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+<?php
+
+namespace Faker\Provider\en_US;
+
+class Text extends \Faker\Provider\Text
+{
+    /**
+     * Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
+     *
+     * This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+     * almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+     * re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+     * with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+     *
+     *
+     * Title: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
+     *
+     * Author: Lewis Carroll
+     *
+     * Posting Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11]
+     * Release Date: March, 1994
+     * [Last updated: December 20, 2011]
+     *
+     * Language: English
+     *
+     *
+     * *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
+     *
+     * ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
+     *
+     * Lewis Carroll
+     *
+     * THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
+     *
+     * @see http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/11/pg11.txt
+     *
+     * @var string
+     */
+    protected static $baseText = <<<'EOT'
+CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
+
+Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
+bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
+book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
+it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or
+conversations?'
+
+So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
+hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure
+of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
+picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
+close by her.
+
+There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
+VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!
+Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
+occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
+it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
+OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
+Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
+never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch
+to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
+after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
+rabbit-hole under the hedge.
+
+In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
+in the world she was to get out again.
+
+The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
+dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
+about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
+well.
+
+Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
+plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
+going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
+she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
+looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
+cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
+hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as
+she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
+disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
+of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
+she fell past it.
+
+'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall
+think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
+home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
+of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)
+
+Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how
+many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting
+somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
+thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
+things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
+was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there
+was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)
+'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
+or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or
+Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
+
+Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the
+earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
+their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad
+there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
+right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
+is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and
+she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
+through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an
+ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to
+ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
+
+Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
+talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'
+(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at
+tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no
+mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very
+like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice
+began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
+sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do
+bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
+it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing
+off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
+Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:
+did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon
+a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
+
+Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
+she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
+long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
+There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and
+was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears
+and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she
+turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
+herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
+from the roof.
+
+There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
+Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
+door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
+get out again.
+
+Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
+glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's
+first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
+but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
+but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
+time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
+behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
+little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
+
+Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
+much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage
+into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of
+that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
+those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the
+doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it
+would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could
+shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.'
+For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
+that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really
+impossible.
+
+There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
+back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
+any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
+time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here
+before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
+label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large
+letters.
+
+It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was
+not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and
+see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice
+little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
+beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
+the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
+poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
+finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
+forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is
+almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
+
+However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste
+it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour
+of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot
+buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a
+telescope.'
+
+And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
+brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
+through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
+waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
+she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said
+Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
+what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
+candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
+ever having seen such a thing.
+
+After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
+into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
+door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
+went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
+it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
+best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
+and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
+sat down and cried.
+
+'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,
+rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally
+gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
+and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
+her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
+cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
+for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
+'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!
+Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'
+
+Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
+she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
+'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said
+Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
+makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll
+get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
+
+She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which
+way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
+growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
+size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
+had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
+things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on
+in the common way.
+
+So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
+
+'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
+for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm
+opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
+(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
+sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
+who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
+_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
+myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be
+kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
+to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
+
+And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must
+go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending
+presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
+
+     ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
+       HEARTHRUG,
+         NEAR THE FENDER,
+           (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
+
+Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
+
+Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
+now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
+key and hurried off to the garden door.
+
+Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
+look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
+hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
+
+'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like
+you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this
+moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
+tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches
+deep and reaching half down the hall.
+
+After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
+she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
+Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in
+one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
+hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!
+Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so
+desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
+came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'
+The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
+and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
+
+Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
+kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How
+queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
+I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
+same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a
+little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who
+in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking
+over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
+see if she could have been changed for any of them.
+
+'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long
+ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't
+be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
+very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling
+it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me
+see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
+four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
+However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
+London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
+Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for
+Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her
+hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,
+but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the
+same as they used to do:--
+
+     'How doth the little crocodile
+      Improve his shining tail,
+     And pour the waters of the Nile
+      On every golden scale!
+
+     'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
+      How neatly spread his claws,
+     And welcome little fishes in
+      With gently smiling jaws!'
+
+'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes
+filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and
+I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
+no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've
+made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
+use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I
+shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
+if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here
+till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst
+of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
+of being all alone here!'
+
+As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
+that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while
+she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must
+be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure
+herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
+about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found
+out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped
+it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
+
+'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
+sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and
+now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:
+but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
+lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'
+thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!
+And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
+
+As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
+she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she
+had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by
+railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
+her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
+to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
+sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
+of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
+made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she
+was nine feet high.
+
+'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying
+to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
+being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!
+However, everything is queer to-day.'
+
+Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
+off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
+it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
+she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
+slipped in like herself.
+
+'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?
+Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
+likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she
+began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
+of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right
+way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
+she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of
+a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather
+inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
+but it said nothing.
+
+'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's
+a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all
+her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
+anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which
+was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
+sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
+'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt
+the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
+
+'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would
+YOU like cats if you were me?'
+
+'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry
+about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd
+take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet
+thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
+pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and
+washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's
+such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried
+Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she
+felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any
+more if you'd rather not.'
+
+'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
+tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED
+cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
+
+'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
+conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not
+answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near
+our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
+know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
+you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
+of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,
+you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
+says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful
+tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming
+away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in
+the pool as it went.
+
+So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
+won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the
+Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its
+face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
+trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
+history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
+
+It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
+birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
+a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
+way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
+
+They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
+birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
+to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
+
+The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
+consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
+to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had
+known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the
+Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than
+you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without
+knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its
+age, there was no more to be said.
+
+At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
+called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
+dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
+in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
+sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
+
+'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
+is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
+the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
+to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
+accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
+Mercia and Northumbria--"'
+
+'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
+
+'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did
+you speak?'
+
+'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
+
+'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,
+the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
+the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
+
+'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
+
+'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what
+"it" means.'
+
+'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the
+Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
+archbishop find?'
+
+The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found
+it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
+crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
+Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning
+to Alice as it spoke.
+
+'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to
+dry me at all.'
+
+'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move
+that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
+remedies--'
+
+'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half
+those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And
+the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
+tittered audibly.
+
+'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that
+the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
+
+'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
+but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
+and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
+
+'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as
+you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell
+you how the Dodo managed it.)
+
+First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact
+shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed
+along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and
+away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
+liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
+when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,
+the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded
+round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
+
+This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
+and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead
+(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures
+of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
+'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'
+
+'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
+
+'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
+and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
+way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'
+
+Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
+pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
+not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
+a-piece all round.
+
+'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
+
+'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in
+your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
+
+'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
+
+'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
+
+Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
+presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant
+thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
+
+Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
+that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
+to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
+could.
+
+The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
+confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
+theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
+However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
+begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
+
+'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why
+it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
+would be offended again.
+
+'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
+sighing.
+
+'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at
+the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling
+about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
+something like this:--
+
+         'Fury said to a
+         mouse, That he
+        met in the
+       house,
+     "Let us
+      both go to
+       law: I will
+        prosecute
+         YOU.--Come,
+           I'll take no
+           denial; We
+          must have a
+        trial: For
+      really this
+     morning I've
+    nothing
+    to do."
+     Said the
+      mouse to the
+       cur, "Such
+        a trial,
+         dear Sir,
+            With
+          no jury
+        or judge,
+       would be
+      wasting
+      our
+      breath."
+       "I'll be
+        judge, I'll
+         be jury,"
+            Said
+         cunning
+          old Fury:
+          "I'll
+          try the
+            whole
+            cause,
+              and
+           condemn
+           you
+          to
+           death."'
+
+
+'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you
+thinking of?'
+
+'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth
+bend, I think?'
+
+'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
+
+'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
+anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
+
+'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
+away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
+
+'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,
+you know!'
+
+The Mouse only growled in reply.
+
+'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
+others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook
+its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
+
+'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
+out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
+daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
+YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little
+snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
+
+'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
+nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
+
+'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the
+Lory.
+
+Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
+'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
+can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
+she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
+
+This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
+birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
+carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air
+doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
+its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
+On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
+
+'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy
+tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
+cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
+any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
+lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard
+a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
+eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming
+back to finish his story.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
+
+It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
+anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
+it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
+my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
+ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a
+moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
+and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
+nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in
+the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,
+had vanished completely.
+
+Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
+called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
+out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
+Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once
+in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
+had made.
+
+'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How
+surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
+his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she
+came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
+plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without
+knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
+real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
+fan and gloves.
+
+'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for
+a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she
+began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come
+here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,
+nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't
+think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
+began ordering people about like that!'
+
+By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
+in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs
+of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
+and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little
+bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time
+with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
+to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said
+to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
+this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really
+I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
+
+It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
+drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
+and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
+down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't
+grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't
+drunk quite so much!'
+
+Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
+and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
+was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
+one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
+Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
+of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I
+can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
+
+Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
+and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
+seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
+again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
+
+'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
+always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
+rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
+yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
+CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
+kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
+There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
+grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful
+tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
+
+'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am
+now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but
+then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
+
+'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn
+lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all
+for any lesson-books!'
+
+And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
+quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
+a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
+
+'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
+Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
+the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
+house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large
+as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
+
+Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
+the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
+that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll
+go round and get in at the window.'
+
+'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
+she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
+hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
+but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
+from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
+cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
+
+Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
+then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
+for apples, yer honour!'
+
+'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and
+help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
+
+'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
+
+'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
+
+'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
+window!'
+
+'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
+
+'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
+
+There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
+now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
+all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her
+hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
+TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of
+cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do
+next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm
+sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
+
+She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
+rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices
+all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other
+ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!
+fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em
+together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll
+do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this
+rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming
+down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I
+fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I
+won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
+go down the chimney!'
+
+'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to
+herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
+Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
+I THINK I can kick a little!'
+
+She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited
+till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
+scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
+saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
+see what would happen next.
+
+The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'
+then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then
+silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy
+now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
+us all about it!'
+
+Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought
+Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm
+a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me
+like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
+
+'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
+
+'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
+out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
+
+There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I
+wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
+roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
+Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
+
+'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
+for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
+window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'
+she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'
+which produced another dead silence.
+
+Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
+little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
+head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make
+SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
+make me smaller, I suppose.'
+
+So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
+began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
+the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
+animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was
+in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
+something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
+appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
+safe in a thick wood.
+
+'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered
+about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second
+thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be
+the best plan.'
+
+It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
+arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
+how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
+the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
+great hurry.
+
+An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
+feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
+said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
+she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
+hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
+all her coaxing.
+
+Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
+held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
+all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
+and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
+to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
+other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
+over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
+very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
+moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
+the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
+little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
+all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
+its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
+
+This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
+set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
+till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
+
+'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant
+against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
+leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd
+only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
+I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I
+suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
+question is, what?'
+
+The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
+the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
+looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
+There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
+herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
+behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
+was on the top of it.
+
+She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
+mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
+that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
+hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
+
+The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
+at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
+her in a languid, sleepy voice.
+
+'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
+
+This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
+rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know
+who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
+changed several times since then.'
+
+'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain
+yourself!'
+
+'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not
+myself, you see.'
+
+'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
+'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
+different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
+
+'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you
+have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then
+after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little
+queer, won't you?'
+
+'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know
+is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
+
+'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'
+
+Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
+Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY
+short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,
+you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
+
+'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
+
+Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
+good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant
+state of mind, she turned away.
+
+'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important
+to say!'
+
+This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
+
+'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
+could.
+
+'No,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
+perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
+minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its
+arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think
+you're changed, do you?'
+
+'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I
+used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
+
+'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came
+different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
+
+'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice folded her hands, and began:--
+
+   'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
+    'And your hair has become very white;
+   And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
+    Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
+
+   'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
+    'I feared it might injure the brain;
+   But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
+    Why, I do it again and again.'
+
+   'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
+    And have grown most uncommonly fat;
+   Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
+    Pray, what is the reason of that?'
+
+   'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
+    'I kept all my limbs very supple
+   By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
+    Allow me to sell you a couple?'
+
+   'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
+    For anything tougher than suet;
+   Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
+    Pray how did you manage to do it?'
+
+   'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
+    And argued each case with my wife;
+   And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
+    Has lasted the rest of my life.'
+
+   'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
+    That your eye was as steady as ever;
+   Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
+    What made you so awfully clever?'
+
+   'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
+    Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs!
+   Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
+    Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
+
+
+'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
+have got altered.'
+
+'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
+there was silence for some minutes.
+
+The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
+
+'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
+
+'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one
+doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
+
+'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
+
+Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
+before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
+
+'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
+
+'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,'
+said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
+
+'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
+itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
+
+'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
+she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
+offended!'
+
+'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the
+hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
+
+This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In
+a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth
+and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
+mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
+'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
+grow shorter.'
+
+'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.
+
+'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
+aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
+
+Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
+to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
+round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
+stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
+of the edge with each hand.
+
+'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
+the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent
+blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
+
+She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
+that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
+set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
+so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
+mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
+lefthand bit.
+
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
+
+'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which
+changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
+were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
+an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
+sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
+
+'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my
+shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?'
+She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
+except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
+
+As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
+tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
+neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
+just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going
+to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops
+of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made
+her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
+was beating her violently with its wings.
+
+'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
+
+'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!'
+
+'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
+and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems
+to suit them!'
+
+'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
+
+'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
+hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those
+serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
+
+Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
+saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
+
+'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon;
+'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
+haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
+
+'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to
+see its meaning.
+
+'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the
+Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I
+should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
+the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
+
+'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--'
+
+'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to
+invent something!'
+
+'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
+the number of changes she had gone through that day.
+
+'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
+contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
+with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
+denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
+egg!'
+
+'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful
+child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
+know.'
+
+'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're
+a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
+
+This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
+minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're
+looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me
+whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
+
+'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking
+for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't
+like them raw.'
+
+'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
+down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as
+she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
+every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
+remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
+she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
+other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
+succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
+
+It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
+felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
+and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done
+now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
+to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right
+size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
+to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open
+place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives
+there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why,
+I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the
+righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
+had brought herself down to nine inches high.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
+
+For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
+to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
+wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
+otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
+fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened
+by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
+frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
+over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
+and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
+
+The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
+nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
+saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
+to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
+only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An
+invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.'
+
+Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
+
+Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the
+wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
+Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
+door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
+
+Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
+
+'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for
+two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you
+are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
+possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
+going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
+a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
+
+'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
+
+'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on
+without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance,
+if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.'
+He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
+Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she
+said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
+But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she
+repeated, aloud.
+
+'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--'
+
+At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
+skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose,
+and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
+
+'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
+as if nothing had happened.
+
+'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
+
+'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first
+question, you know.'
+
+It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really
+dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue.
+It's enough to drive one crazy!'
+
+The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
+remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for
+days and days.'
+
+'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
+
+'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
+
+'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's
+perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
+
+The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
+one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in
+the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
+a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
+
+'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself,
+as well as she could for sneezing.
+
+There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
+sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
+alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen
+that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on
+the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
+
+'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
+not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
+your cat grins like that?'
+
+'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
+
+She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
+jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
+and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
+
+'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
+that cats COULD grin.'
+
+'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
+
+'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite
+pleased to have got into a conversation.
+
+'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'
+
+Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
+be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
+was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
+fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
+the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a
+shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
+them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
+that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
+
+'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in
+an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually
+large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
+
+'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse
+growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
+
+'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get
+an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of
+what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
+twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
+
+'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
+
+Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
+the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
+be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is
+it twelve? I--'
+
+'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!'
+And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
+lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of
+every line:
+
+   'Speak roughly to your little boy,
+    And beat him when he sneezes:
+   He only does it to annoy,
+    Because he knows it teases.'
+
+         CHORUS.
+
+ (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
+
+       'Wow! wow! wow!'
+
+While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
+the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
+that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
+
+   'I speak severely to my boy,
+    I beat him when he sneezes;
+   For he can thoroughly enjoy
+    The pepper when he pleases!'
+
+         CHORUS.
+
+       'Wow! wow! wow!'
+
+'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice,
+flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play
+croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
+a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
+
+Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
+little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just
+like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting
+like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
+straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
+or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
+
+As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
+twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
+ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried
+it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,'
+thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
+murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the
+little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
+'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing
+yourself.'
+
+The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
+see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
+a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
+eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
+like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
+she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any
+tears.
+
+No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,'
+said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
+now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
+to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
+
+Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with
+this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently,
+that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could
+be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
+felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
+
+So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
+it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said
+to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
+rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other
+children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
+to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she
+was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a
+tree a few yards off.
+
+The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
+thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she
+felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
+
+'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
+whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
+'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you
+tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
+
+'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
+
+'I don't much care where--' said Alice.
+
+'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
+
+'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
+
+'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long
+enough.'
+
+Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
+'What sort of people live about here?'
+
+'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives
+a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March
+Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
+
+'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
+
+'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad.
+You're mad.'
+
+'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
+
+'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
+
+Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how
+do you know that you're mad?'
+
+'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?'
+
+'I suppose so,' said Alice.
+
+'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry,
+and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
+wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
+
+'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
+
+'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the
+Queen to-day?'
+
+'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited
+yet.'
+
+'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
+
+Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
+things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
+it suddenly appeared again.
+
+'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly
+forgotten to ask.'
+
+'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
+in a natural way.
+
+'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
+
+Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
+appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
+which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she
+said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
+perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as
+it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
+again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
+
+'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
+
+'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
+vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
+
+'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
+beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
+remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
+
+'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin
+without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
+
+She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
+of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
+chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
+was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
+nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to
+about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
+saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
+wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
+
+There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
+March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
+between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
+cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very
+uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I
+suppose it doesn't mind.'
+
+The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
+one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice
+coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat
+down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
+
+'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
+
+Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
+'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
+
+'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
+
+'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
+
+'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said
+the March Hare.
+
+'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great
+many more than three.'
+
+'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
+for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
+
+'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some
+severity; 'it's very rude.'
+
+The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
+was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
+
+'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've
+begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
+
+'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the
+March Hare.
+
+'Exactly so,' said Alice.
+
+'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
+
+'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I
+say--that's the same thing, you know.'
+
+'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say
+that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
+
+'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I
+get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
+
+'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
+talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing
+as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
+
+'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
+conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
+thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
+which wasn't much.
+
+The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month
+is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
+pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
+and holding it to his ear.
+
+Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
+
+'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit
+the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
+
+'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
+
+'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled:
+'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
+
+The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
+it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
+nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter,
+you know.'
+
+Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a
+funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
+tell what o'clock it is!'
+
+'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what
+year it is?'
+
+'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it
+stays the same year for such a long time together.'
+
+'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
+
+Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no
+sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite
+understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
+
+'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little
+hot tea upon its nose.
+
+The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
+eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
+
+'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice
+again.
+
+'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'
+
+'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
+
+'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
+
+Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the
+time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
+
+'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk
+about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
+
+'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
+
+'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
+'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
+
+'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time
+when I learn music.'
+
+'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.
+Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
+you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in
+the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a
+hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
+time for dinner!'
+
+('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
+
+'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I
+shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
+
+'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to
+half-past one as long as you liked.'
+
+'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
+
+The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We
+quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing
+with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert
+given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
+
+     "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
+     How I wonder what you're at!"
+
+You know the song, perhaps?'
+
+'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
+
+'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:--
+
+     "Up above the world you fly,
+     Like a tea-tray in the sky.
+         Twinkle, twinkle--"'
+
+Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle,
+twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch
+it to make it stop.
+
+'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the
+Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his
+head!"'
+
+'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
+
+'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't
+do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
+
+A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many
+tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
+
+'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time,
+and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
+
+'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
+
+'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.'
+
+'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
+to ask.
+
+'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
+'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
+
+'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the
+proposal.
+
+'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And
+they pinched it on both sides at once.
+
+The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a
+hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
+
+'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
+
+'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
+
+'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again
+before it's done.'
+
+'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began
+in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
+they lived at the bottom of a well--'
+
+'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in
+questions of eating and drinking.
+
+'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
+two.
+
+'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd
+have been ill.'
+
+'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'
+
+Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
+living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But
+why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
+
+'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
+
+'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't
+take more.'
+
+'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take
+MORE than nothing.'
+
+'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
+
+'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
+
+Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself
+to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
+repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
+
+The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
+said, 'It was a treacle-well.'
+
+'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
+Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily
+remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for
+yourself.'
+
+'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I
+dare say there may be ONE.'
+
+'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
+go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw,
+you know--'
+
+'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
+
+'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
+
+'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place
+on.'
+
+He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
+moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
+the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
+advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
+before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
+
+Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
+cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
+from?'
+
+'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should
+think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
+
+'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to
+notice this last remark.
+
+'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'
+
+This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
+some time without interrupting it.
+
+'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
+its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of
+things--everything that begins with an M--'
+
+'Why with an M?' said Alice.
+
+'Why not?' said the March Hare.
+
+Alice was silent.
+
+The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into
+a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with
+a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as
+mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say
+things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a
+drawing of a muchness?'
+
+'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't
+think--'
+
+'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
+
+This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
+great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
+neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
+looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
+the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
+the teapot.
+
+'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her
+way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
+my life!'
+
+Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
+leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But
+everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in
+she went.
+
+Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
+glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself,
+and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
+led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
+had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high:
+then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at
+last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
+fountains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground
+
+A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
+growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
+painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
+nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
+them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
+that!'
+
+'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my
+elbow.'
+
+On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the
+blame on others!'
+
+'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only
+yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
+
+'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
+
+'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
+
+'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for
+bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
+
+Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust
+things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
+them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
+all of them bowed low.
+
+'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting
+those roses?'
+
+Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
+voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
+RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
+was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.
+So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this
+moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
+out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw
+themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
+and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
+
+First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
+the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
+corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
+diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
+the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
+jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
+with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
+them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
+nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
+noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
+crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
+procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
+
+Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
+like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
+of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of
+a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their
+faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was,
+and waited.
+
+When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
+at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the
+Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
+
+'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
+Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
+
+'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely;
+but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after
+all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
+
+'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
+were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
+faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
+pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
+courtiers, or three of her own children.
+
+'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no
+business of MINE.'
+
+The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
+moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--'
+
+'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
+silent.
+
+The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my
+dear: she is only a child!'
+
+The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them
+over!'
+
+The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
+
+'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
+gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
+the royal children, and everybody else.
+
+'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then,
+turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'
+
+'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going
+down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'
+
+'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
+'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the
+soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
+to Alice for protection.
+
+'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large
+flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
+minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
+others.
+
+'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
+
+'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted
+in reply.
+
+'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'
+
+The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
+evidently meant for her.
+
+'Yes!' shouted Alice.
+
+'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
+wondering very much what would happen next.
+
+'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
+walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
+
+'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'
+
+'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
+anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
+tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under
+sentence of execution.'
+
+'What for?' said Alice.
+
+'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
+
+'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
+"What for?"'
+
+'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
+scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
+tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
+Queen said--'
+
+'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
+people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
+other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
+began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
+her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
+the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
+up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
+
+The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
+she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
+her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
+its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
+blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
+with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
+laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
+again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
+itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
+generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
+hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
+and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
+conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
+
+The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
+all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
+time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
+shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a
+minute.
+
+Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
+dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
+'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully
+fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
+left alive!'
+
+She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
+could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
+in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
+a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
+'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
+
+'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
+enough for it to speak with.
+
+Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use
+speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one
+of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
+down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
+she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
+enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
+
+'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a
+complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
+oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular;
+at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
+confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
+arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
+ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
+it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
+
+'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
+
+'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed
+that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
+'--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
+
+The Queen smiled and passed on.
+
+'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
+at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
+
+'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to
+introduce it.'
+
+'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may
+kiss my hand if it likes.'
+
+'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
+
+'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!'
+He got behind Alice as he spoke.
+
+'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book,
+but I don't remember where.'
+
+'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called
+the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would
+have this cat removed!'
+
+The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
+'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
+
+'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he
+hurried off.
+
+Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
+on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
+passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
+executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
+of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
+whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
+
+The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
+to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
+other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
+other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
+sort of way to fly up into a tree.
+
+By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
+was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't
+matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side
+of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
+escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
+friend.
+
+When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
+large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
+the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
+while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
+
+The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
+the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
+all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
+what they said.
+
+The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
+there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
+thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
+
+The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
+beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
+
+The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
+than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
+remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
+
+Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess:
+you'd better ask HER about it.'
+
+'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'
+And the executioner went off like an arrow.
+
+ The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
+by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
+disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
+looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story
+
+'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!'
+said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
+they walked off together.
+
+Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
+to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
+savage when they met in the kitchen.
+
+'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
+though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
+well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
+she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
+rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
+them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
+sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
+stingy about it, you know--'
+
+She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
+startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking
+about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
+tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
+a bit.'
+
+'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
+
+'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only
+you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
+she spoke.
+
+Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
+Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
+right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
+uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
+bore it as well as she could.
+
+'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
+the conversation a little.
+
+''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love,
+'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
+
+'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding
+their own business!'
+
+'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
+sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral
+of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
+themselves."'
+
+'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
+
+'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,'
+the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
+the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
+
+'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
+have the experiment tried.
+
+'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
+the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
+
+'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
+
+'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of
+putting things!'
+
+'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
+
+'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
+everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
+the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
+yours."'
+
+'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
+'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
+
+'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that
+is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more
+simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
+appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
+than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
+
+'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if
+I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
+
+'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in
+a pleased tone.
+
+'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said
+Alice.
+
+'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present
+of everything I've said as yet.'
+
+'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give
+birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out
+loud.
+
+'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
+little chin.
+
+'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
+feel a little worried.
+
+'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and
+the m--'
+
+But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
+in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked
+into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
+in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
+
+'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
+
+'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the
+ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in
+about half no time! Take your choice!'
+
+The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
+
+'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
+too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
+croquet-ground.
+
+The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
+resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
+back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
+cost them their lives.
+
+All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
+the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her
+head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
+who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
+the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
+players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
+under sentence of execution.
+
+Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have
+you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
+
+'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
+
+'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
+
+'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
+
+'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
+
+As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
+to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good
+thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
+number of executions the Queen had ordered.
+
+They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
+(IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy
+thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock
+Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
+executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
+the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
+the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
+after that savage Queen: so she waited.
+
+The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
+she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon,
+half to itself, half to Alice.
+
+'What IS the fun?' said Alice.
+
+'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never
+executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
+
+'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly
+after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
+
+They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
+sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
+nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
+pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the
+Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his
+fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
+
+So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
+full of tears, but said nothing.
+
+'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
+history, she do.'
+
+'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit
+down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
+
+So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
+herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But
+she waited patiently.
+
+'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real
+Turtle.'
+
+These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
+occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
+heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
+saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could
+not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
+nothing.
+
+'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
+though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the
+sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
+
+'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
+
+'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
+angrily: 'really you are very dull!'
+
+'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
+added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
+Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
+to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!'
+and he went on in these words:
+
+'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
+
+'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
+
+'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
+The Mock Turtle went on.
+
+'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
+
+'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud
+as all that.'
+
+'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
+
+'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'
+
+'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
+
+'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in
+a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
+"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
+
+'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of
+the sea.'
+
+'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I
+only took the regular course.'
+
+'What was that?' inquired Alice.
+
+'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
+replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
+Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
+
+'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?'
+
+The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of
+uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
+
+'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
+
+'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is,
+you ARE a simpleton.'
+
+Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
+turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?'
+
+'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
+the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
+Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
+that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
+Fainting in Coils.'
+
+'What was THAT like?' said Alice.
+
+'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too
+stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
+
+'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though.
+He was an old crab, HE was.'
+
+'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught
+Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
+
+'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
+creatures hid their faces in their paws.
+
+'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to
+change the subject.
+
+'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so
+on.'
+
+'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
+
+'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked:
+'because they lessen from day to day.'
+
+This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
+before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a
+holiday?'
+
+'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
+
+'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
+tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
+
+The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
+his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
+two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,'
+said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
+the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
+running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
+
+'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said
+Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
+(Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and
+said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
+Lobster Quadrille is!'
+
+'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
+
+'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
+sea-shore--'
+
+'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
+then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--'
+
+'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
+
+'--you advance twice--'
+
+'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
+
+'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--'
+
+'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
+
+'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--'
+
+'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
+
+'--as far out to sea as you can--'
+
+'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
+
+'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
+about.
+
+'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
+
+'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock
+Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
+jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
+and quietly, and looked at Alice.
+
+'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
+
+'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
+
+'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
+'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
+
+'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.'
+
+So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
+then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
+forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
+and sadly:--
+
+ '"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
+ "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
+
+ See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
+ They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
+
+ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
+ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
+
+ "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
+ When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
+ But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
+ Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
+
+ Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
+ Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
+
+ '"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
+ "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
+ The further off from England the nearer is to France--
+ Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
+
+ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
+ Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
+
+'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling
+very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song
+about the whiting!'
+
+'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them,
+of course?'
+
+'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself
+hastily.
+
+'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've
+seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
+
+'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in
+their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
+
+'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all
+wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
+reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her
+about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.
+
+'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters
+to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
+way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
+them out again. That's all.'
+
+'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much
+about a whiting before.'
+
+'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you
+know why it's called a whiting?'
+
+'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
+
+'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
+
+Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated
+in a wondering tone.
+
+'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what
+makes them so shiny?'
+
+Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
+answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
+
+'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
+'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
+
+'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
+
+'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
+'any shrimp could have told you that.'
+
+'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
+on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
+don't want YOU with us!"'
+
+'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no
+wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
+
+'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
+
+'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and
+told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'
+
+'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
+
+'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
+the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.'
+
+'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said
+Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday,
+because I was a different person then.'
+
+'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
+'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
+
+So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
+saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
+the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
+their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
+on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
+her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the
+words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
+and said 'That's very curious.'
+
+'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
+
+'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I
+should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
+begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
+authority over Alice.
+
+'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the
+Gryphon.
+
+'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!'
+thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she
+got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
+Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
+very queer indeed:--
+
+  ''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
+  "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
+  As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
+  Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
+
+       [later editions continued as follows
+  When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
+  And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
+  But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
+  His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
+
+'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the
+Gryphon.
+
+'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds
+uncommon nonsense.'
+
+Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
+wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
+
+'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
+
+'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next
+verse.'
+
+'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them
+out with his nose, you know?'
+
+'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully
+puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
+
+'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it
+begins "I passed by his garden."'
+
+Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
+wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
+
+  'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
+  How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
+
+    [later editions continued as follows
+  The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
+  While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
+  When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
+  Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
+  While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
+  And concluded the banquet--]
+
+'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
+interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
+confusing thing I ever heard!'
+
+'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was
+only too glad to do so.
+
+'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went
+on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
+
+'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice
+replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
+'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
+fellow?'
+
+The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
+with sobs, to sing this:--
+
+   'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
+   Waiting in a hot tureen!
+   Who for such dainties would not stoop?
+   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
+   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
+     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
+     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
+   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
+     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
+
+   'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
+   Game, or any other dish?
+   Who would not give all else for two
+   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
+   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
+     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
+     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
+   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
+     Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
+
+'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
+to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the
+distance.
+
+'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
+off, without waiting for the end of the song.
+
+'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
+answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
+came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
+
+   'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
+     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
+
+The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
+arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
+birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
+standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
+him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
+and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
+was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
+that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the
+trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there
+seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
+her, to pass away the time.
+
+Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
+about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
+the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
+herself, 'because of his great wig.'
+
+The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
+wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
+not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
+
+'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,'
+(she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were
+animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
+this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
+it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
+age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done
+just as well.
+
+The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they
+doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put
+down yet, before the trial's begun.'
+
+'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for
+fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
+
+'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
+hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the
+King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
+was talking.
+
+Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
+that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates,
+and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
+'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice
+muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
+
+One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
+could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
+very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
+that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
+at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
+obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
+of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
+
+'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
+
+On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
+unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
+
+   'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
+      All on a summer day:
+    The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
+      And took them quite away!'
+
+'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
+
+'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great
+deal to come before that!'
+
+'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
+blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
+
+The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
+hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your
+Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
+my tea when I was sent for.'
+
+'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?'
+
+The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
+court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it
+was,' he said.
+
+'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
+
+'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
+
+'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
+wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
+reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
+
+'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
+
+'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
+
+'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
+memorandum of the fact.
+
+'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of
+my own. I'm a hatter.'
+
+Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
+who turned pale and fidgeted.
+
+'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have
+you executed on the spot.'
+
+This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
+from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
+his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
+bread-and-butter.
+
+Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
+her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
+grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
+the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
+long as there was room for her.
+
+'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting
+next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'
+
+'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'
+
+'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
+
+'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing
+too.'
+
+'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that
+ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
+other side of the court.
+
+All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
+just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
+of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on
+which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
+
+'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you
+executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
+
+'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
+'--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
+bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
+
+'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
+
+'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
+
+'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you
+take me for a dunce? Go on!'
+
+'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after
+that--only the March Hare said--'
+
+'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
+
+'You did!' said the Hatter.
+
+'I deny it!' said the March Hare.
+
+'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'
+
+'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
+anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
+nothing, being fast asleep.
+
+'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--'
+
+'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
+
+'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
+
+'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
+
+The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
+down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
+
+'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
+
+Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
+the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
+explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
+up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
+head first, and then sat upon it.)
+
+'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read
+in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
+at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
+court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'
+
+'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the
+King.
+
+'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
+
+'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
+
+Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
+
+'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get
+on better.'
+
+'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
+Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
+
+'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
+without even waiting to put his shoes on.
+
+'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
+officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
+to the door.
+
+'Call the next witness!' said the King.
+
+The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
+her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
+court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
+
+'Give your evidence,' said the King.
+
+'Shan't,' said the cook.
+
+The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
+'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
+
+'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
+after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
+nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
+
+'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
+
+'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
+
+'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse!
+Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
+whiskers!'
+
+For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
+turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
+disappeared.
+
+'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next
+witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear,
+YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
+ache!'
+
+Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
+curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't
+got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when
+the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the
+name 'Alice!'
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence
+
+'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
+large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
+a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
+upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
+they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
+she had accidentally upset the week before.
+
+'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
+began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
+the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
+that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
+they would die.
+
+'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until
+all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with
+great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
+
+Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
+the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
+tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
+it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said
+to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
+one way up as the other.'
+
+As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
+upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
+them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
+accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
+anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
+court.
+
+'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
+
+'Nothing,' said Alice.
+
+'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
+
+'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
+
+'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were
+just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
+interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
+very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
+
+'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on
+to himself in an undertone,
+
+'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying
+which word sounded best.
+
+Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.'
+Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
+'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
+
+At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
+his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule
+Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
+
+Everybody looked at Alice.
+
+'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
+
+'You are,' said the King.
+
+'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
+
+'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a
+regular rule: you invented it just now.'
+
+'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
+
+'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
+
+The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your
+verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
+
+'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
+Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked
+up.'
+
+'What's in it?' said the Queen.
+
+'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a
+letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
+
+'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to
+nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
+
+'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
+
+'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's
+nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and
+added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
+
+'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
+
+'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing
+about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
+
+'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury
+all brightened up again.)
+
+'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they
+can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
+
+'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter
+worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
+name like an honest man.'
+
+There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
+clever thing the King had said that day.
+
+'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
+
+'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know
+what they're about!'
+
+'Read them,' said the King.
+
+The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please
+your Majesty?' he asked.
+
+'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you
+come to the end: then stop.'
+
+These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
+
+   'They told me you had been to her,
+    And mentioned me to him:
+   She gave me a good character,
+    But said I could not swim.
+
+   He sent them word I had not gone
+    (We know it to be true):
+   If she should push the matter on,
+    What would become of you?
+
+   I gave her one, they gave him two,
+    You gave us three or more;
+   They all returned from him to you,
+    Though they were mine before.
+
+   If I or she should chance to be
+    Involved in this affair,
+   He trusts to you to set them free,
+    Exactly as we were.
+
+   My notion was that you had been
+    (Before she had this fit)
+   An obstacle that came between
+    Him, and ourselves, and it.
+
+   Don't let him know she liked them best,
+    For this must ever be
+   A secret, kept from all the rest,
+    Between yourself and me.'
+
+'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the
+King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'
+
+'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large
+in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
+him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
+meaning in it.'
+
+The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an
+atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
+
+'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of
+trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,'
+he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
+with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID
+I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the
+Knave.
+
+The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
+certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
+
+'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over
+the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of
+course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he
+did with the tarts, you know--'
+
+'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice.
+
+'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
+on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE
+HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the
+Queen.
+
+'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
+as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
+slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
+began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
+it lasted.)
+
+'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court
+with a smile. There was a dead silence.
+
+'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
+'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the
+twentieth time that day.
+
+'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
+
+'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the
+sentence first!'
+
+'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
+
+'I won't!' said Alice.
+
+'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
+moved.
+
+'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this
+time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
+
+At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
+her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
+tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
+head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
+leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
+
+'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've
+had!'
+
+'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her
+sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures
+of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had
+finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream,
+dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So
+Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
+what a wonderful dream it had been.
+
+But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
+hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her
+wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and
+this was her dream:--
+
+First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
+hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking
+up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that
+queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that
+WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to
+listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures
+of her little sister's dream.
+
+The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the
+frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she
+could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
+shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
+ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby
+was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed
+around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
+Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
+filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
+Turtle.
+
+So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
+Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
+would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the
+wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling
+teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
+cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the
+shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
+knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing
+of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
+heavy sobs.
+
+Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
+would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
+keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
+childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and
+make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even
+with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with
+all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
+remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
+
+              THE END
+EOT;
+
+    /*
+    End of Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
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