@deployanyway/excuse-js 0.1.0 → 0.2.0

package/CHANGELOG.md

@@ -1,7 +1,18 @@
-# Changelog
-
-## 0.1.0 — Unreleased
-
-- 33 original workplace-safe excuses across 11 categories.
-- Library API, stateless seeded selection, and CLI with category listing.
-- Tests, linting, formatting, and CI on Node 22/24.
+# Changelog
+
+## 0.2.0 — 2026-10-08
+
+- Meeting preparation mode: Generate 1–20 excuses with `excuseBatch(category, { count, seed })`. A batch cycles through the category without repeats until its pool is exhausted. Seeds keep the starting point repeatable. CLI `--json` returns a string or array.
+- Add npm and CI badges to the published README.
+
+## 0.1.1 — 2026-10-08
+
+- Correct npm installation and npx documentation after the initial publication.
+- Add a searchable, humorous package description and relevant npm keywords.
+- No API, CLI behavior, or dependency changes.
+
+## 0.1.0 — 2026-10-08
+
+- 33 original workplace-safe excuses across 11 categories.
+- Library API, stateless seeded selection, and CLI with category listing.
+- Tests, linting, formatting, and CI on Node 22/24.

package/LICENSE

@@ -1,21 +1,21 @@
-MIT License
-
-Copyright (c) 2026 Deploy Anyway
-
-Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy
-of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal
-in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights
-to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell
-copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is
-furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
-
-The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all
-copies or substantial portions of the Software.
-
-THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR
-IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
-FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE
-AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER
-LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM,
-OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE
-SOFTWARE.
+MIT License
+
+Copyright (c) 2026 Deploy Anyway
+
+Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy
+of this software and associated documentation files (the "Software"), to deal
+in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights
+to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell
+copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is
+furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:
+
+The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all
+copies or substantial portions of the Software.
+
+THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR
+IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
+FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NONINFRINGEMENT. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE
+AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER
+LIABILITY, WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM,
+OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE
+SOFTWARE.

package/README.md

@@ -1,110 +1,128 @@
-# excuse-js
-
-Original developer excuses for when the technology needs a spokesperson.
-
-```text
-The edge case moved to the center and brought furniture.
-```
-
-## Installation
-
-Not published to npm yet. Try version 0.1.0 from source with Node 22 or 24:
-
-```sh
-git clone https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js.git
-cd excuse-js
-git checkout feature/initial-mvp
-npm ci
-node bin/cli.js bug
-```
-
-After an approved release: `npm install @deployanyway/excuse-js`.
-
-## Quick start
-
-```js
-import { excuse, categories } from "@deployanyway/excuse-js";
-
-console.log(excuse("deployment"));
-console.log(excuse("bug", { seed: "demo" }));
-console.log(categories());
-```
-
-## CLI example
-
-```sh
-node bin/cli.js deployment --seed demo
-```
-
-After publication: `npx @deployanyway/excuse-js deployment --seed demo`.
-
-## API and options
-
-`excuse(category = 'deployment', { seed } = {})` returns a string. Category names
-are trimmed and case insensitive. Unknown categories throw RangeError. Invalid
-categories, options, and seeds throw TypeError. The library never exits or logs.
-
-`seed` accepts a string (including empty string) or a finite number (including zero).
-Without a seed, selection uses Math.random. With a seed, selection uses FNV-1a
-over the UTF-16 code units of `category:type:seed`, then takes the unsigned hash
-modulo the phrase count. String and numeric seeds are distinct. Calls have no
-shared seed state; the same inputs select the same phrase within this version.
-Different seeds can select the same phrase. Seeded output can change when the
-catalog changes between versions; this is not a cryptographic generator.
-
-`categories()` returns a fresh array of available lowercase names.
-
-## Categories
-
-deployment, build, production, bug, api, database, deadline, testing, network,
-merge-conflict, demo. Each starts with three original, workplace-safe phrases.
-
-Custom runtime categories are deferred. Contributors can extend the data file
-without changing the selection logic.
-
-## CLI reference
-
-`excuse-js [category] [options]`
-
-| Option            | Behavior                                                   |
-| ----------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------- |
-| `--seed text`     | Deterministic selection; CLI seeds are always strings      |
-| `--list`          | Print category names; cannot combine with category or seed |
-| `--help`, `-h`    | Show help                                                  |
-| `--version`, `-v` | Show version                                               |
-
-No category defaults to deployment. Quote seeds containing spaces. Exit code 0
-means success; 2 means invalid arguments. No stdin support in this MVP.
-
-## Examples and development
-
-```sh
-npm ci
-node examples/basic.js
-npm run lint
-npm run format:check
-npm test
-npm pack --dry-run
-```
-
-ES modules, Node's built-in test runner, zero production dependencies. CI runs
-Node 22/24. ESLint development requires Node 22.13+ or 24. Phrases are in
-`src/excuses.js`, API in `src/index.js`, and CLI in `bin/cli.js`.
-
-## Contributing
-
-See [CONTRIBUTING.md](CONTRIBUTING.md). Useful first, funny second.
-
-## License
-
-[MIT](LICENSE).
-
-## More from DeployAnyway
-
-**Tools for developers who probably know better.**
-
-- [error-translator](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/error-translator)
-- [excuse-js](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js)
-- [doggo-log](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/doggo-log)
-- [ship-it-meter](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/ship-it-meter)
-- [bro-say](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/bro-say)
+# excuse-js
+
+[![npm version](https://img.shields.io/npm/v/%40deployanyway%2Fexcuse-js)](https://www.npmjs.com/package/@deployanyway/excuse-js)
+[![CI](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js/actions/workflows/ci.yml/badge.svg?branch=main)](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js/actions/workflows/ci.yml)
+
+A seeded developer excuse generator for bugs, builds, and deployments. Finally, a dependency that takes the blame.
+
+```text
+The edge case moved to the center and brought furniture.
+```
+
+## Installation
+
+Available on npm. Requires Node 22 or later.
+You can also run from source with Node 22 or 24:
+
+```sh
+git clone https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js.git
+cd excuse-js
+git checkout main
+npm ci
+node bin/cli.js bug
+```
+
+Install from npm: `npm install @deployanyway/excuse-js`.
+
+## Quick start
+
+```js
+import { excuse, categories } from "@deployanyway/excuse-js";
+
+console.log(excuse("deployment"));
+console.log(excuse("bug", { seed: "demo" }));
+console.log(categories());
+```
+
+## CLI example
+
+```sh
+node bin/cli.js deployment --seed demo
+```
+
+Run with npx: `npx @deployanyway/excuse-js deployment --seed demo`.
+
+## API and options
+
+`excuse(category = 'deployment', { seed } = {})` returns a string. Category names
+are trimmed and case insensitive. Unknown categories throw RangeError. Invalid
+categories, options, and seeds throw TypeError. The library never exits or logs.
+
+`seed` accepts a string (including empty string) or a finite number (including zero).
+Without a seed, selection uses Math.random. With a seed, selection uses FNV-1a
+over the UTF-16 code units of `category:type:seed`, then takes the unsigned hash
+modulo the phrase count. String and numeric seeds are distinct. Calls have no
+shared seed state; the same inputs select the same phrase within this version.
+Different seeds can select the same phrase. Seeded output can change when the
+catalog changes between versions; this is not a cryptographic generator.
+
+`categories()` returns a fresh array of available lowercase names.
+
+## Categories
+
+deployment, build, production, bug, api, database, deadline, testing, network,
+merge-conflict, demo. Each starts with three original, workplace-safe phrases.
+
+Custom runtime categories are deferred. Contributors can extend the data file
+without changing the selection logic.
+
+## CLI reference
+
+`excuse-js [category] [options]`
+
+| Option            | Behavior                                                   |
+| ----------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------- |
+| `--seed text`     | Deterministic selection; CLI seeds are always strings      |
+| `--list`          | Print category names; cannot combine with category or seed |
+| `--help`, `-h`    | Show help                                                  |
+| `--version`, `-v` | Show version                                               |
+
+No category defaults to deployment. Quote seeds containing spaces. Exit code 0
+means success; 2 means invalid arguments. No stdin support in this MVP.
+
+## Examples and development
+
+```sh
+npm ci
+node examples/basic.js
+npm run lint
+npm run format:check
+npm test
+npm pack --dry-run
+```
+
+ES modules, Node's built-in test runner, zero production dependencies. CI runs
+Node 22/24. ESLint development requires Node 22.13+ or 24. Phrases are in
+`src/excuses.js`, API in `src/index.js`, and CLI in `bin/cli.js`.
+
+## Contributing
+
+See [CONTRIBUTING.md](CONTRIBUTING.md). Useful first, funny second.
+
+## License
+
+[MIT](LICENSE).
+
+## More from DeployAnyway
+
+**Tools for developers who probably know better.**
+
+- [error-translator](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/error-translator)
+- [excuse-js](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js)
+- [doggo-log](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/doggo-log)
+- [ship-it-meter](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/ship-it-meter)
+- [bro-say](https://github.com/DeployAnyway/bro-say)
+
+## Meeting preparation mode
+
+Generate 1–20 excuses with `excuseBatch(category, { count, seed })`. A batch cycles through the category without repeats until its pool is exhausted. Seeds keep the starting point repeatable. CLI `--json` returns a string or array.
+
+```sh
+npx @deployanyway/excuse-js deployment --count 3 --seed demo
+```
+
+API (import the named functions from this package):
+
+```js
+excuseBatch("deployment", { count: 3, seed: "demo" });
+```

package/bin/cli.js

@@ -1,39 +1,61 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env node
-import { parseArgs } from "node:util";
-import { readFileSync } from "node:fs";
-import { URL } from "node:url";
-import { excuse, categories } from "../src/index.js";
-
-try {
-  const { values, positionals } = parseArgs({
-    allowPositionals: true,
-    options: {
-      help: { type: "boolean", short: "h" },
-      version: { type: "boolean", short: "v" },
-      seed: { type: "string" },
-      list: { type: "boolean" },
-    },
-  });
-  if (values.help) {
-    console.log(
-      "Usage: excuse-js [category] [--seed text]\n\nDefault category: deployment\n\nOptions:\n  --seed text    Repeatable selection (always a string seed)\n  --list         List categories\n  -h, --help     Show help\n  -v, --version  Show version\n\nExample: excuse-js deployment --seed demo\nExit codes: 0 success; 2 invalid arguments.",
-    );
-  } else if (values.version) {
-    console.log(
-      JSON.parse(
-        readFileSync(new URL("../package.json", import.meta.url), "utf8"),
-      ).version,
-    );
-  } else if (values.list) {
-    if (positionals.length || values.seed !== undefined)
-      throw new TypeError("--list does not accept a category or seed.");
-    console.log(categories().join("\n"));
-  } else {
-    if (positionals.length > 1)
-      throw new TypeError("Provide only one category.");
-    console.log(excuse(positionals[0], { seed: values.seed }));
-  }
-} catch (error) {
-  console.error(`excuse-js: ${error.message}\nRun with --help for usage.`);
-  process.exitCode = 2;
-}
+#!/usr/bin/env node
+import { parseArgs } from "node:util";
+import { readFileSync } from "node:fs";
+import { URL } from "node:url";
+import { excuse, categories, excuseBatch } from "../src/index.js";
+
+try {
+  const { values, positionals } = parseArgs({
+    allowPositionals: true,
+    options: {
+      help: { type: "boolean", short: "h" },
+      version: { type: "boolean", short: "v" },
+      seed: { type: "string" },
+      list: { type: "boolean" },
+      count: { type: "string" },
+      json: { type: "boolean" },
+    },
+  });
+  if (values.help) {
+    console.log(
+      "Usage: excuse-js [category] [--seed text] [--count 3] [--json]\n\nDefault category: deployment\n\nOptions:\n  --seed text    Repeatable selection (always a string seed)\n  --count 1..20  Prepare a batch for the meeting\n  --json         Structured string or batch\n  --list         List categories\n  -h, --help     Show help\n  -v, --version  Show version\n\nExample: excuse-js deployment --seed demo\nExit codes: 0 success; 2 invalid arguments.",
+    );
+  } else if (values.version) {
+    console.log(
+      JSON.parse(
+        readFileSync(new URL("../package.json", import.meta.url), "utf8"),
+      ).version,
+    );
+  } else if (values.list) {
+    if (
+      positionals.length ||
+      values.seed !== undefined ||
+      values.count !== undefined ||
+      values.json
+    )
+      throw new TypeError("--list does not accept a category or seed.");
+    console.log(categories().join("\n"));
+  } else {
+    if (positionals.length > 1)
+      throw new TypeError("Provide only one category.");
+    if (values.count !== undefined && !/^[0-9]+$/.test(values.count))
+      throw new TypeError("count must be an integer.");
+    const result =
+      values.count === undefined
+        ? excuse(positionals[0], { seed: values.seed })
+        : excuseBatch(positionals[0], {
+            seed: values.seed,
+            count: Number(values.count),
+          });
+    console.log(
+      values.json
+        ? JSON.stringify(result)
+        : Array.isArray(result)
+          ? result.map((line, i) => `${i + 1}. ${line}`).join("\n")
+          : result,
+    );
+  }
+} catch (error) {
+  console.error(`excuse-js: ${error.message}\nRun with --help for usage.`);
+  process.exitCode = 2;
+}

package/package.json

@@ -1,41 +1,51 @@
-{
-  "name": "@deployanyway/excuse-js",
-  "version": "0.1.0",
-  "description": "Workplace-safe developer excuses for when the technology needs a spokesperson.",
-  "type": "module",
-  "exports": "./src/index.js",
-  "bin": {
-    "excuse-js": "./bin/cli.js"
-  },
-  "files": [
-    "src",
-    "bin",
-    "README.md",
-    "LICENSE",
-    "CHANGELOG.md"
-  ],
-  "engines": {
-    "node": ">=22"
-  },
-  "scripts": {
-    "test": "node --test",
-    "lint": "eslint .",
-    "format": "prettier --write .",
-    "format:check": "prettier --check ."
-  },
-  "repository": {
-    "type": "git",
-    "url": "git+https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js.git"
-  },
-  "bugs": {
-    "url": "https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js/issues"
-  },
-  "license": "MIT",
-  "publishConfig": {
-    "access": "public"
-  },
-  "devDependencies": {
-    "eslint": "^10.12.0",
-    "prettier": "^3.6.2"
-  }
-}
+{
+  "name": "@deployanyway/excuse-js",
+  "version": "0.2.0",
+  "description": "A seeded developer excuse generator for bugs, builds, and deployments. Finally, a dependency that takes the blame.",
+  "type": "module",
+  "exports": "./src/index.js",
+  "bin": {
+    "excuse-js": "./bin/cli.js"
+  },
+  "files": [
+    "src",
+    "bin",
+    "README.md",
+    "LICENSE",
+    "CHANGELOG.md"
+  ],
+  "engines": {
+    "node": ">=22"
+  },
+  "scripts": {
+    "test": "node --test",
+    "lint": "eslint .",
+    "format": "prettier --write .",
+    "format:check": "prettier --check ."
+  },
+  "repository": {
+    "type": "git",
+    "url": "git+https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js.git"
+  },
+  "bugs": {
+    "url": "https://github.com/DeployAnyway/excuse-js/issues"
+  },
+  "license": "MIT",
+  "publishConfig": {
+    "access": "public"
+  },
+  "devDependencies": {
+    "eslint": "^10.12.0",
+    "prettier": "^3.6.2"
+  },
+  "keywords": [
+    "nodejs",
+    "javascript",
+    "cli",
+    "developer-tools",
+    "excuse-generator",
+    "seeded",
+    "developer-humor",
+    "deployment"
+  ]
+}

package/src/excuses.js

@@ -1,58 +1,58 @@
-// Original, workplace-safe phrases. Add new categories and phrases here.
-export const phrases = {
-  deployment: [
-    "The deployment passed rehearsal and requested a stunt double for production.",
-    "The release arrived on time. Its dependencies are still finding parking.",
-    "The deployment is waiting for the server to finish its dramatic entrance.",
-  ],
-  build: [
-    "The compiler found a typo and promoted it to a company-wide announcement.",
-    "The build is assembling a committee to discuss the missing semicolon.",
-    "The artifacts are ready; the build is negotiating custody.",
-  ],
-  production: [
-    "Production interpreted the happy path as an optional scenic route.",
-    "The server is performing an unscheduled demonstration of our recovery plan.",
-    "Production has requested that our assumptions submit identification.",
-  ],
-  bug: [
-    "The edge case moved to the center and brought furniture.",
-    "That variable has been exploring career opportunities outside its scope.",
-    "The bug declined to reproduce until the screen-sharing session began.",
-  ],
-  api: [
-    "The API sent a response, but it used the envelope for the payload.",
-    "The endpoint is observing a moment of silence for our timeout setting.",
-    "The contract was clear. The response preferred interpretive dance.",
-  ],
-  database: [
-    "The database is taking a full-table stroll to consider our question.",
-    "The query asked for one row and accidentally invited the whole neighborhood.",
-    "The migration packed the columns but forgot the forwarding address.",
-  ],
-  deadline: [
-    "The estimate included coding time, but the calendar added plot twists.",
-    "The deadline arrived before the requirements finished introducing themselves.",
-    "The last ten percent has applied for its own project manager.",
-  ],
-  testing: [
-    "The test fixture has developed stronger opinions than the specification.",
-    "The flaky test only accepts results delivered under a full cache.",
-    "The assertion expected certainty; the asynchronous task offered suspense.",
-  ],
-  network: [
-    "The packets took a detour to admire the routing table.",
-    "DNS is still deciding which address feels most like home.",
-    "The connection is buffering its explanation for the delay.",
-  ],
-  "merge-conflict": [
-    "Both branches brought a solution and neither brought a seating chart.",
-    "Git discovered that two correct answers wanted the same line.",
-    "The branches agree on the goal and disagree on every comma.",
-  ],
-  demo: [
-    "The demo saw an audience and switched from software to performance art.",
-    "The prototype is saving its best behavior for the recording we forgot to start.",
-    "The live demo has added a surprise question to the presentation.",
-  ],
-};
+// Original, workplace-safe phrases. Add new categories and phrases here.
+export const phrases = {
+  deployment: [
+    "The deployment passed rehearsal and requested a stunt double for production.",
+    "The release arrived on time. Its dependencies are still finding parking.",
+    "The deployment is waiting for the server to finish its dramatic entrance.",
+  ],
+  build: [
+    "The compiler found a typo and promoted it to a company-wide announcement.",
+    "The build is assembling a committee to discuss the missing semicolon.",
+    "The artifacts are ready; the build is negotiating custody.",
+  ],
+  production: [
+    "Production interpreted the happy path as an optional scenic route.",
+    "The server is performing an unscheduled demonstration of our recovery plan.",
+    "Production has requested that our assumptions submit identification.",
+  ],
+  bug: [
+    "The edge case moved to the center and brought furniture.",
+    "That variable has been exploring career opportunities outside its scope.",
+    "The bug declined to reproduce until the screen-sharing session began.",
+  ],
+  api: [
+    "The API sent a response, but it used the envelope for the payload.",
+    "The endpoint is observing a moment of silence for our timeout setting.",
+    "The contract was clear. The response preferred interpretive dance.",
+  ],
+  database: [
+    "The database is taking a full-table stroll to consider our question.",
+    "The query asked for one row and accidentally invited the whole neighborhood.",
+    "The migration packed the columns but forgot the forwarding address.",
+  ],
+  deadline: [
+    "The estimate included coding time, but the calendar added plot twists.",
+    "The deadline arrived before the requirements finished introducing themselves.",
+    "The last ten percent has applied for its own project manager.",
+  ],
+  testing: [
+    "The test fixture has developed stronger opinions than the specification.",
+    "The flaky test only accepts results delivered under a full cache.",
+    "The assertion expected certainty; the asynchronous task offered suspense.",
+  ],
+  network: [
+    "The packets took a detour to admire the routing table.",
+    "DNS is still deciding which address feels most like home.",
+    "The connection is buffering its explanation for the delay.",
+  ],
+  "merge-conflict": [
+    "Both branches brought a solution and neither brought a seating chart.",
+    "Git discovered that two correct answers wanted the same line.",
+    "The branches agree on the goal and disagree on every comma.",
+  ],
+  demo: [
+    "The demo saw an audience and switched from software to performance art.",
+    "The prototype is saving its best behavior for the recording we forgot to start.",
+    "The live demo has added a surprise question to the presentation.",
+  ],
+};

package/src/index.js

@@ -1,44 +1,60 @@
-import { phrases } from "./excuses.js";
-
-/** Return the available lowercase category names as a fresh array. */
-export function categories() {
-  return Object.keys(phrases);
-}
-
-/**
- * Choose an excuse. Seeds are stateless and deterministic within this version.
- * @param {string} [category='deployment'] Category (case insensitive).
- * @param {{seed?: string | number}} [options] Optional string or finite number seed.
- * @returns {string} An original workplace-safe excuse.
- */
-export function excuse(category = "deployment", options = {}) {
-  if (typeof category !== "string" || !category.trim())
-    throw new TypeError("Category must be a nonempty string.");
-  if (!options || typeof options !== "object" || Array.isArray(options))
-    throw new TypeError("Options must be an object.");
-  const key = category.trim().toLowerCase();
-  if (!Object.hasOwn(phrases, key))
-    throw new RangeError(
-      `Unknown category: ${category}. Choose: ${categories().join(", ")}.`,
-    );
-  const { seed } = options;
-  let index;
-  if (seed === undefined) {
-    index = Math.floor(Math.random() * phrases[key].length);
-  } else {
-    if (
-      typeof seed !== "string" &&
-      !(typeof seed === "number" && Number.isFinite(seed))
-    )
-      throw new TypeError("Seed must be a string or finite number.");
-    // FNV-1a over UTF-16 code units. Type tagging distinguishes 1 from "1".
-    const input = `${key}:${typeof seed}:${seed}`;
-    let hash = 2166136261;
-    for (let i = 0; i < input.length; i++) {
-      hash ^= input.charCodeAt(i);
-      hash = Math.imul(hash, 16777619) >>> 0;
-    }
-    index = hash % phrases[key].length;
-  }
-  return phrases[key][index];
-}
+import { phrases } from "./excuses.js";
+
+/** Return the available lowercase category names as a fresh array. */
+export function categories() {
+  return Object.keys(phrases);
+}
+
+/**
+ * Choose an excuse. Seeds are stateless and deterministic within this version.
+ * @param {string} [category='deployment'] Category (case insensitive).
+ * @param {{seed?: string | number}} [options] Optional string or finite number seed.
+ * @returns {string} An original workplace-safe excuse.
+ */
+export function excuse(category = "deployment", options = {}) {
+  if (typeof category !== "string" || !category.trim())
+    throw new TypeError("Category must be a nonempty string.");
+  if (!options || typeof options !== "object" || Array.isArray(options))
+    throw new TypeError("Options must be an object.");
+  const key = category.trim().toLowerCase();
+  if (!Object.hasOwn(phrases, key))
+    throw new RangeError(
+      `Unknown category: ${category}. Choose: ${categories().join(", ")}.`,
+    );
+  const { seed } = options;
+  let index;
+  if (seed === undefined) {
+    index = Math.floor(Math.random() * phrases[key].length);
+  } else {
+    if (
+      typeof seed !== "string" &&
+      !(typeof seed === "number" && Number.isFinite(seed))
+    )
+      throw new TypeError("Seed must be a string or finite number.");
+    // FNV-1a over UTF-16 code units. Type tagging distinguishes 1 from "1".
+    const input = `${key}:${typeof seed}:${seed}`;
+    let hash = 2166136261;
+    for (let i = 0; i < input.length; i++) {
+      hash ^= input.charCodeAt(i);
+      hash = Math.imul(hash, 16777619) >>> 0;
+    }
+    index = hash % phrases[key].length;
+  }
+  return phrases[key][index];
+}
+
+/** Generate a batch without repeats until the category pool is exhausted. */
+export function excuseBatch(category = "deployment", options = {}) {
+  if (!options || typeof options !== "object" || Array.isArray(options))
+    throw new TypeError("Options must be an object.");
+  const count = options.count ?? 3;
+  if (!Number.isSafeInteger(count) || count < 1 || count > 20)
+    throw new RangeError("count must be an integer between 1 and 20.");
+  const first = excuse(category, { seed: options.seed });
+  const pool = phrases[category.trim().toLowerCase()];
+  const start = pool.indexOf(first);
+  return Array.from(
+    { length: count },
+    (_, i) => pool[(start + i) % pool.length],
+  );
+}