Graceful exit** - Thank them, plan transition
-
-**Exit interview questions:**
-- "What made you start looking?"
-- "What could we have done differently?"
-- "What did you like about working here?"
-- "Any feedback on my management?"
-
-**Use feedback to improve** - Patterns across exits reveal systemic issues
-
-### Conflict Between Team Members
-
-**Your role:** Mediator, not judge
-
-**Process:**
-1. **Talk to each person separately** - Get both perspectives
-2. **Facilitate conversation** - Bring them together if appropriate
-3. **Focus on behaviors, not personalities** - "When X happens..." not "You are..."
-4. **Find common ground** - Shared goals, mutual respect
-5. **Set expectations** - Clear standards for behavior going forward
-
-**Don't:**
-- Take sides or make it about who's "right"
-- Let conflict fester hoping it resolves itself
-- Make it a public issue (handle privately)
-
----
-
-## Common Mistakes
-
-### Mistake 1: Canceling or Rescheduling
-
-**Why it's bad:** Sends message that they're not priority
-
-**Fix:**
-- Protect 1-on-1 time in calendar (hard block)
-- Only reschedule for true emergencies
-- If you must cancel, reschedule same week
-
-### Mistake 2: Turning It Into Status Update
-
-**Why it's bad:** Wastes opportunity for deeper conversation
-
-**Fix:**
-- Get project updates async (Slack, written)
-- Use 1-on-1 for coaching, feedback, career
-- Ask "What do you need from me?" not "What's your status?"
-
-### Mistake 3: Not Taking Notes
-
-**Why it's bad:** Forget commitments, lose context over time
-
-**Fix:**
-- Keep shared doc with notes from each 1-on-1
-- Action items and follow-ups tracked
-- Refer back to previous conversations
-
-### Mistake 4: Talking Too Much
-
-**Why it's bad:** This is THEIR meeting, not yours
-
-**Fix:**
-- Listen 70%, talk 30%
-- Ask open-ended questions
-- Pause before jumping in with advice
-
-### Mistake 5: Not Following Up on Action Items
-
-**Why it's bad:** Erodes trust ("they don't follow through")
-
-**Fix:**
-- Document action items clearly
-- Review at next 1-on-1
-- If you can't do something, explain why
-
-### Mistake 6: Avoiding Difficult Topics
-
-**Why it's bad:** Problems fester, relationship stays surface-level
-
-**Fix:**
-- Address issues early and directly
-- Create psychological safety for hard conversations
-- Model vulnerability by asking for feedback
-
----
-
-## 1-on-1 Templates
-
-### Template 1: New Hire (First 90 Days)
-
-**Week 1-2 (Daily 15-min check-ins):**
-- "How was your first day/week?"
-- "What questions do you have?"
-- "What's confusing or unclear?"
-- "Who have you met? Who should you meet?"
-
-**Week 3-12 (Weekly 30-min):**
-- "What's helping you ramp up? What's slowing you down?"
-- "How's the team culture feeling?"
-- "What systems/tools do you need more context on?"
-- "What feedback do you have on onboarding?"
-
-**Month 3 (60-min check-in):**
-- "How do you feel about your first 90 days?"
-- "What's working? What's not?"
-- "Ready to take on more? What kind of projects?"
-- "Any concerns or questions?"
-
-### Template 2: High Performer
-
-**Focus: Growth and retention**
-
-- "What projects are exciting you?"
-- "What skills do you want to develop?"
-- "Where do you want to be in 2 years?"
-- "What would make you leave this company?"
-- "How can I better support you?"
-
-### Template 3: Struggling Performer
-
-**Focus: Improvement plan and support**
-
-- "How do you feel about your performance?"
-- "What obstacles are in your way?"
-- "What support do you need from me?"
-- "Let's review our improvement plan progress"
-- "What's working? What's not working?"
-
-### Template 4: Staff+ Engineer
-
-**Focus: Strategic thinking and org impact**
-
-- "What technical problems are you seeing at org level?"
-- "What initiatives should we invest in?"
-- "How's your work on [strategic project]?"
-- "What do you need from me to unblock that?"
-- "How's your mentorship of senior engineers going?"
-
----
-
-## Building Psychological Safety
-
-**What is psychological safety?**
-The belief that you won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes.
-
-**How to create it:**
-
-1. **Model vulnerability**
-   - Share your own mistakes and learning
-   - Ask for feedback publicly
-   - Admit when you don't know something
-
-2. **Respond positively to bad news**
-   - "Thank you for telling me" (first response)
-   - Don't shoot the messenger
-   - Focus on learning, not blame
-
-3. **Ask open questions**
-   - "What am I missing?"
-   - "What concerns do you have?"
-   - "What would you do differently?"
-
-4. **No surprises**
-   - Regular feedback (not saved for reviews)
-   - Transparent about company/team changes
-   - Explain the "why" behind decisions
-
-5. **Follow through**
-   - If they raise concerns, act on them
-   - If you can't act, explain why
-   - Close the loop on every issue raised
-
-**Signs you've built it:**
-- They share mistakes without fear
-- They disagree with you in meetings
-- They bring up problems early
-- They ask "dumb" questions
-- They give you honest feedback
-
----
-
-## Topics Checklist (Rotate Through These)
-
-Use this checklist to ensure you're covering all important areas over time:
-
-**Weekly (should come up regularly):**
-- [ ] Current projects and obstacles
-- [ ] Team dynamics and collaboration
-- [ ] Immediate concerns or frustrations
-- [ ] Workload and wellbeing
-
-**Monthly:**
-- [ ] Skills development and learning
-- [ ] Career goals and progression
-- [ ] Feedback (both directions)
-- [ ] Team culture and belonging
-
-**Quarterly:**
-- [ ] Long-term career vision
-- [ ] Promotion readiness discussion
-- [ ] Company/org strategy and alignment
-- [ ] Personal development goals
-
-**As needed:**
-- [ ] Performance issues
-- [ ] Conflict resolution
-- [ ] Compensation and recognition
-- [ ] Work-life balance concerns
-- [ ] Major life events (personal context)
-
----
-
-## Questions Bank (Keep Fresh)
-
-**Bookmark these for variety:**
-
-**Energy & Motivation:**
-- "What part of your work energizes you most?"
-- "What drains you?"
-- "What would you do more of if you could?"
-- "What would you do less of?"
-
-**Impact & Recognition:**
-- "What impact are you most proud of?"
-- "Do you feel your work is recognized?"
-- "What contributions feel undervalued?"
-
-**Team & Collaboration:**
-- "Who on the team inspires you?"
-- "Who would you like to work with more?"
-- "How can we improve team collaboration?"
-
-**Growth & Challenge:**
-- "What's the right level of challenge for you right now?"
-- "Where do you feel like you're coasting?"
-- "Where do you feel stretched?"
-
-**Manager Support:**
-- "What can I do more of?"
-- "What can I do less of?"
-- "What's one thing I could change that would help you?"
-
-**Career & Future:**
-- "What role do you aspire to?"
-- "What skills do you want to be known for?"
-- "What would make this your dream job?"
-
----
-
-## Key Takeaways
-
-1. **Never cancel** - 1-on-1s are highest priority meeting
-2. **Their meeting, their agenda** - First half is theirs
-3. **Listen 70%, talk 30%** - You should be listening most of the time
-4. **Take notes** - In shared doc, track action items
-5. **Follow up** - Always close the loop on commitments
-6. **Be consistent** - Same day/time each week
-7. **Go deep** - Skip status updates, focus on growth and challenges
-8. **Ask for feedback** - Model vulnerability and continuous improvement
-9. **Build psychological safety** - Make it safe to share bad news
-10. **Vary topics** - Use checklist to ensure coverage over time
-
-**Remember:** 1-on-1s are your most powerful tool as a manager. Done well, they build trust, prevent problems, and help people grow. Done poorly or skipped, they signal that you don't care.
-
-Make them count.