idiotik.js 1.0.0

package/README.md

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+# idiot.js
+
+youareanidiot-style chaos toolkit for the browser. recursive by default. you were warned.
+
+---
+
+## install
+
+```bash
+npm install idiot.js
+```
+
+or just drop `src/idiot.js` into your page:
+
+```html
+<script src="idiot.js"></script>
+```
+
+---
+
+## api
+
+### global toggles
+
+```js
+idiot.recursive(yes/no)   // default: yes — everything spawns itself
+idiot.volume(0-5000)      // 101-200: loud | 201-449: + bass boost | 450+: full EQ destruction
+```
+
+---
+
+### script context
+
+group and tag sequences so you can kill them later.
+
+```js
+idiot.script()
+  idiot.id("myscript")        // name it so idiot.halt() can kill it
+  idiot.html("<b>chaos</b>")  // inject html — ONLY works inside script()
+  idiot.start(idiot.html)
+  idiot.repeat(inf)
+  idiot.continue              // keep running, move on
+idiot.end()
+
+idiot.halt("myscript")        // kills everything under that id
+```
+
+- `idiot.html()` **must** be inside `idiot.script()` — throws if used outside
+- `idiot.id()` **must** be inside `idiot.script()`
+- everything else works inside or outside
+
+---
+
+### flow control
+
+```js
+idiot.start(ref)        // fire a method
+idiot.repeat(n / inf)   // repeat last start n times or forever
+idiot.continue          // don't block, keep going (async)
+idiot.wait(ms)          // delay (returns promise)
+idiot.halt("id")        // force stop a named script
+idiot.random(a, b, c)   // picks one randomly and fires it
+idiot.if(condition).then(fn).else(fn2)
+```
+
+---
+
+### chaos methods
+
+```js
+idiot.say("msg")                    // alert loop
+idiot.scream()                      // audio blast via oscillator
+idiot.jumpscare(imgUrl, sfxUrl)     // fullscreen image + sound
+idiot.redirect(url)                 // sends em somewhere else
+idiot.freeze()                      // disables all user input
+idiot.fullscreen()                  // forces fullscreen, fights exit
+```
+
+---
+
+### audio
+
+```js
+idiot.audio("https://example.com/sound.mp3")   // from url
+idiot.audio("file://mysound.mp3")               // local file (strips file://)
+idiot.volume(150)   // loud
+idiot.volume(300)   // loud + bass boosted
+idiot.volume(500)   // loud + bass boost + every EQ band maxed 💀
+idiot.volume(5000)  // sonic weapon
+```
+
+---
+
+### effects (stackable)
+
+```js
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("shake"))()    // seizure mode
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("spin"))()     // rotating hell
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("glitch"))()   // css glitch
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("rainbow"))()  // color flash
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("invert"))()   // inverts page
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("matrix"))()   // you already know
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("melt"))()     // page droops
+
+idiot.cleareffects()  // wipe all active effects
+```
+
+effects stack — calling multiple adds them all simultaneously.
+
+---
+
+### cursor
+
+```js
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("hand"))       // pointer everywhere
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("none"))       // cursor gone
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("rainbow"))    // color trail
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("wiggle"))     // cursor fights you
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("explode"))    // particles on click
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("crosshair"))  // crosshair
+idiot.start(idiot.cursor("https://example.com/cur.png"))  // custom url
+```
+
+---
+
+### presets
+
+```js
+idiot.start(idiot.classic())()   // the full youareanidiot experience
+idiot.start(idiot.mild())()      // annoying but survivable
+idiot.start(idiot.nuclear())()   // god help them
+idiot.start(idiot.rickroll())()  // you know what this does
+```
+
+---
+
+## examples
+
+### basic alert spam
+
+```js
+idiot.start(idiot.say("FREE ROBUX AT PORNHUB.COM!!!"))
+idiot.repeat(inf)
+idiot.continue
+```
+
+### named script you can kill
+
+```js
+idiot.script()
+  idiot.id("chaos")
+  idiot.say("YOU ARE AN IDIOT")
+  idiot.start(idiot.say)
+  idiot.repeat(inf)
+  idiot.continue
+idiot.end()
+
+// somewhere else:
+idiot.halt("chaos")
+```
+
+### stacked effects
+
+```js
+idiot.recursive("yes")
+idiot.volume(5000)
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("shake"))()
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("rainbow"))()
+idiot.start(idiot.effect("glitch"))()
+idiot.start(idiot.scream())()
+```
+
+### conditional chaos
+
+```js
+idiot.if(userIsAnnoying).then(() => {
+  idiot.start(idiot.nuclear())()
+}).else(() => {
+  idiot.start(idiot.mild())()
+})
+```
+
+---
+
+## volume breakdown
+
+| range | behavior |
+|-------|----------|
+| 0–100 | normal |
+| 101–200 | just loud |
+| 201–449 | loud + bass boost (scales with value) |
+| 450–5000 | loud + bass boost + every EQ band maxed |
+
+---
+
+built different. use responsibly. (don't.)

package/package.json

@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
+{
+  "name": "idiotik.js",
+  "version": "1.0.0",
+  "description": "youareanidiot-style chaos toolkit for the browser",
+  "main": "src/idiot.js",
+  "scripts": {
+    "build": "node build.js"
+  },
+  "keywords": ["chaos", "prank", "browser", "youareanidiot"],
+  "license": "MIT",
+  "files": [
+    "src/",
+    "presets/",
+    "README.md"
+  ]
+}

package/src/idiot.js

@@ -0,0 +1,546 @@
+/**
+ * idiot.js — youareanidiot-style chaos toolkit
+ * recursive by default. you were warned.
+ */
+
+(function (global) {
+
+  // ─── GLOBAL STATE ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  let _recursive = true;
+  let _volume = 100;
+  let _activeScripts = {};       // id -> { intervals, timeouts, audioNodes }
+  let _activeEffects = new Set();
+  let _audioCtx = null;
+  let _lastStarted = null;       // last method ref passed to idiot.start()
+  let _scriptStack = [];         // current script context stack
+
+  // ─── HELPERS ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  function _getAudioCtx() {
+    if (!_audioCtx) _audioCtx = new (window.AudioContext || window.webkitAudioContext)();
+    return _audioCtx;
+  }
+
+  function _currentScript() {
+    return _scriptStack.length ? _scriptStack[_scriptStack.length - 1] : null;
+  }
+
+  function _requireScript(name) {
+    if (!_currentScript()) throw new Error(`idiot.${name}() must be inside idiot.script()`);
+  }
+
+  function _track(thing, type) {
+    const ctx = _currentScript();
+    if (!ctx) return;
+    ctx[type] = ctx[type] || [];
+    ctx[type].push(thing);
+  }
+
+  function _buildAudioChain(buffer) {
+    const ctx = _getAudioCtx();
+    const source = ctx.createBufferSource();
+    source.buffer = buffer;
+    source.loop = true;
+
+    const gainNode = ctx.createGain();
+    const rawVol = _volume;
+
+    // volume scaling
+    if (rawVol <= 100) {
+      gainNode.gain.value = rawVol / 100;
+    } else if (rawVol <= 200) {
+      gainNode.gain.value = rawVol / 100;
+    } else {
+      gainNode.gain.value = Math.min(rawVol / 100, 50);
+    }
+
+    let lastNode = source;
+
+    // bass boost kicks in at 201
+    if (rawVol > 200) {
+      const bassBoost = ctx.createBiquadFilter();
+      bassBoost.type = "lowshelf";
+      bassBoost.frequency.value = 200;
+      const boostAmount = Math.min(((rawVol - 200) / 4800) * 40, 40);
+      bassBoost.gain.value = boostAmount;
+      lastNode.connect(bassBoost);
+      lastNode = bassBoost;
+    }
+
+    // full EQ rape kicks in at 450
+    if (rawVol >= 450) {
+      const bands = [
+        { type: "lowshelf",   freq: 60,    gain: 40 },
+        { type: "peaking",    freq: 250,   gain: 40 },
+        { type: "peaking",    freq: 500,   gain: 40 },
+        { type: "peaking",    freq: 1500,  gain: 40 },
+        { type: "peaking",    freq: 4000,  gain: 40 },
+        { type: "peaking",    freq: 8000,  gain: 40 },
+        { type: "highshelf",  freq: 16000, gain: 40 },
+      ];
+      for (const b of bands) {
+        const f = ctx.createBiquadFilter();
+        f.type = b.type;
+        f.frequency.value = b.freq;
+        f.gain.value = b.gain;
+        lastNode.connect(f);
+        lastNode = f;
+      }
+    }
+
+    lastNode.connect(gainNode);
+    gainNode.connect(ctx.destination);
+    return source;
+  }
+
+  async function _loadAndPlay(url) {
+    const ctx = _getAudioCtx();
+    const resp = await fetch(url);
+    const arrayBuf = await resp.arrayBuffer();
+    const audioBuf = await ctx.decodeAudioData(arrayBuf);
+    const source = _buildAudioChain(audioBuf);
+    source.start(0);
+    return source;
+  }
+
+  // ─── CURSOR PRESETS ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  const _cursorPresets = {
+    hand:    "pointer",
+    none:    "none",
+    crosshair: "crosshair",
+    wait:    "wait",
+    // animated ones inject a style tag
+    rainbow: "__rainbow__",
+    wiggle:  "__wiggle__",
+    explode: "__explode__",
+  };
+
+  // ─── EFFECT IMPLEMENTATIONS ─────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  const _effectImpls = {
+    shake() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_shake__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `
+        @keyframes __idiot_shake { 0%,100%{transform:translate(0,0)} 10%{transform:translate(-8px,8px)} 20%{transform:translate(8px,-8px)} 30%{transform:translate(-8px,0)} 40%{transform:translate(8px,8px)} 50%{transform:translate(-4px,-4px)} 60%{transform:translate(4px,4px)} 70%{transform:translate(-8px,8px)} 80%{transform:translate(8px,-8px)} 90%{transform:translate(-4px,4px)} }
+        body { animation: __idiot_shake 0.3s infinite; }
+      `;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+    spin() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_spin__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `
+        @keyframes __idiot_spin { from{transform:rotate(0deg)} to{transform:rotate(360deg)} }
+        body { animation: __idiot_spin 2s linear infinite; transform-origin: center center; }
+      `;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+    glitch() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_glitch__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `
+        @keyframes __idiot_glitch1 { 0%,100%{clip-path:inset(0 0 95% 0)} 25%{clip-path:inset(30% 0 50% 0)} 50%{clip-path:inset(60% 0 20% 0)} 75%{clip-path:inset(10% 0 80% 0)} }
+        @keyframes __idiot_glitch2 { 0%,100%{clip-path:inset(80% 0 5% 0);transform:translate(-5px,0)} 25%{clip-path:inset(20% 0 70% 0);transform:translate(5px,0)} 50%{clip-path:inset(50% 0 30% 0);transform:translate(-3px,0)} 75%{clip-path:inset(5% 0 90% 0);transform:translate(3px,0)} }
+        body::before, body::after { content:''; position:fixed; top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%; background:inherit; pointer-events:none; z-index:9999; }
+        body::before { animation: __idiot_glitch1 0.4s infinite; color:red; text-shadow:2px 0 red; }
+        body::after  { animation: __idiot_glitch2 0.4s infinite; color:blue; text-shadow:-2px 0 blue; }
+      `;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+    rainbow() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_rainbow__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `
+        @keyframes __idiot_rainbow { 0%{background:#ff0000} 15%{background:#ff8800} 30%{background:#ffff00} 45%{background:#00ff00} 60%{background:#0000ff} 75%{background:#8800ff} 90%{background:#ff00ff} 100%{background:#ff0000} }
+        body { animation: __idiot_rainbow 0.5s infinite; }
+      `;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+    invert() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_invert__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `body { filter: invert(1); }`;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+    matrix() {
+      const canvasId = "__idiot_matrix__";
+      if (document.getElementById(canvasId)) return;
+      const canvas = document.createElement("canvas");
+      canvas.id = canvasId;
+      canvas.style.cssText = "position:fixed;top:0;left:0;z-index:9998;pointer-events:none;width:100vw;height:100vh;opacity:0.7;";
+      document.body.appendChild(canvas);
+      const ctx = canvas.getContext("2d");
+      canvas.width = window.innerWidth;
+      canvas.height = window.innerHeight;
+      const cols = Math.floor(canvas.width / 16);
+      const drops = Array(cols).fill(1);
+      const chars = "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ0123456789@#$%^&*()";
+      const id = setInterval(() => {
+        ctx.fillStyle = "rgba(0,0,0,0.05)";
+        ctx.fillRect(0, 0, canvas.width, canvas.height);
+        ctx.fillStyle = "#0f0";
+        ctx.font = "16px monospace";
+        drops.forEach((y, i) => {
+          const ch = chars[Math.floor(Math.random() * chars.length)];
+          ctx.fillText(ch, i * 16, y * 16);
+          if (y * 16 > canvas.height && Math.random() > 0.975) drops[i] = 0;
+          drops[i]++;
+        });
+      }, 50);
+      _track(id, "intervals");
+    },
+    melt() {
+      const styleId = "__idiot_melt__";
+      if (document.getElementById(styleId)) return;
+      const s = document.createElement("style");
+      s.id = styleId;
+      s.textContent = `
+        @keyframes __idiot_melt { 0%{transform:skewY(0deg) scaleY(1)} 50%{transform:skewY(5deg) scaleY(1.1)} 100%{transform:skewY(-3deg) scaleY(0.9)} }
+        body { animation: __idiot_melt 1s ease-in-out infinite alternate; transform-origin: bottom; }
+      `;
+      document.head.appendChild(s);
+    },
+  };
+
+  // ─── CORE idiot OBJECT ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  const idiot = {
+
+    // ── GLOBAL TOGGLES ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    recursive(val) {
+      _recursive = (val === true || val === "yes" || val === 1);
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    volume(n) {
+      _volume = Math.max(0, Math.min(5000, Number(n)));
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    // ── SCRIPT CONTEXT ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    script() {
+      const ctx = {
+        id: null,
+        intervals: [],
+        timeouts: [],
+        audioSources: [],
+        htmlNodes: [],
+        _html: null,
+      };
+      _scriptStack.push(ctx);
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    id(name) {
+      _requireScript("id");
+      const ctx = _currentScript();
+      ctx.id = name;
+      _activeScripts[name] = ctx;
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    html(code) {
+      _requireScript("html");
+      const ctx = _currentScript();
+      ctx._html = code;
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    end() {
+      if (!_currentScript()) throw new Error("idiot.end() called outside a script");
+      _scriptStack.pop();
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    // ── FLOW CONTROL ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    start(ref) {
+      _lastStarted = ref;
+      if (typeof ref === "function") {
+        ref();
+      }
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    repeat(n) {
+      if (!_lastStarted) return idiot;
+      const fn = _lastStarted;
+      const infinite = (n === Infinity || n === "inf" || n === "Infinity");
+      if (infinite) {
+        const id = setInterval(() => fn(), 100);
+        _track(id, "intervals");
+      } else {
+        let count = 0;
+        const id = setInterval(() => {
+          fn();
+          count++;
+          if (count >= n) clearInterval(id);
+        }, 100);
+        _track(id, "intervals");
+      }
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    get continue() {
+      // no-op — execution continues naturally (async stuff already running)
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    wait(ms) {
+      return new Promise(resolve => {
+        const id = setTimeout(resolve, ms);
+        _track(id, "timeouts");
+      });
+    },
+
+    halt(name) {
+      const ctx = _activeScripts[name];
+      if (!ctx) return idiot;
+      (ctx.intervals || []).forEach(id => clearInterval(id));
+      (ctx.timeouts || []).forEach(id => clearTimeout(id));
+      (ctx.audioSources || []).forEach(s => { try { s.stop(); } catch(e){} });
+      (ctx.htmlNodes || []).forEach(n => { try { n.remove(); } catch(e){} });
+      delete _activeScripts[name];
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    // ── CONDITIONAL ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    _ifResult: null,
+
+    if(condition) {
+      idiot._ifResult = !!condition;
+      return {
+        then(fn) {
+          if (idiot._ifResult) fn();
+          return {
+            else(fn2) { if (!idiot._ifResult) fn2(); return idiot; }
+          };
+        }
+      };
+    },
+
+    else(fn) {
+      if (!idiot._ifResult) fn();
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    random(...methods) {
+      const pick = methods[Math.floor(Math.random() * methods.length)];
+      if (typeof pick === "function") pick();
+      return idiot;
+    },
+
+    // ── CHAOS METHODS ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    say(msg) {
+      return function _say() {
+        alert(msg);
+        if (_recursive) setTimeout(() => _say(), 0);
+      };
+    },
+
+    redirect(url) {
+      return function() {
+        window.location.href = url;
+      };
+    },
+
+    freeze() {
+      return function() {
+        document.addEventListener("keydown", e => e.preventDefault(), true);
+        document.addEventListener("mousedown", e => e.preventDefault(), true);
+        document.addEventListener("contextmenu", e => e.preventDefault(), true);
+      };
+    },
+
+    fullscreen() {
+      return function _fs() {
+        const el = document.documentElement;
+        if (el.requestFullscreen) el.requestFullscreen();
+        else if (el.webkitRequestFullscreen) el.webkitRequestFullscreen();
+        document.addEventListener("fullscreenchange", () => {
+          if (!document.fullscreenElement && _recursive) setTimeout(_fs, 100);
+        });
+      };
+    },
+
+    jumpscare(imgUrl, sfxUrl) {
+      return function _js() {
+        const div = document.createElement("div");
+        div.style.cssText = "position:fixed;top:0;left:0;width:100vw;height:100vh;z-index:99999;background:#000;display:flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;";
+        const img = document.createElement("img");
+        img.src = imgUrl;
+        img.style.cssText = "max-width:100%;max-height:100%;object-fit:contain;";
+        div.appendChild(img);
+        document.body.appendChild(div);
+        if (sfxUrl) {
+          const parsed = _parseAudioUrl(sfxUrl);
+          _loadAndPlay(parsed);
+        }
+        const ctx = _currentScript();
+        if (ctx) ctx.htmlNodes.push(div);
+        if (_recursive) setTimeout(() => { div.remove(); _js(); }, 1000);
+      };
+    },
+
+    scream() {
+      return function() {
+        const ctx = _getAudioCtx();
+        const osc = ctx.createOscillator();
+        const gain = ctx.createGain();
+        osc.type = "sawtooth";
+        osc.frequency.value = 880;
+        gain.gain.value = Math.min(_volume / 100, 10);
+        osc.connect(gain);
+        gain.connect(ctx.destination);
+        osc.start();
+        setTimeout(() => osc.stop(), 2000);
+        if (_recursive) setTimeout(idiot.scream()(), 2100);
+      };
+    },
+
+    // ── AUDIO ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    audio(urlOrFile) {
+      const parsed = _parseAudioUrl(urlOrFile);
+      return async function _audio() {
+        const source = await _loadAndPlay(parsed);
+        const ctx = _currentScript();
+        if (ctx) ctx.audioSources.push(source);
+        if (_recursive) source.addEventListener?.("ended", _audio);
+      };
+    },
+
+    // ── EFFECT ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    effect(name) {
+      return function() {
+        if (_effectImpls[name]) {
+          _activeEffects.add(name);
+          _effectImpls[name]();
+        } else {
+          console.warn(`idiot.effect: unknown preset "${name}"`);
+        }
+      };
+    },
+
+    cleareffects() {
+      _activeEffects.clear();
+      document.querySelectorAll("[id^='__idiot_']").forEach(el => el.remove());
+    },
+
+    // ── CURSOR ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    cursor(preset) {
+      return function() {
+        const val = _cursorPresets[preset];
+        if (!val) {
+          // treat as URL
+          document.body.style.cursor = `url(${preset}), auto`;
+          return;
+        }
+        if (val === "__rainbow__") {
+          let h = 0;
+          setInterval(() => {
+            const svg = `<svg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='20' height='20'><circle cx='10' cy='10' r='10' fill='hsl(${h},100%,50%)'/></svg>`;
+            const url = `url("data:image/svg+xml,${encodeURIComponent(svg)}")`;
+            document.body.style.cursor = `${url}, auto`;
+            h = (h + 10) % 360;
+          }, 50);
+        } else if (val === "__wiggle__") {
+          document.addEventListener("mousemove", e => {
+            const offset = Math.sin(Date.now() / 100) * 10;
+            document.body.style.cursor = `url("data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' width='20' height='20'><text y='16' font-size='16'>👆</text></svg>") ${offset} 0, auto`;
+          });
+        } else if (val === "__explode__") {
+          document.addEventListener("click", e => {
+            for (let i = 0; i < 12; i++) {
+              const p = document.createElement("div");
+              p.textContent = ["💥","✨","⭐","🔥"][i % 4];
+              p.style.cssText = `position:fixed;left:${e.clientX}px;top:${e.clientY}px;font-size:20px;pointer-events:none;z-index:99999;transition:all 0.6s;`;
+              document.body.appendChild(p);
+              const angle = (i / 12) * 2 * Math.PI;
+              setTimeout(() => {
+                p.style.transform = `translate(${Math.cos(angle)*60}px,${Math.sin(angle)*60}px)`;
+                p.style.opacity = "0";
+              }, 10);
+              setTimeout(() => p.remove(), 700);
+            }
+          });
+        } else {
+          document.body.style.cursor = val;
+        }
+      };
+    },
+
+    // ── PRESETS ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+    classic() {
+      return function() {
+        idiot.recursive("yes");
+        idiot.start(idiot.say("YOU ARE AN IDIOT HA HA HA HA HA HA"));
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("rainbow"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("shake"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.scream())();
+      };
+    },
+
+    mild() {
+      return function() {
+        idiot.recursive("no");
+        idiot.start(idiot.say("gotcha lol"));
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("shake"))();
+      };
+    },
+
+    nuclear() {
+      return function() {
+        idiot.recursive("yes");
+        idiot.volume(5000);
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("shake"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("rainbow"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("glitch"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.effect("spin"))();
+        idiot.start(idiot.scream())();
+        idiot.start(idiot.fullscreen())();
+        idiot.start(idiot.freeze())();
+        idiot.start(idiot.say("💀💀💀 YOU ARE SO COOKED 💀💀💀"));
+      };
+    },
+
+    rickroll() {
+      return function() {
+        idiot.recursive("no");
+        idiot.start(idiot.redirect("https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ"))();
+      };
+    },
+
+  };
+
+  // ─── INTERNAL UTILS ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  function _parseAudioUrl(urlOrFile) {
+    if (typeof urlOrFile === "string" && urlOrFile.startsWith("file://")) {
+      return urlOrFile.replace("file://", "");
+    }
+    return urlOrFile;
+  }
+
+  // ─── EXPORT ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+  if (typeof module !== "undefined" && module.exports) {
+    module.exports = idiot;
+  } else {
+    global.idiot = idiot;
+  }
+
+})(typeof window !== "undefined" ? window : global);