elliot-stack 1.0.30 → 1.0.36

package/skills/estack-chris-voss/references/elliot-notes.md

@@ -1,120 +1,120 @@
-Notes:
-- 3 steps to old method to negotiate
-    1. Separate the emotion form the problem 
-    2. don’t get wrapped up in the other person‘s position, but instead of focus on what they’re interests are. So you can find what they really want.
-    3. Work together to create win-win options.
-- The best way to quiet the voice in their head and your head at the same time. Make your all encompassing purpose to hear/understand what the other person has to say.
-- Your voice is one of your biggest tools in negotiation. The tone of your voice sets the stage for the conversation.
-- 3 voice tones
-    1. Positive playful (relax and smile while your talking) MOST USEFUL 
-        - When people are in a positive frame of mind they think more quickly and more likely to problem solve
-    2. Calm and encouraging (inflict your voice in a downward way)
-    3. Direct and assertive (signals dominance which most people will push back against) AVOID
-- When u inflict your voice in a downward way. U put it out there that u got it covered. Talking slowly and clearly you convey 1 idea. I’m in control. (Use this when an item is not up for discussion)
-- When u inflect in an upwards way u invite a response. Why? Because u leave the door open for uncertainty, u make the statement sound like a question.
-- Mirroring: say the last 3 words of what they said or last 3 important words. Gets the speaker to elaborate. ALWAYS LET THE OTHER PERSON RESPOND!
-- Being right ISNT the key to a successful negotiation having the right mindset is.
-- Slow it down. Going to quickly makes other people feel like they aren’t being heard.
-- Ask people to help. Everyone wants to help, find a way they can help u and ask for help. Especially if they don’t like you, ask for help!!
-- Labeling: identification and acknowledgment of the other party’s emotions to build rapport and guide the conversation. Ex: it sounds like, it looks like (then their feeling) Note: DONT use I, it gets people to think you are selfish
-- People emotions have two levels: 
-    1. The "presenting" behavior: the part above the surface you can see and hear, 
-    2. beneath, the "underlying" feeling is what actually motivates the behavior.
-- The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it. Ex: when talking to the fam of a hostage I started with Ik your scared or when I make a mistake I always acknowledge the other person's anger. The phrase "Look, I'm an asshole" is an effective way to make problem go away.
-- The point of labeling is to label the emotion or feelings that the person is feeling so that they will start to elaborate on the underlying cause of the problem.
-- Power of labeling the negatives: identifying fears or concerns upfront reduces their impact. Ex: acknowledging something as horrible makes it seem less intimidating. Ex: “I don’t want this to sound harsh” or “I don’t want to seem like an asshole”
-- No, is most people’s default answer
-- No, is the start of the negotiation not the end of it
-- We can’t control others decisions, we can only lead/influence them to the decision we want
-- No, it makes the speaker feel in control (like they are in the drivers seat)
-- Everyone is driven by 2 primal urges, 1: to feel safe and secure and 2: to feel in control. We need to satisfy those 2 urges to get in the door.
-- There are three types of “yes": 
-    1. Counterfeit Yes: A deceptive yes, used to avoid conflict.
-    2. Confirmation Yes: A simple agreement to facts.
-    3. Commitment Yes: A real agreement with intent to act.
-- No, it makes the speaker feel in control (like they are in the drivers seat)
-- How to get someone to a No, especilally if they are not listiening
-    - say something that is totaly wrong, forcing them to listen and correct you
-    - ask them what they "dont want"
-- Don’t push people to say “Yes” it makes people defensive. We love to hear it but hate to say it. Instead go for “No”
-- How to always get an email back: “Have you given up on this project”, this gets you a NO and pushes the other party to respond, and correct you. It’s the equivalent of parents saying “I’m leaving” and u screaming “No” and chasing after them.
-- That’s right breakthrough. Happens when you make the other feel like you truly understand their position/perspective. After this most people are more open to collaboration.
-- How to get a “that’s right”, summarize what the other person said to show that your listening and understanding. When you get the “that’s right” it mean you have built enough trust to move forward
-- The moment you convince someone that you truly understand their dreams, feelings, the world they inhabit. Mental and behavior change becomes possible and the foundation for breakthrough has been laid.
-- No deal is better then a bad deal
-- Deadlines are often not as rigid as they seem. They are mostly self-imposed and based on external factors that can be adjusted.
-- Deadlines can be used as a tool for leverage. You can use a deadline to create anxiety and rush the other side into agreement.
-- Don't feel obligated to reveal or accept a deadline. Being transparent with deadlines a lot of the time helps both parties. Note: if you don't know the other party's deadline, as you approach your deadline, you end up bargaining with yourself.
-- Decision-making is governed by emotion, not rationality
-- When someone accuses one of being unfair, they automatically develop feelings of discomfort and get defensive
-- The best response to being called “unfair” is to apologize and say “let’s go back to when I started testing you unfairly and we’ll fix it”
-- Way to respond if someone says they have you a “fair” offer, either mirror the “fair” back at them and label: “it sounds like you are ready to show the evidence to support that”
-- If you start the negotiation by saying you want to make sure your treating them fairly it sets the tone that you are honest and trustworthy
-- In negotiation to get real leverage, you have to show the other party. They have something to lose if the deal falls through.
-- anchor their emotions: start with an accusation audit (tell them a bunch of negatives before they can think it), this prepares them for something negative, trigging their loss aversion, prepping them to jump on the first positive thing you offer
-- "I wanted to bring this opportunity to you before I took it to someone else" great way to create a sense of urgency (fear of missing out), make the listener feel special, and create a deadline
-- in monetary negotiations try to let the other side go first since in most cases you don't have all the facts
-- establish a range: if you offer a range of numbers, it increases the chances of getting a number within that range, and that way you go first without getting the other party in a defensive position. (just remember the other party will probably anchor to the lowest number, so make your lowest number higher than the actual number you want)
-- When you offer a number that ends in zeros (120,000), it feels like a temporary number, versus if you offer a number like $126,263 that feels like a number that was reached through thoughtful calculation and it’s way more immovable
-- Add an unrelated surpose gift, this will create feelings of reseprocity, leaidng to either the other party increasing thier number or paying you back in the future.
-- Pleasantly persistent about unmonetary terms, potentially leads to monetary increase. Ex: a woman asked for an extra week of vacation past max, persistently, but instead they increased her salary
-- In an interview, always ask “What does it take to be successful here?” This works because when someone gives u guidance then they have a personal stake in seeing u succeed.
-- People will take more risks to avoid a loss then to realize a gain. Make sure the other party sees there is more to loose by inaction
-- Calibrated question:
-    - not yes or no question
-    - use how what and why 
-    - EX: how am I supposed to do that, what are we trying to accomplish here
-    - basicly asking the other party to help u over come your problems
-- 7/38/55 rule:
-    - 7% of a message is based on the words 
-    - 38% of a message comes from the tone of voice
-    - 55% of a message from the speaker’s body language and face
-- Rule of 3:
-    - if you can get the other party to agree to the same thing 3 times in a discussion you triple the chances that your actually getting a "commitment yes" not a "counterfeit yes"
-    - going over the same topic 3 times, helps uncover issues
-    - dont sound like a broken record, ask related questions or label to get a "thats right"
-    - use "how" or "what" questions about implementation, and their answer to that counts as a yes
-- signs of lying
-    - liars use more words
-    - liars use more third party pronouns (staying away form using "I")
-    - liars talk in more complex sentences (make more complex stories)
-- Pronoun usage in negotiation reveals a person's true influence—those who overuse "I," "me," and "my" often have less power, while those who defer to "we," "they," and "them" are more likely key decision-makers avoiding direct commitment.
-- If you start with saying something’s really expensive then people will brace themselves, and then if the thing you say is lower than their expectation, they will be happy and relieved, and after the thing u say is higher than expected than at least they brace themselves for it. This will lower the big reaction when you say the cost.
-- 3 types of negotiators
-    1. Assertive: time is money, love winning, direct and candid, mostly wants to be heard, can't listen to you until they feel you understand them, 
-        - How to deal with: mirrors, calibrated questions, labels, summaries, most importantly get a "that's right"
-        - Meaning of Silence: they ran out of things to say
-    2. Accommodators: want free following continuous communication, love win-wins, want to remain good friends (friendly, easy to talk to)
-        - How to deal with: listen, nudge their talk toward actions with calibrated questions,
-        - Meaning of Silence: they are angry
-    3. Analysts: slow, methodical, diligent, work toward best result in a systematic way, time is of little consequence, they hate surprises (will research a lot in advance)
-        - How to deal with: they are skeptical by nature so dont ask many questions at the start, use clear data to drive reasons, give them opportunity to think
-        - Meaning of Silence: they want to think
-- Thinking your normal and everyone else thinks like you is really dangerous, with 3 different types of negotiations, there is a 66% chance the other person has a different negotiation style
-- Black Swan Rule: treat others the way THEY NEED to be treated
-- Types of Negotiators PDF: https://tinyurl.com/types-of-negotiators-pdf (also in email form black swan group)
-- asking "why?" often makes people defensive
-- Use "why" in a negotiation by asking them to defend a position that benefits you. Ex: asking them why would they ever switch to you form their current supplier
-- no deal is better then a bad deal (have the ready to walk mentality)
-- Ackerman Bargaining: combines reciprocity, extreme anchors, loss aversion and more...
-    1. set your target price
-    2. set your first offer 65% above/below your target (Extreme Anchor)
-    3. calculate three sets of DECREASING increments Ex: 85%, 95%, 100%. Makes the other side think they squeezed every last drop out of you.
-    4. use lots of empathy and different ways of saying "no" to get the OTHER side to counter/bid against themselves before raising/lowering your offer 
-    5. when giving the final offer, give a precise number AND throw in a nonmonetary item to show your at your limit
-- Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.
-- Black Swan: hidden and unexpected information
-- Black Swan: hidden and unexpected information that CANNOT be predicted and change EVERYTHING
-- In every negotiation each person has at least 3 black swans
-- Leverage: is the ability to inflict loss and withhold gain 
-    1. Positive: when the other side wants what u have 
-    2. Negative: ability to damage/hurt the other side (loss aversion)
-        - How to find: what are they worried about, who/what is important to them, who is their audience 
-    3. Normative: using other party's norms/values against them. Show inconsistency between their beliefs/actions
-- The Similarity Principle: We trust and cooperate more with people we see as “similar” to us or part of the same “group.” Familiarity builds safety and connection.
-- We naturally like and trust people who reflect our attitudes, beliefs, values, or communication style—even small cues of similarity (like shared language or tone) trigger a stronger bond.
-- Just asking to “cut the line” gives you a 60% success rate. While adding a reason increases the success rate to 90%. Moreover the reason doesn’t even have to make sense. 
-- The minute you say ‘but,’ the other party thinks, ‘Everything you just said doesn’t count.
-
-
-
+Notes:
+- 3 steps to old method to negotiate
+    1. Separate the emotion form the problem 
+    2. don’t get wrapped up in the other person‘s position, but instead of focus on what they’re interests are. So you can find what they really want.
+    3. Work together to create win-win options.
+- The best way to quiet the voice in their head and your head at the same time. Make your all encompassing purpose to hear/understand what the other person has to say.
+- Your voice is one of your biggest tools in negotiation. The tone of your voice sets the stage for the conversation.
+- 3 voice tones
+    1. Positive playful (relax and smile while your talking) MOST USEFUL 
+        - When people are in a positive frame of mind they think more quickly and more likely to problem solve
+    2. Calm and encouraging (inflict your voice in a downward way)
+    3. Direct and assertive (signals dominance which most people will push back against) AVOID
+- When u inflict your voice in a downward way. U put it out there that u got it covered. Talking slowly and clearly you convey 1 idea. I’m in control. (Use this when an item is not up for discussion)
+- When u inflect in an upwards way u invite a response. Why? Because u leave the door open for uncertainty, u make the statement sound like a question.
+- Mirroring: say the last 3 words of what they said or last 3 important words. Gets the speaker to elaborate. ALWAYS LET THE OTHER PERSON RESPOND!
+- Being right ISNT the key to a successful negotiation having the right mindset is.
+- Slow it down. Going to quickly makes other people feel like they aren’t being heard.
+- Ask people to help. Everyone wants to help, find a way they can help u and ask for help. Especially if they don’t like you, ask for help!!
+- Labeling: identification and acknowledgment of the other party’s emotions to build rapport and guide the conversation. Ex: it sounds like, it looks like (then their feeling) Note: DONT use I, it gets people to think you are selfish
+- People emotions have two levels: 
+    1. The "presenting" behavior: the part above the surface you can see and hear, 
+    2. beneath, the "underlying" feeling is what actually motivates the behavior.
+- The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it. Ex: when talking to the fam of a hostage I started with Ik your scared or when I make a mistake I always acknowledge the other person's anger. The phrase "Look, I'm an asshole" is an effective way to make problem go away.
+- The point of labeling is to label the emotion or feelings that the person is feeling so that they will start to elaborate on the underlying cause of the problem.
+- Power of labeling the negatives: identifying fears or concerns upfront reduces their impact. Ex: acknowledging something as horrible makes it seem less intimidating. Ex: “I don’t want this to sound harsh” or “I don’t want to seem like an asshole”
+- No, is most people’s default answer
+- No, is the start of the negotiation not the end of it
+- We can’t control others decisions, we can only lead/influence them to the decision we want
+- No, it makes the speaker feel in control (like they are in the drivers seat)
+- Everyone is driven by 2 primal urges, 1: to feel safe and secure and 2: to feel in control. We need to satisfy those 2 urges to get in the door.
+- There are three types of “yes": 
+    1. Counterfeit Yes: A deceptive yes, used to avoid conflict.
+    2. Confirmation Yes: A simple agreement to facts.
+    3. Commitment Yes: A real agreement with intent to act.
+- No, it makes the speaker feel in control (like they are in the drivers seat)
+- How to get someone to a No, especilally if they are not listiening
+    - say something that is totaly wrong, forcing them to listen and correct you
+    - ask them what they "dont want"
+- Don’t push people to say “Yes” it makes people defensive. We love to hear it but hate to say it. Instead go for “No”
+- How to always get an email back: “Have you given up on this project”, this gets you a NO and pushes the other party to respond, and correct you. It’s the equivalent of parents saying “I’m leaving” and u screaming “No” and chasing after them.
+- That’s right breakthrough. Happens when you make the other feel like you truly understand their position/perspective. After this most people are more open to collaboration.
+- How to get a “that’s right”, summarize what the other person said to show that your listening and understanding. When you get the “that’s right” it mean you have built enough trust to move forward
+- The moment you convince someone that you truly understand their dreams, feelings, the world they inhabit. Mental and behavior change becomes possible and the foundation for breakthrough has been laid.
+- No deal is better then a bad deal
+- Deadlines are often not as rigid as they seem. They are mostly self-imposed and based on external factors that can be adjusted.
+- Deadlines can be used as a tool for leverage. You can use a deadline to create anxiety and rush the other side into agreement.
+- Don't feel obligated to reveal or accept a deadline. Being transparent with deadlines a lot of the time helps both parties. Note: if you don't know the other party's deadline, as you approach your deadline, you end up bargaining with yourself.
+- Decision-making is governed by emotion, not rationality
+- When someone accuses one of being unfair, they automatically develop feelings of discomfort and get defensive
+- The best response to being called “unfair” is to apologize and say “let’s go back to when I started testing you unfairly and we’ll fix it”
+- Way to respond if someone says they have you a “fair” offer, either mirror the “fair” back at them and label: “it sounds like you are ready to show the evidence to support that”
+- If you start the negotiation by saying you want to make sure your treating them fairly it sets the tone that you are honest and trustworthy
+- In negotiation to get real leverage, you have to show the other party. They have something to lose if the deal falls through.
+- anchor their emotions: start with an accusation audit (tell them a bunch of negatives before they can think it), this prepares them for something negative, trigging their loss aversion, prepping them to jump on the first positive thing you offer
+- "I wanted to bring this opportunity to you before I took it to someone else" great way to create a sense of urgency (fear of missing out), make the listener feel special, and create a deadline
+- in monetary negotiations try to let the other side go first since in most cases you don't have all the facts
+- establish a range: if you offer a range of numbers, it increases the chances of getting a number within that range, and that way you go first without getting the other party in a defensive position. (just remember the other party will probably anchor to the lowest number, so make your lowest number higher than the actual number you want)
+- When you offer a number that ends in zeros (120,000), it feels like a temporary number, versus if you offer a number like $126,263 that feels like a number that was reached through thoughtful calculation and it’s way more immovable
+- Add an unrelated surpose gift, this will create feelings of reseprocity, leaidng to either the other party increasing thier number or paying you back in the future.
+- Pleasantly persistent about unmonetary terms, potentially leads to monetary increase. Ex: a woman asked for an extra week of vacation past max, persistently, but instead they increased her salary
+- In an interview, always ask “What does it take to be successful here?” This works because when someone gives u guidance then they have a personal stake in seeing u succeed.
+- People will take more risks to avoid a loss then to realize a gain. Make sure the other party sees there is more to loose by inaction
+- Calibrated question:
+    - not yes or no question
+    - use how what and why 
+    - EX: how am I supposed to do that, what are we trying to accomplish here
+    - basicly asking the other party to help u over come your problems
+- 7/38/55 rule:
+    - 7% of a message is based on the words 
+    - 38% of a message comes from the tone of voice
+    - 55% of a message from the speaker’s body language and face
+- Rule of 3:
+    - if you can get the other party to agree to the same thing 3 times in a discussion you triple the chances that your actually getting a "commitment yes" not a "counterfeit yes"
+    - going over the same topic 3 times, helps uncover issues
+    - dont sound like a broken record, ask related questions or label to get a "thats right"
+    - use "how" or "what" questions about implementation, and their answer to that counts as a yes
+- signs of lying
+    - liars use more words
+    - liars use more third party pronouns (staying away form using "I")
+    - liars talk in more complex sentences (make more complex stories)
+- Pronoun usage in negotiation reveals a person's true influence—those who overuse "I," "me," and "my" often have less power, while those who defer to "we," "they," and "them" are more likely key decision-makers avoiding direct commitment.
+- If you start with saying something’s really expensive then people will brace themselves, and then if the thing you say is lower than their expectation, they will be happy and relieved, and after the thing u say is higher than expected than at least they brace themselves for it. This will lower the big reaction when you say the cost.
+- 3 types of negotiators
+    1. Assertive: time is money, love winning, direct and candid, mostly wants to be heard, can't listen to you until they feel you understand them, 
+        - How to deal with: mirrors, calibrated questions, labels, summaries, most importantly get a "that's right"
+        - Meaning of Silence: they ran out of things to say
+    2. Accommodators: want free following continuous communication, love win-wins, want to remain good friends (friendly, easy to talk to)
+        - How to deal with: listen, nudge their talk toward actions with calibrated questions,
+        - Meaning of Silence: they are angry
+    3. Analysts: slow, methodical, diligent, work toward best result in a systematic way, time is of little consequence, they hate surprises (will research a lot in advance)
+        - How to deal with: they are skeptical by nature so dont ask many questions at the start, use clear data to drive reasons, give them opportunity to think
+        - Meaning of Silence: they want to think
+- Thinking your normal and everyone else thinks like you is really dangerous, with 3 different types of negotiations, there is a 66% chance the other person has a different negotiation style
+- Black Swan Rule: treat others the way THEY NEED to be treated
+- Types of Negotiators PDF: https://tinyurl.com/types-of-negotiators-pdf (also in email form black swan group)
+- asking "why?" often makes people defensive
+- Use "why" in a negotiation by asking them to defend a position that benefits you. Ex: asking them why would they ever switch to you form their current supplier
+- no deal is better then a bad deal (have the ready to walk mentality)
+- Ackerman Bargaining: combines reciprocity, extreme anchors, loss aversion and more...
+    1. set your target price
+    2. set your first offer 65% above/below your target (Extreme Anchor)
+    3. calculate three sets of DECREASING increments Ex: 85%, 95%, 100%. Makes the other side think they squeezed every last drop out of you.
+    4. use lots of empathy and different ways of saying "no" to get the OTHER side to counter/bid against themselves before raising/lowering your offer 
+    5. when giving the final offer, give a precise number AND throw in a nonmonetary item to show your at your limit
+- Prepare, prepare, prepare. When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation.
+- Black Swan: hidden and unexpected information
+- Black Swan: hidden and unexpected information that CANNOT be predicted and change EVERYTHING
+- In every negotiation each person has at least 3 black swans
+- Leverage: is the ability to inflict loss and withhold gain 
+    1. Positive: when the other side wants what u have 
+    2. Negative: ability to damage/hurt the other side (loss aversion)
+        - How to find: what are they worried about, who/what is important to them, who is their audience 
+    3. Normative: using other party's norms/values against them. Show inconsistency between their beliefs/actions
+- The Similarity Principle: We trust and cooperate more with people we see as “similar” to us or part of the same “group.” Familiarity builds safety and connection.
+- We naturally like and trust people who reflect our attitudes, beliefs, values, or communication style—even small cues of similarity (like shared language or tone) trigger a stronger bond.
+- Just asking to “cut the line” gives you a 60% success rate. While adding a reason increases the success rate to 90%. Moreover the reason doesn’t even have to make sense. 
+- The minute you say ‘but,’ the other party thinks, ‘Everything you just said doesn’t count.
+
+
+