couchbase 3.0.0.alpha.4-universal-darwin-19 → 3.0.0.alpha.5-universal-darwin-19

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Files changed (749) hide show
  1. checksums.yaml +4 -4
  2. data/README.md +1 -1
  3. data/bin/fetch-stats +19 -0
  4. data/bin/init-cluster +24 -24
  5. data/bin/jenkins/build-extension +35 -0
  6. data/bin/jenkins/install-dependencies +47 -0
  7. data/bin/jenkins/test-with-cbdyncluster +58 -0
  8. data/couchbase.gemspec +27 -1
  9. data/examples/subdocument.rb +2 -2
  10. data/ext/build_version.hxx.in +1 -1
  11. data/ext/couchbase/cluster.hxx +41 -40
  12. data/ext/couchbase/couchbase.cxx +174 -61
  13. data/ext/couchbase/io/dns_message.hxx +3 -6
  14. data/ext/couchbase/io/http_session.hxx +31 -26
  15. data/ext/couchbase/io/{session_manager.hxx → http_session_manager.hxx} +3 -3
  16. data/ext/couchbase/io/mcbp_message.hxx +19 -2
  17. data/ext/couchbase/io/mcbp_session.hxx +89 -47
  18. data/ext/couchbase/operations/command.hxx +18 -7
  19. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_analytics.hxx +5 -6
  20. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_decrement.hxx +2 -1
  21. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_exists.hxx +2 -1
  22. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_get.hxx +2 -1
  23. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_get_and_lock.hxx +2 -1
  24. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_get_and_touch.hxx +2 -1
  25. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_get_projected.hxx +2 -1
  26. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_increment.hxx +2 -1
  27. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_insert.hxx +2 -1
  28. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_lookup_in.hxx +21 -1
  29. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_mutate_in.hxx +44 -2
  30. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_query.hxx +6 -7
  31. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_remove.hxx +2 -1
  32. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_replace.hxx +2 -1
  33. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_search.hxx +3 -2
  34. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_touch.hxx +2 -1
  35. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_unlock.hxx +2 -1
  36. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_upsert.hxx +2 -1
  37. data/ext/couchbase/operations/document_view.hxx +2 -1
  38. data/ext/couchbase/operations/view_index_get_all.hxx +1 -1
  39. data/ext/couchbase/protocol/client_opcode.hxx +7 -3
  40. data/ext/couchbase/protocol/client_response.hxx +1 -1
  41. data/ext/couchbase/protocol/cmd_hello.hxx +10 -0
  42. data/ext/couchbase/protocol/cmd_lookup_in.hxx +1 -0
  43. data/ext/couchbase/protocol/cmd_mutate_in.hxx +53 -5
  44. data/ext/couchbase/version.hxx +1 -1
  45. data/ext/extconf.rb +1 -1
  46. data/lib/couchbase/bucket.rb +3 -0
  47. data/lib/couchbase/cluster.rb +5 -0
  48. data/lib/couchbase/collection.rb +18 -6
  49. data/lib/couchbase/collection_options.rb +50 -7
  50. data/lib/couchbase/errors.rb +2 -2
  51. data/lib/couchbase/subdoc.rb +80 -19
  52. data/lib/couchbase/version.rb +1 -1
  53. metadata +7 -705
  54. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/Makefile.am +0 -251
  55. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/allocation/.gitignore +0 -10
  56. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/allocation/server.cpp +0 -285
  57. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/buffers/.gitignore +0 -10
  58. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/buffers/reference_counted.cpp +0 -131
  59. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/chat/.gitignore +0 -11
  60. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/chat/chat_client.cpp +0 -177
  61. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/chat/chat_message.hpp +0 -93
  62. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/chat/chat_server.cpp +0 -249
  63. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/chat/posix_chat_client.cpp +0 -204
  64. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/.gitignore +0 -11
  65. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/async_tcp_echo_server.cpp +0 -137
  66. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/async_udp_echo_server.cpp +0 -92
  67. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/blocking_tcp_echo_client.cpp +0 -59
  68. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/blocking_tcp_echo_server.cpp +0 -79
  69. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/blocking_udp_echo_client.cpp +0 -59
  70. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/echo/blocking_udp_echo_server.cpp +0 -53
  71. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/fork/.gitignore +0 -11
  72. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/fork/daemon.cpp +0 -190
  73. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/fork/process_per_connection.cpp +0 -161
  74. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/client/.gitignore +0 -10
  75. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/client/async_client.cpp +0 -204
  76. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/client/sync_client.cpp +0 -106
  77. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/doc_root/data_1K.html +0 -28
  78. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/doc_root/data_2K.html +0 -49
  79. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/doc_root/data_4K.html +0 -91
  80. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/doc_root/data_8K.html +0 -175
  81. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/.gitignore +0 -11
  82. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/connection.cpp +0 -99
  83. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/connection.hpp +0 -83
  84. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/connection_manager.cpp +0 -38
  85. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/connection_manager.hpp +0 -44
  86. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/header.hpp +0 -28
  87. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/main.cpp +0 -44
  88. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/mime_types.cpp +0 -46
  89. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/mime_types.hpp +0 -27
  90. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/reply.cpp +0 -256
  91. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/reply.hpp +0 -64
  92. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/request.hpp +0 -34
  93. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/request_handler.cpp +0 -122
  94. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/request_handler.hpp +0 -46
  95. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/request_parser.cpp +0 -315
  96. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/request_parser.hpp +0 -95
  97. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/server.cpp +0 -94
  98. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server/server.hpp +0 -69
  99. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/.gitignore +0 -11
  100. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/connection.cpp +0 -93
  101. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/connection.hpp +0 -75
  102. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/header.hpp +0 -28
  103. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/io_context_pool.cpp +0 -69
  104. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/io_context_pool.hpp +0 -58
  105. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/main.cpp +0 -46
  106. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/mime_types.cpp +0 -46
  107. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/mime_types.hpp +0 -27
  108. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/reply.cpp +0 -256
  109. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/reply.hpp +0 -64
  110. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/request.hpp +0 -34
  111. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/request_handler.cpp +0 -122
  112. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/request_handler.hpp +0 -46
  113. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/request_parser.cpp +0 -315
  114. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/request_parser.hpp +0 -95
  115. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/server.cpp +0 -77
  116. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server2/server.hpp +0 -68
  117. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/.gitignore +0 -11
  118. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/connection.cpp +0 -94
  119. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/connection.hpp +0 -78
  120. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/header.hpp +0 -28
  121. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/main.cpp +0 -46
  122. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/mime_types.cpp +0 -46
  123. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/mime_types.hpp +0 -27
  124. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/reply.cpp +0 -256
  125. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/reply.hpp +0 -64
  126. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/request.hpp +0 -34
  127. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/request_handler.cpp +0 -122
  128. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/request_handler.hpp +0 -46
  129. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/request_parser.cpp +0 -315
  130. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/request_parser.hpp +0 -95
  131. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/server.cpp +0 -89
  132. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server3/server.hpp +0 -70
  133. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/.gitignore +0 -11
  134. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/file_handler.cpp +0 -122
  135. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/file_handler.hpp +0 -44
  136. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/header.hpp +0 -28
  137. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/main.cpp +0 -58
  138. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/mime_types.cpp +0 -46
  139. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/mime_types.hpp +0 -27
  140. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/reply.cpp +0 -256
  141. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/reply.hpp +0 -64
  142. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/request.hpp +0 -46
  143. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/request_parser.cpp +0 -226
  144. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/request_parser.hpp +0 -78
  145. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/server.cpp +0 -122
  146. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/http/server4/server.hpp +0 -73
  147. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/icmp/.gitignore +0 -10
  148. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/icmp/icmp_header.hpp +0 -94
  149. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/icmp/ipv4_header.hpp +0 -102
  150. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/icmp/ping.cpp +0 -163
  151. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/invocation/.gitignore +0 -10
  152. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/invocation/prioritised_handlers.cpp +0 -171
  153. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/iostreams/.gitignore +0 -11
  154. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/iostreams/daytime_client.cpp +0 -44
  155. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/iostreams/daytime_server.cpp +0 -51
  156. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/iostreams/http_client.cpp +0 -91
  157. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/local/.gitignore +0 -13
  158. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/local/connect_pair.cpp +0 -141
  159. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/local/iostream_client.cpp +0 -62
  160. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/local/stream_client.cpp +0 -61
  161. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/local/stream_server.cpp +0 -141
  162. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/multicast/.gitignore +0 -11
  163. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/multicast/receiver.cpp +0 -93
  164. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/multicast/sender.cpp +0 -98
  165. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/nonblocking/.gitignore +0 -10
  166. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/nonblocking/third_party_lib.cpp +0 -240
  167. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/porthopper/.gitignore +0 -11
  168. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/porthopper/client.cpp +0 -192
  169. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/porthopper/protocol.hpp +0 -156
  170. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/porthopper/server.cpp +0 -187
  171. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/serialization/.gitignore +0 -11
  172. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/serialization/client.cpp +0 -125
  173. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/serialization/connection.hpp +0 -188
  174. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/serialization/server.cpp +0 -123
  175. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/serialization/stock.hpp +0 -50
  176. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/.gitignore +0 -11
  177. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/basic_logger.hpp +0 -83
  178. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/daytime_client.cpp +0 -97
  179. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/logger.hpp +0 -24
  180. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/logger_service.cpp +0 -11
  181. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/services/logger_service.hpp +0 -145
  182. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/socks4/.gitignore +0 -10
  183. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/socks4/socks4.hpp +0 -144
  184. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/socks4/sync_client.cpp +0 -94
  185. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/spawn/.gitignore +0 -12
  186. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/spawn/echo_server.cpp +0 -122
  187. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/spawn/parallel_grep.cpp +0 -89
  188. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/.gitignore +0 -11
  189. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/README +0 -8
  190. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/ca.pem +0 -49
  191. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/client.cpp +0 -157
  192. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/dh2048.pem +0 -8
  193. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/server.cpp +0 -170
  194. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/ssl/server.pem +0 -71
  195. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/.gitignore +0 -11
  196. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/async_tcp_client.cpp +0 -311
  197. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/blocking_tcp_client.cpp +0 -191
  198. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/blocking_token_tcp_client.cpp +0 -200
  199. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/blocking_udp_client.cpp +0 -154
  200. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timeouts/server.cpp +0 -433
  201. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timers/.gitignore +0 -10
  202. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/timers/time_t_timer.cpp +0 -106
  203. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime1/.gitignore +0 -10
  204. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime1/client.cpp +0 -57
  205. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime2/.gitignore +0 -10
  206. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime2/server.cpp +0 -50
  207. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime3/.gitignore +0 -10
  208. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime3/server.cpp +0 -119
  209. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime4/.gitignore +0 -10
  210. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime4/client.cpp +0 -52
  211. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime5/.gitignore +0 -10
  212. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime5/server.cpp +0 -53
  213. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime6/.gitignore +0 -10
  214. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime6/server.cpp +0 -89
  215. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime7/.gitignore +0 -10
  216. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime7/server.cpp +0 -160
  217. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/daytime_dox.txt +0 -500
  218. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/index_dox.txt +0 -48
  219. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer1/.gitignore +0 -10
  220. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer1/timer.cpp +0 -24
  221. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer2/.gitignore +0 -10
  222. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer2/timer.cpp +0 -29
  223. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer3/.gitignore +0 -10
  224. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer3/timer.cpp +0 -43
  225. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer4/.gitignore +0 -10
  226. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer4/timer.cpp +0 -54
  227. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer5/.gitignore +0 -10
  228. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer5/timer.cpp +0 -80
  229. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/tutorial/timer_dox.txt +0 -378
  230. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/windows/.gitignore +0 -10
  231. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp03/windows/transmit_file.cpp +0 -177
  232. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/Makefile.am +0 -161
  233. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/allocation/.gitignore +0 -10
  234. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/allocation/server.cpp +0 -255
  235. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/buffers/.gitignore +0 -10
  236. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/buffers/reference_counted.cpp +0 -122
  237. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/chat/.gitignore +0 -11
  238. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/chat/chat_client.cpp +0 -167
  239. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/chat/chat_message.hpp +0 -91
  240. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/chat/chat_server.cpp +0 -227
  241. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/echo/.gitignore +0 -11
  242. data/ext/third_party/asio/asio/src/examples/cpp11/echo/async_tcp_echo_server.cpp +0 -114
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  749. data/ext/third_party/spdlog/tests/utils.h +0 -18
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- ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
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-
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- Lewis Carroll
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-
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- THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 2.9
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-
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-
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-
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- CHAPTER I
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-
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- Down the Rabbit-Hole
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-
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-
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- Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister
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- on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had
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- peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no
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- pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,'
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- thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'
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-
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- So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could,
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- for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether
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- the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble
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- of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White
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- Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
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-
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- There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice
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- think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to
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- itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought
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- it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have
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- wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural);
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- but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-
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- POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to
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- her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never
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- before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to
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- take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the
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- field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop
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- down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
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-
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- In another moment down went Alice after it, never once
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- considering how in the world she was to get out again.
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-
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- The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,
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- and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a
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- moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself
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- falling down a very deep well.
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-
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- Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she
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- had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to
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- wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look
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- down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to
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- see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and
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- noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves;
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- here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She
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- took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was
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- labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it
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- was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing
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- somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she
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- fell past it.
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-
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- `Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I
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- shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll
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- all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it,
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- even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely
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- true.)
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-
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- Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I
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- wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud.
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- `I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let
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- me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for,
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- you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her
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- lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good
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- opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to
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- listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes,
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- that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
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- or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was,
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- or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to
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- say.)
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-
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- Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right
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- THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the
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- people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I
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- think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this
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- time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall
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- have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know.
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- Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried
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- to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
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- through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what
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- an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll
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- never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
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-
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- Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon
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- began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I
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- should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember
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- her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were
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- down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but
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- you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know.
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- But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get
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- rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of
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- way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do
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- bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either
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- question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt
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- that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she
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- was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very
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- earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a
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- bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of
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- sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
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-
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- Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a
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- moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her
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- was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in
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- sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost:
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- away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it
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- say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late
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- it's getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the
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- corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
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- herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps
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- hanging from the roof.
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-
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- There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked;
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- and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the
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- other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle,
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- wondering how she was ever to get out again.
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-
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- Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of
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- solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key,
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- and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the
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- doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or
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- the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of
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- them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low
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- curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little
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- door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key
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- in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
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-
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- Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small
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- passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and
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- looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
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- How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about
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- among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but
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- she could not even get her head though the doorway; `and even if
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- my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of
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- very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish
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- I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only
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- know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things
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- had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few
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- things indeed were really impossible.
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-
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- There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she
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- went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on
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- it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like
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- telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which
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- certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck
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- of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME'
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- beautifully printed on it in large letters.
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-
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- It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little
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- Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry. `No, I'll look
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- first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not';
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- for she had read several nice little histories about children who
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- had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant
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- things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules
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- their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker
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- will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
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- finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had
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- never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked
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- `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or
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- later.
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-
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- However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured
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- to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort
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- of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast
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- turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished
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- it off.
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-
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- * * * * * * *
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-
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- * * * * * *
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-
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- * * * * * * *
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-
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- `What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up
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- like a telescope.'
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-
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- And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and
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- her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right
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- size for going though the little door into that lovely garden.
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- First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was
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- going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about
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- this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my
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- going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be
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- like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is
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- like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
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- ever having seen such a thing.
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-
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- After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided
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- on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when
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- she got to the door, she found he had forgotten the little golden
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- key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she
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- could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly
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- through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the
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- legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had
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- tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and
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- cried.
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-
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- `Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to
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- herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!'
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- She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very
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- seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so
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- severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered
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- trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game
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- of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious
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- child was very fond of pretending to be two people. `But it's no
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- use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people! Why,
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- there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable
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- person!'
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-
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- Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under
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- the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on
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- which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants.
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- `Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger,
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- I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep
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- under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I
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- don't care which happens!'
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-
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- She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which
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- way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to
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- feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to
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- find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally
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- happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the
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- way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen,
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- that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the
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- common way.
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-
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- So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
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- * * * * * * *
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-
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- * * * * * *
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-
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- * * * * * * *
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-
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- CHAPTER II
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-
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- The Pool of Tears
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-
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-
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- `Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much
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- surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good
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- English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that
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- ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her
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- feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so
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- far off). `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on
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- your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure _I_ shan't
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- be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself
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- about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be
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- kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the
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- way I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of
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- boots every Christmas.'
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-
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- And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it.
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- `They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll
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- seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the
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- directions will look!
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-
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- ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
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- HEARTHRUG,
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- NEAR THE FENDER,
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- (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
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-
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- Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
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-
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- Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in
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- fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took
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- up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.
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-
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- Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one
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- side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get
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- through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to
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- cry again.
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-
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- `You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great
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- girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in
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- this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all
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- the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool
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- all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the
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- hall.
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-
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- After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the
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- distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming.
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- It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a
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- pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the
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- other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to
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- himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she
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- be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so desperate
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- that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
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- came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please,
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- sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid
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- gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard
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- as he could go.
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-
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- Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very
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- hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking:
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- `Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday
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- things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in
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- the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this
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- morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little
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- different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in
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- the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began
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- thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age
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- as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of
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- them.
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-
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- `I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such
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- long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm
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- sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she,
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- oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I,
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- and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the
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- things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve,
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- and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear!
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- I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the
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- Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
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- London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome,
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- and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been
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- changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"'
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- and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons,
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- and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and
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- strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:--
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-
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- `How doth the little crocodile
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- Improve his shining tail,
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- And pour the waters of the Nile
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- On every golden scale!
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-
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- `How cheerfully he seems to grin,
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- How neatly spread his claws,
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- And welcome little fishes in
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- With gently smiling jaws!'
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-
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- `I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and
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- her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel
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- after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little
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- house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so
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- many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm
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- Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their
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- heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look
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- up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I
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- like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down
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- here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a
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- sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads
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- down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!'
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-
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- As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was
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- surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little
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- white kid gloves while she was talking. `How CAN I have done
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- that?' she thought. `I must be growing small again.' She got up
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- and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that,
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- as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high,
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- and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the
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- cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it
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- hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
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-
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- `That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at
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- the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in
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- existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed
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- back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut
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- again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as
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- before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child,
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- `for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare
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- it's too bad, that it is!'
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-
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- As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another
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- moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. He first
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- idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that
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- case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had
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- been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general
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- conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find
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- a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in
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- the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and
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- behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that
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- she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine
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- feet high.
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-
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- `I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about,
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- trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I
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- suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer
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- thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.'
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-
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- Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a
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- little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at
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- first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then
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- she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that
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- it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
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-
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- `Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this
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- mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should
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- think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in
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- trying.' So she began: `O Mouse, do you know the way out of
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- this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!'
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- (Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse:
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- she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having
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- seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a
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- mouse--a mouse--O mouse!' The Mouse looked at her rather
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- inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little
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- eyes, but it said nothing.
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-
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- `Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I
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- daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the
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- Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had
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- no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she
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- began again: `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in
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- her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the
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- water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. `Oh, I beg
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- your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the
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- poor animal's feelings. `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
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-
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- `Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate
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- voice. `Would YOU like cats if you were me?'
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-
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- `Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: `don't be
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- angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah:
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- I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her.
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- She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself,
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- as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so
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- nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and
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- she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital
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- one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again,
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- for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt
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- certain it must be really offended. `We won't talk about her any
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- more if you'd rather not.'
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-
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- `We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end
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- of his tail. `As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family
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- always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear
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- the name again!'
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-
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- `I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the
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- subject of conversation. `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?'
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- The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: `There is
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- such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you!
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- A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly
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- brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and
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- it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I
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- can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you
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- know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds!
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- He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a
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- sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the
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- Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and
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- making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
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-
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- So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear! Do come back
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- again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't
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- like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam
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- slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice
461
- thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to
462
- the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll
463
- understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
464
-
465
- It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded
466
- with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a
467
- Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious
468
- creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the
469
- shore.
470
-
471
-
472
-
473
- CHAPTER III
474
-
475
- A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
476
-
477
-
478
- They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the
479
- bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their
480
- fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and
481
- uncomfortable.
482
-
483
- The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they
484
- had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed
485
- quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with
486
- them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had
487
- quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky,
488
- and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better';
489
- and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was,
490
- and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no
491
- more to be said.
492
-
493
- At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among
494
- them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL
495
- soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large
496
- ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes
497
- anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad
498
- cold if she did not get dry very soon.
499
-
500
- `Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready?
501
- This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please!
502
- "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was
503
- soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been
504
- of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and
505
- Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"'
506
-
507
- `Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
508
-
509
- `I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very
510
- politely: `Did you speak?'
511
-
512
- `Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
513
-
514
- `I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and
515
- Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him:
516
- and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found
517
- it advisable--"'
518
-
519
- `Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
520
-
521
- `Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you
522
- know what "it" means.'
523
-
524
- `I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said
525
- the Duck: `it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is,
526
- what did the archbishop find?'
527
-
528
- The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on,
529
- `"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William
530
- and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was
531
- moderate. But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you
532
- getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it
533
- spoke.
534
-
535
- `As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't
536
- seem to dry me at all.'
537
-
538
- `In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I
539
- move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more
540
- energetic remedies--'
541
-
542
- `Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of
543
- half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do
544
- either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile:
545
- some of the other birds tittered audibly.
546
-
547
- `What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone,
548
- `was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
549
-
550
- `What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much
551
- to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY
552
- ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
553
-
554
- `Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.'
555
- (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter
556
- day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
557
-
558
- First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the
559
- exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party
560
- were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One,
561
- two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked,
562
- and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know
563
- when the race was over. However, when they had been running half
564
- an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called
565
- out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting,
566
- and asking, `But who has won?'
567
-
568
- This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of
569
- thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon
570
- its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare,
571
- in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At
572
- last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have
573
- prizes.'
574
-
575
- `But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices
576
- asked.
577
-
578
- `Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with
579
- one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her,
580
- calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!'
581
-
582
- Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand
583
- in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt
584
- water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes.
585
- There was exactly one a-piece all round.
586
-
587
- `But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
588
-
589
- `Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have
590
- you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
591
-
592
- `Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
593
-
594
- `Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
595
-
596
- Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo
597
- solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of
598
- this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short
599
- speech, they all cheered.
600
-
601
- Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked
602
- so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not
603
- think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble,
604
- looking as solemn as she could.
605
-
606
- The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise
607
- and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not
608
- taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on
609
- the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again
610
- in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
611
-
612
- `You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice,
613
- `and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half
614
- afraid that it would be offended again.
615
-
616
- `Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to
617
- Alice, and sighing.
618
-
619
- `It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with
620
- wonder at the Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And
621
- she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so
622
- that her idea of the tale was something like this:--
623
-
624
- `Fury said to a
625
- mouse, That he
626
- met in the
627
- house,
628
- "Let us
629
- both go to
630
- law: I will
631
- prosecute
632
- YOU. --Come,
633
- I'll take no
634
- denial; We
635
- must have a
636
- trial: For
637
- really this
638
- morning I've
639
- nothing
640
- to do."
641
- Said the
642
- mouse to the
643
- cur, "Such
644
- a trial,
645
- dear Sir,
646
- With
647
- no jury
648
- or judge,
649
- would be
650
- wasting
651
- our
652
- breath."
653
- "I'll be
654
- judge, I'll
655
- be jury,"
656
- Said
657
- cunning
658
- old Fury:
659
- "I'll
660
- try the
661
- whole
662
- cause,
663
- and
664
- condemn
665
- you
666
- to
667
- death."'
668
-
669
-
670
- `You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely.
671
- `What are you thinking of?'
672
-
673
- `I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to
674
- the fifth bend, I think?'
675
-
676
- `I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
677
-
678
- `A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and
679
- looking anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
680
-
681
- `I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up
682
- and walking away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
683
-
684
- `I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily
685
- offended, you know!'
686
-
687
- The Mouse only growled in reply.
688
-
689
- `Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after
690
- it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but
691
- the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little
692
- quicker.
693
-
694
- `What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it
695
- was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of
696
- saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you
697
- never to lose YOUR temper!' `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the
698
- young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're enough to try the
699
- patience of an oyster!'
700
-
701
- `I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud,
702
- addressing nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!'
703
-
704
- `And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?'
705
- said the Lory.
706
-
707
- Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about
708
- her pet: `Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for
709
- catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her
710
- after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look
711
- at it!'
712
-
713
- This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.
714
- Some of the birds hurried off at once: one the old Magpie began
715
- wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be
716
- getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary
717
- called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my
718
- dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts
719
- they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
720
-
721
- `I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a
722
- melancholy tone. `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm
723
- sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I
724
- wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice
725
- began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.
726
- In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of
727
- footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping
728
- that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to
729
- finish his story.
730
-
731
-
732
-
733
- CHAPTER IV
734
-
735
- The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
736
-
737
-
738
- It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and
739
- looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something;
740
- and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess!
741
- Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me
742
- executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have
743
- dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was
744
- looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she
745
- very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
746
- nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her
747
- swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and
748
- the little door, had vanished completely.
749
-
750
- Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about,
751
- and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE
752
- you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of
753
- gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened
754
- that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without
755
- trying to explain the mistake it had made.
756
-
757
- `He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran.
758
- `How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd
759
- better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.'
760
- As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door
761
- of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT'
762
- engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried
763
- upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann,
764
- and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and
765
- gloves.
766
-
767
- `How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going
768
- messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on
769
- messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that
770
- would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready
771
- for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see
772
- that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went
773
- on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering
774
- people about like that!'
775
-
776
- By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with
777
- a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two
778
- or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and
779
- a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when
780
- her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-
781
- glass. There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,'
782
- but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know
783
- SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself,
784
- `whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this
785
- bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for
786
- really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
787
-
788
- It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected:
789
- before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing
790
- against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being
791
- broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself
792
- `That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I
793
- can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so
794
- much!'
795
-
796
- Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and
797
- growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in
798
- another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried
799
- the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the
800
- other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and,
801
- as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one
802
- foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more,
803
- whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
804
-
805
- Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full
806
- effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable,
807
- and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting
808
- out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
809
-
810
- `It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one
811
- wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about
812
- by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that
813
- rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know,
814
- this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened to me!
815
- When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing
816
- never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There
817
- ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when
818
- I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a
819
- sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more
820
- HERE.'
821
-
822
- `But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I
823
- am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-
824
- -but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like
825
- THAT!'
826
-
827
- `Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you
828
- learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no
829
- room at all for any lesson-books!'
830
-
831
- And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other,
832
- and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few
833
- minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
834
-
835
- `Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves
836
- this moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the
837
- stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and
838
- she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she
839
- was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no
840
- reason to be afraid of it.
841
-
842
- Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it;
843
- but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed
844
- hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it
845
- say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.'
846
-
847
- `THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she
848
- fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly
849
- spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not
850
- get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall,
851
- and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was
852
- just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something
853
- of the sort.
854
-
855
- Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are
856
- you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then
857
- I'm here! Digging for apples, yer honour!'
858
-
859
- `Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here!
860
- Come and help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
861
-
862
- `Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
863
-
864
- `Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.')
865
-
866
- `An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it
867
- fills the whole window!'
868
-
869
- `Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
870
-
871
- `Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it
872
- away!'
873
-
874
- There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear
875
- whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer
876
- honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at
877
- last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in
878
- the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more
879
- sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there
880
- must be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for
881
- pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I
882
- don't want to stay in here any longer!'
883
-
884
- She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at
885
- last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a
886
- good many voice all talking together: she made out the words:
887
- `Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one;
888
- Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up
889
- at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half
890
- high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-
891
- -Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind
892
- that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud
893
- crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go
894
- down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't,
895
- then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
896
- go down the chimney!'
897
-
898
- `Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said
899
- Alice to herself. `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill!
900
- I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is
901
- narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!'
902
-
903
- She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and
904
- waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what
905
- sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close
906
- above her: then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one
907
- sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.
908
-
909
- The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes
910
- Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the
911
- hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold
912
- up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow?
913
- What happened to you? Tell us all about it!'
914
-
915
- Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,'
916
- thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm
917
- better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know
918
- is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes
919
- like a sky-rocket!'
920
-
921
- `So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
922
-
923
- `We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and
924
- Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set
925
- Dinah at you!'
926
-
927
- There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to
928
- herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any
929
- sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they
930
- began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A
931
- barrowful will do, to begin with.'
932
-
933
- `A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to
934
- doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came
935
- rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face.
936
- `I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out,
937
- `You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead
938
- silence.
939
-
940
- Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all
941
- turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright
942
- idea came into her head. `If I eat one of these cakes,' she
943
- thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it
944
- can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I
945
- suppose.'
946
-
947
- So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find
948
- that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small
949
- enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and
950
- found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.
951
- The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by
952
- two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle.
953
- They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she
954
- ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
955
- thick wood.
956
-
957
- `The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she
958
- wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again;
959
- and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden.
960
- I think that will be the best plan.'
961
-
962
- It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and
963
- simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the
964
- smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering
965
- about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over
966
- her head made her look up in a great hurry.
967
-
968
- An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round
969
- eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.
970
- `Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried
971
- hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the
972
- time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it
973
- would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
974
-
975
- Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of
976
- stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped
977
- into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight,
978
- and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice
979
- dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run
980
- over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy
981
- made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in
982
- its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very
983
- like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
984
- moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle
985
- again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the
986
- stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long
987
- way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat
988
- down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its
989
- mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
990
-
991
- This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape;
992
- so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out
993
- of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the
994
- distance.
995
-
996
- `And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she
997
- leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself
998
- with one of the leaves: `I should have liked teaching it tricks
999
- very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh
1000
- dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let
1001
- me see--how IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or
1002
- drink something or other; but the great question is, what?'
1003
-
1004
- The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round
1005
- her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see
1006
- anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under
1007
- the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her,
1008
- about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under
1009
- it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her
1010
- that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.
1011
-
1012
- She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of
1013
- the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large
1014
- caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded,
1015
- quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice
1016
- of her or of anything else.
1017
-
1018
-
1019
-
1020
- CHAPTER V
1021
-
1022
- Advice from a Caterpillar
1023
-
1024
-
1025
- The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in
1026
- silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its
1027
- mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
1028
-
1029
- `Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
1030
-
1031
- This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice
1032
- replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--
1033
- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think
1034
- I must have been changed several times since then.'
1035
-
1036
- `What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly.
1037
- `Explain yourself!'
1038
-
1039
- `I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because
1040
- I'm not myself, you see.'
1041
-
1042
- `I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
1043
-
1044
- `I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very
1045
- politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and
1046
- being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
1047
-
1048
- `It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
1049
-
1050
- `Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but
1051
- when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you
1052
- know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll
1053
- feel it a little queer, won't you?'
1054
-
1055
- `Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
1056
-
1057
- `Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice;
1058
- `all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
1059
-
1060
- `You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. `Who are YOU?'
1061
-
1062
- Which brought them back again to the beginning of the
1063
- conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's
1064
- making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said,
1065
- very gravely, `I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
1066
-
1067
- `Why?' said the Caterpillar.
1068
-
1069
- Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not
1070
- think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in
1071
- a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
1072
-
1073
- `Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. `I've something
1074
- important to say!'
1075
-
1076
- This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back
1077
- again.
1078
-
1079
- `Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
1080
-
1081
- `Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as
1082
- she could.
1083
-
1084
- `No,' said the Caterpillar.
1085
-
1086
- Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else
1087
- to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth
1088
- hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but
1089
- at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth
1090
- again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?'
1091
-
1092
- `I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as
1093
- I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
1094
-
1095
- `Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
1096
-
1097
- `Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it
1098
- all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
1099
-
1100
- `Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
1101
-
1102
- Alice folded her hands, and began:--
1103
-
1104
- `You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
1105
- `And your hair has become very white;
1106
- And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
1107
- Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
1108
-
1109
- `In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
1110
- `I feared it might injure the brain;
1111
- But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
1112
- Why, I do it again and again.'
1113
-
1114
- `You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before,
1115
- And have grown most uncommonly fat;
1116
- Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
1117
- Pray, what is the reason of that?'
1118
-
1119
- `In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
1120
- `I kept all my limbs very supple
1121
- By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
1122
- Allow me to sell you a couple?'
1123
-
1124
- `You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak
1125
- For anything tougher than suet;
1126
- Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
1127
- Pray how did you manage to do it?'
1128
-
1129
- `In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law,
1130
- And argued each case with my wife;
1131
- And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
1132
- Has lasted the rest of my life.'
1133
-
1134
- `You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose
1135
- That your eye was as steady as ever;
1136
- Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
1137
- What made you so awfully clever?'
1138
-
1139
- `I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
1140
- Said his father; `don't give yourself airs!
1141
- Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
1142
- Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
1143
-
1144
-
1145
- `That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
1146
-
1147
- `Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; `some of the
1148
- words have got altered.'
1149
-
1150
- `It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar
1151
- decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
1152
-
1153
- The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
1154
-
1155
- `What size do you want to be?' it asked.
1156
-
1157
- `Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied;
1158
- `only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
1159
-
1160
- `I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
1161
-
1162
- Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in
1163
- her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
1164
-
1165
- `Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
1166
-
1167
- `Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you
1168
- wouldn't mind,' said Alice: `three inches is such a wretched
1169
- height to be.'
1170
-
1171
- `It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar
1172
- angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three
1173
- inches high).
1174
-
1175
- `But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone.
1176
- And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so
1177
- easily offended!'
1178
-
1179
- `You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it
1180
- put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
1181
-
1182
- This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.
1183
- In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its
1184
- mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got
1185
- down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely
1186
- remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and
1187
- the other side will make you grow shorter.'
1188
-
1189
- `One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to
1190
- herself.
1191
-
1192
- `Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had
1193
- asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
1194
-
1195
- Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a
1196
- minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as
1197
- it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.
1198
- However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they
1199
- would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
1200
-
1201
- `And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a
1202
- little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment
1203
- she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her
1204
- foot!
1205
-
1206
- She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but
1207
- she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking
1208
- rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit.
1209
- Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was
1210
- hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and
1211
- managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
1212
-
1213
-
1214
- * * * * * * *
1215
-
1216
- * * * * * *
1217
-
1218
- * * * * * * *
1219
-
1220
- `Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of
1221
- delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she
1222
- found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could
1223
- see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which
1224
- seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay
1225
- far below her.
1226
-
1227
- `What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. `And where
1228
- HAVE my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I
1229
- can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, but no
1230
- result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the
1231
- distant green leaves.
1232
-
1233
- As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her
1234
- head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted
1235
- to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction,
1236
- like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a
1237
- graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which
1238
- she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she
1239
- had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a
1240
- hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating
1241
- her violently with its wings.
1242
-
1243
- `Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
1244
-
1245
- `I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. `Let me alone!'
1246
-
1247
- `Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more
1248
- subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every
1249
- way, and nothing seems to suit them!'
1250
-
1251
- `I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said
1252
- Alice.
1253
-
1254
- `I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've
1255
- tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but
1256
- those serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
1257
-
1258
- Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no
1259
- use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
1260
-
1261
- `As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the
1262
- Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and
1263
- day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
1264
-
1265
- `I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was
1266
- beginning to see its meaning.
1267
-
1268
- `And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued
1269
- the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was
1270
- thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come
1271
- wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
1272
-
1273
- `But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. `I'm a--I'm
1274
- a--'
1275
-
1276
- `Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. `I can see you're
1277
- trying to invent something!'
1278
-
1279
- `I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
1280
- remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
1281
-
1282
- `A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the
1283
- deepest contempt. `I've seen a good many little girls in my
1284
- time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a
1285
- serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be
1286
- telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'
1287
-
1288
- `I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very
1289
- truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as
1290
- serpents do, you know.'
1291
-
1292
- `I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why
1293
- then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
1294
-
1295
- This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent
1296
- for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of
1297
- adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and
1298
- what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a
1299
- serpent?'
1300
-
1301
- `It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm
1302
- not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't
1303
- want YOURS: I don't like them raw.'
1304
-
1305
- `Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it
1306
- settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the
1307
- trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled
1308
- among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and
1309
- untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the
1310
- pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very
1311
- carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and
1312
- growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
1313
- succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
1314
-
1315
- It was so long since she had been anything near the right size,
1316
- that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a
1317
- few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come,
1318
- there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes
1319
- are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to
1320
- another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next
1321
- thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be
1322
- done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an
1323
- open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.
1324
- `Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come
1325
- upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their
1326
- wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did
1327
- not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself
1328
- down to nine inches high.
1329
-
1330
-
1331
-
1332
- CHAPTER VI
1333
-
1334
- Pig and Pepper
1335
-
1336
-
1337
- For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and
1338
- wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came
1339
- running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman
1340
- because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only,
1341
- she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door
1342
- with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery,
1343
- with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,
1344
- Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their
1345
- heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and
1346
- crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
1347
-
1348
- The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great
1349
- letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to
1350
- the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess. An
1351
- invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman
1352
- repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the
1353
- words a little, `From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess
1354
- to play croquet.'
1355
-
1356
- Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled
1357
- together.
1358
-
1359
- Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into
1360
- the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped
1361
- out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the
1362
- ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
1363
-
1364
- Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
1365
-
1366
- `There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and
1367
- that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the
1368
- door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise
1369
- inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was
1370
- a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling
1371
- and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish
1372
- or kettle had been broken to pieces.
1373
-
1374
- `Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?'
1375
-
1376
- `There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went
1377
- on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us. For
1378
- instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let
1379
- you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the time
1380
- he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. `But
1381
- perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so
1382
- VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might
1383
- answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud.
1384
-
1385
- `I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--'
1386
-
1387
- At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate
1388
- came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just
1389
- grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees
1390
- behind him.
1391
-
1392
- `--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone,
1393
- exactly as if nothing had happened.
1394
-
1395
- `How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
1396
-
1397
- `ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. `That's the
1398
- first question, you know.'
1399
-
1400
- It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so.
1401
- `It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the
1402
- creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!'
1403
-
1404
- The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for
1405
- repeating his remark, with variations. `I shall sit here,' he
1406
- said, `on and off, for days and days.'
1407
-
1408
- `But what am I to do?' said Alice.
1409
-
1410
- `Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
1411
-
1412
- `Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately:
1413
- `he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
1414
-
1415
- The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of
1416
- smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a
1417
- three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was
1418
- leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to
1419
- be full of soup.
1420
-
1421
- `There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to
1422
- herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
1423
-
1424
- There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the
1425
- Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was
1426
- sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The
1427
- only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook,
1428
- and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from
1429
- ear to ear.
1430
-
1431
- `Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for
1432
- she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to
1433
- speak first, `why your cat grins like that?'
1434
-
1435
- `It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why.
1436
- Pig!'
1437
-
1438
- She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice
1439
- quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed
1440
- to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on
1441
- again:--
1442
-
1443
- `I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I
1444
- didn't know that cats COULD grin.'
1445
-
1446
- `They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.'
1447
-
1448
- `I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely,
1449
- feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
1450
-
1451
- `You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.'
1452
-
1453
- Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought
1454
- it would be as well to introduce some other subject of
1455
- conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took
1456
- the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work
1457
- throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby
1458
- --the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
1459
- plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when
1460
- they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it
1461
- was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
1462
-
1463
- `Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up
1464
- and down in an agony of terror. `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS
1465
- nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very
1466
- nearly carried it off.
1467
-
1468
- `If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a
1469
- hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it
1470
- does.'
1471
-
1472
- `Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very
1473
- glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her
1474
- knowledge. `Just think of what work it would make with the day
1475
- and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn
1476
- round on its axis--'
1477
-
1478
- `Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!'
1479
-
1480
- Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant
1481
- to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and
1482
- seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `Twenty-four
1483
- hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I--'
1484
-
1485
- `Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide
1486
- figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again,
1487
- singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a
1488
- violent shake at the end of every line:
1489
-
1490
- `Speak roughly to your little boy,
1491
- And beat him when he sneezes:
1492
- He only does it to annoy,
1493
- Because he knows it teases.'
1494
-
1495
- CHORUS.
1496
-
1497
- (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
1498
-
1499
- `Wow! wow! wow!'
1500
-
1501
- While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept
1502
- tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing
1503
- howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
1504
-
1505
- `I speak severely to my boy,
1506
- I beat him when he sneezes;
1507
- For he can thoroughly enjoy
1508
- The pepper when he pleases!'
1509
-
1510
- CHORUS.
1511
-
1512
- `Wow! wow! wow!'
1513
-
1514
- `Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said
1515
- to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. `I must go and
1516
- get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of
1517
- the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out,
1518
- but it just missed her.
1519
-
1520
- Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-
1521
- shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all
1522
- directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor
1523
- little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it,
1524
- and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again,
1525
- so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much
1526
- as she could do to hold it.
1527
-
1528
- As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it,
1529
- (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep
1530
- tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its
1531
- undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. `IF I
1532
- don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure
1533
- to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it
1534
- behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little thing
1535
- grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). `Don't
1536
- grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing
1537
- yourself.'
1538
-
1539
- The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into
1540
- its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no
1541
- doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout
1542
- than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for
1543
- a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at
1544
- all. `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked
1545
- into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
1546
-
1547
- No, there were no tears. `If you're going to turn into a pig,
1548
- my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do
1549
- with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or
1550
- grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for
1551
- some while in silence.
1552
-
1553
- Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I
1554
- to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted
1555
- again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some
1556
- alarm. This time there could be NO mistake about it: it was
1557
- neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be
1558
- quite absurd for her to carry it further.
1559
-
1560
- So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to
1561
- see it trot away quietly into the wood. `If it had grown up,'
1562
- she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child:
1563
- but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began
1564
- thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as
1565
- pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right
1566
- way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing
1567
- the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
1568
-
1569
- The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-
1570
- natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great
1571
- many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
1572
-
1573
- `Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at
1574
- all know whether it would like the name: however, it only
1575
- grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought
1576
- Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I
1577
- ought to go from here?'
1578
-
1579
- `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said
1580
- the Cat.
1581
-
1582
- `I don't much care where--' said Alice.
1583
-
1584
- `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
1585
-
1586
- `--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
1587
-
1588
- `Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk
1589
- long enough.'
1590
-
1591
- Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
1592
- question. `What sort of people live about here?'
1593
-
1594
- `In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round,
1595
- `lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw,
1596
- `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
1597
-
1598
- `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
1599
-
1600
- `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here.
1601
- I'm mad. You're mad.'
1602
-
1603
- `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
1604
-
1605
- `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
1606
-
1607
- Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on
1608
- `And how do you know that you're mad?'
1609
-
1610
- `To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad. You grant
1611
- that?'
1612
-
1613
- `I suppose so,' said Alice.
1614
-
1615
- `Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's
1616
- angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm
1617
- pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
1618
-
1619
- `I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
1620
-
1621
- `Call it what you like,' said the Cat. `Do you play croquet
1622
- with the Queen to-day?'
1623
-
1624
- `I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been
1625
- invited yet.'
1626
-
1627
- `You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
1628
-
1629
- Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used
1630
- to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place
1631
- where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
1632
-
1633
- `By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. `I'd
1634
- nearly forgotten to ask.'
1635
-
1636
- `It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had
1637
- come back in a natural way.
1638
-
1639
- `I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
1640
-
1641
- Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it
1642
- did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the
1643
- direction in which the March Hare was said to live. `I've seen
1644
- hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be
1645
- much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be
1646
- raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said
1647
- this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a
1648
- branch of a tree.
1649
-
1650
- `Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
1651
-
1652
- `I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep
1653
- appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
1654
-
1655
- `All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite
1656
- slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the
1657
- grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
1658
-
1659
- `Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice;
1660
- `but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever
1661
- say in my life!'
1662
-
1663
- She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the
1664
- house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house,
1665
- because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was
1666
- thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not
1667
- like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand
1668
- bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even
1669
- then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself
1670
- `Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd
1671
- gone to see the Hatter instead!'
1672
-
1673
-
1674
-
1675
- CHAPTER VII
1676
-
1677
- A Mad Tea-Party
1678
-
1679
-
1680
- There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house,
1681
- and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a
1682
- Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two
1683
- were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and the
1684
- talking over its head. `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,'
1685
- thought Alice; `only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'
1686
-
1687
- The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded
1688
- together at one corner of it: `No room! No room!' they cried
1689
- out when they saw Alice coming. `There's PLENTY of room!' said
1690
- Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one
1691
- end of the table.
1692
-
1693
- `Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
1694
-
1695
- Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it
1696
- but tea. `I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
1697
-
1698
- `There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
1699
-
1700
- `Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice
1701
- angrily.
1702
-
1703
- `It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being
1704
- invited,' said the March Hare.
1705
-
1706
- `I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a
1707
- great many more than three.'
1708
-
1709
- `Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been
1710
- looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was
1711
- his first speech.
1712
-
1713
- `You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said
1714
- with some severity; `it's very rude.'
1715
-
1716
- The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all
1717
- he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
1718
-
1719
- `Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad
1720
- they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she
1721
- added aloud.
1722
-
1723
- `Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?'
1724
- said the March Hare.
1725
-
1726
- `Exactly so,' said Alice.
1727
-
1728
- `Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
1729
-
1730
- `I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what
1731
- I say--that's the same thing, you know.'
1732
-
1733
- `Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just
1734
- as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat
1735
- what I see"!'
1736
-
1737
- `You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I
1738
- like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
1739
-
1740
- `You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to
1741
- be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the
1742
- same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
1743
-
1744
- `It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
1745
- conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute,
1746
- while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and
1747
- writing-desks, which wasn't much.
1748
-
1749
- The Hatter was the first to break the silence. `What day of
1750
- the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his
1751
- watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking
1752
- it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
1753
-
1754
- Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.'
1755
-
1756
- `Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. `I told you butter
1757
- wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March
1758
- Hare.
1759
-
1760
- `It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
1761
-
1762
- `Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter
1763
- grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
1764
-
1765
- The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then
1766
- he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he
1767
- could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It
1768
- was the BEST butter, you know.'
1769
-
1770
- Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.
1771
- `What a funny watch!' she remarked. `It tells the day of the
1772
- month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'
1773
-
1774
- `Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. `Does YOUR watch tell
1775
- you what year it is?'
1776
-
1777
- `Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: `but that's
1778
- because it stays the same year for such a long time together.'
1779
-
1780
- `Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
1781
-
1782
- Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to
1783
- have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.
1784
- `I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she
1785
- could.
1786
-
1787
- `The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured
1788
- a little hot tea upon its nose.
1789
-
1790
- The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without
1791
- opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to
1792
- remark myself.'
1793
-
1794
- `Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to
1795
- Alice again.
1796
-
1797
- `No, I give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?'
1798
-
1799
- `I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
1800
-
1801
- `Nor I,' said the March Hare.
1802
-
1803
- Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better
1804
- with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that
1805
- have no answers.'
1806
-
1807
- `If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you
1808
- wouldn't talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
1809
-
1810
- `I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
1811
-
1812
- `Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head
1813
- contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
1814
-
1815
- `Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to
1816
- beat time when I learn music.'
1817
-
1818
- `Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand
1819
- beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do
1820
- almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose
1821
- it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons:
1822
- you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the
1823
- clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'
1824
-
1825
- (`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a
1826
- whisper.)
1827
-
1828
- `That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully:
1829
- `but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
1830
-
1831
- `Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep
1832
- it to half-past one as long as you liked.'
1833
-
1834
- `Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
1835
-
1836
- The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied.
1837
- `We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--'
1838
- (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the
1839
- great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
1840
-
1841
- "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
1842
- How I wonder what you're at!"
1843
-
1844
- You know the song, perhaps?'
1845
-
1846
- `I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
1847
-
1848
- `It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:--
1849
-
1850
- "Up above the world you fly,
1851
- Like a tea-tray in the sky.
1852
- Twinkle, twinkle--"'
1853
-
1854
- Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep
1855
- `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that
1856
- they had to pinch it to make it stop.
1857
-
1858
- `Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter,
1859
- `when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the
1860
- time! Off with his head!"'
1861
-
1862
- `How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
1863
-
1864
- `And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone,
1865
- `he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
1866
-
1867
- A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so
1868
- many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
1869
-
1870
- `Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always
1871
- tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
1872
-
1873
- `Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
1874
-
1875
- `Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.'
1876
-
1877
- `But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice
1878
- ventured to ask.
1879
-
1880
- `Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted,
1881
- yawning. `I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady
1882
- tells us a story.'
1883
-
1884
- `I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at
1885
- the proposal.
1886
-
1887
- `Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up,
1888
- Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once.
1889
-
1890
- The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he
1891
- said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `I heard every word you fellows
1892
- were saying.'
1893
-
1894
- `Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
1895
-
1896
- `Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
1897
-
1898
- `And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep
1899
- again before it's done.'
1900
-
1901
- `Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the
1902
- Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie,
1903
- Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'
1904
-
1905
- `What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great
1906
- interest in questions of eating and drinking.
1907
-
1908
- `They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a
1909
- minute or two.
1910
-
1911
- `They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently
1912
- remarked; `they'd have been ill.'
1913
-
1914
- `So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.'
1915
-
1916
- Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways
1917
- of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went
1918
- on: `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
1919
-
1920
- `Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very
1921
- earnestly.
1922
-
1923
- `I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so
1924
- I can't take more.'
1925
-
1926
- `You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very
1927
- easy to take MORE than nothing.'
1928
-
1929
- `Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
1930
-
1931
- `Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked
1932
- triumphantly.
1933
-
1934
- Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped
1935
- herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the
1936
- Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live at the
1937
- bottom of a well?'
1938
-
1939
- The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and
1940
- then said, `It was a treacle-well.'
1941
-
1942
- `There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but
1943
- the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse
1944
- sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the
1945
- story for yourself.'
1946
-
1947
- `No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt
1948
- again. I dare say there may be ONE.'
1949
-
1950
- `One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he
1951
- consented to go on. `And so these three little sisters--they
1952
- were learning to draw, you know--'
1953
-
1954
- `What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
1955
-
1956
- `Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this
1957
- time.
1958
-
1959
- `I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move
1960
- one place on.'
1961
-
1962
- He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the
1963
- March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather
1964
- unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the
1965
- only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a
1966
- good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset
1967
- the milk-jug into his plate.
1968
-
1969
- Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began
1970
- very cautiously: `But I don't understand. Where did they draw
1971
- the treacle from?'
1972
-
1973
- `You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so
1974
- I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh,
1975
- stupid?'
1976
-
1977
- `But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not
1978
- choosing to notice this last remark.
1979
-
1980
- `Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.'
1981
-
1982
- This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse
1983
- go on for some time without interrupting it.
1984
-
1985
- `They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and
1986
- rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew
1987
- all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--'
1988
-
1989
- `Why with an M?' said Alice.
1990
-
1991
- `Why not?' said the March Hare.
1992
-
1993
- Alice was silent.
1994
-
1995
- The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going
1996
- off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up
1997
- again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an
1998
- M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--
1999
- you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever
2000
- see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
2001
-
2002
- `Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I
2003
- don't think--'
2004
-
2005
- `Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
2006
-
2007
- This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got
2008
- up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep
2009
- instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her
2010
- going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that
2011
- they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were
2012
- trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
2013
-
2014
- `At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she
2015
- picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I
2016
- ever was at in all my life!'
2017
-
2018
- Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a
2019
- door leading right into it. `That's very curious!' she thought.
2020
- `But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at
2021
- once.' And in she went.
2022
-
2023
- Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the
2024
- little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' she
2025
- said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and
2026
- unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to
2027
- work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her
2028
- pocked) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the
2029
- little passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the
2030
- beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
2031
- fountains.
2032
-
2033
-
2034
-
2035
- CHAPTER VIII
2036
-
2037
- The Queen's Croquet-Ground
2038
-
2039
-
2040
- A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the
2041
- roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at
2042
- it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious
2043
- thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up
2044
- to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go
2045
- splashing paint over me like that!'
2046
-
2047
- `I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged
2048
- my elbow.'
2049
-
2050
- On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five! Always
2051
- lay the blame on others!'
2052
-
2053
- `YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only
2054
- yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
2055
-
2056
- `What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
2057
-
2058
- `That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
2059
-
2060
- `Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it
2061
- was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
2062
-
2063
- Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all
2064
- the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as
2065
- she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the
2066
- others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
2067
-
2068
- `Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are
2069
- painting those roses?'
2070
-
2071
- Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a
2072
- low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to
2073
- have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake;
2074
- and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads
2075
- cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore
2076
- she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been anxiously
2077
- looking across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!'
2078
- and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
2079
- their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice
2080
- looked round, eager to see the Queen.
2081
-
2082
- First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped
2083
- like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and
2084
- feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were
2085
- ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the
2086
- soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were
2087
- ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand
2088
- in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next
2089
- came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
2090
- recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous
2091
- manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
2092
- noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the
2093
- King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this
2094
- grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
2095
-
2096
- Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on
2097
- her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember
2098
- every having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides,
2099
- what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people
2100
- had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see
2101
- it?' So she stood still where she was, and waited.
2102
-
2103
- When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped
2104
- and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?'
2105
- She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in
2106
- reply.
2107
-
2108
- `Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and,
2109
- turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?'
2110
-
2111
- `My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very
2112
- politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of
2113
- cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
2114
-
2115
- `And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three
2116
- gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as
2117
- they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs
2118
- was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether
2119
- they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her
2120
- own children.
2121
-
2122
- `How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage.
2123
- `It's no business of MINE.'
2124
-
2125
- The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her
2126
- for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head!
2127
- Off--'
2128
-
2129
- `Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the
2130
- Queen was silent.
2131
-
2132
- The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said
2133
- `Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'
2134
-
2135
- The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave
2136
- `Turn them over!'
2137
-
2138
- The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
2139
-
2140
- `Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the
2141
- three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the
2142
- King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
2143
-
2144
- `Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.'
2145
- And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you
2146
- been doing here?'
2147
-
2148
- `May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone,
2149
- going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--'
2150
-
2151
- `I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the
2152
- roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on,
2153
- three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate
2154
- gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
2155
-
2156
- `You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a
2157
- large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered
2158
- about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly
2159
- marched off after the others.
2160
-
2161
- `Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
2162
-
2163
- `Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers
2164
- shouted in reply.
2165
-
2166
- `That's right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?'
2167
-
2168
- The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question
2169
- was evidently meant for her.
2170
-
2171
- `Yes!' shouted Alice.
2172
-
2173
- `Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the
2174
- procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
2175
-
2176
- `It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side.
2177
- She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously
2178
- into her face.
2179
-
2180
- `Very,' said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?'
2181
-
2182
- `Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He
2183
- looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised
2184
- himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and
2185
- whispered `She's under sentence of execution.'
2186
-
2187
- `What for?' said Alice.
2188
-
2189
- `Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
2190
-
2191
- `No, I didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity.
2192
- I said "What for?"'
2193
-
2194
- `She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a
2195
- little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a
2196
- frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you! You see, she came
2197
- rather late, and the Queen said--'
2198
-
2199
- `Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder,
2200
- and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up
2201
- against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or
2202
- two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a
2203
- curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and
2204
- furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live
2205
- flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to
2206
- stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
2207
-
2208
- The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
2209
- flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,
2210
- comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down,
2211
- but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened
2212
- out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it
2213
- WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a
2214
- puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing:
2215
- and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again,
2216
- it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
2217
- itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this,
2218
- there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she
2219
- wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers
2220
- were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the
2221
- ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very
2222
- difficult game indeed.
2223
-
2224
- The players all played at once without waiting for turns,
2225
- quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in
2226
- a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went
2227
- stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with
2228
- her head!' about once in a minute.
2229
-
2230
- Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as
2231
- yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might
2232
- happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of
2233
- me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great
2234
- wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'
2235
-
2236
- She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering
2237
- whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a
2238
- curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at
2239
- first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to
2240
- be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I
2241
- shall have somebody to talk to.'
2242
-
2243
- `How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was
2244
- mouth enough for it to speak with.
2245
-
2246
- Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no
2247
- use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at
2248
- least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared,
2249
- and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the
2250
- game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The
2251
- Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and
2252
- no more of it appeared.
2253
-
2254
- `I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather
2255
- a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't
2256
- hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in
2257
- particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and
2258
- you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive;
2259
- for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next
2260
- walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have
2261
- croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it
2262
- saw mine coming!'
2263
-
2264
- `How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
2265
-
2266
- `Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then
2267
- she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so
2268
- she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while
2269
- finishing the game.'
2270
-
2271
- The Queen smiled and passed on.
2272
-
2273
- `Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and
2274
- looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
2275
-
2276
- `It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me
2277
- to introduce it.'
2278
-
2279
- `I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: `however,
2280
- it may kiss my hand if it likes.'
2281
-
2282
- `I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
2283
-
2284
- `Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me
2285
- like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.
2286
-
2287
- `A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in
2288
- some book, but I don't remember where.'
2289
-
2290
- `Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and
2291
- he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I
2292
- wish you would have this cat removed!'
2293
-
2294
- The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great
2295
- or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking
2296
- round.
2297
-
2298
- `I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and
2299
- he hurried off.
2300
-
2301
- Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game
2302
- was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance,
2303
- screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three
2304
- of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and
2305
- she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in
2306
- such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or
2307
- not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
2308
-
2309
- The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog,
2310
- which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one
2311
- of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her
2312
- flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where
2313
- Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up
2314
- into a tree.
2315
-
2316
- By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back,
2317
- the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:
2318
- `but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches
2319
- are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away
2320
- under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for
2321
- a little more conversation with her friend.
2322
-
2323
- When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to
2324
- find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute
2325
- going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who
2326
- were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent,
2327
- and looked very uncomfortable.
2328
-
2329
- The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to
2330
- settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her,
2331
- though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed
2332
- to make out exactly what they said.
2333
-
2334
- The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a
2335
- head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had
2336
- never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin
2337
- at HIS time of life.
2338
-
2339
- The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
2340
- beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
2341
-
2342
- The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about
2343
- it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round.
2344
- (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so
2345
- grave and anxious.)
2346
-
2347
- Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the
2348
- Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.'
2349
-
2350
- `She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch
2351
- her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.
2352
-
2353
- The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
2354
- by the time he had come back with the Dutchess, it had entirely
2355
- disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and
2356
- down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
2357
-
2358
-
2359
-
2360
- CHAPTER IX
2361
-
2362
- The Mock Turtle's Story
2363
-
2364
-
2365
- `You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old
2366
- thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately
2367
- into Alice's, and they walked off together.
2368
-
2369
- Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
2370
- thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had
2371
- made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
2372
-
2373
- `When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very
2374
- hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT
2375
- ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that
2376
- makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at
2377
- having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them
2378
- sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar
2379
- and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish
2380
- people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you
2381
- know--'
2382
-
2383
- She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a
2384
- little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear.
2385
- `You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you
2386
- forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that
2387
- is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'
2388
-
2389
- `Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
2390
-
2391
- `Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a
2392
- moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up
2393
- closer to Alice's side as she spoke.
2394
-
2395
- Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first,
2396
- because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was
2397
- exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder,
2398
- and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not
2399
- like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
2400
-
2401
- `The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of
2402
- keeping up the conversation a little.
2403
-
2404
- `'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh,
2405
- 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
2406
-
2407
- `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody
2408
- minding their own business!'
2409
-
2410
- `Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess,
2411
- digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added,
2412
- `and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the
2413
- sounds will take care of themselves."'
2414
-
2415
- `How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to
2416
- herself.
2417
-
2418
- `I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your
2419
- waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm
2420
- doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the
2421
- experiment?'
2422
-
2423
- `HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all
2424
- anxious to have the experiment tried.
2425
-
2426
- `Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both
2427
- bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock
2428
- together."'
2429
-
2430
- `Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
2431
-
2432
- `Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you
2433
- have of putting things!'
2434
-
2435
- `It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
2436
-
2437
- `Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree
2438
- to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near
2439
- here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the
2440
- less there is of yours."'
2441
-
2442
- `Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this
2443
- last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it
2444
- is.'
2445
-
2446
- `I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of
2447
- that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put
2448
- more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than
2449
- what it might appear to others that what you were or might have
2450
- been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared
2451
- to them to be otherwise."'
2452
-
2453
- `I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very
2454
- politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it
2455
- as you say it.'
2456
-
2457
- `That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess
2458
- replied, in a pleased tone.
2459
-
2460
- `Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,'
2461
- said Alice.
2462
-
2463
- `Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you
2464
- a present of everything I've said as yet.'
2465
-
2466
- `A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't
2467
- give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to
2468
- say it out loud.
2469
-
2470
- `Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her
2471
- sharp little chin.
2472
-
2473
- `I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was
2474
- beginning to feel a little worried.
2475
-
2476
- `Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to
2477
- fly; and the m--'
2478
-
2479
- But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died
2480
- away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the
2481
- arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up,
2482
- and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded,
2483
- frowning like a thunderstorm.
2484
-
2485
- `A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak
2486
- voice.
2487
-
2488
- `Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on
2489
- the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off,
2490
- and that in about half no time! Take your choice!'
2491
-
2492
- The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
2493
-
2494
- `Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice
2495
- was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her
2496
- back to the croquet-ground.
2497
-
2498
- The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence,
2499
- and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her,
2500
- they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a
2501
- moment's delay would cost them their lives.
2502
-
2503
- All the time they were playing the Queen never left off
2504
- quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his
2505
- head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were
2506
- taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave
2507
- off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour
2508
- or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the
2509
- King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of
2510
- execution.
2511
-
2512
- Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to
2513
- Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
2514
-
2515
- `No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
2516
-
2517
- `It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
2518
-
2519
- `I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
2520
-
2521
- `Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his
2522
- history,'
2523
-
2524
- As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low
2525
- voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come,
2526
- THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite
2527
- unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered.
2528
-
2529
- They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the
2530
- sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.)
2531
- `Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to
2532
- see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and
2533
- see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off,
2534
- leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like
2535
- the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would
2536
- be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage
2537
- Queen: so she waited.
2538
-
2539
- The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the
2540
- Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!'
2541
- said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
2542
-
2543
- `What IS the fun?' said Alice.
2544
-
2545
- `Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they
2546
- never executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
2547
-
2548
- `Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went
2549
- slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life,
2550
- never!'
2551
-
2552
- They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the
2553
- distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and,
2554
- as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart
2555
- would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she
2556
- asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the
2557
- same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got
2558
- no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
2559
-
2560
- So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with
2561
- large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
2562
-
2563
- `This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to
2564
- know your history, she do.'
2565
-
2566
- `I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow
2567
- tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've
2568
- finished.'
2569
-
2570
- So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice
2571
- thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he
2572
- doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.
2573
-
2574
- `Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was
2575
- a real Turtle.'
2576
-
2577
- These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only
2578
- by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and
2579
- the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very
2580
- nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your
2581
- interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be
2582
- more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
2583
-
2584
- `When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more
2585
- calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to
2586
- school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call
2587
- him Tortoise--'
2588
-
2589
- `Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
2590
-
2591
- `We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock
2592
- Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!'
2593
-
2594
- `You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
2595
- question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and
2596
- looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At
2597
- last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow!
2598
- Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:
2599
-
2600
- `Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe
2601
- it--'
2602
-
2603
- `I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
2604
-
2605
- `You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
2606
-
2607
- `Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak
2608
- again. The Mock Turtle went on.
2609
-
2610
- `We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school
2611
- every day--'
2612
-
2613
- `I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be
2614
- so proud as all that.'
2615
-
2616
- `With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
2617
-
2618
- `Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.'
2619
-
2620
- `And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
2621
-
2622
- `Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
2623
-
2624
- `Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock
2625
- Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the
2626
- end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
2627
-
2628
- `You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the
2629
- bottom of the sea.'
2630
-
2631
- `I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a
2632
- sigh. `I only took the regular course.'
2633
-
2634
- `What was that?' inquired Alice.
2635
-
2636
- `Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock
2637
- Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic--
2638
- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
2639
-
2640
- `I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What
2641
- is it?'
2642
-
2643
- The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never
2644
- heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify
2645
- is, I suppose?'
2646
-
2647
- `Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--
2648
- prettier.'
2649
-
2650
- `Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to
2651
- uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'
2652
-
2653
- Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about
2654
- it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you
2655
- to learn?'
2656
-
2657
- `Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting
2658
- off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern,
2659
- with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old
2660
- conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us
2661
- Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'
2662
-
2663
- `What was THAT like?' said Alice.
2664
-
2665
- `Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm
2666
- too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
2667
-
2668
- `Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics
2669
- master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.'
2670
-
2671
- `I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `he
2672
- taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
2673
-
2674
- `So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn;
2675
- and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
2676
-
2677
- `And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a
2678
- hurry to change the subject.
2679
-
2680
- `Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the
2681
- next, and so on.'
2682
-
2683
- `What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
2684
-
2685
- `That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon
2686
- remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.'
2687
-
2688
- This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a
2689
- little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day
2690
- must have been a holiday?'
2691
-
2692
- `Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
2693
-
2694
- `And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
2695
-
2696
- `That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a
2697
- very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.'
2698
-
2699
-
2700
-
2701
- CHAPTER X
2702
-
2703
- The Lobster Quadrille
2704
-
2705
-
2706
- The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper
2707
- across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for
2708
- a minute or two sobs choked his voice. `Same as if he had a bone
2709
- in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him
2710
- and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered
2711
- his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on
2712
- again:--
2713
-
2714
- `You may not have lived much under the sea--' (`I haven't,'
2715
- said Alice)--`and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
2716
- (Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily,
2717
- and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a delightful
2718
- thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'
2719
-
2720
- `No, indeed,' said Alice. `What sort of a dance is it?'
2721
-
2722
- `Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the
2723
- sea-shore--'
2724
-
2725
- `Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. `Seals, turtles, salmon,
2726
- and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of
2727
- the way--'
2728
-
2729
- `THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
2730
-
2731
- `--you advance twice--'
2732
-
2733
- `Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
2734
-
2735
- `Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: `advance twice, set to
2736
- partners--'
2737
-
2738
- `--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the
2739
- Gryphon.
2740
-
2741
- `Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--'
2742
-
2743
- `The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
2744
-
2745
- `--as far out to sea as you can--'
2746
-
2747
- `Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
2748
-
2749
- `Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle,
2750
- capering wildly about.
2751
-
2752
- `Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the
2753
- Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures,
2754
- who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat
2755
- down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
2756
-
2757
- `It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
2758
-
2759
- `Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
2760
-
2761
- `Very much indeed,' said Alice.
2762
-
2763
- `Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the
2764
- Gryphon. `We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall
2765
- sing?'
2766
-
2767
- `Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. `I've forgotten the words.'
2768
-
2769
- So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now
2770
- and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and
2771
- waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle
2772
- sang this, very slowly and sadly:--
2773
-
2774
-
2775
- `"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
2776
- "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my
2777
- tail.
2778
- See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
2779
- They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the
2780
- dance?
2781
-
2782
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
2783
- dance?
2784
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
2785
- dance?
2786
-
2787
-
2788
- "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
2789
- When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to
2790
- sea!"
2791
- But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look
2792
- askance--
2793
- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the
2794
- dance.
2795
- Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join
2796
- the dance.
2797
- Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join
2798
- the dance.
2799
-
2800
- `"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
2801
- "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
2802
- The further off from England the nearer is to France--
2803
- Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
2804
-
2805
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the
2806
- dance?
2807
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the
2808
- dance?"'
2809
-
2810
-
2811
-
2812
- `Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said
2813
- Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and I do so
2814
- like that curious song about the whiting!'
2815
-
2816
- `Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've
2817
- seen them, of course?'
2818
-
2819
- `Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she
2820
- checked herself hastily.
2821
-
2822
- `I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but
2823
- if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're
2824
- like.'
2825
-
2826
- `I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. `They have their
2827
- tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
2828
-
2829
- `You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle:
2830
- `crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails
2831
- in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle
2832
- yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all
2833
- that,' he said to the Gryphon.
2834
-
2835
- `The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with
2836
- the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So
2837
- they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in
2838
- their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.'
2839
-
2840
- `Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting. I never knew
2841
- so much about a whiting before.'
2842
-
2843
- `I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the
2844
- Gryphon. `Do you know why it's called a whiting?'
2845
-
2846
- `I never thought about it,' said Alice. `Why?'
2847
-
2848
- `IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very
2849
- solemnly.
2850
-
2851
- Alice was thoroughly puzzled. `Does the boots and shoes!' she
2852
- repeated in a wondering tone.
2853
-
2854
- `Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. `I
2855
- mean, what makes them so shiny?'
2856
-
2857
- Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she
2858
- gave her answer. `They're done with blacking, I believe.'
2859
-
2860
- `Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep
2861
- voice, `are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
2862
-
2863
- `And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great
2864
- curiosity.
2865
-
2866
- `Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather
2867
- impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.'
2868
-
2869
- `If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were
2870
- still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep
2871
- back, please: we don't want YOU with us!"'
2872
-
2873
- `They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle
2874
- said: `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
2875
-
2876
- `Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
2877
-
2878
- `Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: `why, if a fish came
2879
- to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With
2880
- what porpoise?"'
2881
-
2882
- `Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
2883
-
2884
- `I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended
2885
- tone. And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR
2886
- adventures.'
2887
-
2888
- `I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,'
2889
- said Alice a little timidly: `but it's no use going back to
2890
- yesterday, because I was a different person then.'
2891
-
2892
- `Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
2893
-
2894
- `No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an
2895
- impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.'
2896
-
2897
- So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when
2898
- she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about
2899
- it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on
2900
- each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she
2901
- gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly
2902
- quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD,
2903
- FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming
2904
- different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said
2905
- `That's very curious.'
2906
-
2907
- `It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
2908
-
2909
- `It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated
2910
- thoughtfully. `I should like to hear her try and repeat
2911
- something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as
2912
- if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
2913
-
2914
- `Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said
2915
- the Gryphon.
2916
-
2917
- `How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat
2918
- lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.'
2919
- However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so
2920
- full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was
2921
- saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
2922
-
2923
- `'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
2924
- "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
2925
- As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
2926
- Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
2927
-
2928
- [later editions continued as follows
2929
- When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
2930
- And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
2931
- But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
2932
- His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
2933
-
2934
- `That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,'
2935
- said the Gryphon.
2936
-
2937
- `Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it
2938
- sounds uncommon nonsense.'
2939
-
2940
- Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her
2941
- hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way
2942
- again.
2943
-
2944
- `I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
2945
-
2946
- `She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. `Go on with
2947
- the next verse.'
2948
-
2949
- `But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. `How COULD
2950
- he turn them out with his nose, you know?'
2951
-
2952
- `It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was
2953
- dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the
2954
- subject.
2955
-
2956
- `Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently:
2957
- `it begins "I passed by his garden."'
2958
-
2959
- Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would
2960
- all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
2961
-
2962
- `I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
2963
- How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
2964
-
2965
- [later editions continued as follows
2966
- The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
2967
- While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
2968
- When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
2969
- Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
2970
- While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
2971
- And concluded the banquet--]
2972
-
2973
- `What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
2974
- interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far
2975
- the most confusing thing I ever heard!'
2976
-
2977
- `Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and
2978
- Alice was only too glad to do so.
2979
-
2980
- `Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the
2981
- Gryphon went on. `Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you
2982
- a song?'
2983
-
2984
- `Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,'
2985
- Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather
2986
- offended tone, `Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle
2987
- Soup," will you, old fellow?'
2988
-
2989
- The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes
2990
- choked with sobs, to sing this:--
2991
-
2992
-
2993
- `Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
2994
- Waiting in a hot tureen!
2995
- Who for such dainties would not stoop?
2996
- Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2997
- Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2998
- Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2999
- Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
3000
- Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
3001
- Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
3002
-
3003
- `Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
3004
- Game, or any other dish?
3005
- Who would not give all else for two p
3006
- ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
3007
- Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
3008
- Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
3009
- Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
3010
- Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
3011
- Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
3012
-
3013
- `Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had
3014
- just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `The trial's beginning!'
3015
- was heard in the distance.
3016
-
3017
- `Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand,
3018
- it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
3019
-
3020
- `What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon
3021
- only answered `Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more
3022
- faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the
3023
- melancholy words:--
3024
-
3025
- `Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
3026
- Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
3027
-
3028
-
3029
-
3030
- CHAPTER XI
3031
-
3032
- Who Stole the Tarts?
3033
-
3034
-
3035
- The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when
3036
- they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts
3037
- of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards:
3038
- the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on
3039
- each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit,
3040
- with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the
3041
- other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large
3042
- dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice
3043
- quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,'
3044
- she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed
3045
- to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
3046
- her, to pass away the time.
3047
-
3048
- Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had
3049
- read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that
3050
- she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's the
3051
- judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.'
3052
-
3053
- The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown
3054
- over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he
3055
- did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly
3056
- not becoming.
3057
-
3058
- `And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve
3059
- creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because
3060
- some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they
3061
- are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over
3062
- to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and
3063
- rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the
3064
- meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just
3065
- as well.
3066
-
3067
- The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
3068
- `What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They
3069
- can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'
3070
-
3071
- `They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in
3072
- reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the
3073
- trial.'
3074
-
3075
- `Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but
3076
- she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in
3077
- the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked
3078
- anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
3079
-
3080
- Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their
3081
- shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!'
3082
- on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them
3083
- didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his
3084
- neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in
3085
- before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
3086
-
3087
- One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course,
3088
- Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got
3089
- behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it
3090
- away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was
3091
- Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of
3092
- it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write
3093
- with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very
3094
- little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
3095
-
3096
- `Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
3097
-
3098
- On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and
3099
- then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
3100
-
3101
- `The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
3102
- All on a summer day:
3103
- The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
3104
- And took them quite away!'
3105
-
3106
- `Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
3107
-
3108
- `Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's
3109
- a great deal to come before that!'
3110
-
3111
- `Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit
3112
- blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First
3113
- witness!'
3114
-
3115
- The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in
3116
- one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg
3117
- pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I
3118
- hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'
3119
-
3120
- `You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did you
3121
- begin?'
3122
-
3123
- The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into
3124
- the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I
3125
- think it was,' he said.
3126
-
3127
- `Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
3128
-
3129
- `Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
3130
-
3131
- `Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury
3132
- eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then
3133
- added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
3134
-
3135
- `Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
3136
-
3137
- `It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
3138
-
3139
- `Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who
3140
- instantly made a memorandum of the fact.
3141
-
3142
- `I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation;
3143
- `I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'
3144
-
3145
- Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the
3146
- Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
3147
-
3148
- `Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or
3149
- I'll have you executed on the spot.'
3150
-
3151
- This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept
3152
- shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the
3153
- Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his
3154
- teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
3155
-
3156
- Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which
3157
- puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was
3158
- beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she
3159
- would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she
3160
- decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for
3161
- her.
3162
-
3163
- `I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was
3164
- sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.'
3165
-
3166
- `I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.'
3167
-
3168
- `You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
3169
-
3170
- `Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know
3171
- you're growing too.'
3172
-
3173
- `Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse:
3174
- `not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily
3175
- and crossed over to the other side of the court.
3176
-
3177
- All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the
3178
- Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to
3179
- one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the
3180
- singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter
3181
- trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
3182
-
3183
- `Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have
3184
- you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
3185
-
3186
- `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a
3187
- trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week
3188
- or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and
3189
- the twinkling of the tea--'
3190
-
3191
- `The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
3192
-
3193
- `It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
3194
-
3195
- `Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply.
3196
- `Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'
3197
-
3198
- `I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things
3199
- twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'
3200
-
3201
- `I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
3202
-
3203
- `You did!' said the Hatter.
3204
-
3205
- `I deny it!' said the March Hare.
3206
-
3207
- `He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.'
3208
-
3209
- `Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on,
3210
- looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the
3211
- Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
3212
-
3213
- `After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread-
3214
- and-butter--'
3215
-
3216
- `But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
3217
-
3218
- `That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
3219
-
3220
- `You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you
3221
- executed.'
3222
-
3223
- The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
3224
- and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he
3225
- began.
3226
-
3227
- `You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
3228
-
3229
- Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately
3230
- suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a
3231
- hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had
3232
- a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings:
3233
- into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
3234
- upon it.)
3235
-
3236
- `I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often
3237
- read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some
3238
- attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the
3239
- officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant
3240
- till now.'
3241
-
3242
- `If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,'
3243
- continued the King.
3244
-
3245
- `I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as
3246
- it is.'
3247
-
3248
- `Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
3249
-
3250
- Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
3251
-
3252
- `Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we
3253
- shall get on better.'
3254
-
3255
- `I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious
3256
- look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
3257
-
3258
- `You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
3259
- court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
3260
-
3261
- `--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one
3262
- of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the
3263
- officer could get to the door.
3264
-
3265
- `Call the next witness!' said the King.
3266
-
3267
- The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the
3268
- pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before
3269
- she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began
3270
- sneezing all at once.
3271
-
3272
- `Give your evidence,' said the King.
3273
-
3274
- `Shan't,' said the cook.
3275
-
3276
- The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a
3277
- low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
3278
-
3279
- `Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy
3280
- air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till
3281
- his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What
3282
- are tarts made of?'
3283
-
3284
- `Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
3285
-
3286
- `Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
3287
-
3288
- `Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that
3289
- Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch
3290
- him! Off with his whiskers!'
3291
-
3292
- For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
3293
- Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down
3294
- again, the cook had disappeared.
3295
-
3296
- `Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief.
3297
- `Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the
3298
- Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness.
3299
- It quite makes my forehead ache!'
3300
-
3301
- Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list,
3302
- feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,
3303
- `--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself.
3304
- Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top
3305
- of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'
3306
-
3307
-
3308
-
3309
- CHAPTER XII
3310
-
3311
- Alice's Evidence
3312
-
3313
-
3314
- `Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the
3315
- moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she
3316
- jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with
3317
- the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads
3318
- of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding
3319
- her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset
3320
- the week before.
3321
-
3322
- `Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great
3323
- dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could,
3324
- for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and
3325
- she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once
3326
- and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.
3327
-
3328
- `The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave
3329
- voice, `until all the jurymen are back in their proper places--
3330
- ALL,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as
3331
- he said do.
3332
-
3333
- Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she
3334
- had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing
3335
- was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable
3336
- to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that
3337
- it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I should think it
3338
- would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.'
3339
-
3340
- As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of
3341
- being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and
3342
- handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write
3343
- out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed
3344
- too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open,
3345
- gazing up into the roof of the court.
3346
-
3347
- `What do you know about this business?' the King said to
3348
- Alice.
3349
-
3350
- `Nothing,' said Alice.
3351
-
3352
- `Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
3353
-
3354
- `Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
3355
-
3356
- `That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury.
3357
- They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when
3358
- the White Rabbit interrupted: `UNimportant, your Majesty means,
3359
- of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and
3360
- making faces at him as he spoke.
3361
-
3362
- `UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and
3363
- went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant--
3364
- unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word
3365
- sounded best.
3366
-
3367
- Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some
3368
- `unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to
3369
- look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she
3370
- thought to herself.
3371
-
3372
- At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily
3373
- writing in his note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out
3374
- from his book, `Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE
3375
- HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
3376
-
3377
- Everybody looked at Alice.
3378
-
3379
- `I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
3380
-
3381
- `You are,' said the King.
3382
-
3383
- `Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
3384
-
3385
- `Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides,
3386
- that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'
3387
-
3388
- `It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
3389
-
3390
- `Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
3391
-
3392
- The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.
3393
- `Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling
3394
- voice.
3395
-
3396
- `There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said
3397
- the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has
3398
- just been picked up.'
3399
-
3400
- `What's in it?' said the Queen.
3401
-
3402
- `I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, `but it seems
3403
- to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
3404
-
3405
- `It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was
3406
- written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
3407
-
3408
- `Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
3409
-
3410
- `It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact,
3411
- there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper
3412
- as he spoke, and added `It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set
3413
- of verses.'
3414
-
3415
- `Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of
3416
- they jurymen.
3417
-
3418
- `No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the
3419
- queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
3420
-
3421
- `He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King.
3422
- (The jury all brightened up again.)
3423
-
3424
- `Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and
3425
- they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
3426
-
3427
- `If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the
3428
- matter worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd
3429
- have signed your name like an honest man.'
3430
-
3431
- There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the
3432
- first really clever thing the King had said that day.
3433
-
3434
- `That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
3435
-
3436
- `It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. `Why, you don't
3437
- even know what they're about!'
3438
-
3439
- `Read them,' said the King.
3440
-
3441
- The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin,
3442
- please your Majesty?' he asked.
3443
-
3444
- `Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on
3445
- till you come to the end: then stop.'
3446
-
3447
- These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
3448
-
3449
- `They told me you had been to her,
3450
- And mentioned me to him:
3451
- She gave me a good character,
3452
- But said I could not swim.
3453
-
3454
- He sent them word I had not gone
3455
- (We know it to be true):
3456
- If she should push the matter on,
3457
- What would become of you?
3458
-
3459
- I gave her one, they gave him two,
3460
- You gave us three or more;
3461
- They all returned from him to you,
3462
- Though they were mine before.
3463
-
3464
- If I or she should chance to be
3465
- Involved in this affair,
3466
- He trusts to you to set them free,
3467
- Exactly as we were.
3468
-
3469
- My notion was that you had been
3470
- (Before she had this fit)
3471
- An obstacle that came between
3472
- Him, and ourselves, and it.
3473
-
3474
- Don't let him know she liked them best,
3475
- For this must ever be
3476
- A secret, kept from all the rest,
3477
- Between yourself and me.'
3478
-
3479
- `That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,'
3480
- said the King, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--'
3481
-
3482
- `If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had
3483
- grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit
3484
- afraid of interrupting him,) `I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't
3485
- believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'
3486
-
3487
- The jury all wrote down on their slates, `SHE doesn't believe
3488
- there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to
3489
- explain the paper.
3490
-
3491
- `If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, `that saves a
3492
- world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And
3493
- yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his
3494
- knee, and looking at them with one eye; `I seem to see some
3495
- meaning in them, after all. "--SAID I COULD NOT SWIM--" you
3496
- can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.
3497
-
3498
- The Knave shook his head sadly. `Do I look like it?' he said.
3499
- (Which he certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
3500
-
3501
- `All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering
3502
- over the verses to himself: `"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's
3503
- the jury, of course-- "I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why,
3504
- that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--'
3505
-
3506
- `But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said
3507
- Alice.
3508
-
3509
- `Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to
3510
- the tarts on the table. `Nothing can be clearer than THAT.
3511
- Then again--"BEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my
3512
- dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.
3513
-
3514
- `Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the
3515
- Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off
3516
- writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no
3517
- mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was
3518
- trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)
3519
-
3520
- `Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round
3521
- the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
3522
-
3523
- `It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and
3524
- everybody laughed, `Let the jury consider their verdict,' the
3525
- King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
3526
-
3527
- `No, no!' said the Queen. `Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
3528
-
3529
- `Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. `The idea of having
3530
- the sentence first!'
3531
-
3532
- `Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
3533
-
3534
- `I won't!' said Alice.
3535
-
3536
- `Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice.
3537
- Nobody moved.
3538
-
3539
- `Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full
3540
- size by this time.) `You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
3541
-
3542
- At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying
3543
- down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half
3544
- of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on
3545
- the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently
3546
- brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the
3547
- trees upon her face.
3548
-
3549
- `Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; `Why, what a long
3550
- sleep you've had!'
3551
-
3552
- `Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told
3553
- her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange
3554
- Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and
3555
- when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It WAS a
3556
- curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's
3557
- getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she
3558
- ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
3559
-
3560
- But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her
3561
- head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of
3562
- little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began
3563
- dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--
3564
-
3565
- First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the
3566
- tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes
3567
- were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her
3568
- voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back
3569
- the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes--and
3570
- still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place
3571
- around her became alive the strange creatures of her little
3572
- sister's dream.
3573
-
3574
- The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried
3575
- by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the
3576
- neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as
3577
- the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal,
3578
- and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate
3579
- guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the
3580
- Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once
3581
- more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's
3582
- slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
3583
- filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable
3584
- Mock Turtle.
3585
-
3586
- So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
3587
- Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and
3588
- all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only
3589
- rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the
3590
- reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-
3591
- bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd
3592
- boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and
3593
- all thy other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the
3594
- confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the
3595
- cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
3596
- heavy sobs.
3597
-
3598
- Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of
3599
- hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how
3600
- she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and
3601
- loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about
3602
- her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager
3603
- with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
3604
- Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their
3605
- simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
3606
- remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
3607
-
3608
- THE END
3609
-