farva 0.5.2 → 0.5.3

data/Gemfile.lock

@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+PATH
+  remote: .
+  specs:
+    farva (0.5.2)
+
+GEM
+  remote: http://rubygems.org/
+  specs:
+
+PLATFORMS
+  ruby
+
+DEPENDENCIES
+  farva!

data/farva.gemspec

@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ Gem::Specification.new do |s|
   s.authors     = ["Dan DeMeyere"]
   s.email       = ["dan@thredup.com"]
   s.homepage    = ""
-  s.summary     = %q{Generate Office Farva Quotes}
+  s.summary     = %q{Generate Super Trooper Quotes}
   s.description = %q{Just about everything.}
 
   s.rubyforge_project = "farva"

data/lib/farva.rb

@@ -1,42 +1,27 @@
-module Farva
+class Farva
+  require 'farva/string'
+  require 'farva/trooper_farva'
+  require 'farva/trooper_mac'
+  require 'farva/trooper_foster'
+  TROOPERS = ["Trooper Farva", "Trooper Mac"]
+  
+  def self.roll_call
+    trooper = String.constantize(TROOPERS.shuffle.first.gsub(/ /, ""))
+    return trooper.new
+  end
+
   def self.generate_quote
-    quotes = FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY.shuffle!
-    quotes.first
+    trooper = roll_call
+    return trooper.quotes.shuffle.first
   end
   
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY = []
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?"
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola. \r" +
-                         "Burger Guy: What? \r" +
-                         "Farva: A litre o' cola.\r" +
-                         "Burger Guy: Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola? \r" +
-                         "Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva? \r" +
-                         "Farva: I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!"
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Say car Ram-Rod."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure" +
-                         "miss her... I guess you could say that about all my girls."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.\r" +
-                         "Farva: It's powdered sugar. \r" +
-                         "Police Chief Grady: The lice hate the sugar. \r" +
-                         "Farva: It's delicious."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "You mean Shenanigans?"
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Don't call me radio, unit 91."  
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: What's this? \r" +
-                         "Rabbit: A chamois cloth. \r" +
-                         "Farva: Ha. Lucky guess. I just lost a buck. To myself."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Rabbit: Oh, look, a bar of soap.\r" +
-                         "Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you f*****! \r" +
-                         "Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. \r" +
-                         "Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Who can say \"meow\" the most? You guys are real crazy, hey look out for these guys."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: MacAttack, wanna go punch for punch? \r" +
-                         "[Mac punches Farva in the stomach] \r" +
-                         "Farva: Oooh good one, I did not specify. Never shit a shitter."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Who wants cream? Nobody? Okay, no cream."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Unit 91, unit 91? C'mon Unit 91, quit counting your pubes we have a pursuit out here"
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat" +
-                          "you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions. \r" +
-                          "Farva: Cap'n... you know I'm not a pro-union guy."
-  FARVA_QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Sing it again, rookie biatch!"
+  def self.generate_email
+    trooper = roll_call
+
+    email = {}
+    email[:subject] = "Team Ramrod"
+    email[:from] = trooper.email
+    email[:body] = trooper.quotes.shuffle.first
+    email
+  end
 end

data/lib/farva/string.rb

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+class String
+  def self.constantize(camel_cased_word)
+    names = camel_cased_word.split('::')
+    names.shift if names.empty? || names.first.empty?
+
+    constant = Object
+    names.each do |name|
+      constant = constant.const_defined?(name) ? constant.const_get(name) : constant.const_missing(name)
+    end
+    constant
+  end
+end

data/lib/farva/trooper_farva.rb

@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
+class TrooperFarva
+  def initialize
+    @name = "Trooper Rod Farva"
+    @email = "farva@thredup.com"
+    @quotes = QUOTE_LIBRARY
+  end
+  attr_accessor :name, :email, :quotes
+  
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY = []
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?"
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola. \r" +
+                   "Burger Guy: What? \r" +
+                   "Farva: A litre o' cola. \r" +
+                   "Burger Guy: Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola? \r" +
+                   "Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva? \r" +
+                   "Farva: I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!"
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Say car Ram-Rod."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure " +
+                   "miss her... I guess you could say that about all my girls."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure. \r" +
+                   "Farva: It's powdered sugar. \r" +
+                   "Police Chief Grady: The lice hate the sugar. \r" +
+                   "Farva: It's delicious."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "You mean Shenanigans?"
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Don't call me radio, unit 91."  
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: What's this? \r" +
+                   "Rabbit: A chamois cloth. \r" +
+                   "Farva: Ha. Lucky guess. I just lost a buck. To myself."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Rabbit: Oh, look, a bar of soap.\r" +
+                   "Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you f*****! \r" +
+                   "Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. \r" +
+                   "Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Who can say \"meow\" the most? You guys are real crazy, hey look out for these guys."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Farva: MacAttack, wanna go punch for punch? \r" +
+                   "[Mac punches Farva in the stomach] \r" +
+                   "Farva: Oooh good one, I did not specify. Never shit a shitter."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Who wants cream? Nobody? Okay, no cream."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Unit 91, unit 91? C'mon Unit 91, quit counting your pubes we have a pursuit out here "
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat" +
+                   "you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions. \r" +
+                   "Farva: Cap'n... you know I'm not a pro-union guy."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Sing it again, rookie biatch!"
+end

data/lib/farva/trooper_foster.rb

@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
+class TrooperFoster
+  def initialize
+    @name = "Trooper Jeff Foster"
+    @email = "foster@thredup.com"
+    @quotes = QUOTE_LIBRARY
+  end
+  attr_accessor :name, :email, :quotes
+  
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY = []
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: All right, how about 'Cat Game?' \r" +
+                   "Foster: Cat Game? What's the record? \r" +
+                   "Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?' \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: Sorry about the... \r" + 
+                   "Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2) \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: Sorry. \r" +
+                   "[the man laughs a little] \r" +
+                   "Foster: Is there something funny here boy? \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: Oh, no. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson? \r" +
+                   "[pause] \r" +
+                   "Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we? \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow? \r" +
+                   "Foster: Am I saying meow? \r" +
+                   "[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an 'eehhh' facial expression, as he is considering the last one] \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: I thought... \r" +
+                   "Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going? \r" +
+                   "[man laughs] \r" +
+                   "Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny? \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? \r" +
+                   "[Mac is gut-busting laughing] \r" +
+                   "Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer? \r" +
+                   "Foster: Do you see me eating mice? \r" +
+                   "Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6) \r" +
+                   "Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law. \r" +
+                   "Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it? \r " +
+                   "Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)"
+
+end

data/lib/farva/trooper_mac.rb

@@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
+class TrooperMac
+  def initialize
+    @name = "Trooper Mac Womack"
+    @email = "mac@thredup.com"
+    @quotes = QUOTE_LIBRARY
+  end
+  attr_accessor :name, :email, :quotes
+  
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY = []
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had. \r" +
+                   "Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now. \r" +
+                   "Mac: Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man. "
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot. \r" +
+                   "Mac: That's true."
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, 'Shenanigans.' \r" +
+                   "Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? \r" +
+                   "Farva: You mean Shenanigans? \r " +
+                   "Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. \r " +
+                   "Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. "
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. \r" +
+                   "[fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass] \r" +
+                   "Captain O'Hagan: And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.  \r" +
+                   "Mac: Thanks, Chief!"
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup ] \r" +
+                   "Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac? \r" +
+                   "Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother. "
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: ...And that was the second time I got crabs. " 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total f***head. " 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: How's your shooting, Thorny? \r" +
+                   "Thorny: Good. I've been dead on all morning. \r" +
+                   "Mac: What about that little guy? \r " +
+                   "[points to a bullet hole in the shooting target's neck] \r " +
+                   "Thorny: Who, that little guy? I wouldn't worry about that little guy. " 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: Your mother should've swallowed you, Rando! " 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun! \r" +
+                   "Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic. \r" +
+                   "Foster: [after a pause] Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all.  \r" +
+                   "Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans! "  
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station? \r" +
+                   "Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!"
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Captain O'Hagan: Did you guys put in for any transfers yet? \r" +
+                   "Mac: I applied for a guard job - at the post office. \r" +
+                   "[collective groan] \r" +
+                   "Thorny: Hey, you'll finally be able to shoot someone." 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "[In a silly voice with his eyes crossed] \r" +
+                   "Mac: Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you?" 
+  QUOTE_LIBRARY << "Mac: [Chugging maple syrup] Three... two... one... DO EET. Oh go girlfriend." 
+
+end

data/lib/farva/version.rb

@@ -1,3 +1,3 @@
 module Farva
-  VERSION = "0.5.2"
+  VERSION = "0.5.3"
 end

metadata

@@ -5,8 +5,8 @@ version: !ruby/object:Gem::Version
   segments: 
   - 0
   - 5
-  - 2
-  version: 0.5.2
+  - 3
+  version: 0.5.3
 platform: ruby
 authors: 
 - Dan DeMeyere
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ autorequire:
 bindir: bin
 cert_chain: []
 
-date: 2011-06-21 00:00:00 -07:00
+date: 2011-07-20 00:00:00 -07:00
 default_executable: 
 dependencies: []
 
@@ -30,9 +30,14 @@ extra_rdoc_files: []
 files: 
 - .gitignore
 - Gemfile
+- Gemfile.lock
 - Rakefile
 - farva.gemspec
 - lib/farva.rb
+- lib/farva/string.rb
+- lib/farva/trooper_farva.rb
+- lib/farva/trooper_foster.rb
+- lib/farva/trooper_mac.rb
 - lib/farva/version.rb
 has_rdoc: true
 homepage: ""
@@ -65,6 +70,6 @@ rubyforge_project: farva
 rubygems_version: 1.3.7
 signing_key: 
 specification_version: 3
-summary: Generate Office Farva Quotes
+summary: Generate Super Trooper Quotes
 test_files: []