wukong 3.0.0.pre → 3.0.0.pre2

data/data/text/gift_of_the_magi.txt

@@ -1,225 +0,0 @@
-The Gift of the Magi
-
-by O. Henry
-
-One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it
-was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the
-grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one's cheeks burned
-with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing
-implied. Three times Della counted it. One dollar and eighty-seven
-cents. And the next day would be Christmas.
-
-There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little
-couch and howl. So Della did it. Which instigates the moral reflection
-that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles
-predominating.
-
-While the mistress of the home is gradually subsiding from the first
-stage to the second, take a look at the home. A furnished flat at $8
-per week. It did not exactly beggar description, but it certainly had
-that word on the lookout for the mendicancy squad.
-
-In the vestibule below was a letter-box into which no letter would go,
-and an electric button from which no mortal finger could coax a ring.
-Also appertaining thereunto was a card bearing the name "Mr.  James
-Dillingham Young."
-
-The "Dillingham" had been flung to the breeze during a former period of
-prosperity when its possessor was being paid $30 per week. Now, when
-the income was shrunk to $20, though, they were thinking seriously of
-contracting to a modest and unassuming D. But whenever Mr. James
-Dillingham Young came home and reached his flat above he was called
-"Jim" and greatly hugged by Mrs. James Dillingham Young, already
-introduced to you as Della. Which is all very good.
-
-Della finished her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag.
-She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray cat walking a
-gray fence in a gray backyard. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she
-had only $1.87 with which to buy Jim a present. She had been saving
-every penny she could for months, with this result.  Twenty dollars a
-week doesn't go far. Expenses had been greater than she had calculated.
-They always are. Only $1.87 to buy a present for Jim. Her Jim. Many a
-happy hour she had spent planning for something nice for him. Something
-fine and rare and sterling--something just a little bit near to being
-worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim.
-
-There was a pier-glass between the windows of the room. Perhaps you
-have seen a pierglass in an $8 flat. A very thin and very agile person
-may, by observing his reflection in a rapid sequence of longitudinal
-strips, obtain a fairly accurate conception of his looks.  Della, being
-slender, had mastered the art.
-
-Suddenly she whirled from the window and stood before the glass.  Her
-eyes were shining brilliantly, but her face had lost its color within
-twenty seconds. Rapidly she pulled down her hair and let it fall to its
-full length.
-
-Now, there were two possessions of the James Dillingham Youngs in which
-they both took a mighty pride. One was Jim's gold watch that had been
-his father's and his grandfather's. The other was Della's hair. Had the
-queen of Sheba lived in the flat across the airshaft, Della would have
-let her hair hang out the window some day to dry just to depreciate Her
-Majesty's jewels and gifts. Had King Solomon been the janitor, with all
-his treasures piled up in the basement, Jim would have pulled out his
-watch every time he passed, just to see him pluck at his beard from
-envy.
-
-So now Della's beautiful hair fell about her rippling and shining like
-a cascade of brown waters. It reached below her knee and made itself
-almost a garment for her. And then she did it up again nervously and
-quickly. Once she faltered for a minute and stood still while a tear or
-two splashed on the worn red carpet.
-
-On went her old brown jacket; on went her old brown hat. With a whirl
-of skirts and with the brilliant sparkle still in her eyes, she
-fluttered out the door and down the stairs to the street.
-
-Where she stopped the sign read: "Mne. Sofronie. Hair Goods of All
-Kinds." One flight up Della ran, and collected herself, panting.
-Madame, large, too white, chilly, hardly looked the "Sofronie."
-
-"Will you buy my hair?" asked Della.
-
-"I buy hair," said Madame. "Take yer hat off and let's have a sight at
-the looks of it."
-
-Down rippled the brown cascade.
-
-"Twenty dollars," said Madame, lifting the mass with a practised hand.
-
-"Give it to me quick," said Della.
-
-Oh, and the next two hours tripped by on rosy wings. Forget the hashed
-metaphor. She was ransacking the stores for Jim's present.
-
-She found it at last. It surely had been made for Jim and no one else.
-There was no other like it in any of the stores, and she had turned all
-of them inside out. It was a platinum fob chain simple and chaste in
-design, properly proclaiming its value by substance alone and not by
-meretricious ornamentation--as all good things should do. It was even
-worthy of The Watch. As soon as she saw it she knew that it must be
-Jim's. It was like him. Quietness and value--the description applied to
-both. Twenty-one dollars they took from her for it, and she hurried
-home with the 87 cents. With that chain on his watch Jim might be
-properly anxious about the time in any company.  Grand as the watch
-was, he sometimes looked at it on the sly on account of the old leather
-strap that he used in place of a chain.
-
-When Della reached home her intoxication gave way a little to prudence
-and reason. She got out her curling irons and lighted the gas and went
-to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love. Which
-is always a tremendous task, dear friends--a mammoth task.
-
-Within forty minutes her head was covered with tiny, close-lying curls
-that made her look wonderfully like a truant schoolboy. She looked at
-her reflection in the mirror long, carefully, and critically.
-
-"If Jim doesn't kill me," she said to herself, "before he takes a
-second look at me, he'll say I look like a Coney Island chorus girl.
-But what could I do--oh! what could I do with a dollar and eighty-seven
-cents?"
-
-At 7 o'clock the coffee was made and the frying-pan was on the back of
-the stove hot and ready to cook the chops.
-
-Jim was never late. Della doubled the fob chain in her hand and sat on
-the corner of the table near the door that he always entered. Then she
-heard his step  on the stair away down on the first flight, and she
-turned white for just a moment. She had a habit of saying a little
-silent prayer about the simplest everyday things, and now she
-whispered: "Please God, make him think I am still pretty."
-
-The door opened and Jim stepped in and closed it. He looked thin and
-very serious. Poor fellow, he was only twenty-two--and to be burdened
-with a family! He needed a new overcoat and he was without gloves.
-
-Jim stopped inside the door, as immovable as a setter at the scent of
-quail. His eyes were fixed upon Della, and there was an expression in
-them that she could not read, and it terrified her. It was not anger,
-nor surprise, nor disapproval, nor horror, nor any of the sentiments
-that she had been prepared for. He simply stared at her fixedly with
-that peculiar expression on his face.
-
-Della wriggled off the table and went for him.
-
-"Jim, darling," she cried, "don't look at me that way. I had my hair
-cut off and sold because I couldn't have lived through Christmas
-without giving you a present. It'll grow out again--you won't mind,
-will you? I just had to do it. My hair grows awfully fast. Say `Merry
-Christmas!' Jim, and let's be happy. You don't know what a nice--what a
-beautiful, nice gift I've got for you."
-
-"You've cut off your hair?" asked Jim, laboriously, as if he had not
-arrived at that patent fact yet even after the hardest mental labor.
-
-"Cut it off and sold it," said Della. "Don't you like me just as well,
-anyhow? I'm me without my hair, ain't I?"
-
-Jim looked about the room curiously.
-
-"You say your hair is gone?" he said, with an air almost of idiocy.
-
-"You needn't look for it," said Della. "It's sold, I tell you--sold and
-gone, too. It's Christmas Eve, boy. Be good to me, for it went for you.
-Maybe the hairs of my head were numbered," she went on with sudden
-serious sweetness, "but nobody could ever count my love for you.  Shall
-I put the chops on, Jim?"
-
-Out of his trance Jim seemed quickly to wake. He enfolded his Della.
-For ten seconds let us regard with discreet scrutiny some
-inconsequential object in the other direction. Eight dollars a week or
-a million a year--what is the difference? A mathematician or a wit
-would give you the wrong answer. The magi brought valuable gifts, but
-that was not among them. This dark assertion will be illuminated later
-on.
-
-Jim drew a package from his overcoat pocket and threw it upon the table.
-
-"Don't make any mistake, Dell," he said, "about me. I don't think
-there's anything in the way of a haircut or a shave or a shampoo that
-could make me like my girl any less. But if you'll unwrap that package
-you may see why you had me going a while at first."
-
-White fingers and nimble tore at the string and paper. And then an
-ecstatic scream of joy; and then, alas! a quick feminine change to
-hysterical tears and wails, necessitating the immediate employment of
-all the comforting powers of the lord of the flat.
-
-For there lay The Combs--the set of combs, side and back, that Della
-had worshipped long in a Broadway window. Beautiful combs, pure
-tortoise shell, with jewelled rims--just the shade to wear in the
-beautiful vanished hair. They were expensive combs, she knew, and her
-heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of
-possession. And now, they were hers, but the tresses that should have
-adorned the coveted adornments were gone.
-
-But she hugged them to her bosom, and at length she was able to look up
-with dim eyes and a smile and say: "My hair grows so fast, Jim!"
-
-And then Della leaped up like a little singed cat and cried, "Oh, oh!"
-
-Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present. She held it out to him
-eagerly upon her open palm. The dull precious metal seemed to flash
-with a reflection of her bright and ardent spirit.
-
-"Isn't it a dandy, Jim? I hunted all over town to find it. You'll have
-to look at the time a hundred times a day now. Give me your watch.  I
-want to see how it looks on it."
-
-Instead of obeying, Jim tumbled down on the couch and put his hands
-under the back of his head and smiled.
-
-"Dell," said he, "let's put our Christmas presents away and keep 'em a
-while. They're too nice to use just at present. I sold the watch to get
-the money to buy your combs. And now suppose you put the chops on."
-
-The magi, as you know, were wise men--wonderfully wise men--who brought
-gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving
-Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones,
-possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And
-here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two
-foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other
-the greatest treasures of their house.  But in a last word to the wise
-of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were
-the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest.
-Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi.

data/data/text/jabberwocky.txt

@@ -1,36 +0,0 @@
-JABBERWOCKY
-
-Lewis Carroll
-
-(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)
-
-`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
-  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
-All mimsy were the borogoves,
-  And the mome raths outgrabe.
-
-"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
-  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
-Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
-  The frumious Bandersnatch!"
-He took his vorpal sword in hand:
-  Long time the manxome foe he sought --
-So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
-  And stood awhile in thought.
-And, as in uffish thought he stood,
-  The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
-Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
-  And burbled as it came!
-One, two! One, two! And through and through
-  The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
-He left it dead, and with its head
-  He went galumphing back.
-"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
-  Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
-O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
-  He chortled in his joy.
-
-`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
-  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
-All mimsy were the borogoves,
-  And the mome raths outgrabe.

data/data/text/rectification_of_names.txt

@@ -1,33 +0,0 @@
-In order to administer
-  the first thing to be done is to rectify names.
-
-If names be not correct,
-  language is not in accordance with the truth of things.
-If language be not in accordance with the truth of things,
-  affairs cannot be carried on to success.
- 
-When affairs cannot be carried on to success,
-  proprieties and music do not flourish.
-When proprieties and music do not flourish,
-  punishments will not be properly awarded.
-When punishments are not properly awarded,
-  the people do not know how to move hand or foot.
- 
-Therefore a superior man considers it necessary that
-  the names he uses may be spoken appropriately, and also that
-  what he speaks may be carried out appropriately.
-What the superior man requires is just that
-  in his words there may be nothing incorrect.
-
-If language is not correct,
-  then what is said is not what is meant;
-if what is said is not what is meant,
-  then what must be done remains undone;
-if this remains undone, morals and art will deteriorate;
-  if justice goes astray, the people will stand about in helpless confusion.
-
-Hence there must be no arbitrariness in what is said.
-
-This matters above everything.
-
--- Analects of Confucius Book 13 Verse 3 (based on 1980 James R. Ware translation)

data/data/twitter/a_atsigns_b.tsv

@@ -1,64 +0,0 @@
-user_a_id	user_b_id	status_id	retwtid
-
-3000000172	1000004517						costanza81	@derek_Jeter
-3000000173	1000000028	3000000172	1000004517		derek_Jeter	@costanza81
-3000000174	1000004517	3000000173	1000000028		costanza81	@derek_Jeter
-3000000175	1000000029	3000000174	1000004517		BernieWilliams	@costanza81
-3000000176	1000004517	3000000175	1000000029		costanza81	@BernieWilliams
-3000000177	1000000028	3000000176	1000004517		derek_Jeter	@costanza81
-3000000178	1000004517	3000000177	1000000028		costanza81	@derek_Jeter @BernieWilliams
-3000000180	1000004517						costanza81	@jerry
-3000000181	1000000632	3000000180	1000004517		jerry		@costanza81
-3000000182	1000004517	3000000181	1000000632		costanza81	@jerry
-3000000220	1000000069						bania		@jerry
-3000000221	1000000070						costanza81	@bubble_boy
-3000000231	1000004517						costanza81	@cushman
-3000000232	1000004517						costanza81	@cushman
-3000000259	1000322339						Cushman		@bigstein @costanza81
-3000000260	1000004517						costanza81	@bigstein
-3000000261	1000004517						costanza81	@bigstein
-3000000262	1000202970	3000000159	1000322339		bigstein	@cushman
-3000000009	1000000632						jerry		@AvisRental
-3000000010	1000000632						jerry		@costanza81
-3000000012	1000000632						jerry		@elainebenes
-3000000030	1000004517						costanza81	@ElaineBenes
-3000000038	1000004517						costanza81	@JonVoight
-3000000046	1000004517						costanza81	@RobertWagner
-3000000081	1000641417						JPeterman	@ElaineBenes
-3000000084	1000724245						cosmo		@Bob_Sacamano
-3000000106	1000000032						thementee	@jerry
-3000000107	1000000632	3000000106	1000000032		jerry		@thementee
-3000000110	1000000632	3000000109	1000004517		jerry		@costanza81
-3000000112	1000000632						jerry		@elainebenes
-3000000113	1000000506	3000000112	1000000632		elainebenes	@jerry
-3000000115	1000000632						jerry		@cosmo
-3000000116	1000724245	3000000115	1000000632		cosmo		@jerry
-3000000119	1000000632	3000000118	1000004517		jerry		@costanza81
-3000000120	1000004517	3000000119	1000000632		costanza81	@jerry
-3000000121	1000000632	3000000120	1000004517		jerry		@costanza81
-3000000123	1000000632						jerry		@Puddy
-3000000124	1000911320	3000000123	1000000632		Puddy		@jerry
-3000000125	1000000632	3000000124	1000911320		jerry		@Puddy
-3000000126	1000911320	3000000125	1000000632		Puddy		@jerry
-3000000128	1000410101						Ronnie		@jerry
-3000000129	1000000632	3000000128	1000410101		jerry		@ronnie
-3000000130	1000410101	3000000129	1000000632		Ronnie		@jerry
-3000000131	1000000632	3000000130	1000410101		jerry		@ronnie
-3000000135	1000724245	3000000134	1000004517		cosmo		@jerry
-3000000137	1000000632						jerry		@cosmo
-3000000138	1000724245	3000000137	1000000632		cosmo		@jerry
-3000000145	1000000632	3000000144	1000004517		jerry		@costanza81
-3000000146	1000004517	3000000145	1000000632		costanza81	@jerry
-3000000148	1000724245						cosmo		@pam
-3000000149	1000616766	3000000148	1000724245		Pam		@cosmo
-3000000151	1000431520						dean_jones	@cosmo
-3000000152	1000724245	3000000151	1000431520		cosmo		@dean_jones
-3000000153	1000431520	3000000152	1000724245		dean_jones	@cosmo
-3000000154	1000724245	3000000153	1000431520		cosmo		@dean_jones
-3000000155	1000431520	3000000154	1000724245		dean_jones	@cosmo
-3000000156	1000724245	3000000155	1000431520		cosmo		@dean_jones
-3000000157	1000431520	3000000156	1000724245		dean_jones	@cosmo
-3000000165	1000000632	3000000164	1000000506		jerry		@elainebenes
-3000000168	1000724245	3000000167	1000000632		cosmo		@jerry
-3000000169	1000000632	3000000167	1000000632		jerry		@jerry
-3000000170	1000000506	3000000167	1000000632		elainebenes	@jerry

data/data/twitter/a_follows_b.tsv

@@ -1,53 +0,0 @@
-a_follows_b	jerry   	costanza87
-a_follows_b	jerry   	elaine
-a_follows_b	jerry		puddy
-a_follows_b	jerry   	bob_sacamano
-a_follows_b	jerry   	original_kramer
-a_follows_b	jerry   	ESTELLECOSTNAZA
-a_follows_b	jerry   	superman
-a_follows_b	jerry   	dccomics
-a_follows_b	jerry   	shake_shack
-a_follows_b	costanza87	jerry
-a_follows_b	costanza87	elaine
-a_follows_b	costanza87	puddy   	
-a_follows_b	costanza87			
-a_follows_b	costanza87	bob_sacamano	
-a_follows_b	costanza87	original_kramer	
-a_follows_b	costanza87	newman    	
-a_follows_b	costanza87	close_talker	
-a_follows_b	costanza87	man_hands	
-a_follows_b	costanza87  	fusilli_jerry	
-a_follows_b	elaine
-a_follows_b	puddy   	jerry
-a_follows_b	puddy   	original_kramer
-a_follows_b	puddy   	nyrangers
-a_follows_b	puddy   	
-a_follows_b	puddy   	
-a_follows_b	puddy   	
-a_follows_b	bob_sacamano	
-a_follows_b	original_kramer	
-a_follows_b	newman    	
-a_follows_b	lomez   	
-a_follows_b	man_hands	
-a_follows_b	fusilli_jerry	jerry
-a_follows_b	fusilli_jerry	original_kramer
-a_follows_b	fusilli_jerry	(comedianguy)
-a_follows_b	bubble_boy	
-a_follows_b	jpeterman	
-a_follows_b	jpetermanco	
-a_follows_b	UNCLE_LEO	
-a_follows_b	serenity_now	
-a_follows_b	JackieChilesEsq	
-a_follows_b	mulva   	
-a_follows_b	babubhatt	
-a_follows_b	marla   	
-a_follows_b	ESTELLECOSTNAZA	
-a_follows_b	semischke	
-a_follows_b	bigstein	
-a_follows_b	superman	
-a_follows_b	ArtVandelay	
-a_follows_b	HJPennypacker	
-a_follows_b	KelVarnsen	
-a_follows_b	vannostrandmd
-a_follows_b	bubble_boy	jerry
-a_follows_b	bubble_boy	costanza87

data/data/twitter/tweet.tsv

@@ -1,167 +0,0 @@
-comment	id      	created_at 	user_id		faved	trunced	reply_user_id 	reply_tweet_id 	text                                                                                                                                       	source   	reply_sn  	reply_sid	screen_name     	user_sid   	iso_lang
-tweet	3000000001	20080101000145	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Oh... yeah. I got my new plates. But they mixed them up. Somebody got mine and I got their vanity plates. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!  	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000002	20080102000245	1000724245	0	0	        	        	You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard.  	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000003	20080103000345	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Every proctologist story ends in the same way: 'It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.'                                     	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000004	20080104000432	1000000632	0	0	        	        	The key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite.                                	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000005	20080105000532	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Nothing mixes better than vanilla+chocolate. Yet racial harmony eludes us. If we would only look to the cookie, our problems would be solved	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000006	20080106000630	1000000030	0	0	        	        	I find pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats.                                                                  	web       	        	        	cougar_mom      	
-tweet	3000000007	20080107000706	1000000506	0	0	        	        	I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.                                                                                   	web       	        	        	elainebenes     	
-tweet	3000000008	20080108000806	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Sex has taken place when the nipple makes its first appearance.                                                                         	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000009	20080109000932	1000000632	0	0	        	        	@AvisRental You better give me the insurance. Because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this car.                                          	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000011	20080111001132	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Anytime someone says, 'Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?' the answer invariably comes back, 'cinnamon.' Cinnamon. Again and again.  	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000012	20080112001232	1000000632	0	0	1000000506	3000000011     	@elainebenes Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. Can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times.  	web       	elainebenes	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000013	20080113001332	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Don't cast aspersions on someone for just wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape. I'll be damned if I'll let you say anything bad about him.  	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000014	20080114001432	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Elaine, you don't understand! This isn't plans 1 through 8. This is Plan 9. This is the one that worked. The worst movie ever made.     	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000015	20080115001532	1000000632	0	0	        	        	I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest, something's gotta give!	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000016	20080116001632	1000000632	0	0	        	        	I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.                                                                                	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000017	20080117001732	1000000632	0	0	        	        	I think that's what's good for the goose is good for the gander. What's a gander? It's a goose that's had the ol' switcheroo pulled on it.  	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000018	20080118001832	1000000632	0	0	        	        	I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.                                                                                 	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000019	20080119001932	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Looking at #cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.    	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000020	20080120002032	1000000632	0	0	        	        	People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.                                                                	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000021	20080121002132	1000000632	0	0	        	        	People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings.                                                	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000022	20080122002232	1000000632	0	0	        	        	That... is one magic loogie.                                                                                                            	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000023	20080123002332	1000000632	0	0	        	        	The road less taken is less taken for a reason.                                                                                         	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000024	20080124002432	1000000632	0	0	        	        	The thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. 	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000025	20080125002531	1000001431	0	0	        	        	I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they're meaningless.                                                                     	web       	        	        	Newman          	
-tweet	3000000026	20080126002631	1000001431	0	0	        	        	Just remember, when you control the mail, you control... information.                                                                   	web       	        	        	Newman          	
-tweet	3000000027	20080127002731	1000001431	0	0	        	        	Keith Hernandez! I despise that man!                                                                                                    	web       	        	        	Newman          	
-tweet	3000000028	20080128002831	1000001431	0	0	        	        	My mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists.                                                        	web       	        	        	Newman          	
-tweet	3000000029	20080129002931	1000001431	0	0	        	        	The mail never stops. Just keeps coming and coming. Every day. Then the barcode reader breaks. Then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day.  	web       	        	        	Newman          	
-tweet	3000000032	20080130003017	1000004517	0	0	1000000506	3000000031  	@ElaineBenes Just saw your dance from the office party. Sweet fancy Moses                                                               	web       	ElaineBenes	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000033	20080201003317	1000004517	0	0	        	        	A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund                                                                                 	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000034	20080202003417	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Alright, that's it for me, you've been great! Good night, everybody.                                                                    	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000035	20080203003517	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. 'Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.          	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000036	20080204003617	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?                                            	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000037	20080205003717	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Doing quite well. Yesterday lunch: a soft-boiled egg and a quickie. If I could add TV to the equation, that'd really be the ultimate.   	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000038	20080206003817	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Everybody's talkin' at me, I can't hear a word they're sayin'... Just drivin' around in @JonVoight's car...                             	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000039	20080207003917	1000004517	0	0	        	        	George is gettin' upset!                                                                                                                	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000040	20080208004017	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Hi, my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.                                                                       	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000041	20080209004117	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I don't know what it is about that mirror in that bathroom. I love the way I look in it... I feel like Robert Wagner.                   	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000042	20080210004217	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.                                      	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000043	20080211004317	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.                                                                                       	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000044	20080212004417	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'                                	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000045	20080213004517	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.                                                                                 	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000046	20080214004617	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I love the mirror in that bathroom. Don't know what the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I feel like @RobertWagner in there  	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000047	20080215004717	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I work for #Kruger Industrial Smoothing, we don't care... and it shows.                                                                 	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000048	20080216004817	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!                                                                          	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000049	20080217004917	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I'm speechless. I have no speech.                                                                                                       	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000050	20080218005017	1000004517	0	0	        	        	I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.                                                               	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000100	20080411010045	1000724245	0	0	        	        	The cat - mmrrrooowwwrr - is out of the bag!                                                                                            	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000101	20080412010145	1000724245	0	0	        	        	They botched my vasectomy. I'm even more potent now.                                                                                    	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000102	20080413010245	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Who's gonna turn down a #JuniorMint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious. It's very refreshing.                             	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000103	20080414010345	1000724245	0	0	        	        	You got a big job interview, you're a little nervous. Throw back a couple shots of #Hennigans Loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time 	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000104	20080415010420	1000911320	0	0	        	        	Feels like an #Arby's night.                                                                                                            	web       	        	        	Puddy           	
-tweet	3000000107	20080417010732	1000000632	0	0	1000000032	3000000106	@thementee I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose mentor is a Costanza.                                                           	web       	thementee	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000109	20080418010917	1000004517	0	0	        	        	She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on.                                                                                        	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000110	20080419011032	1000000632	0	0	1000004517	3000000109	@costanza81 Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on.                                                             	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000112	20080420011232	1000000632	0	0	1000000506     	3000000111     	@elainebenes Are you sure you want to get married? I mean, it's a big change of life.                                                   	web       	elainebenes	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000113	20080421011306	1000000506	0	0	1000000632	3000000112	@jerry Jerry, it's 3 a.m. and I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?                                                               	web       	jerry   	        	elainebenes     	
-tweet	3000000115	20080422011532	1000000632	0	0	             	        	@cosmo Boy, you sure do have a lot of friends, how come I never see any of these people?                                                	web       	         	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000116	20080423011645	1000724245	0	0	1000000632	3000000115	@jerry They want to know how come they never see you.                                                                                   	web       	jerry   	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000118	20080424011817	1000004517	0	0	        	        	This isn't just my wallet. It's an organizer, a memory and an old friend.                                                               	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000119	20080425011932	1000000632	0	0	1000004517	3000000118	@costanza81 Well, your friend is morbidly obese.                                                                                        	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000120	20080426012017	1000004517	0	0	1000000632	3000000119	@jerry Well, at least I don't carry a purse.                                                                                            	web       	jerry   	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000121	20080427012132	1000000632	0	0	1000004517	3000000120	@costanza81 It's not a purse, it's European.                                                                                            	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000123	20080428012332	1000000632	0	0	1000911320     	3000000122     	@Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more 'grease monkey'.                                                               	web       	Puddy   	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000124	20080429012420	1000911320	0	0	1000000632	3000000123	@jerry I don't much care for that term. I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.                             	web       	jerry   	        	Puddy           	
-tweet	3000000125	20080430012532	1000000632	0	0	1000911320	3000000124	@Puddy I saw one once that could do sign language.                                                                                      	web       	Puddy   	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000126	20080501012620	1000911320	0	0	1000000632	3000000125	@jerry Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko. That chimp's alright. High-five.                                                               	web       	jerry   	        	Puddy           	
-tweet	3000000128	20080502012801	1000410101	0	0	          	        	@jerry I heard you went down to this woman's office and heckled her.                                                                    	web       	         	        	Ronnie          	
-tweet	3000000129	20080503012932	1000000632	0	0	1000410101	3000000128	@ronnie Damn right. It's time we stopped being lapdogs. Who are they to heckle us? It's time one of us drew a line in the sand.         	web       	ronnie  	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000130	20080504013001	1000410101	0	0	1000000632	3000000129	@jerry You're like Rosa Parks. You've opened a brand new door for all of us. I can't wait for the next time that somebody heckles me.   	web       	jerry   	        	Ronnie          	
-tweet	3000000131	20080505013132	1000000632	0	0	1000410101	3000000130	@ronnie Well, that shouldn't be long...                                                                                                 	web       	ronnie  	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000133	20080506013345	1000724245	0	0	        	        	You're becoming one of the #glitterati.                                                                                                 	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000134	20080507013417	1000004517	0	0	1000724245     	3000000133    	@cosmo What's that?                                                                                                                            	web       	cosmo        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000135	20080508013545	1000724245	0	0	1000000632	3000000134	@jerry People who glitter.                                                                                                              	web       	jerry   	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000137	20080509013732	1000000632	0	0	1000724245    	3000000135     	@cosmo So you're saying #UNICEF is a scam?                                                                                              	web       	cosmo   	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000138	20080510013845	1000724245	0	0	1000000632	3000000137	@jerry Perfect cover for a money laundering operation. No one can keep track of all those kids with the little orange boxes of change   	web       	jerry   	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000140	20080511014045	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted.                                                             	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000141	20080512014132	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months.                                               	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000142	20080513014245	1000724245	0	0	        	        	We should've got some collateral from him. Like his bag of cans, or his... other bag of cans.                                           	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000144	20080514014417	1000004517	0	0	        	        	She calls me up at my office, she says, 'We have to talk.'                                                                              	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000145	20080515014532	1000000632	0	0	1000004517	3000000144	@costanza81 Uh, the four worst words in the English language.                                                                           	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000146	20080516014617	1000004517	0	0	1000000632	3000000145	@jerry That, or 'Whose bra is this?'                                                                                                    	web       	jerry   	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000148	20080517014845	1000724245	0	0	1000616766    	3000000147    	@pam Her bouquet cleaved his hardened shell, and fondled his muscled heart. He imbibed her glistening spell, just before the other shoe fell	web       	pam     	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000149	20080518014966	1000616766	0	0	1000724245	3000000148	@cosmo, that is so lovely.                                                                                                              	web       	cosmo   	        	Pam             	
-tweet	3000000151	20080519015120	1000431520	0	0	        	        	@cosmo Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman?                                                                 	web       	         	        	dean_jones      	
-tweet	3000000152	20080520015245	1000724245	0	0	1000431520	3000000151	@dean_jones It may seem glamorous, but it's business as usual at #Kramerica. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/voice.htm                       	web       	dean_jones	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000153	20080521015320	1000431520	0	0	1000724245	3000000152	@cosmo Your entire enterprise is nothing more than a solitary man with a messy apartment that may or may not contain a chicken!         	web       	cosmo   	        	dean_jones      	
-tweet	3000000154	20080522015445	1000724245	0	0	1000431520	3000000153	@dean_jones And with Darrin's help, we'll get that chicken!                                                                             	web       	dean_jones	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000155	20080523015520	1000431520	0	0	1000724245	3000000154	@cosmo I'm sorry; there's just no way we can allow Darrin to stay with you.                                                             	web       	cosmo   	        	dean_jones      	
-tweet	3000000156	20080524015645	1000724245	0	0	1000431520	3000000155	@dean_jones Well, this decision seems capricious and arbitrary.                                                                         	web       	dean_jones	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000157	20080525015720	1000431520	0	0	1000724245	3000000156	@cosmo Your fly's open.                                                                                                                 	web       	cosmo   	        	dean_jones      	
-tweet	3000000164	20081101112406	1000000506	0	0	        	        	Ugh, I hate people.                                                                                                                     	web       	        	        	elainebenes     	
-tweet	3000000165	20081102113532	1000000632	0	0	1000000506	3000000164	@elainebenes Yeah, they're the worst.                                                                                                   	web       	elainebenes	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000167	20081103113732	1000000632	0	0	        	        	Oh, this is interesting... Jane's topless.                                                                                              	web       	        	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000168	20081104113845	1000724245	0	0	1000000632	3000000167	@jerry Yo yo ma.                                                                                                                        	web       	jerry   	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000169	20081105113932	1000000632	0	0	1000000632	3000000167	@jerry Boutros Boutros Ghali...                                                                                                         	web       	jerry   	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000170	20081106113006	1000000506	0	0	1000000632	3000000167	@jerry Nice rack.                                                                                                                           	web       	jerry   	        	elainebenes     	
-tweet	3000000172	20081107113217	1000004517	0	0	1000000028     	3000000102    	@derek_Jeter Hitting isn't about muscle. Simple physics: calculate velocity v vs trajectory t, gravity g a constant. It's not complicated.  	web       	derek_Jeter	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000173	20081108113328	1000000028	0	0	1000004517	3000000172	@costanza81 Now, who are you again?                                                                                                     	web       	costanza81	        	derek_Jeter     	
-tweet	3000000174	20081109114417	1000004517	0	0	1000000028	3000000173	@derek_Jeter George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.                                                                     	web       	derek_Jeter	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000175	20081110114529	1000000029	0	0	1000004517	3000000174	@costanza81 Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?                                                                     	web       	costanza81	        	BernieWilliams      	
-tweet	3000000176	20081111114617	1000004517	0	0	1000000029	3000000175	@BernieWilliams Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?                                                        	web       	BernieWilliams	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000177	20081112114728	1000000028	0	0	1000004517	3000000176	@costanza81 We won the World Series.                                                                                                    	web       	costanza81	        	derek_Jeter     	
-tweet	3000000178	20081113114817	1000004517	0	0	1000000028	3000000177	@derek_Jeter @BernieWilliams Yeah ... in six games.                                                                                         	web       	derek_Jeter	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000180	20081114114017	1000004517	0	0	        	        	@jerry No one has ever successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch. In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it.  	web       	         	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000181	20081115114132	1000000632	0	0	1000004517	3000000180	@costanza81 They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages.                                                                              	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000182	20081116114217	1000004517	0	0	1000000632	3000000181	@jerry Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200, somewhere, there were two women living together.                    	web       	jerry   	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000220	20081217125069	1000000069	0	0	        	        	@jerry It's the best.  It's gold, jerry. GOLD!                                                                                          	web       	        	        	bania           	
-tweet	3000000221	20081218125170	1000004517	0	0	        	        	@bubble_boy MOOPS http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/bubble.htm                                                                                 	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000226	20080416010632	1000000032	0	0	1000000632    	3000000220     	@jerry I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose prot�g� is a hack.                                                                  	web       	jerry   	        	thementee       	
-tweet	3000000231	20081219003117	1000004517	0	0	1000322339    	3000000230    	@cushman Before that, I was in real estate. I quit because the boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was it.              	web       	cushman 	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000232	20081220003217	1000004517	0	0	1000322339	3000000230    	@cushman My last job was in publishing. I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman.                                	web       	cushman 	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000259	20081221015939	1000322339	0	0	1000202970    	3000000250     	@bigstein @costanza81 is one of the applicants: the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen.                                    	web       	bigstein	        	Cushman         	
-tweet	3000000260	20081222112017	1000004517	0	0	1000202970     	3000000250     	@bigstein With all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization  	web       	bigstein	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000261	20081223112117	1000004517	0	0	1000202970    	3000000250     	@bigstein We have watched you take our beloved EYankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego 	web       	bigstein	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000262	20081224112270	1000202970	0	0	1000322339	3000000261	@cushman Hire this man!                                                                                                                 	web       	cushman 	        	bigstein        	
-tweet	3000000300	20080110001032	1000000632	0	0	1000004517     	3000000280     	@costanza81 #belly Helllllooooo. La, la, la. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/voice.htm                                                       	web       	costanza81	        	jerry           	
-tweet	3000000351	20080219005117	1000004517	0	0	        	        	If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.                                                                                       	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000352	20080220005217	1000004517	0	0	        	        	It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong.                      	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000353	20080221005317	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. #advice                                                                                	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000354	20080222005417	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Just threw away lifetime of guilt-free sex+floor seats @ every #MSG event.So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000355	20080223005517	1000004517	0	0	        	        	My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It's one of the few things I do well.                   	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000356	20080224005617	1000004517	0	0	        	        	My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life -- it's all been wrong   	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000357	20080225005717	1000004517	0	0	        	        	That's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. I'd never turn it off. Wouldn't sleep, Wouldn't eat.          	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000358	20080226005817	1000004517	0	0	        	        	If I had the naked station, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face                                   	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000359	20080227005917	1000004517	0	0	        	        	She threw toupee out tbe window. Feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure  	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000360	20080301006017	1000004517	0	0	        	        	The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.                                             	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000361	20080302006117	1000004517	0	0	        	        	There is no bigger loser than me!                                                                                                       	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000362	20080303006217	1000004517	0	0	        	        	This thing is like an onion: the more layers you peel, the more it stinks!                                                              	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000363	20080304006317	1000004517	0	0	        	        	Who buys an umbrella anyway? You can get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans.                                          	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000364	20080305006417	1000004517	0	0	        	        	You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!                                                                                           	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000365	20080306006517	1000004517	0	0	        	        	You know I always wanted to pretend I was an #architect.                                                                                	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000366	20080307006617	1000004517	0	0	        	        	You're killing independent George.                                                                                                      	web       	        	        	costanza81      	
-tweet	3000000367	20080308006767	1000005467	0	0	        	        	George, #festivus is your heritage!                                                                                                     	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000368	20080309006867	1000005467	0	0	        	        	I find tinsel distracting.                                                                                                              	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000369	20080310006967	1000005467	0	0	        	        	I have been performing feats of strength all morning.                                                                                   	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000370	20080311007067	1000005467	0	0	        	        	I'm like the Phoenix, rising from Arizona.                                                                                              	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000371	20080312007167	1000005467	0	0	        	        	Serenity now. SERENITY NOW! http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/serenity.htm                                                                     	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000372	20080313007267	1000005467	0	0	        	        	The doll was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A #FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US.                                        	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000373	20080314007367	1000005467	0	0	        	        	You have the rooster, the hen, and the chicken. The rooster goes with the chicken... So who's having sex with the hen?                  	web       	        	        	FrankCostanza   	
-tweet	3000000374	20080315007470	1000202970	0	0	        	        	Ham+cheese again. And no fancy mustard. I love that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe, it'd taste pretty good to me 	web       	        	        	bigstein        	
-tweet	3000000375	20080316007583	1000296583	0	0	        	        	I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.                                                     	web       	        	        	Ross            	
-tweet	3000000376	20080317007664	1000313364	0	0	        	        	You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man.                                                                                                  	web       	        	        	BabuBhatt       	
-tweet	3000000377	20080318007781	1000530581	0	0	        	        	The speak of a man so virile,so potent,to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of sensual delights most women dare not of  	web       	        	        	Katya           	
-tweet	3000000378	20080319007883	1000566783	0	0	        	        	Serenity now. Insanity later. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/serenity.htm                                                                   	web       	        	        	LloydBraun      	
-tweet	3000000379	20080320007962	1000606862	0	0	        	        	Of course the bra isn't going to fit on a leotard. A bra's got to go up against the skin. Like a glove.                                 	web       	        	        	JackieChiles    	
-tweet	3000000380	20080321008062	1000606862	0	0	        	        	This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.                                                                                    	web       	        	        	JackieChiles    	
-tweet	3000000381	20080322008117	1000641417	0	0	          	        	@ElaineBenes You've tested positive for opium. That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.                                      	web       	        	        	JPeterman       	
-tweet	3000000382	20080323008245	1000724245	0	0	        	        	#baseballcamp ended a few days early. There was an incident. I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth.                                      	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000383	20080324008345	1000724245	0	0	        	        	#newmervgriffin Well, we're talking to Elaine Benes, adult film star, on the set of her new movie 'Elaine Does the Upper West Side'     	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000384	20080325008445	1000724245	0	0	          	        	@Bob_Sacamano came here for a hernia operation. Oh, yeah, routine surgery. Now he's sitting in a chair by a window going 'My name is Bob!'  	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000385	20080326008545	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.                                                                                              	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000386	20080327008645	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Celebration time. That coffee table book I wrote? Well, the company sold the movie rights to it. I'm officially retired.                	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000387	20080328008745	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Here's to feeling good all the time.                                                                                                    	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000388	20080329008845	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Hoochie Mama.                                                                                                                           	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000389	20080330008945	1000724245	0	0	        	        	I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st... How can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe.             	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000390	20080401009045	1000724245	0	0	        	        	I'm on the Mexican, woah oh oh, radio.                                                                                                  	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000391	20080402009145	1000724245	0	0	        	        	If you'd have told me someday I'd solve the energy problem, I'd have said you're crazy. Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000392	20080403009245	1000724245	0	0	        	        	If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.                         	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000393	20080404009345	1000724245	0	0	        	        	It's a #Festivus miracle.                                                                                                               	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000394	20080405009445	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Jerry, I know myself. And if I'm on the streets, and it starts to go down, I don't back off, until its finished.                        	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000395	20080406009545	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Just had a hot bowl of #mulligatawny: delightful Hindu concoction simmered to perfection by one of the great soup artisans of the modern era	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000396	20080407009645	1000724245	0	0	        	        	That's right folks. Just had 3 shots of #Hennigan's, don't even smell, can go around drunk all day. Hennigan's: the no smell, no tell Scotch	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000397	20080408009745	1000724245	0	0	        	        	Remember my idea about rickshaws in NY? We're gonna make it happen. Guy in the Hong Kong post office is shipping us a rickshaw. Can't miss. 	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000398	20080409009845	1000724245	0	0	        	        	See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.                                                 	web       	        	        	cosmo           	
-tweet	3000000399	20080410009945	1000724245	0	0	        	        	The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing.                                   	web       	        	        	cosmo