jobless 1.0.0 → 1.1.0

package/README.md

@@ -1,56 +1,66 @@
 # jobless
 
-A terminal resume for a broken job market.
-
-LinkedIn turned into social media. Applications take 30 minutes and get rejected by a bot. Recruiters schedule interviews, then vanish. This package is the profile I actually want people to read.
-
 ```bash
 npx jobless
 ```
 
-## Commands
+A terminal resume for a broken job market. LinkedIn is a content farm with a jobs tab. Applications take 30 minutes. The no takes 400ms. Recruiters book the call so they have something to cancel. I still do not know their coffee, their mug, or their star sign.
+
+## The market
+
+### I do not know their coffee, their mug, or their stars
+
+The job posting said TypeScript, PostgreSQL, and "excellent communication." The actual exam is telepathy. What is on the recruiter's mind at 10:02am. Oat milk or "just black, I ship." What color is the mug. Company merch that says world-class talent, or the chipped navy one from a 2019 conference that still has a lipstick ghost. What is their star sign. A Virgo who will reject you for a missing Oxford comma. A Gemini who double-booked you with someone named also-Yonas. A Scorpio who already decided during the handshake.
+
+I can trace a silent cron death across 17 processes. I cannot see into their mug. Apparently that was the seniority gap. Next round I will bring a natal chart, a color swatch, and a cortado. Or we could talk about the actual system.
+
+### I applied for 30 minutes. The bot needed 400ms
+
+The modern application is unpaid data entry with extra steps. Upload the PDF. Then type the PDF into twelve boxes the parser already filled wrong. Then salary in USD, GBP, and emotional damage. Then a culture quiz written by someone who has never been in the culture. Then "why this company?" as if Greenhouse is going to light a candle and read it.
+
+Submit. Rejected in 400ms. Sometimes the no arrives before the confirmation. Five years in production, $100K pulled out of infra, payment rails that moved billions — filtered out because I did not write "synergy" enough times. Cool product. Would not ship it.
+
+### They booked the call so they had something to cancel
+
+Favorite genre of fiction: the recruiter calendar invite. "Loved your profile. Thursday 10am?" I clear the morning. I make tea. I put on a shirt with buttons. 9:58am: "we've decided to move forward with other candidates." Which other candidates. The ones you have not scheduled yet?
+
+If ghosting is the process, skip the theater. I debug silent failures for a living. Yours is not that silent.
+
+### LinkedIn: 40% more thought leadership, 0% more jobs
+
+LinkedIn used to be a jobs board that accidentally had a feed. Now it is a feed that accidentally has jobs. Everyone is humbled. Everyone is announcing. Everyone is a thought leader on a Tuesday. The algorithm loves a carousel called "10 habits of senior engineers" from someone who has never been on-call. It does not love the person who actually kept production up.
+
+I did not open this app to like your new chapter. I opened it because I can build the thing you are posting about.
 
 ```bash
-npx jobless              # interactive
-npx jobless who          # who I am
-npx jobless looking      # roles I want
-npx jobless rant         # the market, unfiltered
-npx jobless work         # proof of work
-npx jobless skills       # the stack
-npx jobless hire         # links + email
-npx jobless --json       # machine readable
-npx jobless --no-anim    # skip the ATS joke
+npx jobless rant
 ```
 
 ## Yonas Alem
 
 Senior Software Engineer in Addis Ababa. Open to remote senior roles.
 
+5+ years in production · 35% infra cost cut · ~30% performance gain · 3B+ ETB payment volume
+
 - Site: [yonasalem.vercel.app](https://yonasalem.vercel.app)
 - GitHub: [github.com/Yonas21](https://github.com/Yonas21)
 - LinkedIn: [linkedin.com/in/yonasalem21](https://www.linkedin.com/in/yonasalem21/)
 - Email: yonalem21@gmail.com
 
-Zero dependencies. Node 18+.
-
-## Publish
-
-npm now requires 2FA or a granular token. Browser login alone is not enough.
-
-1. Enable 2FA on your npm account: [npmjs.com/settings](https://www.npmjs.com/) → Account → Two-Factor Authentication.
-2. Publish with the authenticator code:
-
 ```bash
-npm publish --access public --otp=123456
+npx jobless hire
 ```
 
-Or create a **Granular Access Token** with Read and Write + **Bypass 2FA**, then:
+## Commands
 
 ```bash
-npm config set //registry.npmjs.org/:_authToken=npm_YOUR_TOKEN
-npm publish --access public
+npx jobless              # interactive
+npx jobless rant         # the market, with jokes
+npx jobless who          # who I am
+npx jobless looking      # roles I want
+npx jobless work         # proof of work
+npx jobless skills       # the stack
+npx jobless hire         # links + email
 ```
 
-Then tell people:
-
-> I was so done with the job market that I published a resume to npm. Run `npx jobless`.
+Zero dependencies. Node 18+.

package/package.json

@@ -1,14 +1,17 @@
 {
   "name": "jobless",
-  "version": "1.0.0",
-  "description": "A terminal resume for a broken job market. npx jobless",
+  "version": "1.1.0",
+  "description": "npx jobless — I still do not know the recruiter's coffee, mug color, or star sign. A terminal resume for a broken job market.",
   "keywords": [
     "cli",
     "npx",
     "resume",
-    "portfolio",
+    "rant",
+    "job-market",
+    "linkedin",
+    "recruiter",
     "terminal",
-    "job-search",
+    "portfolio",
     "yonas-alem"
   ],
   "license": "MIT",

package/src/data.js

@@ -41,24 +41,29 @@ export const lookingFor = {
     'Managers who can say no to a 7-round interview for a role they already understand.',
   ],
   no: [
-    'Unpaid take-homes that look like a sprint of free consulting.',
-    '"Entry-level" postings that require 5 years, 12 frameworks, and a public blog.',
-    'Culture surveys that take longer than the actual interview.',
+    'Take-homes that are just your Q3 roadmap with a Sunday deadline.',
+    '"Entry-level." Must have 5 years, 12 frameworks, and a personal brand.',
+    'Culture surveys longer than the product spec.',
+    'Interviews that secretly grade my guess at their coffee order.',
   ],
 };
 
 export const rants = [
   {
-    title: 'LinkedIn is not a job market anymore',
-    body: "LinkedIn used to be where you found work. Now it is Instagram with a resume attached. Everyone is a thought leader. Everyone is humbled to announce. Nobody is hiring. The feed is bragging, engagement bait, and 10-slide carousels on 'how senior engineers think' from people who have never been on-call. I did not come here to like your humble-brag. I came here because I can actually build the thing.",
+    title: 'LinkedIn: 40% more thought leadership, 0% more jobs',
+    body: "LinkedIn used to be a jobs board that accidentally had a feed. Now it is a feed that accidentally has jobs. Everyone is humbled. Everyone is announcing. Everyone is a thought leader on a Tuesday. The algorithm loves a carousel called '10 habits of senior engineers' from someone who has never been on-call. It does not love the person who actually kept production up. I did not open this app to like your new chapter. I opened it because I can build the thing you are posting about.",
   },
   {
-    title: '30 minutes to apply. 0.4 seconds to get rejected',
-    body: 'I spend half an hour on an application. Upload the PDF. Then type the same PDF into 12 text boxes. Then salary in three currencies. Then a culture quiz. Then "why this company?" as if the ATS is going to read it. I hit submit. The rejection arrives so fast it had to be a machine. Sometimes the rejection beats the confirmation email. Five years of production work, $100K of infra savings, payment rails that moved billions — discarded because the keyword density was wrong.',
+    title: 'I applied for 30 minutes. The bot needed 400ms',
+    body: 'The modern application is unpaid data entry with extra steps. Upload the PDF. Then type the PDF into twelve boxes the parser already filled wrong. Then salary in USD, GBP, and emotional damage. Then a culture quiz written by someone who has never been in the culture. Then "why this company?" as if Greenhouse is going to light a candle and read it. Submit. Rejected in 400ms. Sometimes the no arrives before the confirmation. Five years in production, $100K pulled out of infra, payment rails that moved billions — filtered out because I did not write "synergy" enough times. Cool product. Would not ship it.',
   },
   {
-    title: 'Recruiters who schedule, then vanish',
-    body: 'A recruiter books a call. I clear the calendar. I prepare. I show up. They cancel at T-minus two minutes, or reject me after the invite is already on the calendar, or ghost so hard the Google Calendar event is the last human artifact. If you are going to disappear, skip the scheduling theater. Do not waste a working engineer\'s Thursday morning just to keep your Greenhouse pipeline looking alive.',
+    title: 'They booked the call so they had something to cancel',
+    body: 'Favorite genre of fiction: the recruiter calendar invite. "Loved your profile. Thursday 10am?" I clear the morning. I make tea. I put on a shirt with buttons. 9:58am: "we\'ve decided to move forward with other candidates." Which other candidates. The ones you have not scheduled yet? Or they just never show, and the Google Calendar event is the last proof a human existed. If ghosting is the process, skip the theater. Do not put a working engineer on your Greenhouse stage so the pipeline looks busy. I debug silent failures for a living. Yours is not that silent.',
+  },
+  {
+    title: 'I do not know their coffee, their mug, or their stars',
+    body: "The job posting said TypeScript, PostgreSQL, and 'excellent communication.' The actual exam is telepathy. What is on the recruiter's mind at 10:02am. Oat milk or 'just black, I ship.' What color is the mug. Company merch that says world-class talent, or the chipped navy one from a 2019 conference that still has a lipstick ghost. What is their star sign. A Virgo who will reject you for a missing Oxford comma. A Gemini who double-booked you with someone named also-Yonas. A Scorpio who already decided during the handshake. I can trace a silent cron death across 17 processes. I cannot see into their mug. Apparently that was the seniority gap. Next round I will bring a natal chart, a color swatch, and a cortado. Or we could talk about the actual system.",
   },
 ];
 
@@ -166,7 +171,7 @@ export const quotes = [
 export const menu = [
   { key: '1', command: 'who', label: 'who I am' },
   { key: '2', command: 'looking', label: 'roles I want' },
-  { key: '3', command: 'rant', label: 'the market, unfiltered' },
+  { key: '3', command: 'rant', label: 'the market, with jokes' },
   { key: '4', command: 'work', label: 'proof of work' },
   { key: '5', command: 'skills', label: 'the stack' },
   { key: '6', command: 'hire', label: 'hire me / links' },
@@ -174,9 +179,9 @@ export const menu = [
 ];
 
 export const bootLines = [
-  'parsing resume.pdf',
-  'pasting the same resume into 12 identical boxes',
-  'answering "why this company?" for a parser',
-  'waiting for a human',
-  'human not found',
+  'uploading resume.pdf',
+  'guessing oat milk vs just-black-I-ship',
+  'guessing navy mug vs emotional-support Stanley',
+  'checking if Mercury is in Greenhouse',
+  '404 human',
 ];

package/src/screens.js

@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ export const printHeader = () => {
 export const printBoot = async () => {
   hideCursor();
   try {
-    print(dim('  simulating the modern application process...'));
+    print(dim('  applying to a role that was closed in 2022...'));
     blank();
     for (const [index, line] of bootLines.entries()) {
       print(`  ${dim(`[${String(index + 1)}/5]`)} ${line}`);
@@ -82,9 +82,9 @@ export const printBoot = async () => {
     }
     blank();
     print(`  ${bold(red('RESULT'))}     ${bold('REJECTED')}`);
-    print(`  ${dim('reason')}     keyword density insufficient`);
-    print(`  ${dim('elapsed')}    0.41s`);
-    print(`  ${dim('note')}       this part is a joke. the rest is not.`);
+    print(`  ${dim('reason')}     guessed white mug. it was navy. also a Virgo.`);
+    print(`  ${dim('elapsed')}    0.40s  (personal best)`);
+    print(`  ${dim('note')}       the loading bar is the joke. the rejection is documentary.`);
   } finally {
     showCursor();
   }
@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ export const printRant = () => {
   section('THE MARKET');
   blank();
   for (const line of wrap(
-    'LinkedIn became social media. Applications became rituals. Recruiters became calendar ghosts.',
+    'The feed is thriving. Hiring is a lore page. The recruiter\'s coffee order is a senior requirement.',
   )) {
     print(`  ${dim(line)}`);
   }
@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ export const printRant = () => {
     print(box([bold(yellow(rant.title)), '', ...wrap(rant.body, inner())]));
   }
   blank();
-  print(`  ${dim('If you are still reading, you are already more serious than the feed.')}`);
+  print(`  ${dim('Still here? Congrats. You already outperformed the ATS.')}`);
 };
 
 export const printWork = () => {
@@ -220,15 +220,16 @@ export const printHelp = () => {
   print(`  ${bold('npx jobless --json')}       machine readable`);
   print(`  ${bold('npx jobless --no-anim')}    skip the ATS joke`);
   blank();
-  print(`  ${dim('Built because LinkedIn stopped being useful.')}`);
+  print(`  ${dim('Built because the feed would not shut up.')}`);
   print(`  ${dim(profile.website)}`);
 };
 
 export const printLandingTeaser = () => {
   blank();
-  print(`  ${yellow('LinkedIn is a social network now. This is the actual profile.')}`);
-  print(`  ${dim('Applications take 30 minutes. Rejections take milliseconds.')}`);
-  print(`  ${dim('Recruiters book the call, then ghost the calendar.')}`);
+  print(`  ${yellow('LinkedIn is a content farm with a jobs tab. This is the profile.')}`);
+  print(`  ${dim('Applications take 30 minutes. The no takes 400ms.')}`);
+  print(`  ${dim('Recruiters book the call so they have something to cancel.')}`);
+  print(`  ${dim('I still do not know their coffee, their mug, or their star sign.')}`);
 };
 
 export const toJson = () =>