FunKitPy 0.1.0__py3-none-any.whl

funkitpy/data/jokes.json

@@ -0,0 +1,402 @@
+[
+    {
+        "id": 1,
+        "joke": "A guy dies and finds himself in hell. The devil shows him three rooms. First room: people burning in fire. Second room: people being torn apart by a gorilla. Third room: people sitting in vats of shit up to their necks but drinking coffee. He picks room three. After break time, the supervisor blows a whistle and says, 'OK everyone, break's over. Back on your heads!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 2,
+        "joke": "A woman dressed up as a policewoman surprised her boyfriend and told him he's under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After two minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 3,
+        "joke": "A guy walks into a bar and bets the bartender he can't guess what's in his pocket. Bartender guesses wallet. Guy says no, it's a 10-inch pianist. Sets pianist on table, tiny man plays beautiful melody. Bartender impressed. Guy says give me another beer and the wizard in my other pocket will grant you a wish. Bartender says I want a million bucks. Bar fills with a million ducks. Bartender furious. Guy says, 'What, you think I wanted a 10-inch pianist?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 4,
+        "joke": "Dave boasts he knows everyone. Co-worker challenges him with Keanu Reeves - Dave proves it. Then President Biden - proven again. Finally Pope Francis. They go to Vatican. Co-worker sneaks onto balcony and asks Pope if he knows the guy 26 rows back. Pope counts and says, 'You mean the guy next to Dave?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 5,
+        "joke": "Two old ladies smoking in rain. One puts condom over cigarette to keep it dry. Other lady goes to pharmacy and asks for condom that fits a camel."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 6,
+        "joke": "Man with pet duck stuffs it down pants to sneak into movie theater. Woman beside him sees something pop out when he unzips. She whispers to husband, 'The man beside me just got his organ out!' Husband says ignore it. Ten minutes later she whispers again, 'I CAN'T! IT'S EATING MY POPCORN!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 7,
+        "joke": "Texan in Irish pub offers $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. No one takes bet. Man leaves, returns 30 minutes later, drinks all 10 pints. Texan amazed, asks where he went. Irishman says, 'Had to go to pub down street to see if I could do it first.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 8,
+        "joke": "Old man asks old woman on bus bench, 'How do you like sex?' She replies, 'Infrequently.' He asks, 'Is that one word or two?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 9,
+        "joke": "Two whales see whaling ship. First whale recognizes it as ship that harpooned his father. They swim under ship and blow air holes simultaneously, capsizing it. Sailors jump overboard. First whale wants to eat them. Second whale says, 'Look, I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 10,
+        "joke": "Two nuns riding bicycles in Rome. One says, 'I've never come this way before.' Other replies, 'Must be the cobblestones.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 11,
+        "joke": "Teacher asks class to use 'definitely' in sentence. Student says sky is definitely blue. Teacher says not always. Another student says grass is definitely green. Teacher says turns brown without water. Billy raises hand, 'Do farts have lumps?' Teacher says no. Billy replies, 'Then I definitely just shit my pants.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 12,
+        "joke": "A guy walks into a golf club with a gorilla. Golf pro asks why. Guy says gorilla is best golfer in world, bets $500 he can beat anyone. Gorilla hits ball 450 yards straight down fairway onto green. Pro hands over money. As they leave, pro asks, 'How does the gorilla putt?' Guy says, 'About like he drives.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 13,
+        "joke": "John comes home drunk and covered in vomit. Wife threatens to leave if it happens again. Next night same thing. Friend gives him $20 bill, tells him to say drunk puked on him and gave money for dry cleaning. John comes home, tells story. Wife reaches in pocket, pulls out two twenties. Says, 'There's two twenties here.' John explains, 'The other one's for when he shit my pants.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 14,
+        "joke": "Hermione Granger walks down the street and turns into a bar."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 15,
+        "joke": "A man walks into a pub. A horse walks up behind the bar. Horse says, 'Surprised to see me here?' Man says, 'Yeah - did the grasshopper sell the place?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 16,
+        "joke": "A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'We've got a drink named after you.' Horse says, 'I think I'm in the wrong joke.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 17,
+        "joke": "A termite walks into a pub, looks around and says, 'Where's the bartender?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 18,
+        "joke": "A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. Rabbit says, 'I'm a type O.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 19,
+        "joke": "An egg and sausage in frying pan. Egg says hello. Sausage replies, 'Fuck me, a talking egg!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 20,
+        "joke": "Two widow friends chatting. First asks how second's husbands died. Second: 'First two died from eating poisonous mushrooms.' First: 'Terrible! How did third die?' Second: 'Broke his neck falling down stairs.' First: 'How?' Second: 'He wouldn't eat his mushrooms.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 21,
+        "joke": "Two colleagues flying from New York to London. Captain announces engine failure, delayed 1 hour. Second engine fails, another hour delay. Third engine fails, another hour. One man says to colleague, 'If another engine fails, we'll be up here all night!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 22,
+        "joke": "Man walks into pet shop wanting to buy pet wasp. Sales assistant says they don't sell wasps. Customer points to window: 'But you have one in your window!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 23,
+        "joke": "Two friends at races see priest bless horse, which wins. Next race, priest blesses another horse, wins again. Friends bet everything on next blessed horse. Horse falls down dead! They confront priest. He says, 'I wasn't blessing that horse, I was giving it last rites.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 24,
+        "joke": "Two friends on Tube see sign: 'DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON ESCALATOR.' One says to other, 'How are we going to get up here? Neither of us has a dog!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 25,
+        "joke": "Settler asks Indian Chief if winter will be harsh. Chief says yes. Settler cuts more logs. Asks again if very harsh. Chief says yes. Asks if extremely harsh. Chief says yes. Settler asks how Chief knows. Chief says, 'When white man cuts very large pile of logs, it's going to be extremely harsh winter.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 26,
+        "joke": "My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 27,
+        "joke": "Teacher asks kids what chicken gives you. Student says meat. Very good! What does pig give you? Bacon! Great! What does fat cow give you? Homework!"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 28,
+        "joke": "Child asks father how people born. Father explains Adam and Eve. Child asks mother, who says we evolved from monkeys. Child runs back to father: 'You lied to me!' Father replies, 'No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 29,
+        "joke": "Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 30,
+        "joke": "Kid 1: 'I bet you're still a virgin.' Kid 2: 'Yeah, I was until last night.' Kid 1: 'As if.' Kid 2: 'Yeah, just ask your sister.' Kid 1: 'I don't have a sister.' Kid 2: 'You will in about nine months.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 31,
+        "joke": "At a party, woman admonishes husband: 'That's fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?' He shrugs: 'Why should it? I keep telling them it's for you.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 32,
+        "joke": "'Your mother has been with us for 20 years,' said John. 'Isn't it time she got a place of her own?' Helen replied, 'I thought she was YOUR mother.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 33,
+        "joke": "Woman orders wine. Waiter asks what year. She huffs, 'Well, I'd like it right now.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 34,
+        "joke": "Yesterday I couldn't figure out whether someone was waving at me or person behind me. In other news, I lost my lifeguarding job."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 35,
+        "joke": "Bear walks into bar: 'Can I have a... Coke?' Bartender: 'What's with big pause?' Bear: 'I don't know. I was born with them.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 36,
+        "joke": "Man says son had to give up career because of fallen arches. Friend asks if athlete. Man says architect."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 37,
+        "joke": "Man at seafood restaurant asks for lobster tail. Waitress smiles: 'Once upon a time, there was this lobster...'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 38,
+        "joke": "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he sits in boat and drinks beer all day."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 39,
+        "joke": "Man sees doctor. Doctor says bad news and worse news. Bad news: you have 24 hours to live. Worse news: I should have told you yesterday."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 40,
+        "joke": "A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, 'Five beers, please.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 41,
+        "joke": "My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 42,
+        "joke": "A snake walks into a bar, and bartender asks, 'How?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 43,
+        "joke": "A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 44,
+        "joke": "My colorblind diagnosis really came out of the orange."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 45,
+        "joke": "I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 46,
+        "joke": "I entered 10 puns in contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 47,
+        "joke": "A man walks into a bar and says, 'That's going to leave a mark.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 48,
+        "joke": "My dog used to chase people on bikes a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 49,
+        "joke": "Two cows in field. One says, 'Have you heard mad cow disease going around?' Other replies, 'Makes me glad I'm a penguin.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 50,
+        "joke": "What happens to frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 51,
+        "joke": "Why did the salamander go to Hollywood? To make newt movies!"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 52,
+        "joke": "Did you hear about New York Jets cocktail? Drink two and you forget what Joe Namath."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 53,
+        "joke": "Why did veterinarian prescribe birth-control pills for dogs? It's part of anti-litter campaign."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 54,
+        "joke": "On what grounds did police arrest devil? They got him on possession."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 55,
+        "joke": "How many telemarketers to change lightbulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you're eating dinner."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 56,
+        "joke": "What did one fish in tank say to other? 'Do you know how to drive this thing?'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 57,
+        "joke": "What do rich people say when they tickle babies? 'Gucci, Gucci, goo.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 58,
+        "joke": "How many therapists to change lightbulb? Only one, but lightbulb has to want to change."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 59,
+        "joke": "Why don't anteaters ever get sick? Their anty-bodies keep them healthy."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 60,
+        "joke": "How many gorillas to change lightbulb? Just one, but takes whole lot of lightbulbs."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 61,
+        "joke": "Who was roundest knight in King Arthur's court? Sir Cumference."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 62,
+        "joke": "Why do cemeteries have fences? Because everyone's dying to get in."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 63,
+        "joke": "How many optometrists to change lightbulb? Is it one or two? One... or two?"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 64,
+        "joke": "What do you give man who has everything? Penicillin."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 65,
+        "joke": "What kind of felines can bowl? Alley cats."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 66,
+        "joke": "Why did man bring watch to bank? He wanted to save time."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 67,
+        "joke": "What's difference between hippo and Zippo? One weighs a ton, other is little lighter."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 68,
+        "joke": "Did you hear about guy who got left side of body amputated? He's all right now."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 69,
+        "joke": "What did one plate say to other? 'Lunch is on me!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 70,
+        "joke": "Why do comedians love telling jokes to ducks? They always quack up."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 71,
+        "joke": "How did piano get locked out of car? It lost its keys."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 72,
+        "joke": "What do you call nose without body? No body nose."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 73,
+        "joke": "How do you make egg roll? You push it."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 74,
+        "joke": "Fire at shoe factory. Unfortunately, many soles were lost."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 75,
+        "joke": "What kind of fish knows appendectomy? A sturgeon."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 76,
+        "joke": "How do you hire a horse? Stand it on ladder."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 77,
+        "joke": "What did fish say when he ran into wall? 'Dam!'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 78,
+        "joke": "Why do giraffes have long necks? Because they have stinky feet."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 79,
+        "joke": "Why did pony ask for glass of water? Because it was little horse."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 80,
+        "joke": "Anything worse than raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 81,
+        "joke": "What do you call two doctors? Pair-a-medics."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 82,
+        "joke": "What did 0 say to 8? 'Nice belt.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 83,
+        "joke": "My mom died when we couldn't remember her blood type. Last thing she said: 'Be positive.' But it's hard without her."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 84,
+        "joke": "I wondered why baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 85,
+        "joke": "While digging in garden, found chest full of gold coins. Wanted to tell wife, but remembered why I was digging in our garden."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 86,
+        "joke": "Today at bank, old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 87,
+        "joke": "I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 88,
+        "joke": "Cremation. My final hope for smokin' hot body."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 89,
+        "joke": "Before friend Frank died, asked I store ashes in favorite beer mug. Last wish was to be Frank in stein."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 90,
+        "joke": "Man tries to cut down talking tree in enchanted forest. Tree says, 'You can't cut me down, I'm talking tree!' Man responds, 'You may be talking tree, but you will dialogue.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 91,
+        "joke": "Today I asked phone, 'Siri, why am I still single?' It activated front-facing camera."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 92,
+        "joke": "Even people good for nothing can bring smile to your face. Like when you push them down stairs."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 93,
+        "joke": "My husband and I decided we don't want children. If anybody does, send contact details, we can drop them off tomorrow."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 94,
+        "joke": "Most corrupt CEOs run pretzel companies. They're always so twisted."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 95,
+        "joke": "You're not completely useless. You can always be used as bad example."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 96,
+        "joke": "Never break someone's heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead - they have 206."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 97,
+        "joke": "My grandma has heart of lion and lifetime ban from zoo."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 98,
+        "joke": "After man who created hokeypokey died, took while to get body in casket. Put right foot in. Took right foot out..."
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 99,
+        "joke": "When I told date I worked with animals, she found it sweet. So I told her: 'I'm a butcher.'"
+    },
+    {
+        "id": 100,
+        "joke": "They say surest way to man's heart is through stomach. But I find going through rib cage lot easier."
+    }
+]