kindle_highlights 0.0.1 → 0.1.0
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- checksums.yaml +4 -4
- data/.gitignore +2 -0
- data/Gemfile +9 -0
- data/README.md +48 -4
- data/Rakefile +14 -0
- data/kindle_highlights.gemspec +2 -1
- data/lib/kindle_highlights.rb +4 -1
- data/lib/kindle_highlights/book.rb +19 -0
- data/lib/kindle_highlights/fetcher.rb +51 -0
- data/lib/kindle_highlights/version.rb +1 -1
- data/test/book_test.rb +26 -0
- data/test/fetcher_test.rb +23 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_1.html +1054 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_2.html +362 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_3.html +1972 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_4.html +1995 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_5.html +1397 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_6.html +385 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/highlights_page_7.html +174 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/kindle_home_page.html +588 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/login_page.html +758 -0
- data/test/fixtures/html/signin_post_response.txt +10 -0
- data/test/test_helper.rb +42 -0
- metadata +47 -5
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xml:lang="en-US" lang="en-US">
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<head>
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<title>Amazon Kindle: Your Highlights</title>
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<link href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/nav2/gamma/amazonJQ/amazonJQ-combined-coreCSS-59291._V245478743_.css" media="screen" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" />
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amznJQ={
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Hello, <a href="/profile/Gaurav/5112906">Gaurav</a>. <img alt="Link" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/reading/images/linkPopOver._V379390863_.png" />
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<div class="inner inner_box5_5_1_ffffff_d5deeb_none cleardiv">
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Hello, <a href="/profile/Gaurav/5112906">Gaurav</a>. <img alt="Link" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/reading/images/linkPopOver._V379390863_.png" />
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<li><a href="/profile/Gaurav/5112906">Your profile</a></li>
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<li><a href="/home/preferences">Preferences</a> </li>
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<li><a href="/faq">FAQ</a></li>
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<li><a href="/feedback/popup" class="feedback noUnderline" title="Leave Us Feedback">Leave us feedback</a></li>
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<li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/manageyourkindle" title="Manage Your Kindle">Manage Your Kindle</a></li>
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<li><a href="https://kindle.amazon.com/logout" class="signInOut">Sign out</a></li>
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<a href="https://kindle.amazon.com/"><img alt="amazon kindle" class="logoInnards" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/reading/images/logo_kindle2._V379391740_.png" title="" /></a>
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<input id="keywords" name="keywords" type="text" />
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<input alt="Search" class="searchGoBtn" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/reading/images/btn-search._V379390881_.png" title="Go" type="image" />
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</fieldset>
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<div class="mainNav">
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<ul>
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<li><a href="/your_reading">Your Books</a></li>
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<li><a href="/refresh">Daily Review</a></li>
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<li><a href="/your_highlights">Your Highlights</a></li>
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<li><a href="/most_popular">Most Popular</a></li>
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</ul>
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<div id="overallContent">
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<h1>Your Highlights <span class="explanation">(Most recently updated first)</span></h1>
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<div id="allHighlightedBooks">
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<div id="B0081AKCGS_25" class="bookMain yourHighlightsHeader">
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<span class="title"><a href="/work/mucusless-healing-system-arnold-ehret-ebook/B000B1W8CG/B0081AKCGS">Mucusless Diet Healing System</a></span>
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<span class="author">
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by Arnold Ehret
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<div class="yourHighlightsStats">
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<div>You have <span class="boldText highlightCountB0081AKCGS">7</span> highlighted passages</div><div>You have <span class="boldText noteCountB0081AKCGS">0</span> notes</div>
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</div>
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<div class="lastHighlighted">Last annotated on April 15, 2014</div>
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<div class="highlightRow yourHighlight">
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<span class="highlight">Our goal should be optimum health and long life free of disease.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=179" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 179</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a22276M5IVE732" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<p class="editNote " id="editNotea22276M5IVE732_">
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<span class="hidden asin">B0081AKCGS</span>
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<span class="hidden annotation_id"></span>
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<span class="hidden end_location">26892</span>
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Note:
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B0081AKCGS&attached=a22276M5IVE732&end_location=26892&note_area_id=editNotea22276M5IVE732_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3Fcurrent_offset%3D25%26upcoming_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">“whatever is not simple, easy to understand, cannot be the truth</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=220" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 220</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a378GG7AJAWZHM" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B0081AKCGS&attached=a378GG7AJAWZHM&end_location=33010&note_area_id=editNotea378GG7AJAWZHM_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3Fcurrent_offset%3D25%26upcoming_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">while there is a spark of life in your bodies it can be formed into an intense flame. For strength is born of desire.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=249" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 249</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aK0RMAO6KGJJU" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B0081AKCGS&attached=aK0RMAO6KGJJU&end_location=37361&note_area_id=editNoteaK0RMAO6KGJJU_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3Fcurrent_offset%3D25%26upcoming_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">wrong eating was the cause and right eating might be the cure.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=281" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 281</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3KNISJA4CD5LQ" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">“slaughter house” of mankind, called “Scientific Medical Clinics</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=304" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 304</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2FTQVHVZG97T8" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">fruit diet and fasting were Nature's infallible factors for regaining and maintaining a superior health than is enjoyed by most of civilized mankind.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B0081AKCGS&location=322" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 322</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B0081AKCGS" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3OU7U98RB04N" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="title"><a href="/work/crucial-conversations-talking-stakes-edition-ebook/B008UTYWNE/B005K0AYH4">Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition</a></span>
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by Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler
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<span class="highlight">Twenty years of research involving more than 100,000 people reveals that the key skill of effective leaders, teammates, parents, and loved ones is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues. Period.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=336" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 336</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3JZHVADF7RTR6" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Most leaders get it wrong. They think that organizational productivity and performance are simply about policies, processes, structures, or systems. So when their software product doesn’t ship on time, they benchmark others’ development processes. Or when productivity flags, they tweak their performance management system. When teams aren’t cooperating, they restructure. Our research shows that these types of nonhuman changes fail more often than they succeed. That’s because the real problem never was in the process, system, or structure—it was in employee behavior. The key to real change lies not in implementing a new process, but in getting people to hold one another accountable to the process. And that requires Crucial Conversations skills.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=388" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 388</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2L1VLJXA4XJBI" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. —MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=446" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 446</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a26CH42DIPBC6" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=486" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 486</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3OHH9A2I2CWLJ" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">They may say they’re on board, but then walk away and follow through halfheartedly. To quote Samuel Butler, “He that complies against his will is of his own opinion still.”</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=545" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 545</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1UVYXWR7UFWYN" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. —AMBROSE BIERCE</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=614" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 614</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a21708INQGZJXW" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">It’s the most talented, not the least talented, who are continually trying to improve their dialogue skills. As is often the case, the rich get richer.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=654" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 654</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3CX6NC6J7550T" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Half of the TV programs we watch make heroes out of people who win at sports or game shows. Ten minutes into kindergarten we learn that if we want to get the teacher’s attention, we have to spout the right answer. That means we have to beat our fellow students at the same game. This desire to win is built into our very fiber before we’re old enough to know what’s going on. Unfortunately, as we grow older, most of us don’t realize that this desire to win is continually driving us away from healthy dialogue.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=690" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 690</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a189GYQLR3KVP8" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">That’s why those who are skilled at crucial conversations present their brain with a more complex question. They routinely ask: “What do I want for myself, the other person, and the relationship?”</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=789" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 789</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a28J6NH1XD0HT8" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Watch to see if you’re telling yourself that you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on. • Break free of these Fool’s Choices by searching for the and.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=835" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 835</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aD2RHY5UFNR45" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When it’s safe, you can say anything. Here’s why gifted communicators keep a close eye on safety. Dialogue calls for the free flow of meaning—period. And nothing kills the flow of meaning like fear.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=900" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 900</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aU8DCA0WVFNMA" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When others begin to feel unsafe, they start acting in annoying ways. Now, since they’re feeling unsafe, you should be thinking to yourself: “Hey, they’re feeling unsafe. I need to do something—maybe make it safer.” That’s what you should be thinking. Unfortunately, since others feel unsafe, they may be trying to make fun of you, insult you, or bowl you over with their arguments. This kind of aggressive behavior doesn’t exactly bring out the diplomat in you. So instead of taking their attack as a sign that safety is at risk, you take it at its face—as an attack. “I’m under attack!” you think. Then the dumb part of your brain kicks in and you respond in kind. Or maybe you try to escape. Either way, you’re not dual-processing and then pulling out a skill to restore safety.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=927" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 927</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a186HWWHA989LT" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Imagine increased influence, enhanced relationships, stronger teams, and more effective leadership.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=939" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 939</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1YV58H6HU4CJ5" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The truth is, we all have trouble monitoring our own behavior at times. We usually lose any semblance of social sensitivity when we become so consumed with ideas and causes that we lose track of what we’re doing. We try to bully our way through. We speak when we shouldn’t. We withdraw into a punishing silence. We do things that don’t work—all in the name of a cause.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1000" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1000</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aJHUTYAVIUDQ2" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">You have to become a vigilant self-monitor. That is, pay close attention to what you’re doing and the impact it’s having, and then alter your strategy if necessary. Specifically, watch to see if you’re having a good or bad impact on safety.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1016" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1016</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3455Y5XDRBSJ9" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Learn to Look To break from this insidious cycle, Learn to Look. • Learn to look at content and conditions. • Look for when things become crucial. • Learn to watch for safety problems. • Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence. • Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1115" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1115</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a360QEPVA8K3AN" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in baskets of silver. —PROVERBS 25:11</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1120" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1120</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1C3Z1CFBHXKVK" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1C3Z1CFBHXKVK&end_location=168067&note_area_id=editNotea1C3Z1CFBHXKVK_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">The best don’t play games. Period. They know that in order to solve their problem, they’ll need to talk about their problem—with no pretending, sugarcoating, or faking. So they do something completely different. They step out of the content of the conversation, make it safe, and then step back in. Once safety is restored, they can talk about nearly anything.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1158" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1158</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2UHFCQ7RHIIPP" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a2UHFCQ7RHIIPP&end_location=174074&note_area_id=editNotea2UHFCQ7RHIIPP_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Here are two crucial questions to help us determine when Mutual Purpose is at risk: • Do others believe I care about their goals in this conversation? • Do they trust my motives?</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1184" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1184</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3VMV6X62UH10Q" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3VMV6X62UH10Q&end_location=177822&note_area_id=editNotea3VMV6X62UH10Q_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Because respect is like air. As long as it’s present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it’s all that people can think about. The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose—it is now about defending dignity.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1207" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1207</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2WLBT481OZK7L" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a2WLBT481OZK7L&end_location=181223&note_area_id=editNotea2WLBT481OZK7L_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">In essence, feelings of disrespect often come when we dwell on how others are different from ourselves. We can counteract these feelings by looking for ways we are similar.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1226" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1226</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1PBOKAOI3PNLC" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1PBOKAOI3PNLC&end_location=184015&note_area_id=editNotea1PBOKAOI3PNLC_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">A rather clever person once hinted how to do this in the form of a prayer—“Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I.” When we recognize that we all have weaknesses, it’s easier to find a way to respect others.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1228" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1228</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2ZA11TH9YYBFA" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">But like many sacrifices, when you give up something you value, you’re rewarded with something even more valuable—healthy dialogue and better results.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1277" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1277</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a23L1Q97J1YWW2" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Contrasting is a don’t/do statement that: • Addresses others’ concerns that you don’t respect them or that you have a malicious purpose (the don’t part). • Confirms your respect or clarifies your real purpose (the do part). For example: [The don’t part] “The last thing I wanted to do was communicate that I don’t value the work you put in or that I didn’t want to share it with the VP. [The do part] I think your work has been nothing short of spectacular.”</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1289" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1289</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2ZOPRMDPINQGG" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">It’s important to understand that Contrasting is not apologizing.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1322" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1322</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2AZEYOGKVUS3X" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When people misunderstand and you start arguing over the misunderstanding, stop. Use Contrasting. Explain what you don’t mean until you’ve restored safety. Then return to the conversation. Safety first.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1340" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1340</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a4727O0DJ4Q08" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Before you can agree on a Mutual Purpose, you must first know what people’s real purposes are. Step out of the content of the conversation—which is generally focused on strategies—and explore the purposes behind them.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1401" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1401</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3HMOBV9QRD84M" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">as is the case with most complicated problems, don’t aim for perfection. Aim for progress.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1495" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1495</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a310O0N9742P3A" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">master your story—realize that you may be jumping to a hasty Victim, Villain, or Helpless Story. The best way to find out the true story is not to act out the worst story you can generate. That will lead to self-destructive silence and violence games. Think about other possible explanations long enough to temper your emotions so you can get to dialogue. Besides, if it turns out you’re right about your initial impression, there will be plenty of time for confrontations later on. Once you’ve worked on yourself to create the right conditions for dialogue, you can then draw upon five distinct skills that can help you talk about even the most sensitive topics. These five tools can be easily remembered with the acronym STATE. It stands for: • Share your facts • Tell your story • Ask for others’ paths • Talk tentatively • Encourage testing</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=1976" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 1976</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3JY6C3GNMANCA" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Facts are the most persuasive. In addition to being less controversial, facts are also more persuasive than subjective conclusions. Facts form the foundation of belief. So if you want to persuade others, don’t start with your stories. Start with your observations. For example, which of the following do you find more persuasive? “I want you to stop sexually harassing me!” or “When you talk to me, your eyes move up and down rather than look at my face. And sometimes you put your hand on my shoulder.”</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2006" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2006</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1MCGO1VPEQC82" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">And if you aren’t sure what your facts are (your story is absolutely filling your brain), take the time to think them through before you enter the crucial conversation. Take the time to sort out facts from conclusions. Gathering the facts is the homework required for crucial conversations.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2019" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2019</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2AFOEKX4SXXFH" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">In order to talk about your stories, you need to lead the others involved down your Path to Action. Let them experience your path from the beginning to the end, and not from the end to—well, to wherever it takes you. Let others see your experience from your point of view—starting with your facts. This way, when you do talk about what you’re starting to conclude, they’ll understand why. First the facts, then the story—and then make sure that as you explain your story, you tell it as a possible story, not as concrete fact.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2027" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2027</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1XIBZ1A8R61I7" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Earn the right to share your story by starting with your facts. Facts lay the groundwork for all delicate conversations.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2038" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2038</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3NTVMRT1FZY0V" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Be careful not to apologize for your views. Remember, the goal of Contrasting is not to water down your message, but to be sure that people don’t hear more than you intend. Be confident enough to share what you really want to express.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2074" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2074</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1TFJCWTY2A02Z" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1TFJCWTY2A02Z&end_location=311335&note_area_id=editNotea1TFJCWTY2A02Z_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">One of the ironies of dialogue is that, when talking with those holding opposing opinions, the more convinced and forceful you act, the more resistant others become. Speaking in absolute and overstated terms does not increase your influence, it decreases it. The converse is also true—the more tentatively you speak, the more open people become to your opinions.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2094" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2094</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aH8YN17DSHFAM" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aH8YN17DSHFAM&end_location=314465&note_area_id=editNoteaH8YN17DSHFAM_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">one thing to be humble and open. It’s quite another to be clinically uncertain. Use language that says you’re sharing an opinion, not language that says you’re a nervous wreck.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2107" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2107</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aW9UV0LKJMW22" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">You can argue as vigorously as you want for your point of view, provided you are even more vigorous at encouraging—even pleading with—others to disprove it. The real test of whether your motive is to win a debate or engage in real dialogue is the degree to which you encourage testing.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2146" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2146</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a18B70CYRXAE3K" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The more you care about an issue, the less likely you are to be on your best behavior.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2211" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2211</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2T0UB84K5UMXP" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Back off your harsh and conclusive language. But don’t back off your belief. Hold to your belief; merely soften your approach.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2227" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2227</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aKZBYLUIS16ZS" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When you have a tough message to share, or when you are so convinced of your own rightness that you may push too hard, remember to STATE your path: • Share your facts. Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to Action. • Tell your story. Explain what you’re beginning to conclude. • Ask for others’ paths. Encourage others to share both their facts and their stories. • Talk tentatively. State your story as a story—don’t disguise it as a fact. • Encourage testing. Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2243" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2243</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aQA1MKJ6X8OV9" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aQA1MKJ6X8OV9&end_location=337241&note_area_id=editNoteaQA1MKJ6X8OV9_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them. —DEAN RUSK</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2250" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2250</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3FZXM4NZVCVDH" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When you have offended others through a thoughtless act, apologize. Or if someone has misunderstood your intent, use Contrasting. Explain what you do and don’t intend. Finally, if you’re simply at odds, find a Mutual Purpose.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2270" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2270</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a28S0TN4MGZOON" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">at the very moment when most people become furious, we need to become curious.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2286" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2286</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aVYS7YWTU3W3A" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">To avoid overreacting to others’ stories, stay curious. Give your brain a problem to stay focused on. Ask: “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person say this?” This question keeps you retracing the other person’s Path to Action until you see how it all fits together.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2307" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2307</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3SVXGX3Z5Q2W7" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3SVXGX3Z5Q2W7&end_location=346217&note_area_id=editNotea3SVXGX3Z5Q2W7_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Once the chemicals that fuel emotions are released, they hang around in the bloodstream for a time—in some cases, long after thoughts have changed. So be patient when exploring how others think and feel. Encourage them to share their path and then wait for their emotions to catch up with the safety that you’ve created.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2315" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2315</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1KJOKTFP8Y6FS" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1KJOKTFP8Y6FS&end_location=347477&note_area_id=editNotea1KJOKTFP8Y6FS_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">if we don’t get at the source of their feelings, we’ll end up suffering the effects of the feelings.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2344" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2344</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3R9RC8PB9JTLN" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Simply rephrase what the person has said, and do it in a way that suggests that it’s okay, you’re trying to understand, and it’s safe for him or her to talk candidly.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2390" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2390</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1OMIXJN3U5279" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">To keep ourselves from feeling nervous while exploring others’ paths—no matter how different or wrong they seem—remember we’re trying to understand their point of view, not necessarily agree with it or support it. Understanding doesn’t equate with agreement.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2425" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2425</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a30F9JHPWOZLRQ" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">when you watch people who are skilled in dialogue, it becomes clear that they’re not playing this everyday game of Trivial Pursuit—looking for trivial differences and then proclaiming them aloud. In fact, they’re looking for points of agreement. As a result, they’ll often start with the words “I agree.” Then they talk about the part they agree with. At least, that’s where they start.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2488" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2488</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aLGSL392KIU3Z" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aLGSL392KIU3Z&end_location=373495&note_area_id=editNoteaLGSL392KIU3Z_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">use four powerful listening skills to retrace the other person’s Path to Action to its origins. • Ask. Start by simply expressing interest in the other person’s views. • Mirror. Increase safety by respectfully acknowledging the emotions people appear to be feeling. • Paraphrase. As others begin to share part of their story, restate what you’ve heard to show not just that you understand, but also that it’s safe for them to share what they’re thinking. • Prime. If others continue to hold back, prime. Take your best guess at what they may be thinking and feeling. As you begin to share your views, remember: • Agree. Agree when you share views. • Build. If others leave something out, agree where you share views, then build. • Compare. When you do differ significantly, don’t suggest others are wrong. Compare your two views.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2528" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2528</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2MSW8957QGHHW" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a2MSW8957QGHHW&end_location=380394&note_area_id=editNotea2MSW8957QGHHW_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">For example, when teams or families meet and generate a host of ideas, they often fail to convert the ideas into action for two reasons: • They have unclear expectations about how decisions will be made. • They do a poor job of acting on the decisions they do make.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2546" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2546</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3HVWIC4VYOPWL" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3HVWIC4VYOPWL&end_location=382227&note_area_id=editNotea3HVWIC4VYOPWL_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">If you don’t openly talk about who decides and why, and your opinions vary widely, you’re likely to end up in a heated battle that can only be resolved in court.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2581" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2581</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3OZP8EQTEQVOD" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3OZP8EQTEQVOD&end_location=387185&note_area_id=editNotea3OZP8EQTEQVOD_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">In the case of turning decisions over to others, we decide either that this is such a low-stakes issue that we don’t care enough to take part or that we completely trust the ability of the delegate to make the right decision. More involvement adds nothing. In strong teams and great relationships, many decisions are made by turning the final choice over to someone we trust to make a good decision.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2598" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2598</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a32VB34E0ZTNJJ" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">To quote an English proverb, “Everybody’s business is nobody’s business.” If you don’t make an actual assignment to an actual person, there’s a good chance that nothing will ever come of all the work you’ve gone through to make a decision.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2635" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2635</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a911EQCM74DN1" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">When you’re first agreeing on an assignment, clarify up front the exact details of what you want. Couples get into trouble in this area when one of the parties doesn’t want to take the time to think carefully about the “deliverables” and then later on becomes upset because his or her unstated desires weren’t met.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2650" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2650</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3DQF9AHIIO4SJ" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The clearer the picture of the deliverable, the less likely you’ll be unpleasantly surprised.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2658" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2658</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a16L2D0H49BNNL" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a16L2D0H49BNNL&end_location=398731&note_area_id=editNotea16L2D0H49BNNL_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Assignments without deadlines are far better at producing guilt than stimulating action. Goals without deadlines aren’t goals; they’re merely directions.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2662" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2662</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aEXJX2QJF0YVM" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aEXJX2QJF0YVM&end_location=399327&note_area_id=editNoteaEXJX2QJF0YVM_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Remember, if you want people to feel accountable, you must give them an opportunity to account. Build an expectation for follow-up into every assignment.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2670" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2670</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1SQ6Z581ZW81C" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1SQ6Z581ZW81C&end_location=400572&note_area_id=editNotea1SQ6Z581ZW81C_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">“One dull pencil is worth six sharp minds.” Don’t leave your hard work to memory. If you’ve gone to the effort to complete a crucial conversation, don’t fritter away all the meaning you created by trusting your memories. Write down the details</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2672" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2672</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a17BNQAQ4K9XXM" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a17BNQAQ4K9XXM&end_location=401003&note_area_id=editNotea17BNQAQ4K9XXM_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">By holding people accountable, not only do you increase their motivation and ability to deliver on promises, but you create a culture of integrity.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2677" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2677</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3A6T3NDLPLKLX" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3A6T3NDLPLKLX&end_location=401584&note_area_id=editNotea3A6T3NDLPLKLX_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Decide How to Decide • Command. Decisions are made without involving others. • Consult. Input is gathered from the group and then a subset decides. • Vote. An agreed-upon percentage swings the decision. • Consensus. Everyone comes to an agreement and then supports the final decision. Finish Clearly Determine who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow-up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2680" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2680</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a22TLUM6OFASLB" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a22TLUM6OFASLB&end_location=402692&note_area_id=editNotea22TLUM6OFASLB_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Good words are worth much and cost little. —GEORGE HERBERT</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2686" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2686</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3TCE6FMALG2EO" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a3TCE6FMALG2EO&end_location=403057&note_area_id=editNotea3TCE6FMALG2EO_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">If you can be respectful and private but firm in this conversation, most problem behavior will stop.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2720" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2720</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a36155KH3WADRH" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a36155KH3WADRH&end_location=408081&note_area_id=editNotea36155KH3WADRH_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Often couples come to an unspoken agreement during the first year or so of their marriage that affects how they communicate for the rest of their marriage.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2726" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2726</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aENL0POKB6WZV" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aENL0POKB6WZV&end_location=408970&note_area_id=editNoteaENL0POKB6WZV_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">In good teams, the boss eventually deals with problem behavior. In the best teams, every team member is part of the system of accountability. If team members see others violate a team agreement, they speak up immediately and directly. It’s dangerous to wait for or expect the boss to do what good teammates should do themselves.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2743" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2743</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1JYV32W7D6KQ4" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1JYV32W7D6KQ4&end_location=411678&note_area_id=editNotea1JYV32W7D6KQ4_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Success does not depend on perfect compliance with new expectations, but on teammates who hold crucial conversations with one another when others appear to be reverting to old patterns.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2754" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2754</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1AGJ4OGQZII7I" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1AGJ4OGQZII7I&end_location=413229&note_area_id=editNotea1AGJ4OGQZII7I_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Trust doesn’t have to be universally offered. In truth, it’s usually offered in degrees and is very topic specific. It also comes in two flavors—motive and ability.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2787" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2787</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2ZYPS10EYLHGU" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a2ZYPS10EYLHGU&end_location=418088&note_area_id=editNotea2ZYPS10EYLHGU_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Deal with trust around the issue, not around the person. When it comes to regaining trust in others, don’t set the bar too high. Just try to trust them in the moment, not across all issues. You don’t have to trust them in everything.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2789" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2789</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aO7FSUQBLVE8P" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aO7FSUQBLVE8P&end_location=418611&note_area_id=editNoteaO7FSUQBLVE8P_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Also, don’t use your mistrust as a club to punish people. If they’ve earned your mistrust in one area, don’t let it bleed over into your overall perception of their character.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2793" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2793</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1LBAOTHMTMZO7" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1LBAOTHMTMZO7&end_location=419138&note_area_id=editNotea1LBAOTHMTMZO7_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">If you want someone to show more initiative, tell him or her. Give specific examples of when the person ran into a barrier and then backed off after a single try. Raise the bar and then make it crystal clear what you’ve done. Jointly brainstorm what the person could have done to be both more persistent and more creative in coming up with a solution.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2842" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2842</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aR2I5J5Y7DL7D" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=aR2I5J5Y7DL7D&end_location=426519&note_area_id=editNoteaR2I5J5Y7DL7D_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">Don’t get pulled into any one instance or your concern will seem trivial. Talk about the overall pattern.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2870" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2870</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1H1LOTQXZNJ4I" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<a href="/user_annotation_relation/edit_note_popup?annotation_id=&asin=B005K0AYH4&attached=a1H1LOTQXZNJ4I&end_location=430540&note_area_id=editNotea1H1LOTQXZNJ4I_&note_text=&return_to=%2Fyour_highlights%3F%26current_offset%3D25%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB005GSYXU4%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB000FBJG4U%26used_asins%255B%255D%3DB0081AKCGS" class="addEditNote">Add a note</a>
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<span class="highlight">It’s perfectly okay to suggest that you need some time alone and that you’d like to pick up the discussion later on—say, tomorrow. Then, after you’ve dissipated the adrenaline and have had time to think about the issues, hold the conversation.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2880" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2880</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a20EMDCOT5Q4R2" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">Show zero tolerance for insubordination. Speak up immediately, but respectfully. Change topics from the issue at hand to how the person is currently acting. Catch the escalating disrespect before it turns into abuse and insubordination. Let the person know that his or her passion for the issue at hand is leading down a dangerous trail. “I’d like to step away from this scheduling issue for a moment—then we’ll come right back to it. The way you’re leaning in toward me and raising your voice seems disrespectful. I want to help address your concerns, but I’m going to have a tough time doing so if this continues.”</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2908" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2908</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a2BIGKNES8YOE8" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The first lever for positive change is Learn to Look. That is, people who improve their dialogue skills continually ask themselves whether they’re in or out of dialogue. This alone makes a huge difference. Even people who can’t remember or never learned the skills of STATE or AMPP, etc., are able to benefit from this material by simply asking if they’re falling into silence or violence.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=2999" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 2999</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1NP9VODRN1OLC" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">“I think we’ve moved away from dialogue.” This simple reminder helps people catch themselves early on, before the damage is severe.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=3008" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 3008</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a3A0IJS52MMR3Y" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The second lever is Make It Safe. We’ve suggested that dialogue consists of the free flow of meaning and that the number one flow stopper is a lack of safety.</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=3012" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 3012</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="a1T4BGU2L7X9I4" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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<span class="highlight">The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. —WILLIAM JAMES</span><a href="kindle://book?action=open&asin=B005K0AYH4&location=3127" class="k4pcReadMore readMore linkOut">Read more at location 3127</a><form action="/user_annotation_relation/delete_highlight" class="deleteHighlightForm" method="post"><div style="margin:0;padding:0"><input name="authenticity_token" type="hidden" value="540d8f3c3b22c584074f2b2a7b76da3d3c58ef30" /></div><input id="asin" name="asin" type="hidden" value="B005K0AYH4" /><input id="annotation_id" name="annotation_id" type="hidden" value="aUXM73V9YCM2D" /><span class="deleteHighlight"><button class="textSubmit" name="delete" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Delete this highlight</span></button></span><span class="deleteHighlightUndo hidden"><button class="textSubmit" name="undo" type="submit"><span class="bullet"> • </span><span class="underline">Undo deletion</span></button></span></form>
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