campfire-bot 0.0.1

data/plugins/excuse.rb

@@ -0,0 +1,478 @@
+class Excuse < CampfireBot::Plugin
+  
+  on_command 'excuse', :excuse
+  
+  def excuse(msg)
+    
+    excuses = %w(clock_speed
+    solar_flares
+    electromagnetic_radiation_from_satellite_debris
+    static_from_nylon_underwear
+    static_from_plastic_slide_rules
+    global_warming
+    poor_power_conditioning
+    static_buildup
+    doppler_effect
+    hardware_stress_fractures
+    magnetic_interference_from_money/credit_cards
+    dry_joints_on_cable_plug
+    we're_waiting_for_[the_phone_company]_to_fix_that_line
+    sounds_like_a_Windows_problem,_try_calling_Microsoft_support
+    temporary_routing_anomaly
+    somebody_was_calculating_pi_on_the_server
+    fat_electrons_in_the_lines
+    excess_surge_protection
+    floating_point_processor_overflow
+    divide-by-zero_error
+    POSIX_compliance_problem
+    monitor_resolution_too_high
+    improperly_oriented_keyboard
+    network_packets_travelling_uphill_(use_a_carrier_pigeon)
+    Decreasing_electron_flux
+    first_Saturday_after_first_full_moon_in_Winter
+    radiosity_depletion
+    CPU_radiator_broken
+    It_works_the_way_the_Wang_did,_what's_the_problem
+    positron_router_malfunction
+    cellular_telephone_interference
+    techtonic_stress
+    piezo-electric_interference
+    (l)user_error
+    working_as_designed
+    dynamic_software_linking_table_corrupted
+    heavy_gravity_fluctuation,_move_computer_to_floor_rapidly
+    secretary_plugged_hairdryer_into_UPS
+    terrorist_activities
+    not_enough_memory,_go_get_system_upgrade
+    interrupt_configuration_error
+    spaghetti_cable_cause_packet_failure
+    boss_forgot_system_password
+    bank_holiday_-_system_operating_credits__not_recharged
+    virus_attack,_luser_responsible
+    waste_water_tank_overflowed_onto_computer
+    Complete_Transient_Lockout
+    bad_ether_in_the_cables
+    Bogon_emissions
+    Change_in_Earth's_rotational_speed
+    Cosmic_ray_particles_crashed_through_the_hard_disk_platter
+    Smell_from_unhygienic_janitorial_staff_wrecked_the_tape_heads
+    Little_hamster_in_running_wheel_had_coronary;_waiting_for_replacement_to_be_Fedexed_from_Wyoming
+    Evil_dogs_hypnotised_the_night_shift
+    Plumber_mistook_routing_panel_for_decorative_wall_fixture
+    Electricians_made_popcorn_in_the_power_supply
+    Groundskeepers_stole_the_root_password
+    high_pressure_system_failure
+    failed_trials,_system_needs_redesigned
+    system_has_been_recalled
+    not_approved_by_the_FCC
+    need_to_wrap_system_in_aluminum_foil_to_fix_problem
+    not_properly_grounded,_please_bury_computer
+    CPU_needs_recalibration
+    system_needs_to_be_rebooted
+    bit_bucket_overflow
+    descramble_code_needed_from_software_company
+    only_available_on_a_need_to_know_basis
+    knot_in_cables_caused_data_stream_to_become_twisted_and_kinked
+    nesting_roaches_shorted_out_the_ether_cable
+    The_file_system_is_full_of_it
+    Satan_did_it
+    Daemons_did_it
+    You're_out_of_memory
+    There_isn't_any_problem
+    Unoptimized_hard_drive
+    Typo_in_the_code
+    Yes,_yes,_its_called_a_design_limitation
+    Look,_buddy:__Windows_3.1_IS_A_General_Protection_Fault.
+    That's_a_great_computer_you_have_there;_have_you_considered_how_it_would_work_as_a_BSD_machine?
+    Please_excuse_me,_I_have_to_circuit_an_AC_line_through_my_head_to_get_this_database_working.
+    Yeah,_yo_mama_dresses_you_funny_and_you_need_a_mouse_to_delete_files.
+    Support_staff_hung_over,_send_aspirin_and_come_back_LATER.
+    Someone_is_standing_on_the_ethernet_cable,_causing_a_kink_in_the_cable
+    Windows_95_undocumented_"feature"
+    Runt_packets
+    Password_is_too_complex_to_decrypt
+    Boss'_kid_fucked_up_the_machine
+    Electromagnetic_energy_loss
+    Budget_cuts
+    Mouse_chewed_through_power_cable
+    Stale_file_handle_(next_time_use_Tupperware(tm)!)
+    Feature_not_yet_implemented
+    Internet_outage
+    Pentium_FDIV_bug
+    Vendor_no_longer_supports_the_product
+    Small_animal_kamikaze_attack_on_power_supplies
+    The_vendor_put_the_bug_there.
+    SIMM_crosstalk.
+    IRQ_dropout
+    Collapsed_Backbone
+    Power_company_testing_new_voltage_spike_(creation)_equipment
+    operators_on_strike_due_to_broken_coffee_machine
+    backup_tape_overwritten_with_copy_of_system_manager's_favourite_CD
+    UPS_interrupted_the_server's_power
+    The_electrician_didn't_know_what_the_yellow_cable_was_so_he_yanked_the_ethernet_out.
+    The_keyboard_isn't_plugged_in
+    The_air_conditioning_water_supply_pipe_ruptured_over_the_machine_room
+    The_electricity_substation_in_the_car_park_blew_up.
+    The_rolling_stones_concert_down_the_road_caused_a_brown_out
+    The_salesman_drove_over_the_CPU_board.
+    The_monitor_is_plugged_into_the_serial_port
+    Root_nameservers_are_out_of_sync
+    electro-magnetic_pulses_from_French_above_ground_nuke_testing.
+    your_keyboard's_space_bar_is_generating_spurious_keycodes.
+    the_real_ttys_became_pseudo_ttys_and_vice-versa.
+    the_printer_thinks_its_a_router.
+    the_router_thinks_its_a_printer.
+    evil_hackers_from_Serbia.
+    we_just_switched_to_FDDI.
+    halon_system_went_off_and_killed_the_operators.
+    because_Bill_Gates_is_a_Jehovah's_witness_and_so_nothing_can_work_on_St._Swithin's_day.
+    user_to_computer_ratio_too_high.
+    user_to_computer_ration_too_low.
+    we_just_switched_to_Sprint.
+    it_has_Intel_Inside
+    Sticky_bits_on_disk.
+    Power_Company_having_EMP_problems_with_their_reactor
+    The_ring_needs_another_token
+    new_management
+    telnet:_Unable_to_connect_to_remote_host:_Connection_refused
+    SCSI_Chain_overterminated
+    It's_not_plugged_in.
+    because_of_network_lag_due_to_too_many_people_playing_deathmatch
+    You_put_the_disk_in_upside_down.
+    Daemons_loose_in_system.
+    User_was_distributing_pornography_on_server;_system_seized_by_FBI.
+    BNC_(brain_not_connected)
+    UBNC_(user_brain_not_connected)
+    LBNC_(luser_brain_not_connected)
+    disks_spinning_backwards_-_toggle_the_hemisphere_jumper.
+    new_guy_cross-connected_phone_lines_with_ac_power_bus.
+    had_to_use_hammer_to_free_stuck_disk_drive_heads.
+    Too_few_computrons_available.
+    Flat_tire_on_station_wagon_with_tapes.__("Never_underestimate_the_bandwidth_of_a_station_wagon_full_of_tapes_hurling_down_the_highway"_Andrew_S._Tannenbaum)_
+    Communications_satellite_used_by_the_military_for_star_wars.
+    Party-bug_in_the_Aloha_protocol.
+    Insert_coin_for_new_game
+    Dew_on_the_telephone_lines.
+    Arcserve_crashed_the_server_again.
+    Some_one_needed_the_powerstrip,_so_they_pulled_the_switch_plug.
+    My_pony-tail_hit_the_on/off_switch_on_the_power_strip.
+    Big_to_little_endian_conversion_error
+    You_can_tune_a_file_system,_but_you_can't_tune_a_fish_(from_most_tunefs_man_pages)
+    Dumb_terminal
+    Zombie_processes_haunting_the_computer
+    Incorrect_time_synchronization
+    Defunct_processes
+    Stubborn_processes
+    non-redundant_fan_failure_
+    monitor_VLF_leakage
+    bugs_in_the_RAID
+    no_"any"_key_on_keyboard
+    root_rot
+    Backbone_Scoliosis
+    /pub/lunch
+    excessive_collisions_&_not_enough_packet_ambulances
+    le0:_no_carrier:_transceiver_cable_problem?
+    broadcast_packets_on_wrong_frequency
+    popper_unable_to_process_jumbo_kernel
+    NOTICE:_alloc:_/dev/null:_filesystem_full
+    pseudo-user_on_a_pseudo-terminal
+    Recursive_traversal_of_loopback_mount_points
+    Backbone_adjustment
+    OS_swapped_to_disk
+    vapors_from_evaporating_sticky-note_adhesives
+    sticktion
+    short_leg_on_process_table
+    multicasts_on_broken_packets
+    ether_leak
+    Atilla_the_Hub
+    endothermal_recalibration
+    filesystem_not_big_enough_for_Jumbo_Kernel_Patch
+    loop_found_in_loop_in_redundant_loopback
+    system_consumed_all_the_paper_for_paging
+    permission_denied
+    Reformatting_Page._Wait...
+    ..disk_or_the_processor_is_on_fire.
+    SCSI's_too_wide.
+    Proprietary_Information.
+    Just_type_'mv_*_/dev/null'.
+    runaway_cat_on_system.
+    Did_you_pay_the_new_Support_Fee?
+    We_only_support_a_1200_bps_connection.
+    We_only_support_a_28000_bps_connection.
+    Me_no_internet,_only_janitor,_me_just_wax_floors.
+    I'm_sorry_a_pentium_won't_do,_you_need_an_SGI_to_connect_with_us.
+    Post-it_Note_Sludge_leaked_into_the_monitor.
+    the_curls_in_your_keyboard_cord_are_losing_electricity.
+    The_monitor_needs_another_box_of_pixels.
+    RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
+    kernel_panic:_write-only-memory_(/dev/wom0)_capacity_exceeded.
+    Write-only-memory_subsystem_too_slow_for_this_machine._Contact_your_local_dealer.
+    Just_pick_up_the_phone_and_give_modem_connect_sounds._"Well_you_said_we_should_get_more_lines_so_we_don't_have_voice_lines."
+    Quantum_dynamics_are_affecting_the_transistors
+    Police_are_examining_all_internet_packets_in_the_search_for_a_narco-net-trafficker
+    We_are_currently_trying_a_new_concept_of_using_a_live_mouse.__Unfortunately,_one_has_yet_to_survive_being_hooked_up_to_the_computer.....please_bear_with_us.
+    Your_mail_is_being_routed_through_Germany_..._and_they're_censoring_us.
+    Only_people_with_names_beginning_with_'A'_are_getting_mail_this_week_(a_la_Microsoft)
+    We_didn't_pay_the_Internet_bill_and_it's_been_cut_off.
+    Lightning_strikes.
+    Of_course_it_doesn't_work._We've_performed_a_software_upgrade.
+    Change_your_language_to_Finnish.
+    Fluorescent_lights_are_generating_negative_ions._If_turning_them_off_doesn't_work,_take_them_out_and_put_tin_foil_on_the_ends.
+    High_nuclear_activity_in_your_area.
+    What_office_are_you_in?_Oh,_that_one.__Did_you_know_that_your_building_was_built_over_the_universities_first_nuclear_research_site?_And_wow,_aren't_you_the_lucky_one,_your_office_is_right_over_where_the_core_is_buried!
+    The_MGs_ran_out_of_gas.
+    The_UPS_doesn't_have_a_battery_backup.
+    Recursivity.__Call_back_if_it_happens_again.
+    Someone_thought_The_Big_Red_Button_was_a_light_switch.
+    The_mainframe_needs_to_rest.__It's_getting_old,_you_know.
+    I'm_not_sure.__Try_calling_the_Internet's_head_office_--_it's_in_the_book.
+    The_lines_are_all_busy_(busied_out,_that_is_--_why_let_them_in_to_begin_with?).
+    Jan__9_16:41:27_huber_su:_'su_root'_succeeded_for_...._on_/dev/pts/1
+    It's_those_computer_people_in_X_{city_of_world}.__They_keep_stuffing_things_up.
+    A_star_wars_satellite_accidently_blew_up_the_WAN.
+    Fatal_error_right_in_front_of_screen
+    That_function_is_not_currently_supported,_but_Bill_Gates_assures_us_it_will_be_featured_in_the_next_upgrade.
+    wrong_polarity_of_neutron_flow
+    Lusers_learning_curve_appears_to_be_fractal
+    We_had_to_turn_off_that_service_to_comply_with_the_CDA_Bill.
+    Ionization_from_the_air-conditioning
+    TCP/IP_UDP_alarm_threshold_is_set_too_low.
+    Someone_is_broadcasting_pygmy_packets_and_the_router_doesn't_know_how_to_deal_with_them.
+    The_new_frame_relay_network_hasn't_bedded_down_the_software_loop_transmitter_yet._
+    Fanout_dropping_voltage_too_much,_try_cutting_some_of_those_little_traces
+    Plate_voltage_too_low_on_demodulator_tube
+    You_did_wha..._oh__dear_....
+    CPU_needs_bearings_repacked
+    Too_many_little_pins_on_CPU_confusing_it,_bend_back_and_forth_until_10-20%_are_neatly_removed._Do__not__leave_metal_bits_visible!
+    _Rosin__core_solder?_But...
+    Software_uses_US_measurements,_but_the_OS_is_in_metric...
+    The_computer_fleetly,_mouse_and_all.
+    Your_cat_tried_to_eat_the_mouse.
+    The_Borg_tried_to_assimilate_your_system._Resistance_is_futile.
+    It_must_have_been_the_lightning_storm_we_had_(yesterday)_(last_week)_(last_month)
+    Due_to_Federal_Budget_problems_we_have_been_forced_to_cut_back_on_the_number_of_users_able_to_access_the_system_at_one_time._(namely_none_allowed....)
+    Too_much_radiation_coming_from_the_soil.
+    Unfortunately_we_have_run_out_of_bits/bytes/whatever._Don't_worry,_the_next_supply_will_be_coming_next_week.
+    Program_load_too_heavy_for_processor_to_lift.
+    Processes_running_slowly_due_to_weak_power_supply
+    Our_ISP_is_having_{switching,routing,SMDS,frame_relay}_problems
+    We've_run_out_of_licenses
+    Interference_from_lunar_radiation
+    Standing_room_only_on_the_bus.
+    You_need_to_install_an_RTFM_interface.
+    That_would_be_because_the_software_doesn't_work.
+    That's_easy_to_fix,_but_I_can't_be_bothered.
+    Someone's_tie_is_caught_in_the_printer,_and_if_anything_else_gets_printed,_he'll_be_in_it_too.
+    We're_upgrading_/dev/null
+    The_Usenet_news_is_out_of_date
+    Our_POP_server_was_kidnapped_by_a_weasel.
+    It's_stuck_in_the_Web.
+    Your_modem_doesn't_speak_English.
+    The_mouse_escaped.
+    All_of_the_packets_are_empty.
+    The_UPS_is_on_strike.
+    Neutrino_overload_on_the_nameserver
+    Melting_hard_drives
+    Someone_has_messed_up_the_kernel_pointers
+    The_kernel_license_has_expired
+    Netscape_has_crashed
+    The_cord_jumped_over_and_hit_the_power_switch.
+    It_was_OK_before_you_touched_it.
+    Bit_rot
+    U.S._Postal_Service
+    Your_Flux_Capacitor_has_gone_bad.
+    The_Dilithium_Crystals_need_to_be_rotated.
+    The_static_electricity_routing_is_acting_up...
+    Traceroute_says_that_there_is_a_routing_problem_in_the_backbone.__It's_not_our_problem.
+    The_co-locator_cannot_verify_the_frame-relay_gateway_to_the_ISDN_server.
+    High_altitude_condensation_from_U.S.A.F_prototype_aircraft_has_contaminated_the_primary_subnet_mask._Turn_off_your_computer_for_9_days_to_avoid_damaging_it.
+    Lawn_mower_blade_in_your_fan_need_sharpening
+    Electrons_on_a_bender
+    Telecommunications_is_upgrading._
+    Telecommunications_is_downgrading.
+    Telecommunications_is_downshifting.
+    Hard_drive_sleeping._Let_it_wake_up_on_it's_own...
+    Interference_between_the_keyboard_and_the_chair.
+    The_CPU_has_shifted,_and_become_decentralized.
+    Due_to_the_CDA,_we_no_longer_have_a_root_account.
+    We_ran_out_of_dial_tone_and_we're_and_waiting_for_the_phone_company_to_deliver_another_bottle.
+    You_must've_hit_the_wrong_any_key.
+    PCMCIA_slave_driver
+    The_Token_fell_out_of_the_ring._Call_us_when_you_find_it.
+    The_hardware_bus_needs_a_new_token.
+    Too_many_interrupts
+    Not_enough_interrupts
+    The_data_on_your_hard_drive_is_out_of_balance.
+    Digital_Manipulator_exceeding_velocity_parameters
+    appears_to_be_a_Slow/Narrow_SCSI-0_Interface_problem
+    microelectronic_Riemannian_curved-space_fault_in_write-only_file_system
+    fractal_radiation_jamming_the_backbone
+    routing_problems_on_the_neural_net
+    IRQ-problems_with_the_Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply
+    CPU-angle_has_to_be_adjusted_because_of_vibrations_coming_from_the_nearby_road
+    emissions_from_GSM-phones
+    CD-ROM_server_needs_recalibration
+    firewall_needs_cooling
+    asynchronous_inode_failure
+    transient_bus_protocol_violation
+    incompatible_bit-registration_operators
+    your_process_is_not_ISO_9000_compliant
+    You_need_to_upgrade_your_VESA_local_bus_to_a_MasterCard_local_bus.
+    The_recent_proliferation_of_Nuclear_Testing
+    Elves_on_strike._(Why_do_they_call_EMAG_Elf_Magic)
+    Internet_exceeded_Luser_level,_please_wait_until_a_luser_logs_off_before_attempting_to_log_back_on.
+    Your_EMAIL_is_now_being_delivered_by_the_USPS.
+    Your_computer_hasn't_been_returning_all_the_bits_it_gets_from_the_Internet.
+    You've_been_infected_by_the_Telescoping_Hubble_virus.
+    Scheduled_global_CPU_outage
+    Your_Pentium_has_a_heating_problem_-_try_cooling_it_with_ice_cold_water.(Do_not_turn_off_your_computer,_you_do_not_want_to_cool_down_the_Pentium_Chip_while_he_isn't_working,_do_you?)
+    Your_processor_has_processed_too_many_instructions.__Turn_it_off_immediately,_do_not_type_any_commands!!
+    Your_packets_were_eaten_by_the_terminator
+    Your_processor_does_not_develop_enough_heat.
+    We_need_a_licensed_electrician_to_replace_the_light_bulbs_in_the_computer_room.
+    The_POP_server_is_out_of_Coke
+    Fiber_optics_caused_gas_main_leak
+    Server_depressed,_needs_Prozac
+    quantum_decoherence
+    those_damn_raccoons!
+    suboptimal_routing_experience
+    A_plumber_is_needed,_the_network_drain_is_clogged
+    50%_of_the_manual_is_in_.pdf_readme_files
+    the_AA_battery_in_the_wallclock_sends_magnetic_interference
+    the_xy_axis_in_the_trackball_is_coordinated_with_the_summer_solstice
+    the_butane_lighter_causes_the_pincushioning
+    old_inkjet_cartridges_emanate_barium-based_fumes
+    manager_in_the_cable_duct
+    We'll_fix_that_in_the_next_(upgrade,_update,_patch_release,_service_pack).
+    HTTPD_Error_666_:_BOFH_was_here
+    HTTPD_Error_4004_:_very_old_Intel_cpu_-_insufficient_processing_power
+    The_ATM_board_has_run_out_of_10_pound_notes.__We_are_having_a_whip_round_to_refill_it,_care_to_contribute_?
+    Network_failure_-__call_NBC
+    Having_to_manually_track_the_satellite.
+    Your/our_computer(s)_had_suffered_a_memory_leak,_and_we_are_waiting_for_them_to_be_topped_up.
+    The_rubber_band_broke
+    We're_on_Token_Ring,_and_it_looks_like_the_token_got_loose.
+    Stray_Alpha_Particles_from_memory_packaging_caused_Hard_Memory_Error_on_Server.
+    paradigm_shift...without_a_clutch
+    PEBKAC_(Problem_Exists_Between_Keyboard_And_Chair)
+    The_cables_are_not_the_same_length.
+    Second-system_effect.
+    Chewing_gum_on_/dev/sd3c
+    Boredom_in_the_Kernel.
+    the_daemons!_the_daemons!_the_terrible_daemons!
+    I'd_love_to_help_you_--_it's_just_that_the_Boss_won't_let_me_near_the_computer._
+    struck_by_the_Good_Times_virus
+    YOU_HAVE_AN_I/O_ERROR_->_Incompetent_Operator_error
+    Your_parity_check_is_overdrawn_and_you're_out_of_cache.
+    Communist_revolutionaries_taking_over_the_server_room_and_demanding_all_the_computers_in_the_building_or_they_shoot_the_sysadmin._Poor_misguided_fools.
+    Plasma_conduit_breach
+    Out_of_cards_on_drive_D:
+    Sand_fleas_eating_the_Internet_cables
+    parallel_processors_running_perpendicular_today
+    ATM_cell_has_no_roaming_feature_turned_on,_notebooks_can't_connect
+    Webmasters_kidnapped_by_evil_cult.
+    Failure_to_adjust_for_daylight_savings_time.
+    Virus_transmitted_from_computer_to_sysadmins.
+    Virus_due_to_computers_having_unsafe_sex.
+    Incorrectly_configured_static_routes_on_the_corerouters.
+    Forced_to_support_NT_servers;_sysadmins_quit.
+    Suspicious_pointer_corrupted_virtual_machine
+    It's_the_InterNIC's_fault.
+    Root_name_servers_corrupted.
+    Budget_cuts_forced_us_to_sell_all_the_power_cords_for_the_servers.
+    Someone_hooked_the_twisted_pair_wires_into_the_answering_machine.
+    Operators_killed_by_year_2000_bug_bite.
+    We've_picked_COBOL_as_the_language_of_choice.
+    Operators_killed_when_huge_stack_of_backup_tapes_fell_over.
+    Robotic_tape_changer_mistook_operator's_tie_for_a_backup_tape.
+    Someone_was_smoking_in_the_computer_room_and_set_off_the_halon_systems.
+    Your_processor_has_taken_a_ride_to_Heaven's_Gate_on_the_UFO_behind_Hale-Bopp's_comet.
+    it's_an_ID-10-T_error
+    Dyslexics_retyping_hosts_file_on_servers
+    The_Internet_is_being_scanned_for_viruses.
+    Your_computer's_union_contract_is_set_to_expire_at_midnight.
+    Bad_user_karma.
+    /dev/clue_was_linked_to_/dev/null
+    Increased_sunspot_activity.
+    We_already_sent_around_a_notice_about_that.
+    It's_union_rules._There's_nothing_we_can_do_about_it._Sorry.
+    Interference_from_the_Van_Allen_Belt.
+    Jupiter_is_aligned_with_Mars.
+    Redundant_ACLs._
+    Mail_server_hit_by_UniSpammer.
+    T-1's_congested_due_to_porn_traffic_to_the_news_server.
+    Data_for_intranet_got_routed_through_the_extranet_and_landed_on_the_internet.
+    We_are_a_100%_Microsoft_Shop.
+    We_are_Microsoft.__What_you_are_experiencing_is_not_a_problem;_it_is_an_undocumented_feature.
+    Sales_staff_sold_a_product_we_don't_offer.
+    Secretary_sent_chain_letter_to_all_5000_employees.
+    Sysadmin_didn't_hear_pager_go_off_due_to_loud_music_from_bar-room_speakers.
+    Sysadmin_accidentally_destroyed_pager_with_a_large_hammer.
+    Sysadmins_unavailable_because_they_are_in_a_meeting_talking_about_why_they_are_unavailable_so_much.
+    Bad_cafeteria_food_landed_all_the_sysadmins_in_the_hospital.
+    Route_flapping_at_the_NAP.
+    Computers_under_water_due_to_SYN_flooding.
+    The_vulcan-death-grip_ping_has_been_applied.
+    Electrical_conduits_in_machine_room_are_melting.
+    Traffic_jam_on_the_Information_Superhighway.
+    Radial_Telemetry_Infiltration
+    Cow-tippers_tipped_a_cow_onto_the_server.
+    tachyon_emissions_overloading_the_system
+    Maintenance_window_broken
+    We're_out_of_slots_on_the_server
+    Computer_room_being_moved.__Our_systems_are_down_for_the_weekend.
+    Sysadmins_busy_fighting_SPAM.
+    Repeated_reboots_of_the_system_failed_to_solve_problem
+    Feature_was_not_beta_tested
+    Domain_controller_not_responding
+    Someone_else_stole_your_IP_address,_call_the_Internet_detectives!
+    It's_not_RFC-822_compliant.
+    operation_failed_because:_there_is_no_message_for_this_error_(#1014)
+    stop_bit_received
+    internet_is_needed_to_catch_the_etherbunny
+    network_down,_IP_packets_delivered_via_UPS
+    Firmware_update_in_the_coffee_machine
+    Temporal_anomaly
+    Mouse_has_out-of-cheese-error
+    Borg_implants_are_failing
+    Borg_nanites_have_infested_the_server
+    error:_one_bad_user_found_in_front_of_screen
+    Please_state_the_nature_of_the_technical_emergency
+    Internet_shut_down_due_to_maintenance
+    Daemon_escaped_from_pentagram
+    crop_circles_in_the_corn_shell
+    sticky_bit_has_come_loose
+    Hot_Java_has_gone_cold
+    Cache_miss_-_please_take_better_aim_next_time
+    Hash_table_has_woodworm
+    Trojan_horse_ran_out_of_hay
+    Zombie_processes_detected,_machine_is_haunted.
+    overflow_error_in_/dev/null
+    Browser's_cookie_is_corrupted_--_someone's_been_nibbling_on_it.
+    Mailer-daemon_is_busy_burning_your_message_in_hell.
+    According_to_Microsoft,_it's_by_design
+    vi_needs_to_be_upgraded_to_vii
+    greenpeace_free'd_the_mallocs
+    Terrorists_crashed_an_airplane_into_the_server_room,_have_to_remove_/bin/laden._(rm_-rf_/bin/laden)
+    astropneumatic_oscillations_in_the_water-cooling
+    Somebody_ran_the_operating_system_through_a_spelling_checker.
+    Rhythmic_variations_in_the_voltage_reaching_the_power_supply.
+    Keyboard_Actuator_Failure.__Order_and_Replace.
+    Packet_held_up_at_customs.
+    Propagation_delay.
+    High_line_impedance.
+    Someone_set_us_up_the_bomb.
+    Power_surges_on_the_Underground.
+    Don't_worry;_it's_been_deprecated._The_new_one_is_worse.
+    My_raccoon_has_hepatitis.
+    )
+    
+    excuse = excuses[rand(excuses.size)].gsub("_", " ")
+     
+    msg.speak("Your excuse is: #{excuse}")
+  end
+ 
+
+end
+
+