wukong 1.4.0 → 1.4.1

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Files changed (48) hide show
  1. data/README.textile +34 -7
  2. data/bin/cutc +1 -1
  3. data/bin/cuttab +1 -1
  4. data/bin/greptrue +1 -3
  5. data/bin/hdp-cat +1 -1
  6. data/bin/hdp-catd +1 -1
  7. data/bin/hdp-du +11 -6
  8. data/bin/hdp-get +1 -1
  9. data/bin/hdp-kill +1 -1
  10. data/bin/hdp-ls +1 -1
  11. data/bin/hdp-mkdir +1 -1
  12. data/bin/hdp-mv +1 -1
  13. data/bin/hdp-ps +1 -1
  14. data/bin/hdp-put +1 -1
  15. data/bin/hdp-rm +1 -1
  16. data/bin/hdp-sort +39 -19
  17. data/bin/hdp-stream +39 -19
  18. data/bin/hdp-stream-flat +9 -5
  19. data/bin/hdp-stream2 +39 -0
  20. data/bin/tabchar +1 -1
  21. data/bin/wu-date +13 -0
  22. data/bin/wu-datetime +13 -0
  23. data/bin/wu-plus +9 -0
  24. data/docpages/INSTALL.textile +0 -2
  25. data/docpages/index.textile +4 -2
  26. data/examples/apache_log_parser.rb +26 -14
  27. data/examples/graph/gen_symmetric_links.rb +10 -0
  28. data/examples/sample_records.rb +6 -8
  29. data/lib/wukong/datatypes/enum.rb +2 -2
  30. data/lib/wukong/dfs.rb +10 -9
  31. data/lib/wukong/encoding.rb +22 -4
  32. data/lib/wukong/extensions/emittable.rb +1 -1
  33. data/lib/wukong/extensions/hash_keys.rb +16 -0
  34. data/lib/wukong/extensions/hash_like.rb +17 -0
  35. data/lib/wukong/models/graph.rb +18 -20
  36. data/lib/wukong/schema.rb +13 -11
  37. data/lib/wukong/script.rb +26 -8
  38. data/lib/wukong/script/hadoop_command.rb +108 -2
  39. data/lib/wukong/streamer.rb +2 -0
  40. data/lib/wukong/streamer/base.rb +1 -0
  41. data/lib/wukong/streamer/record_streamer.rb +14 -0
  42. data/lib/wukong/streamer/struct_streamer.rb +2 -2
  43. data/spec/data/a_atsigns_b.tsv +64 -0
  44. data/spec/data/a_follows_b.tsv +53 -0
  45. data/spec/data/tweet.tsv +167 -0
  46. data/spec/data/twitter_user.tsv +55 -0
  47. data/wukong.gemspec +13 -3
  48. metadata +13 -23
data/lib/wukong/script/hadoop_command.rb CHANGED
@@ -2,6 +2,11 @@
2
2
  module Wukong
3
3
  module HadoopCommand
4
4
 
5
+ # ===========================================================================
6
+ #
7
+ # Hadoop Environment
8
+ #
9
+
5
10
  # ===========================================================================
6
11
  #
7
12
  # Hadoop Options
@@ -21,6 +26,8 @@ module Wukong
21
26
  :output_field_separator => 'stream.map.output.field.separator',
22
27
  :map_speculative => 'mapred.map.tasks.speculative.execution',
23
28
  :timeout => 'mapred.task.timeout',
29
+ :reuse_jvms => 'mapred.job.reuse.jvm.num.tasks',
30
+ :respect_exit_status => 'stream.non.zero.exit.is.failure',
24
31
  }
25
32
 
26
33
  # emit a -jobconf hadoop option if the simplified command line arg is present
@@ -41,7 +48,7 @@ module Wukong
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48
 
42
49
  # Define what fields hadoop should use to distribute records to reducers
43
50
  def hadoop_partition_args
44
- if options[:partition_fields]
51
+ unless options[:partition_fields].blank?
45
52
  [
46
53
  '-partitioner org.apache.hadoop.mapred.lib.KeyFieldBasedPartitioner',
47
54
  jobconf(:output_field_separator),
@@ -62,10 +69,18 @@ module Wukong
62
69
 
63
70
  def hadoop_other_args
64
71
  extra_str_args = [ options[:extra_args] ]
65
- extra_hsh_args = [:map_speculative, :timeout].map{|opt| jobconf(opt) }
72
+ options[:reuse_jvms] = '-1' if (options[:reuse_jvms] == true)
73
+ options[:respect_exit_status] = 'false' if (options[:ignore_exit_status] == true)
74
+ extra_hsh_args = [:map_speculative, :timeout, :reuse_jvms, :respect_exit_status].map{|opt| jobconf(opt) }
66
75
  extra_str_args + extra_hsh_args
67
76
  end
68
77
 
78
+ def hadoop_recycle_env
79
+ %w[RUBYLIB].map do |var|
80
+ %Q{-cmdenv '#{var}=#{ENV[var]}'} if ENV[var]
81
+ end.compact
82
+ end
83
+
69
84
  #
70
85
  # Assemble the hadoop command to execute
71
86
  #
@@ -84,10 +99,101 @@ module Wukong
84
99
  "-reducer '#{reduce_command}'",
85
100
  "-input '#{input_path}'",
86
101
  "-output '#{output_path}'",
102
+ hadoop_recycle_env,
87
103
  hadoop_other_args,
88
104
  ].flatten.compact.join(" \t\\\n ")
89
105
  end
90
106
 
107
+
108
+ module ClassMethods
109
+ #
110
+ # Via @pskomoroch via @tlipcon,
111
+ #
112
+ # "there is a little known Hadoop Streaming trick buried in this Python
113
+ # script. You will notice that the date is not actually in the raw log
114
+ # data itself, but is part of the filename. It turns out that Hadoop makes
115
+ # job parameters you would fetch in Java with something like
116
+ # job.get("mapred.input.file") available as environment variables for
117
+ # streaming jobs, with periods replaced with underscores:
118
+ #
119
+ # filepath = os.environ["map_input_file"]
120
+ # filename = os.path.split(filepath)[-1]
121
+ # Thanks to Todd Lipcon for directing me to that hack.
122
+ #
123
+
124
+ # "HADOOP_HOME" =>"/usr/lib/hadoop-0.20/bin/..",
125
+ # "HADOOP_IDENT_STRING" =>"hadoop",
126
+ # "HADOOP_LOGFILE" =>"hadoop-hadoop-tasktracker-ip-10-242-14-223.log",
127
+ # "HADOOP_LOG_DIR" =>"/usr/lib/hadoop-0.20/bin/../logs",
128
+ # "HOME" =>"/var/run/hadoop-0.20",
129
+ # "JAVA_HOME" =>"/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun",
130
+ # "LD_LIBRARY_PATH" =>"/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/lib/i386/client:/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/lib/i386:/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/../lib/i386:/mnt/hadoop/mapred/local/taskTracker/jobcache/job_200910221152_0023/attempt_200910221152_0023_m_000000_0/work:/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/lib/i386/client:/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/lib/i386:/usr/lib/jvm/java-6-sun-1.6.0.10/jre/../lib/i386",
131
+ # "PATH" =>"/usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin:/usr/games",
132
+ # "USER" =>"hadoop",
133
+ #
134
+ # "dfs_block_size" =>"134217728",
135
+ # "map_input_start" =>"0",
136
+ # "map_input_length" =>"125726898",
137
+ # "mapred_output_key_class" =>"org.apache.hadoop.io.Text",
138
+ # "mapred_output_value_class" =>"org.apache.hadoop.io.Text",
139
+ # "mapred_output_format_class" =>"org.apache.hadoop.mapred.TextOutputFormat",
140
+ # "mapred_output_compression_codec" =>"org.apache.hadoop.io.compress.DefaultCodec",
141
+ # "mapred_output_compression_type" =>"BLOCK",
142
+ # "mapred_task_partition" =>"0",
143
+ # "mapred_tasktracker_map_tasks_maximum" =>"4",
144
+ # "mapred_tasktracker_reduce_tasks_maximum" =>"2",
145
+ # "mapred_tip_id" =>"task_200910221152_0023_m_000000",
146
+ # "mapred_task_id" =>"attempt_200910221152_0023_m_000000_0",
147
+ # "mapred_job_tracker" =>"ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com:8021",
148
+ #
149
+ # "mapred_input_dir" =>"hdfs://ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com/user/flip/ripd/com.tw/com.twitter.search/20090809",
150
+ # "map_input_file" =>"hdfs://ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com/user/flip/ripd/com.tw/com.twitter.search/20090809/com.twitter.search+20090809233441-56735-womper.tsv.bz2",
151
+ # "mapred_working_dir" =>"hdfs://ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com/user/flip",
152
+ # "mapred_work_output_dir" =>"hdfs://ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com/user/flip/tmp/twsearch-20090809/_temporary/_attempt_200910221152_0023_m_000000_0",
153
+ # "mapred_output_dir" =>"hdfs://ec2-174-129-141-78.compute-1.amazonaws.com/user/flip/tmp/twsearch-20090809",
154
+ # "mapred_temp_dir" =>"/mnt/tmp/hadoop-hadoop/mapred/temp",
155
+ # "PWD" =>"/mnt/hadoop/mapred/local/taskTracker/jobcache/job_200910221152_0023/attempt_200910221152_0023_m_000000_0/work",
156
+ # "TMPDIR" =>"/mnt/hadoop/mapred/local/taskTracker/jobcache/job_200910221152_0023/attempt_200910221152_0023_m_000000_0/work/tmp",
157
+ # "stream_map_streamprocessor" =>"%2Fusr%2Fbin%2Fruby1.8+%2Fmnt%2Fhome%2Fflip%2Fics%2Fwuclan%2Fexamples%2Ftwitter%2Fparse%2Fparse_twitter_search_requests.rb+--map+--rm",
158
+ # "user_name" =>"flip",
159
+
160
+ # HDFS pathname to the input file currently being processed.
161
+ def input_file
162
+ ENV['map_input_file']
163
+ end
164
+
165
+ # Directory of the input file
166
+ def input_dir
167
+ ENV['mapred_input_dir']
168
+ end
169
+
170
+ # Offset of this chunk within the input file
171
+ def map_input_start_offset
172
+ ENV['map_input_start']
173
+ end
174
+
175
+ # length of the mapper's input chunk
176
+ def map_input_length
177
+ ENV['map_input_length']
178
+ end
179
+
180
+ def attempt_id
181
+ ENV['mapred_task_id']
182
+ end
183
+ def curr_task_id
184
+ ENV['mapred_tip_id']
185
+ end
186
+
187
+ def script_cmdline_urlenc
188
+ ENV['stream_map_streamprocessor']
189
+ end
190
+ end
191
+ # Standard ClassMethods-on-include trick
192
+ def self.included base
193
+ base.class_eval do
194
+ extend ClassMethods
195
+ end
196
+ end
91
197
  end
92
198
  end
93
199
 
data/lib/wukong/streamer.rb CHANGED
@@ -2,7 +2,9 @@ module Wukong
2
2
  module Streamer
3
3
  autoload :Base, 'wukong/streamer/base'
4
4
  autoload :LineStreamer, 'wukong/streamer/line_streamer'
5
+ autoload :RecordStreamer, 'wukong/streamer/record_streamer'
5
6
  autoload :StructStreamer, 'wukong/streamer/struct_streamer'
7
+ autoload :StructRecordizer, 'wukong/streamer/struct_streamer'
6
8
  #
7
9
  autoload :Filter, 'wukong/streamer/filter'
8
10
  #
data/lib/wukong/streamer/base.rb CHANGED
@@ -17,6 +17,7 @@ module Wukong
17
17
  # Pass each record to +#process+
18
18
  #
19
19
  def stream
20
+ Log.info("Streaming on:\t%s" % [Script.input_file])
20
21
  before_stream
21
22
  $stdin.each do |line|
22
23
  record = recordize(line.chomp)
data/lib/wukong/streamer/record_streamer.rb ADDED
@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
1
+ module Wukong
2
+ module Streamer
3
+ class RecordStreamer < Wukong::Streamer::Base
4
+
5
+ #
6
+ # Default recordizer: returns array of fields by splitting at tabs
7
+ #
8
+ def recordize line
9
+ line.split("\t") rescue nil
10
+ end
11
+
12
+ end
13
+ end
14
+ end
data/lib/wukong/streamer/struct_streamer.rb CHANGED
@@ -19,7 +19,7 @@ module Wukong
19
19
  begin
20
20
  [ klass.new(*fields), suffix ]
21
21
  rescue ArgumentError => e
22
- warn "Couldn't instantiate: #{e} (#{[rsrc, fields].inspect})"
22
+ warn "Couldn't instantiate: #{e} (#{[klass, fields].inspect})"
23
23
  return
24
24
  rescue Exception => e
25
25
  raise [e, rsrc, fields].inspect
@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ module Wukong
30
30
  #
31
31
  #
32
32
  def recordize line
33
- StructRecordizer.recordize *line.split("\t")
33
+ StructRecordizer.recordize *line.split("\t") unless line.blank?
34
34
  end
35
35
  end
36
36
 
data/spec/data/a_atsigns_b.tsv ADDED
@@ -0,0 +1,64 @@
1
+ user_a_id user_b_id status_id retwtid
2
+
3
+ 3000000172 1000004517 costanza81 @derek_Jeter
4
+ 3000000173 1000000028 3000000172 1000004517 derek_Jeter @costanza81
5
+ 3000000174 1000004517 3000000173 1000000028 costanza81 @derek_Jeter
6
+ 3000000175 1000000029 3000000174 1000004517 BernieWilliams @costanza81
7
+ 3000000176 1000004517 3000000175 1000000029 costanza81 @BernieWilliams
8
+ 3000000177 1000000028 3000000176 1000004517 derek_Jeter @costanza81
9
+ 3000000178 1000004517 3000000177 1000000028 costanza81 @derek_Jeter @BernieWilliams
10
+ 3000000180 1000004517 costanza81 @jerry
11
+ 3000000181 1000000632 3000000180 1000004517 jerry @costanza81
12
+ 3000000182 1000004517 3000000181 1000000632 costanza81 @jerry
13
+ 3000000220 1000000069 bania @jerry
14
+ 3000000221 1000000070 costanza81 @bubble_boy
15
+ 3000000231 1000004517 costanza81 @cushman
16
+ 3000000232 1000004517 costanza81 @cushman
17
+ 3000000259 1000322339 Cushman @bigstein @costanza81
18
+ 3000000260 1000004517 costanza81 @bigstein
19
+ 3000000261 1000004517 costanza81 @bigstein
20
+ 3000000262 1000202970 3000000159 1000322339 bigstein @cushman
21
+ 3000000009 1000000632 jerry @AvisRental
22
+ 3000000010 1000000632 jerry @costanza81
23
+ 3000000012 1000000632 jerry @elainebenes
24
+ 3000000030 1000004517 costanza81 @ElaineBenes
25
+ 3000000038 1000004517 costanza81 @JonVoight
26
+ 3000000046 1000004517 costanza81 @RobertWagner
27
+ 3000000081 1000641417 JPeterman @ElaineBenes
28
+ 3000000084 1000724245 cosmo @Bob_Sacamano
29
+ 3000000106 1000000032 thementee @jerry
30
+ 3000000107 1000000632 3000000106 1000000032 jerry @thementee
31
+ 3000000110 1000000632 3000000109 1000004517 jerry @costanza81
32
+ 3000000112 1000000632 jerry @elainebenes
33
+ 3000000113 1000000506 3000000112 1000000632 elainebenes @jerry
34
+ 3000000115 1000000632 jerry @cosmo
35
+ 3000000116 1000724245 3000000115 1000000632 cosmo @jerry
36
+ 3000000119 1000000632 3000000118 1000004517 jerry @costanza81
37
+ 3000000120 1000004517 3000000119 1000000632 costanza81 @jerry
38
+ 3000000121 1000000632 3000000120 1000004517 jerry @costanza81
39
+ 3000000123 1000000632 jerry @Puddy
40
+ 3000000124 1000911320 3000000123 1000000632 Puddy @jerry
41
+ 3000000125 1000000632 3000000124 1000911320 jerry @Puddy
42
+ 3000000126 1000911320 3000000125 1000000632 Puddy @jerry
43
+ 3000000128 1000410101 Ronnie @jerry
44
+ 3000000129 1000000632 3000000128 1000410101 jerry @ronnie
45
+ 3000000130 1000410101 3000000129 1000000632 Ronnie @jerry
46
+ 3000000131 1000000632 3000000130 1000410101 jerry @ronnie
47
+ 3000000135 1000724245 3000000134 1000004517 cosmo @jerry
48
+ 3000000137 1000000632 jerry @cosmo
49
+ 3000000138 1000724245 3000000137 1000000632 cosmo @jerry
50
+ 3000000145 1000000632 3000000144 1000004517 jerry @costanza81
51
+ 3000000146 1000004517 3000000145 1000000632 costanza81 @jerry
52
+ 3000000148 1000724245 cosmo @pam
53
+ 3000000149 1000616766 3000000148 1000724245 Pam @cosmo
54
+ 3000000151 1000431520 dean_jones @cosmo
55
+ 3000000152 1000724245 3000000151 1000431520 cosmo @dean_jones
56
+ 3000000153 1000431520 3000000152 1000724245 dean_jones @cosmo
57
+ 3000000154 1000724245 3000000153 1000431520 cosmo @dean_jones
58
+ 3000000155 1000431520 3000000154 1000724245 dean_jones @cosmo
59
+ 3000000156 1000724245 3000000155 1000431520 cosmo @dean_jones
60
+ 3000000157 1000431520 3000000156 1000724245 dean_jones @cosmo
61
+ 3000000165 1000000632 3000000164 1000000506 jerry @elainebenes
62
+ 3000000168 1000724245 3000000167 1000000632 cosmo @jerry
63
+ 3000000169 1000000632 3000000167 1000000632 jerry @jerry
64
+ 3000000170 1000000506 3000000167 1000000632 elainebenes @jerry
data/spec/data/a_follows_b.tsv ADDED
@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
1
+ a_follows_b jerry costanza87
2
+ a_follows_b jerry elaine
3
+ a_follows_b jerry puddy
4
+ a_follows_b jerry bob_sacamano
5
+ a_follows_b jerry original_kramer
6
+ a_follows_b jerry ESTELLECOSTNAZA
7
+ a_follows_b jerry superman
8
+ a_follows_b jerry dccomics
9
+ a_follows_b jerry shake_shack
10
+ a_follows_b costanza87 jerry
11
+ a_follows_b costanza87 elaine
12
+ a_follows_b costanza87 puddy
13
+ a_follows_b costanza87
14
+ a_follows_b costanza87 bob_sacamano
15
+ a_follows_b costanza87 original_kramer
16
+ a_follows_b costanza87 newman
17
+ a_follows_b costanza87 close_talker
18
+ a_follows_b costanza87 man_hands
19
+ a_follows_b costanza87 fusilli_jerry
20
+ a_follows_b elaine
21
+ a_follows_b puddy jerry
22
+ a_follows_b puddy original_kramer
23
+ a_follows_b puddy nyrangers
24
+ a_follows_b puddy
25
+ a_follows_b puddy
26
+ a_follows_b puddy
27
+ a_follows_b bob_sacamano
28
+ a_follows_b original_kramer
29
+ a_follows_b newman
30
+ a_follows_b lomez
31
+ a_follows_b man_hands
32
+ a_follows_b fusilli_jerry jerry
33
+ a_follows_b fusilli_jerry original_kramer
34
+ a_follows_b fusilli_jerry (comedianguy)
35
+ a_follows_b bubble_boy
36
+ a_follows_b jpeterman
37
+ a_follows_b jpetermanco
38
+ a_follows_b UNCLE_LEO
39
+ a_follows_b serenity_now
40
+ a_follows_b JackieChilesEsq
41
+ a_follows_b mulva
42
+ a_follows_b babubhatt
43
+ a_follows_b marla
44
+ a_follows_b ESTELLECOSTNAZA
45
+ a_follows_b semischke
46
+ a_follows_b bigstein
47
+ a_follows_b superman
48
+ a_follows_b ArtVandelay
49
+ a_follows_b HJPennypacker
50
+ a_follows_b KelVarnsen
51
+ a_follows_b vannostrandmd
52
+ a_follows_b bubble_boy jerry
53
+ a_follows_b bubble_boy costanza87
data/spec/data/tweet.tsv ADDED
@@ -0,0 +1,167 @@
1
+ comment id created_at user_id faved trunced reply_user_id reply_tweet_id text source reply_sn reply_sid screen_name user_sid iso_lang
2
+ tweet 3000000001 20080101000145 1000724245 0 0 Oh... yeah. I got my new plates. But they mixed them up. Somebody got mine and I got their vanity plates. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman! web cosmo
3
+ tweet 3000000002 20080102000245 1000724245 0 0 You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. web cosmo
4
+ tweet 3000000003 20080103000345 1000724245 0 0 Every proctologist story ends in the same way: 'It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.' web cosmo
5
+ tweet 3000000004 20080104000432 1000000632 0 0 The key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. web jerry
6
+ tweet 3000000005 20080105000532 1000000632 0 0 Nothing mixes better than vanilla+chocolate. Yet racial harmony eludes us. If we would only look to the cookie, our problems would be solved web jerry
7
+ tweet 3000000006 20080106000630 1000000030 0 0 I find pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats. web cougar_mom
8
+ tweet 3000000007 20080107000706 1000000506 0 0 I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian. web elainebenes
9
+ tweet 3000000008 20080108000806 1000000632 0 0 Sex has taken place when the nipple makes its first appearance. web jerry
10
+ tweet 3000000009 20080109000932 1000000632 0 0 @AvisRental You better give me the insurance. Because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this car. web jerry
11
+ tweet 3000000011 20080111001132 1000000632 0 0 Anytime someone says, 'Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?' the answer invariably comes back, 'cinnamon.' Cinnamon. Again and again. web jerry
12
+ tweet 3000000012 20080112001232 1000000632 0 0 1000000506 3000000011 @elainebenes Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. Can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times. web elainebenes jerry
13
+ tweet 3000000013 20080113001332 1000000632 0 0 Don't cast aspersions on someone for just wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape. I'll be damned if I'll let you say anything bad about him. web jerry
14
+ tweet 3000000014 20080114001432 1000000632 0 0 Elaine, you don't understand! This isn't plans 1 through 8. This is Plan 9. This is the one that worked. The worst movie ever made. web jerry
15
+ tweet 3000000015 20080115001532 1000000632 0 0 I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest, something's gotta give! web jerry
16
+ tweet 3000000016 20080116001632 1000000632 0 0 I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me. web jerry
17
+ tweet 3000000017 20080117001732 1000000632 0 0 I think that's what's good for the goose is good for the gander. What's a gander? It's a goose that's had the ol' switcheroo pulled on it. web jerry
18
+ tweet 3000000018 20080118001832 1000000632 0 0 I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. web jerry
19
+ tweet 3000000019 20080119001932 1000000632 0 0 Looking at #cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. web jerry
20
+ tweet 3000000020 20080120002032 1000000632 0 0 People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. web jerry
21
+ tweet 3000000021 20080121002132 1000000632 0 0 People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings. web jerry
22
+ tweet 3000000022 20080122002232 1000000632 0 0 That... is one magic loogie. web jerry
23
+ tweet 3000000023 20080123002332 1000000632 0 0 The road less taken is less taken for a reason. web jerry
24
+ tweet 3000000024 20080124002432 1000000632 0 0 The thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. web jerry
25
+ tweet 3000000025 20080125002531 1000001431 0 0 I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they're meaningless. web Newman
26
+ tweet 3000000026 20080126002631 1000001431 0 0 Just remember, when you control the mail, you control... information. web Newman
27
+ tweet 3000000027 20080127002731 1000001431 0 0 Keith Hernandez! I despise that man! web Newman
28
+ tweet 3000000028 20080128002831 1000001431 0 0 My mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists. web Newman
29
+ tweet 3000000029 20080129002931 1000001431 0 0 The mail never stops. Just keeps coming and coming. Every day. Then the barcode reader breaks. Then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day. web Newman
30
+ tweet 3000000032 20080130003017 1000004517 0 0 1000000506 3000000031 @ElaineBenes Just saw your dance from the office party. Sweet fancy Moses web ElaineBenes costanza81
31
+ tweet 3000000033 20080201003317 1000004517 0 0 A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund web costanza81
32
+ tweet 3000000034 20080202003417 1000004517 0 0 Alright, that's it for me, you've been great! Good night, everybody. web costanza81
33
+ tweet 3000000035 20080203003517 1000004517 0 0 Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. 'Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know. web costanza81
34
+ tweet 3000000036 20080204003617 1000004517 0 0 Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? web costanza81
35
+ tweet 3000000037 20080205003717 1000004517 0 0 Doing quite well. Yesterday lunch: a soft-boiled egg and a quickie. If I could add TV to the equation, that'd really be the ultimate. web costanza81
36
+ tweet 3000000038 20080206003817 1000004517 0 0 Everybody's talkin' at me, I can't hear a word they're sayin'... Just drivin' around in @JonVoight's car... web costanza81
37
+ tweet 3000000039 20080207003917 1000004517 0 0 George is gettin' upset! web costanza81
38
+ tweet 3000000040 20080208004017 1000004517 0 0 Hi, my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. web costanza81
39
+ tweet 3000000041 20080209004117 1000004517 0 0 I don't know what it is about that mirror in that bathroom. I love the way I look in it... I feel like Robert Wagner. web costanza81
40
+ tweet 3000000042 20080210004217 1000004517 0 0 I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. web costanza81
41
+ tweet 3000000043 20080211004317 1000004517 0 0 I flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami. web costanza81
42
+ tweet 3000000044 20080212004417 1000004517 0 0 I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.' web costanza81
43
+ tweet 3000000045 20080213004517 1000004517 0 0 I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham. web costanza81
44
+ tweet 3000000046 20080214004617 1000004517 0 0 I love the mirror in that bathroom. Don't know what the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I feel like @RobertWagner in there web costanza81
45
+ tweet 3000000047 20080215004717 1000004517 0 0 I work for #Kruger Industrial Smoothing, we don't care... and it shows. web costanza81
46
+ tweet 3000000048 20080216004817 1000004517 0 0 I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all! web costanza81
47
+ tweet 3000000049 20080217004917 1000004517 0 0 I'm speechless. I have no speech. web costanza81
48
+ tweet 3000000050 20080218005017 1000004517 0 0 I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution. web costanza81
49
+ tweet 3000000100 20080411010045 1000724245 0 0 The cat - mmrrrooowwwrr - is out of the bag! web cosmo
50
+ tweet 3000000101 20080412010145 1000724245 0 0 They botched my vasectomy. I'm even more potent now. web cosmo
51
+ tweet 3000000102 20080413010245 1000724245 0 0 Who's gonna turn down a #JuniorMint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious. It's very refreshing. web cosmo
52
+ tweet 3000000103 20080414010345 1000724245 0 0 You got a big job interview, you're a little nervous. Throw back a couple shots of #Hennigans Loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time web cosmo
53
+ tweet 3000000104 20080415010420 1000911320 0 0 Feels like an #Arby's night. web Puddy
54
+ tweet 3000000107 20080417010732 1000000632 0 0 1000000032 3000000106 @thementee I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose mentor is a Costanza. web thementee jerry
55
+ tweet 3000000109 20080418010917 1000004517 0 0 She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on. web costanza81
56
+ tweet 3000000110 20080419011032 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000109 @costanza81 Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on. web costanza81 jerry
57
+ tweet 3000000112 20080420011232 1000000632 0 0 1000000506 3000000111 @elainebenes Are you sure you want to get married? I mean, it's a big change of life. web elainebenes jerry
58
+ tweet 3000000113 20080421011306 1000000506 0 0 1000000632 3000000112 @jerry Jerry, it's 3 a.m. and I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to? web jerry elainebenes
59
+ tweet 3000000115 20080422011532 1000000632 0 0 @cosmo Boy, you sure do have a lot of friends, how come I never see any of these people? web jerry
60
+ tweet 3000000116 20080423011645 1000724245 0 0 1000000632 3000000115 @jerry They want to know how come they never see you. web jerry cosmo
61
+ tweet 3000000118 20080424011817 1000004517 0 0 This isn't just my wallet. It's an organizer, a memory and an old friend. web costanza81
62
+ tweet 3000000119 20080425011932 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000118 @costanza81 Well, your friend is morbidly obese. web costanza81 jerry
63
+ tweet 3000000120 20080426012017 1000004517 0 0 1000000632 3000000119 @jerry Well, at least I don't carry a purse. web jerry costanza81
64
+ tweet 3000000121 20080427012132 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000120 @costanza81 It's not a purse, it's European. web costanza81 jerry
65
+ tweet 3000000123 20080428012332 1000000632 0 0 1000911320 3000000122 @Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more 'grease monkey'. web Puddy jerry
66
+ tweet 3000000124 20080429012420 1000911320 0 0 1000000632 3000000123 @jerry I don't much care for that term. I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector. web jerry Puddy
67
+ tweet 3000000125 20080430012532 1000000632 0 0 1000911320 3000000124 @Puddy I saw one once that could do sign language. web Puddy jerry
68
+ tweet 3000000126 20080501012620 1000911320 0 0 1000000632 3000000125 @jerry Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko. That chimp's alright. High-five. web jerry Puddy
69
+ tweet 3000000128 20080502012801 1000410101 0 0 @jerry I heard you went down to this woman's office and heckled her. web Ronnie
70
+ tweet 3000000129 20080503012932 1000000632 0 0 1000410101 3000000128 @ronnie Damn right. It's time we stopped being lapdogs. Who are they to heckle us? It's time one of us drew a line in the sand. web ronnie jerry
71
+ tweet 3000000130 20080504013001 1000410101 0 0 1000000632 3000000129 @jerry You're like Rosa Parks. You've opened a brand new door for all of us. I can't wait for the next time that somebody heckles me. web jerry Ronnie
72
+ tweet 3000000131 20080505013132 1000000632 0 0 1000410101 3000000130 @ronnie Well, that shouldn't be long... web ronnie jerry
73
+ tweet 3000000133 20080506013345 1000724245 0 0 You're becoming one of the #glitterati. web cosmo
74
+ tweet 3000000134 20080507013417 1000004517 0 0 1000724245 3000000133 @cosmo What's that? web cosmo costanza81
75
+ tweet 3000000135 20080508013545 1000724245 0 0 1000000632 3000000134 @jerry People who glitter. web jerry cosmo
76
+ tweet 3000000137 20080509013732 1000000632 0 0 1000724245 3000000135 @cosmo So you're saying #UNICEF is a scam? web cosmo jerry
77
+ tweet 3000000138 20080510013845 1000724245 0 0 1000000632 3000000137 @jerry Perfect cover for a money laundering operation. No one can keep track of all those kids with the little orange boxes of change web jerry cosmo
78
+ tweet 3000000140 20080511014045 1000724245 0 0 Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted. web cosmo
79
+ tweet 3000000141 20080512014132 1000000632 0 0 Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months. web jerry
80
+ tweet 3000000142 20080513014245 1000724245 0 0 We should've got some collateral from him. Like his bag of cans, or his... other bag of cans. web cosmo
81
+ tweet 3000000144 20080514014417 1000004517 0 0 She calls me up at my office, she says, 'We have to talk.' web costanza81
82
+ tweet 3000000145 20080515014532 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000144 @costanza81 Uh, the four worst words in the English language. web costanza81 jerry
83
+ tweet 3000000146 20080516014617 1000004517 0 0 1000000632 3000000145 @jerry That, or 'Whose bra is this?' web jerry costanza81
84
+ tweet 3000000148 20080517014845 1000724245 0 0 1000616766 3000000147 @pam Her bouquet cleaved his hardened shell, and fondled his muscled heart. He imbibed her glistening spell, just before the other shoe fell web pam cosmo
85
+ tweet 3000000149 20080518014966 1000616766 0 0 1000724245 3000000148 @cosmo, that is so lovely. web cosmo Pam
86
+ tweet 3000000151 20080519015120 1000431520 0 0 @cosmo Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman? web dean_jones
87
+ tweet 3000000152 20080520015245 1000724245 0 0 1000431520 3000000151 @dean_jones It may seem glamorous, but it's business as usual at #Kramerica. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/voice.htm web dean_jones cosmo
88
+ tweet 3000000153 20080521015320 1000431520 0 0 1000724245 3000000152 @cosmo Your entire enterprise is nothing more than a solitary man with a messy apartment that may or may not contain a chicken! web cosmo dean_jones
89
+ tweet 3000000154 20080522015445 1000724245 0 0 1000431520 3000000153 @dean_jones And with Darrin's help, we'll get that chicken! web dean_jones cosmo
90
+ tweet 3000000155 20080523015520 1000431520 0 0 1000724245 3000000154 @cosmo I'm sorry; there's just no way we can allow Darrin to stay with you. web cosmo dean_jones
91
+ tweet 3000000156 20080524015645 1000724245 0 0 1000431520 3000000155 @dean_jones Well, this decision seems capricious and arbitrary. web dean_jones cosmo
92
+ tweet 3000000157 20080525015720 1000431520 0 0 1000724245 3000000156 @cosmo Your fly's open. web cosmo dean_jones
93
+ tweet 3000000164 20081101112406 1000000506 0 0 Ugh, I hate people. web elainebenes
94
+ tweet 3000000165 20081102113532 1000000632 0 0 1000000506 3000000164 @elainebenes Yeah, they're the worst. web elainebenes jerry
95
+ tweet 3000000167 20081103113732 1000000632 0 0 Oh, this is interesting... Jane's topless. web jerry
96
+ tweet 3000000168 20081104113845 1000724245 0 0 1000000632 3000000167 @jerry Yo yo ma. web jerry cosmo
97
+ tweet 3000000169 20081105113932 1000000632 0 0 1000000632 3000000167 @jerry Boutros Boutros Ghali... web jerry jerry
98
+ tweet 3000000170 20081106113006 1000000506 0 0 1000000632 3000000167 @jerry Nice rack. web jerry elainebenes
99
+ tweet 3000000172 20081107113217 1000004517 0 0 1000000028 3000000102 @derek_Jeter Hitting isn't about muscle. Simple physics: calculate velocity v vs trajectory t, gravity g a constant. It's not complicated. web derek_Jeter costanza81
100
+ tweet 3000000173 20081108113328 1000000028 0 0 1000004517 3000000172 @costanza81 Now, who are you again? web costanza81 derek_Jeter
101
+ tweet 3000000174 20081109114417 1000004517 0 0 1000000028 3000000173 @derek_Jeter George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary. web derek_Jeter costanza81
102
+ tweet 3000000175 20081110114529 1000000029 0 0 1000004517 3000000174 @costanza81 Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee? web costanza81 BernieWilliams
103
+ tweet 3000000176 20081111114617 1000004517 0 0 1000000029 3000000175 @BernieWilliams Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games? web BernieWilliams costanza81
104
+ tweet 3000000177 20081112114728 1000000028 0 0 1000004517 3000000176 @costanza81 We won the World Series. web costanza81 derek_Jeter
105
+ tweet 3000000178 20081113114817 1000004517 0 0 1000000028 3000000177 @derek_Jeter @BernieWilliams Yeah ... in six games. web derek_Jeter costanza81
106
+ tweet 3000000180 20081114114017 1000004517 0 0 @jerry No one has ever successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch. In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it. web costanza81
107
+ tweet 3000000181 20081115114132 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000180 @costanza81 They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages. web costanza81 jerry
108
+ tweet 3000000182 20081116114217 1000004517 0 0 1000000632 3000000181 @jerry Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200, somewhere, there were two women living together. web jerry costanza81
109
+ tweet 3000000220 20081217125069 1000000069 0 0 @jerry It's the best. It's gold, jerry. GOLD! web bania
110
+ tweet 3000000221 20081218125170 1000004517 0 0 @bubble_boy MOOPS http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/bubble.htm web costanza81
111
+ tweet 3000000226 20080416010632 1000000032 0 0 1000000632 3000000220 @jerry I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone whose prot�g� is a hack. web jerry thementee
112
+ tweet 3000000231 20081219003117 1000004517 0 0 1000322339 3000000230 @cushman Before that, I was in real estate. I quit because the boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was it. web cushman costanza81
113
+ tweet 3000000232 20081220003217 1000004517 0 0 1000322339 3000000230 @cushman My last job was in publishing. I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman. web cushman costanza81
114
+ tweet 3000000259 20081221015939 1000322339 0 0 1000202970 3000000250 @bigstein @costanza81 is one of the applicants: the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. web bigstein Cushman
115
+ tweet 3000000260 20081222112017 1000004517 0 0 1000202970 3000000250 @bigstein With all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization web bigstein costanza81
116
+ tweet 3000000261 20081223112117 1000004517 0 0 1000202970 3000000250 @bigstein We have watched you take our beloved EYankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego web bigstein costanza81
117
+ tweet 3000000262 20081224112270 1000202970 0 0 1000322339 3000000261 @cushman Hire this man! web cushman bigstein
118
+ tweet 3000000300 20080110001032 1000000632 0 0 1000004517 3000000280 @costanza81 #belly Helllllooooo. La, la, la. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/voice.htm web costanza81 jerry
119
+ tweet 3000000351 20080219005117 1000004517 0 0 If she can't find me, she can't break up with me. web costanza81
120
+ tweet 3000000352 20080220005217 1000004517 0 0 It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. web costanza81
121
+ tweet 3000000353 20080221005317 1000004517 0 0 Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. #advice web costanza81
122
+ tweet 3000000354 20080222005417 1000004517 0 0 Just threw away lifetime of guilt-free sex+floor seats @ every #MSG event.So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots web costanza81
123
+ tweet 3000000355 20080223005517 1000004517 0 0 My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It's one of the few things I do well. web costanza81
124
+ tweet 3000000356 20080224005617 1000004517 0 0 My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life -- it's all been wrong web costanza81
125
+ tweet 3000000357 20080225005717 1000004517 0 0 That's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. I'd never turn it off. Wouldn't sleep, Wouldn't eat. web costanza81
126
+ tweet 3000000358 20080226005817 1000004517 0 0 If I had the naked station, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face web costanza81
127
+ tweet 3000000359 20080227005917 1000004517 0 0 She threw toupee out tbe window. Feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It's a pleasure web costanza81
128
+ tweet 3000000360 20080301006017 1000004517 0 0 The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. web costanza81
129
+ tweet 3000000361 20080302006117 1000004517 0 0 There is no bigger loser than me! web costanza81
130
+ tweet 3000000362 20080303006217 1000004517 0 0 This thing is like an onion: the more layers you peel, the more it stinks! web costanza81
131
+ tweet 3000000363 20080304006317 1000004517 0 0 Who buys an umbrella anyway? You can get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans. web costanza81
132
+ tweet 3000000364 20080305006417 1000004517 0 0 You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister! web costanza81
133
+ tweet 3000000365 20080306006517 1000004517 0 0 You know I always wanted to pretend I was an #architect. web costanza81
134
+ tweet 3000000366 20080307006617 1000004517 0 0 You're killing independent George. web costanza81
135
+ tweet 3000000367 20080308006767 1000005467 0 0 George, #festivus is your heritage! web FrankCostanza
136
+ tweet 3000000368 20080309006867 1000005467 0 0 I find tinsel distracting. web FrankCostanza
137
+ tweet 3000000369 20080310006967 1000005467 0 0 I have been performing feats of strength all morning. web FrankCostanza
138
+ tweet 3000000370 20080311007067 1000005467 0 0 I'm like the Phoenix, rising from Arizona. web FrankCostanza
139
+ tweet 3000000371 20080312007167 1000005467 0 0 Serenity now. SERENITY NOW! http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/serenity.htm web FrankCostanza
140
+ tweet 3000000372 20080313007267 1000005467 0 0 The doll was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A #FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US. web FrankCostanza
141
+ tweet 3000000373 20080314007367 1000005467 0 0 You have the rooster, the hen, and the chicken. The rooster goes with the chicken... So who's having sex with the hen? web FrankCostanza
142
+ tweet 3000000374 20080315007470 1000202970 0 0 Ham+cheese again. And no fancy mustard. I love that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe, it'd taste pretty good to me web bigstein
143
+ tweet 3000000375 20080316007583 1000296583 0 0 I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children. web Ross
144
+ tweet 3000000376 20080317007664 1000313364 0 0 You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man. web BabuBhatt
145
+ tweet 3000000377 20080318007781 1000530581 0 0 The speak of a man so virile,so potent,to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of sensual delights most women dare not of web Katya
146
+ tweet 3000000378 20080319007883 1000566783 0 0 Serenity now. Insanity later. http://pkmeco.com/seinfeld/serenity.htm web LloydBraun
147
+ tweet 3000000379 20080320007962 1000606862 0 0 Of course the bra isn't going to fit on a leotard. A bra's got to go up against the skin. Like a glove. web JackieChiles
148
+ tweet 3000000380 20080321008062 1000606862 0 0 This is the most public yet of my many humiliations. web JackieChiles
149
+ tweet 3000000381 20080322008117 1000641417 0 0 @ElaineBenes You've tested positive for opium. That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally. web JPeterman
150
+ tweet 3000000382 20080323008245 1000724245 0 0 #baseballcamp ended a few days early. There was an incident. I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth. web cosmo
151
+ tweet 3000000383 20080324008345 1000724245 0 0 #newmervgriffin Well, we're talking to Elaine Benes, adult film star, on the set of her new movie 'Elaine Does the Upper West Side' web cosmo
152
+ tweet 3000000384 20080325008445 1000724245 0 0 @Bob_Sacamano came here for a hernia operation. Oh, yeah, routine surgery. Now he's sitting in a chair by a window going 'My name is Bob!' web cosmo
153
+ tweet 3000000385 20080326008545 1000724245 0 0 Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty. web cosmo
154
+ tweet 3000000386 20080327008645 1000724245 0 0 Celebration time. That coffee table book I wrote? Well, the company sold the movie rights to it. I'm officially retired. web cosmo
155
+ tweet 3000000387 20080328008745 1000724245 0 0 Here's to feeling good all the time. web cosmo
156
+ tweet 3000000388 20080329008845 1000724245 0 0 Hoochie Mama. web cosmo
157
+ tweet 3000000389 20080330008945 1000724245 0 0 I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st... How can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe. web cosmo
158
+ tweet 3000000390 20080401009045 1000724245 0 0 I'm on the Mexican, woah oh oh, radio. web cosmo
159
+ tweet 3000000391 20080402009145 1000724245 0 0 If you'd have told me someday I'd solve the energy problem, I'd have said you're crazy. Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window web cosmo
160
+ tweet 3000000392 20080403009245 1000724245 0 0 If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side. web cosmo
161
+ tweet 3000000393 20080404009345 1000724245 0 0 It's a #Festivus miracle. web cosmo
162
+ tweet 3000000394 20080405009445 1000724245 0 0 Jerry, I know myself. And if I'm on the streets, and it starts to go down, I don't back off, until its finished. web cosmo
163
+ tweet 3000000395 20080406009545 1000724245 0 0 Just had a hot bowl of #mulligatawny: delightful Hindu concoction simmered to perfection by one of the great soup artisans of the modern era web cosmo
164
+ tweet 3000000396 20080407009645 1000724245 0 0 That's right folks. Just had 3 shots of #Hennigan's, don't even smell, can go around drunk all day. Hennigan's: the no smell, no tell Scotch web cosmo
165
+ tweet 3000000397 20080408009745 1000724245 0 0 Remember my idea about rickshaws in NY? We're gonna make it happen. Guy in the Hong Kong post office is shipping us a rickshaw. Can't miss. web cosmo
166
+ tweet 3000000398 20080409009845 1000724245 0 0 See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum. web cosmo
167
+ tweet 3000000399 20080410009945 1000724245 0 0 The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing. web cosmo